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HINTS 

FOR 

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AMUSEMENT 


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3Sm  ^i%rk  niiii  fm\u : 

C.  S.  FRANCIS  AND  COMPANY. 
1855. 


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V-i.^^ 


^r^^^^ 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER  I. 

The  Maitlands  at  home. — The  request  granted. — The 
birthday. — Pleasing  paradoxes.  .... 

CHAPTER  IL 

The  Skating  party. — An  accident. — Ting  Tang. — Con- 
versation cards. — The  game  criticised. 

CHAPTER  III. 

The  happy  invalid. — Original  conundrums. — Invitation  to 
the  Grange, — The  Scrap  book. — The  Cardinal's  letter. 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Morning  visitors. — Arithmetical  puzzles. — Preparations 
for  the  visit — Enigmatical  list  of  trees. — Conundrums. 

CHAPTER  V. 

The  Russian  sledge. — The  Grange,  and  its  inmates. — 
Projected  drama. — First  evening  at  the  Gremge. — Con- 
glomeration Club.  ...... 


ivi69849 


Page 

9 
25 


56 


^^^^^^^' 


VI  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  VI. 

Les  Montagnes  Russee. — Manager  John,  and  his  Com- 
p2iny. — Miss  Strickland's  Enigma. — The  reply. — Ger- 
man Enigmas. — Translations.  .  .  .  . 

CHAPTER  VII. 

Preparations  for  the  Fete. — Bon  M6t. — Definitions. 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

The  F^te.-— Christmas  Tree.— The  Balloon. — The  Magic 
Cave. — The  Supper.  ....         * 

CHAPTER  IX. 

The  F^te  continued. — The  dramatised  Proverb. —  The 
successful  guess. — General  Bon  Soir.  .       *. 

CHAPTER  X. 


Page 


87 


101 


109 


126 


Perilous  Pleasures. — Miss  Chapman's  Diary. — Christmas 
Trees  in  Silesia. — St.  George's  Hall  at  St.  Petersburg.     142 

CHAPTER  XI. 

Proposal  for  a  School  Treat.  — The  T6te-a-t6te  inter- 
rupted.— French  and  English  Charades. — Enigmatical 
Dinner 152 


Q:^^^^^ 


CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XII. 


Page 


The  Ferndale  School.  —  The  Procession. — Hunting  the 
Bell. — -Mufti. — Arithmetical  Puzzles. — The  Balloon 
Restored. — Rose  Dance. — The  Bumper  at  Parting.        .     164 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

The  Visit  prolonged. — The  Schoolmaster's  Request. — 
Puzzles  for  the  persevering.  —  Investigation.  —  The 
Young  Authors. — Tersy. — Foreign  Riddles.       .  .    178 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

Historiettes. — Adventures  of  a  Portmanteau. — History  of 
a  Watch. — Note  Book  of  a  Benedict. — Suggestions  for 
a  New  Game. 198 

CHAPTER  XV. 

Mr.  Maitland's  *  Morals.'  —  Recapitulation. —  Variations.      216 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

The  Letter-Bag. — Ting  Tang  improved. — Ben  Black's 
Salmagundi.  .......    227 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

New  Dravdng  Lesson. — Book  of  Fate. — The  Expected 
Dinner  Guests. — The  Blue  Belle. — Dishing. — Ameri- 
can Game.     .  .  .....  239 


w^^^ 


Vlll 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 


Page 


Return  to  Fernwood — The  Double  Dro^ki.  —  The 
House. — ^Invitations. — Conglomeration  Revised. — The 
Walk. — English  versus  Foreign  Hills. — Secret  Cor- 
respondence. .......    255 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Concert. — Les  Bouts  Rimes. — A  Country  Visit- 
Practical  Puzzles. — Hints  for  Diplomatists. — Conun- 
drums,— ^New  Cipher.     ...  .         .  .    268 

CHAPTER  XX. 

The  last  evening  at  Fernwood. — Mrs.  Graham^s  verses. — 
Encouragement  to  artists.  —  Old  friends,  and  new 
games. — The  last  song. — A  friendly  farewell.    .         .    285 

APPENDIX. 
A  Sketch  for  Christmas 297 


gag^^^^ 


HINTS  FOR  HAPPY  HOURS; 


AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


CHAPTER  I. 

THE    MAITLANDS. — THE     REQUEST    GRANTED. — THE 
BIRTHDAY. PLEASING    PARADOXES. 

On  a  winter's  evening  in  the  month  of  December,  a  fam- 
ily circle  were  assembled  in  a  warm,  well-lighted  ro6m, 
whose  cheerful  aspect  and  genial  atmosphere  afforded  a 
delightful  contrast  to  the  darkness  and  cold  which  reigned 
without. 

Mr.  Maitland,  the  father  of  the  family,  was  comfortably 
ensconsed  in  an  arm-chair  with  his  usual  reading  lamp, 
and  a  favorite  volume  ;  but  he  was  perfectly  alive  to  what 
was  passing  around  him,  and  now  and  then  threw  in  an 
apropos  word  or  jest.  Mrs.  Maitland,  seated  opposite  to 
him,  was  engaged  in  the  mysteries  of  Crotchety  and  the 
2 


10 


HINTS   FOR   HAFPY   HOURS  ; 


children^  six  in  number,  varying  in  age  from  seventeen  to 
five  years,  were  luxuriating  in  various  attitudes  and  amuse- 
ments round  the  table  drawn  before  the  cheerful  christmas 
fire.  Agnes,  the  second  daughter,  after  holding  a  whisper- 
ed, but  animated  colloquy  with  her  next  brother  Tom, 
came  up  to  her  mother  with  a  very  beseeching  look,  and 
said, 

•"  Dear  mother,. you  are  always  so  kind,  that  we  want 
yoii  tiDW  to  do  us  a  very  great  favor  indeed." 

"  Well,  my  dear,"  replied  Mrs.  Maitland,  "  let  me  hear 
what  the  favor  is,  and  then  I  shall  know  whether  I  can 
grant  it." 

"  Why,  mother,  you  know  you  have  kindly  invited  a 
party  for  to-morrow  night,  to  celebrate  Richard's  birthday  ; 
and  we  want  you  to  tell  us  some  new  game  to  play  at. 
We  shall  get  tired  of  dancing  ;  we  have  played  at  '  How, 
when,  and  where,'  until  we  have  no  new  words  left.  We 
always  have  '  crambo  verses,'  and  '  magic'  at  the  Smith's, 
whilst  the  Davis's  make  us  play  at  that  silly  nonsense  of 
*  I've  been  to  Paris,'  or  '  The  horned  Lady.'" 

"  Try  Proverbs,  my  dear,"  suggested  her  father,  "  they 
make  every  body  think.  The  questioner  should  try  to  put 
puzzling  queries,  and  the  replies  should  be  framed  so  as  to 
bring  in  the  specified  word  easily  and  unnoticed." 

"  Yes,  father,  and  if  every  body  was  as  clever  as  you  are 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 

at  it,  it  would  be  very  amusing  indeed,"  said  Richard,  "  but 
instead  of  that,  the  person  who  is  to  guess,  generally  goes 
round  the  circle  and  asks  the  questions  in  a  low  tone  of 
voice,  so  that  no  one  hears  them  but  the  one  addressed, 
who  replies  in  the  same  way,  consequently,  until  it  comes 
to  one's  own  turn,  in  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  one  might  as 
well  be  out  of  the  room." 

"  You  are  about  right,  my  boy,"  replied  his  father, 
smiling  ;  '  and  even  when  played  at  with  more  animation, 
there  is  frequently  a  difficulty  in  hiding  the  catch  words, 
generally  to  be  found  in  a  proverb,  without  a  degree  of 
bungling,  which  draws  attention  to  what  the  speaker  wishes 
to  conceal.  I  know  a  lady,  who  has  an  idea  she  can  ren- 
der the  game  of  Proverbs  much  more  intricate  and  enter- 
taining, by  blending  several  together,  both  in  questions  and 
answers ;  but  I  think  every  one  must  be  as  talented  as 
herself  to  carry  the  idea  out.  And  now  let  us  hear  whether 
your  mother,  out  of  the  storehouse  of  her  imagination, 
can  bring  out  anything  more  generally  available  and 
amusing." 

A  pause  ensued.  Mr.  Maitland  resumed  his  book,  his 
wife  plied  her  needle  with  redoubled  quickness,  whilst  her 
children  sat  silently,  but  eagerly  watching  her  countenance. 
At  length  the  busy  needle  stopped  ;  its  mistress  looked  up 
with  a  bright  smile,  and  said, 


12 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 


"  Well,  my  dear  children,  I  think  I  have  hit  upon  a  new- 
game  for  you ;  I  shall  call  it  '  Pleasing  Paradoxes ;'  and 
now  I  will  tell  you  how  to  play  it ;  sit  down.  Come 
father,  lay  down  your  book,  you  must  play.  We  are  each 
to  take  a  letter  of  the  alphabet  in  turn,  and  make  a  ver- 
sified paradox  upon  it.  For  instance,  I  take  A;  well, 
now  listen : 

It  is  in  an  Arch,  but  not  in  a  Bow, 
It  is  in  a  Rake,  but  not  in  a  Hoe. 

Do  you  understand  what  I  mean  ?" 

"  Not  quite,  I  am  afraid,  mother,"  answered  one  or  two 
voices. 

"  Well  then,  I  will  try  another,  B  : 

It  is  in  Beast,  but  not  in  Cattle, 
'Tis  not  in  War,  but  'tis  in  Battle. 

"  O  !  I  understand  you  now,  my  dear,"  said  her  husbandr 
"  as  proof  whereof  I  say  C  : 

It  is  in  Crust,  but  not  in  Bread, 
It  is  in  Couch,  but  not  in  Bed. 


Ah  !  I  see  now,"  said  Tom,  in  a  quick,  eager  tone — 


D; 


It  is  in  Dirt,  but  not  in  Mire, 
It  is  in — 


C/it 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


13 


Poor  Tom  stopt  short,  and  all  the  youngsters  laughed. 

"  Hallo  !  Tom,  my  boy,"  said  his  father,  "  why,  you 
seem  to  have  stuck  in  the  mire,  but  in  consideration  of 
your  having  been  the  first  to  try  your  mother's  new  game, 
I  will  help  you  out,"  and  he  finished  the  line  with, 

It  is  in  Dad,  but  not  in  Sire. 

A  general  laugh  followed  this  sally,  and  then  the  young 
ones  set  to,  in  good  earnest,  and  in  about  half  an  hour  be- 
came quite  expert  in  '  Pleasing  Paradoxes  ;'  at  the  end  of 
which  time  the  game  was  discontinued,  lest  they  should 
become  tired  of  it  before  the  arrival  of  their  expected  guests 
the  following  evening. 

About  twelve  o'clock  the  next  day,  great  delight  was 
caused  at  Fernwood.  by  the  arrival  of  three  cousins  of  the 
Maitlands  from  London,  who  were  come  to  spend  a  month 
with  them. 

After  mutual  greetings  and  inquiries  had  been  exchang- 
ed, the  girls,  who  were  full  of  the  expected  juvenile  party, 
told  their  cousins  of  it,  adding, 

"  We  are  to  play  at  a  new  game  invented  by  mother 
last  night,  which  we  think  is  both  pretty  and  clever." 

"  We  shall  find  plenty  for  you  all  to  say  and  do  whilst 
you  are  with  us,  my  dears,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  "but 


3:1. 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS; 

now  get  ready  for  dinner,  for  we  are  very  early  folks 
here.'* 

Mrs.  Maitland's  drawing-room,  that  evening  at  the  ap- 
pointed hour  of  assembling,  presented  a  gay  and  animated 
appearance,  for  when  youthful  faces  are  lighted  up  by  the 
glow  of  health,  and  the  smiles  of  good-temper,  it  is  diffi- 
cult to  picture  a  more  pleasing  scene  than  a  large  and 
happy  young  people.  The  joyous  group  consisted  (in  ad- 
dition to  their  own  family)  of  James,  Edward,  and  Mary 
Smith ;  Eleanor  Davis,  and  her  brother  Fred ;  Margaret 
and  William  Pemberton  ;  and  the  three  London  cousins. 
The  two  girls,  Susan  and  Jane  Harper,  were  quick,  clever, 
and  good-tempered,  the  very  persons  for  a  cheerful  Christ- 
mas party,  whilst  their  brother  John  was,  to  use  an  ex- 
pressive phrase,  "  up  to  anything,"  and  was  the  life  and 
soul  of  every  assemblage  of  which  he  formed  a  part. 

With  such  auxiliaries,  the  evening  amusements  of  the 
young  people  progressed  most  famously,  nothing  being  dwelt 
upon  long  enough  to  become  wearisome. 

Mrs.  Maitland's  "  Pleasing  Paradoxes"  v/ere  so  com- 
plete a  novelty  that  they  obtained  great  applause,  and  the 
first  time  the  circle  were  seated,  the  required  verses  were 
produced  in  the  following  order,  each  party  calling 
out  their  letter  as  it  came  to  them  in  alphabetical 
routine.  , 


"^^^t 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


15 


Mr.  Maitland. — A 

It  is  in  an  Axe,  but  not  in  a  Hooii, 
It  is  in  an  Album,  but  not  in  a  Book. 

Margaret. — B 
It  is  in  Bird,  but  not  in  Feather ; 
It  is  in  Boot,  but  not  in  Leather. 

James — C 
It  is  in  the  Cook,  but  not  the  Butler, 
It  is  in  the  Camp,  but  not  the  Sutler. 

Agnes. — D 
It  IS  in  the  Day,  but  not  in  the  Light, 
*Tis  found  in  the  Dark,  but  not  in  the  Night. 

William.— E 
It  is  found  in  an  Ensign,  but  not  in  a  Flag, 
'Seen  twice  in  a  Deer,  but  not  once  in  a  Stag. 

Tom. — F 
*Tis  in  the  Foot,  but  not  the  Toes, 
*Tis  in  the  Pace,  but  not  the  Nose. 


Mrs.  Maitland. — G 
It  is  in  Gravel,  not  in  Clay, 
It  is  in  Grrass,  but  not  in  Hay. 

Frederick. — H 
*Tis  found  in  the  Hat,  but  not  in  the  Crowa« 
*Tis  in  thfi  HarlequiUj  not  in  the  Clown. 


16 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS; 


Jane. — ^I 

*Tis  found  in  Inns,  but  not  in  Tarems, 
In  Iron  mines,  but  not  in  Caverns. 

John. — ^J 
It  is  always  in  Joke,  but  nerer  in  Fbi^ 
Found  in  a  Jest,  but  not  in  a  Pun. 

Jessie, — K 

In  a  Knot,  but  not  a  Bow, 

Joins  tbe  Quiek,  but  not  the  Slow. 

Edward. — L 
It  is  in  Lad,  but  not  in  Boy, 
It  is  in  Gladness,  not  in  Joy. 

Eleanor. — M 
*Tis  always  in  Mischief,  yet  joins  not  in  Hmt, 
Is  found  in  the  Mud,  but  not  in  tbe  Dirt. 

i^usan, — N 
It  is  in  a  Nut,  but  not  in  the  Shell, 
Seen  in  the  Knocker,  but  not  in  the  Bell. 


Richard. — O 
It  is  in  Ore,  but  not  in  Metal, 
It  is  in  Pot,  but  not  in  Kettle. 

Mary. — P 
It  is  in  Port,  but  not  in  Sherry, 
Tis  not  in  Mead,  but  'tis  in  Perry. 


^^s^^3(S 


^^^^a 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES. 

Margaret. — ^Q, 

It  is  in  Quince,  but  not  in  Apple, 
In  the  Quaker,  not  his  Chapel. 

Mr.  Maitland. — R 
It  IS  in  Rock,  but  not  in  Stone, 
It  is  in  Gristle,  not  in  Bone. 

Agnes. — S 
It  is  in  Soap,  but  not  in  Water, 
It  is  in  Son,  but  not  in  Daughter. 

William. — T 
It  is  in  Tea,  but  not  in  Milk, 
It  is  in  Thread,  but  not  in  Silk. 

Tom.— U 
It  is  in  Urn,  but  not  in  Heater, 
It  is  in  Paul,  but  not  in  Peter. 

Mrs.  Maitland. — V 
It  is  in  Vice,  but  not  in  Crime, 
It  is  in  Verse,  but  not  in  Rhyme. 

Frederick.  — W 
It  is  in  Wine,  but  not  in  Liquor, 
Though  not  in  Cane,  it  is  in  Wicker. 

John. — X 
It  is  in  the  Text,  but  not  in  the  Sermon, 
It  is  in  the  Saxon,  not  in  the  German. 


17 


18  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 

Jane. — Y 
It  is  in  Yeast,  but  not  in  Barm, 
In  a  Yeoman,  not  his  Farm. 

Jessie. — Z 
It  is  in  Zebra,  not  in  Mule, 
In  Adze,  but  not  in  cooper's  tool.  • 

When  the  whole  of  the  alphahet  had  been  thus  gone 
through,  and  every  body  appeared  much  pleased  with  their 
own,  and  their  neighbor's  poetical  efforts,  a  merry  dance 
succeeded,  after  which  supper  was  announced,  at  which 
John  proposed  his  cousin  Richard's  health,  in  a  very  witty 
but  affectionate  speech  ;  and  upon  the  re-assembling  of  the 
guests  in  the  drawing-room,  he  advanced  into  the  middle  of 
the  circle,  and  throwing  himself  into  a  theatrical  attitude, 
thus  addressed  Mrs.  Maitland  : 

You've  hit,  dear  Madam,  on  a  plan 
Which  ought  to,  must,  and  will,  and  can, 
Make  every  little  Miss,  or  Master, 
A  Rhymer,  or  a  Poetaster. 
'Twill  whet  their  wits,  their  mem'ries  use, 
And  both  instruct  them  and  amuse  ; 
Nay,  e'en  to  elders  of  a  party, 
'Tis  better  far  than  French  ecartfe. 
And  won't  disgrace,  upon  my  troth, 
The  •  children  of  a  larger  growth.' 
We've  pass'd  the  Alphabet  all  round, 
And  not  been  very  stupid  found  ; 


^^^^^ 


}^^^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES.  19 

But  lest  our  wits  get  dull,  and  settle, 
Dear  Madam,  put  us  on  our  mettle. 
Some  longer  paradoxes  then, 
Pass  round  our  joyous  group  again. 
Make  some  good  verses  as  a  sample, 
We'll  try  to  follow  the  example. 

Much  applause  followed  this  clever  impromptu,  and  in 
cheerful  compliance  with  the  composer's  request,  Mrs. 
Maitland  recommenced  the  game,  which  proceeded  thus  : 

Mrs.  Maitland. — A 
I'm  always  used  in  Artifice, 

Though  never  in  deceit, 
I  share  in  an  Acknowledgment, 

But  not  in  a  receipt. 

JSiisan. — B 
I'm  found  both  in  Bed  and  in  Board, 
But  neither  in  lodging  nor  meat, 
No  Building  without  me  is  stored, 
Yet  I  enter  not  square,  lane,  nor  street. 

Jessie. — C 
I'm  in  every  Color  seen. 
Yet  not  in  pink,  blue,  red,  or  green, 
And  though  in  Checks  my  form  is  made, 
My  figure  ne'er  appears  in  plaid, 

William.— D 
It  in  Dread  does  appear. 
But  never  in  fear. 


i 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS; 

A  paradox  thus  I  am  giving. 
It  stands  at  the  head 
And  the  foot  of  the  Dead, 
But  never  is  used  by  the  living. 

Richard. — E 
I've  a  claim  upon  an  Earldom, 

But  none  on  rank  or  station. 
And  though  I'm  part  of  England's  self, 

No  share  have  in  the  nation. 

Eleanor. — F 
It  is  always  in  a  Fidget, 
And  always  in  a  Fret ; 
Yet  never  in  a  passion, 
Nor  even  in  a  pet. 

Mr.  Maitland. — G 
In  Guilt  'tis  found,  but  not  in  sin, 

In  Grief,  but  not  in  tears  ; 
In  midst  of  agony  'tis  seen. 

But  ne'er  m  pain  appears. 

James. — H 
It  is  found  in  the  Husband, 

But  not  in  the  Wife, 
It  is  shown  in  the  Character, 

Not  in  the  Life. 

Jane. — I 
The  first  of  all  Inventions, 
It  has  never  been  in  Use  ; 


"^^^^^^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 

Not  found  in  Eastern  country, 
Yet  in  India,  most  profuse. 

Margaret. — J 
In  the  Jews,  'tis  accorded  a  prominent  place, 

By  the  Hebrews  it  never  is  used  ; 
In  the  Jesuits  'tis  plain  as  the  nose  in  the  face, 

In  their  College  its  form  is  refused. 

Frederick. — K 
No  Kiss  without  me  e'er  is  given, 
Though  both  from  mouth  and  lip  I'm  driven ; 
And  so  I  take  to  Knocks  and  Kicks, 
But  yet  in  squabbles  never  mix. 

John. — L 
Although  I'm  constantly  in  Love, 
I've  never  entered  Hymen's  band  ; 
Each  lady  puts  me  in  her  Glove, 
And  yet  I  never  touch  her  hand. 

Mary. — M 
It  is  always  heard  in  Music, 

Yet  is    ever  out  of  tune : 
May  can't  begin  without  it, 

But  'lis  never  seen  in  June. 

Edward. — N 
Twice  seen  in  every  Morning, 
Once  seen  in  every  Night ; 
You'll  seek  it  vainly  in  the  Dark, 
Nor  find  it  in  the  Light. 


21 


:^2Z^ 


22 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

Tom.—O 
It's  never  out  of  Order, 
But  it's  always  out  of  Place. 
It's  found  in  every  Opening, 
Yet  enters  not  a  Space. 

Agnes. — P 
Of  every  Pie  and  Pudding, 

I  form  a  useful  Part, 
Yet  strange  to  say,  from  day  to  day, 

I  never  touch  a  tart. 

Mr.  Maitland. — Q, 

I  stay  with  the  Queen,  for,  entre  nous. 
She  without  me  would  lose  her  cue,  (Q,) 
But  with  the  Prince  have  naught  to  do  ; 
Join  her  Quadrilles,  however  various, 
But  neither  Polka,  nor  Cellarius. 

Sitsan. — R 

Though  the  leader  of  a  Riot, 
And  first  in  every  Row  ; 
To  mobs,  and  their  associates, 
No  assistance  'twill  allow. 

Mrs.  Maitland. — S 

Though  heard  distinct  in  every  Sound, 

The  ear  it  cannot  reach, 
'Tis  never  used  by  lip  or  tongue. 

Yet  always  heard  in  Speech. 


^g^2^!S 


E^^^^ 


CM 


OR  AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES. 

Jessie. —  T 
Although  in  Trade,  yet,  strange  to  say, 

From  shop,  and  goods  it  keeps  away  j 
In  midst  of  every  city  seen,     .... 

And  yet  in  London  has  not  been. 

William. — U 
'Tis  found  in  Units,  not  in  tens, 
'Tis  seen  in  Quills,  but  not  in  pens. 

Richard.-^y 
'Tis  found  in  all  the  Virtuous, 

But  shuns  the  wise,  and  good  ; 
'Tis  mix'd  with  each  one's  Victuals, 

But  not  in  daily  food. 

John.—W 
Although  a  part  of  Wedlock, 
Has  naught  to  do  with  marriage. 
Is  seen  in  Women  walking, 
But  never  in  a  carriage. 

Mary. — X 
I  lent  to  Xerxes  double  aid, 

Yet  enter'd  not  the  Persian  host  ; 
And  'though  in  Xenophon  display'd, 

No  Author  can  my  presence  boast. 

Jane. — Y 
Although  in  Youth  pre-eminent, 
And  seen  in  midst  of  boyhood's  race  ; 
With  middle  life  'tis  never  blent, 
Nor  leaves  on  age  a  single  trace. 


23 


E^^^^ 


24  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

James. — Z 

Foremost  in  every  Zealpt, 

In  enthusiasts  never  seed, 
Dwells  in  the  midst  of  Switzerland, 

In  the  Alps  has  never  been. 

"  Really,  my  dear,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  when  the  game 
was  ended,  "  I  am  quite  surprised,  as  well  as  pleased,  at 
the  success  which  has  attended  the  first  trial  of  your  new 
game.  We  have  all  been  inspired  with  a  portion  of  the 
wit  and  imagination  which  originated  the  thought,  and  I 
beg  to  propose  a  vote  of  thanks  from  the  whole  party." 
Great  clapping  of  hands,  and  miniature  cheers  followed 
this  speech,  to  which  Mrs.  Maitland  returned  gentle 
smiles,  and  thanks  of  modest  gratification,  and  this  formed 
the  concluding  event  of  the  evening.  Pleasure  as  well  as 
pain  has  its  termination.  Servants  were  announced  as 
having  been  for  some  time  awaiting  their  young  masters 
and  mistresses.  Cheeks  began  to  look  pale,  and  eyes  to 
wax  dim  and  sleepy.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Maitland  thought  it 
would  neither  be  wise  nor  proper  longer  to  detain  them, 
and  so  kind  adieus,  and  grateful  thanks  were  exchanged, 
and  the  youthful  guests  were  just  passing  from  the  room, 
when  once  more  the  never-to-be  tired  out  John  Harper 
burst  forth  into  an  extempore  effusion,  and  thus  dismissed 
the  party ; 


t^bni^S 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 

Pleasant,  dreams  to  you  all  when  you  go  to  your  beds, 
But  don't  let  this  evening  go  out  of  your  heads  ;     ... 
Play  the  game  as  we've  played  it,  'tis  sure  to  amuse, 
And  no  one  to  join  it,  will  crossly  refuse  ; 
And  whilst  you  are  playing,  claim  forfeits  or  fines, 
From  those  who  produce  not  the  requisite  lines. 
Or  if  children  are  stupid,  or  elders  are  humdrums, 
Ask  the  rhymes  as  Charades  or  poetic  Conundrums. 


26 


CHAPTER  II. 


THE    SKATING    PARTY. AN    ACCIDENT. — TING  TANG. — CON- 
VERSATION   CARDS. — THE    GAME    CRITICISED. 

The  morning  after  this  juvenile  fete,  the  amusements  of 
the  previous  evening,  of  course,  formed  a  topic  of  conver- 
sation at  the  breakfast  table,  and  the  young  people  were 
unanimous  in  their  delight  and  applause  at  their  mother's 
new  game. 

"  Your  mother's  example  has  inspired  more  than  one 
person  ;"  said  Mr.  Maitland.  "  I  know  one,  rather  inti' 
mately,  who  has  had  an  '  idea,^  during  the  night,  which 
may  perhaps  be  worked  out  some  other  evening  when  we 
want  a  little  variety." 
3 


: 


26 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


"  O  !  how  delightful,"  cried  Jane  Harper,  "  will  you 
tell  us  to-night,  uncle?' 

"  We  shall  see  when  the  evening  comes,"  answered  he, 
*'  perhaps  by  that  time  you  may  be  too  tired,  fori  am  going 
to  challenge  you  to  walk  over  to  Burton  Craigs,  and  have  a 
slide  and  a  skate  on  the  lake  there." 

"  Shall  you  go,  dear  aunt?"  asked  John,  "if  so,  count 
on  me,  as  your  most  obedient  slave  and  blackamoor." 

"  I  shall  not  put  your  professions  to  the  test,"  she  re- 
plied, "  having  an  engagement  at  home ;  but  if  you  will 
take  care  of  Alice,  I  shall  say  you  are  a  very  kind  cousin, 
and  she  will  no  doubt  reward  you  by  being  very  well- 
behaved." 

"  O!  yes,  cousin  John,  I  will  be  very  good,"  said  little 
Alice, "  but  I  shall  pelt  you  with  snow-balls,  and  so  will 
Charley,  for  it  is  such  fun." 

The  walking  party  were  soon  equipped,  and  sallied 
forth  into  the  keen  frosty  air,  with  light  hearts  and  active 
limbs,  the  sun  shining  clear  and  bright,  and  giving  a  thou- 
sand brilliant  hues  to  the  hoar  frost,  which  hung  thick  upon 
the  leafless  branches  of  the  trees.  Their  road  lay  through 
fields  and  lanes,  the  hedges  of  which  boasted  in  summer  a 
luxuriance  of  wild  roses  and  hawthorn  blossom,  now  their 
sprays  were  gay  with  the  hips  and  haws,  and  the  holly- 
berries  shone  bright  and  cheerful  amongst  the  dark  green 


k1^ 


^•'- 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR     ALL    AGES. 


27 


leaves.  The  Londoners  were  perhaps  more  delighted  with 
the  wild  beauty  around  them  than  those  who  had  lived  a- 
mongst  it  all  their  lives. 

"  Look,  Jessie,"  cried  Susan,  "  did  you  ever  see  anything 
so  perfectly  beautiful  as  the  effect  of  that  tree,  laden  with 
its  glittering  wreaths,  against  the  pure  blue  sky  !  What 
tree  do  you  call  it  ?' 

"  Hush  !  my  dear  sister,"  interposed  John,  "  without 
being  aware  of  it,  you  are  recalling  unpleasant  reminis- 
cences to  your  male  companions  ;  that  tree,  so  lovely  to 
look  at,  is  most  painful  to  feel;  those  pendant  branches, 
now  so  gracefully  inclining  their  gem-decked  heads,  do 
sometimes  take  a  descending  form  less  pleasing  to  the  spec- 
tator. That  tree,  my  sister,  is  the  pride  of  the  painter,  the 
sceptre  of  the  pedagogue,  and  the  dread  of  the  pupil !  in 
one  word  it  is  a — Birchy 

"  But  now  for  your  promised  game  of  snow  balls,  Alice," 
and  setting  the  example  by  collecting  a  large  handful  of  the 
spotless  snow,  they  were  all  soon  engaged  in  a  mimic  warfare, 
which  gave  a  glow  to  their  cheeks,  and  a  warmth  to  their 
limbs,  particularly  grateful  on  so  cold  a  day.  A  merry 
chase  of  the  flying  girls  brought  them  to  Burtonlake,  a  fine 
sheet  of  water  at  the  foot  of  some  beautiful  rocks,  a  famous 
place  for  summer  pic-nics,  or  winter  skating  parties. 

Mr   Maitland  was  a  truly  elegant  skater,  and  his  sons 


^^^^^ 


28 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY    HOURS ; 


bid  fair  to  emulate  his  fame.  The  country  girls  could 
slide  very  well ;  and  after  much  persuasion,  Jane  and  Su- 
san ventured  on  the  ice,  holding  by  their  cousin?s  hands ; 
but  to  do  more  than  merely  stand  upon  its  slippery  sur- 
face was,  to  them,  impossible.  The  first  attempt  at  a 
move,  down  they  came,  to  the  great  amusement  of  all ;  their 
own  laughter  being  as  loud  as  that  of  the  spectators  of 
their  fall. 

The  prudent  Jessie  soon  after  proclaimed  it  time  to  go 
home,  "  mother  would  be  afraid  that  some  accident  had 
happened." 

"One  quadrille,"  suggested  John,  "  and  then  we  will 
obey  our  liege  lady.  You  shall  be  my  partner,  Tom — come, 
chaine  Anglaise,  bravo  !  now  balancez — capital !  chaine  des 
dames"  and  making  an  additional  strike,  he  lost  his 
balance,  and  measured  his  length  at  his  partner's  feet. 

"  Caimlier  seul''  laughed  Mr.  Maitland,  and  the  whole 
party  echoed  the  jest,  and  joined  in  the  mirth. 

"  Being  his  last  appearance  in  that  character,"  cried 
John,  as  he  rose,  and  limped  to  the  bank  of  the  lake,  where 
his  pale  face  and  compressed  lips  soon  changed  laughter 
into  commiseration ;  for  he  was  obliged  to  confess  that 
he  was  "  in  great  pain,  and  that  he  feared  he  had  sprained 
his  ancle." 

"Why,  my  poor  lad,  this  is  a  sad  mishap,"  said  Mr. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

Maitland  ;  "  let  Richard  take  off  your  skates — there,  now 
take  my  arm,  and  try  if  you  can  get  to  old  Dawson's  cot- 
tage ;  we  may  perhaps  procure  something  there  jto  bathe 
your  ancle  with." 

"  No,  no,  father,"  cried  Jessie,  "  let  us  get  John  home, 
as  soon  as  possible,  I  am  sure  that  mother  will  not  be  sat- 
isfied until  Mr.  Barnes  is  sent  for." 

"  O,  father,"  said  Tom,  *'  you  and  Dick  carry  John  to 
Dawson's  cottage,  and  I  will  run  forward,  and  borrow  his 
donkey,  which  John  can  ride  home." 

"  In  accordance  with  this  thoughtful  plan,  the  party  set 
off,  Alice  and  Charley  both  crying  at  the  misfortune  which 
had  befallen  their  playfellow.  Old  Dawson  willingly  per- 
mitted the  eager  request  of  Tom,  and  John  was  lifted  very 
gently  by  his  kind  attendants  upon  the  donkey's  back,  and, 
although  evidently  suffering  much  pain,  contrived  to  make 
his  young  companions  frequently  smile,  at  his  witty  and 
cheerful  remarks. 

Mr.  Maitland  undertook  to  walk  on  with  the  two  young- 
est^children,  and  prepare  his  wife  for  the  arrival  of  her 
disabled  nephew  ;  consequently  all  needful  attendance  was 
given  very  shortly  after,  as  Mr.  Barnes  lived  very  near, 
and  was  fortunately  at  home  when  summoned.  Upon 
examining  John's  ancle,  he  relieved  Mr.  Maitland's  fears 
of  a  fracture,  by  the  assurance  that  it  was  nothing  more 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

than  a  violent  sprain,  which  would  only  require  nursing 
and  rest,  to  make  it  very  soon  well.  It  was  with  a  rueful 
face  that  John  received  the  intelligence  that  he  would  proh- 
ahly  have  to  remain  quietly  on  the  sofa  for  the  next  week 
or  more. 

"  Now  that  is  'what  I  call  pleasant,"  said  he  with  a 
grimace.  "  I  came  down  from  London  on  purpose  to  en- 
joy the  out-door  sports  of  the  country,  and  all  from  my 
over  anxiety  to  do  the  graceful  in  the  eyes  of  my  fair 
cousins,  I  a^  obliged  to  forego  any  future  prospects  of  be- 
ing useful  as  a  lady's  companion."* 

"  You  must  be  doubly  agreeable  within  doors,  my  dear 
boy,"  said  his  aunt ;  "  we  will  all  assist  to  render  your 
confinement  as  little  irksome  as  possible.  Mr.  Barnes  has 
promised  to  come  to  tea  this  evening,  and  bring  a  young 
Edinburgh  friend  with  him." 

"  The  more  the  merrier,"  remarked  her  husband. 

A  few  hours  after  this  conversation,  the  happy  party 
were  again  assembled  round  the  drawing-room  fire,  and 
John  comfortably  installed  on  the  sofa.  Mr.  Barnes  was 
a  cheerful  companion,  and  had  long  been  intimate  with  the 
family ;  and  young  Cameron  was  a  clever  and  lively  ad- 
dition to  their  circle. 

When  the  tea-things  were  removed,  Mr.  Maitland  said, 
"  Now  then,  my  friends,  I  will  tell  you  the  '  idea'  which 


^^^^2^ 


^Q? 


t 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   A<?ES.  31 

arose  in  my  dreamy  state  last  night,  after  I  was  in  bed. 
Your  mother's  '  paradoxes'  were  still  running  in  my  head, 
and  I  was  endeavoring  to  make  one  or  two  fresh  ones.  I 
wanted  a  rhyme  for  man  ;  and  I  murmured  over  the  words 
ban,  clan,  Dan,  fan,  Nan,  &c.,  until  I  became  quite  amused 
at  the  number  of  rhyming  terminations ;  this  set  me  '  a 
thinking,''  and  in  a  short  time  I  arranged  a  game  in  my 
own  mind,  of  which  we  will  now  have  a  trial.  I  shall  think 
of  a  word,  and  tell  you  what  it  rhymes  with,  you  must  try 
to  find  out  what  the  word  is,  and  define  it  in  your  answer, 
or  guess,  but  not  tell  me  what  word  you  think  of,  thus  it 
will  be  a  mutual  puzzle.  You  all  look  very  much  amazed, 
but  an  example  will  soon  enlighten  yojj.  Now  I  have 
thought  of  a  word,  and  it  rhymes  with  at;  if  you,  Mr. 
Barnes,  want  to  ask  me  if  it  is  cat,  say  something  to  this 
effect ;  '  Is  it  a  useful  domestic  animal  ? '  to  which,  if  you 
have  not  guessed  right,  I  shall  answer  '  no,  it  is  not  a  cat ;' 
then  we  will  suppose  Jessie  follows  with — '  Is  it  what  the 
cat  would  very  willingly  catch  and  eat  ?'  to  which  I  should 
reply,  *  no,  it  is  not  a  rat^^  and  so  on,  until  by  the  ques- 
tioner having  really  hit  upon  the  word  I  thought  of,  I  am 
compelled  by  verity  to  answer,  *  yes,  it  is  that.^^ 

"  I  think  we  begin  to  understand  your  meaning  now," 
said  Mr.  Barnes. 

"  Yes,"  said  John  ;  "  please,  uncle,  to  go  ahead,  and  try 


32 


HINTS    FOR  HAPPY  HOURS  J 


what  sort  of  a  band  we  can  muster  at  your  new  game  of 
what  d'ye  call  it?" 

"  I  think  I  will  name  it  Ting  tang^  because  of  its  chi- 
ming so  well  together,"  replied  his  uncle  ;  "  I  shall  confine 
myself  at  present  to  words  of  one  syllable,  and  have  now 
thought  of  one  which  rhymes  with  airJ'* 

Mrs.  M.     Are  all  men  subject  to  it  ? 

Mr.  M.  Too  surely  so  to  what  you  think  of,  but  it  is 
not — care. 

Jane.     Is  it  the  dwelling  of  a  wild  beast  ? 

Mr.  M.     No,  it  is  not  lair. 

Mr.  Barnes.  Is  it  what  a  bachelor's  establishment  is 
frequently  deficient  in  ? 

Mr.  M.     Do  you  mean  a  chair  ? 

Mr.  B.  No  :  I  mean  when  the  bachelor  gives  a  dinner 
party  of  more  than  six. 

Mr.  M.     O  !  then  I  reply  it  is  not  loare. 

Sicsan.     Is  it  what  country  folks  do  in  London  ? 

Mr.  M.     No,  Miss  Quiz,  it  is  not  stare. 

Young  Cameron.  A  classical  description  of  a  peculiar 
kind  of  cygnet  ? 

Mr.  M.  Signet-seal,  what  is  this  ?  O  !  notwithstanding 
your  double  entendre,  I  must  say  my  word  is  not  like  a 
black  sioan,  rare 


V 


S3^^§^ £^^^^' 


! 


OR  AMtJSEIMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES.  33 

Richard.  Is  it  what  I  should  like  to  be  to  old  Mr. 
Green,  the  banker  ? 

Mr.  M.  I  should  not  object  myself,  but  neither  you 
nor  my  thought  will  be  the  heir. 

Tom.  Is  it  something  brown  and  old  I  should  like  to 
mount  at  the  Grange  ? 

Mr.  M.  Now,  Tom,  you  have  puzzled  me,  I  hardly 
know  whether  you  mean  the  old  brown  stair^  or  the  old 
brown  mare. 

Tom.     The  old  mare,  father. 

Mr.  M.     Then  'tis  not  that,  I  do  declare. 

Agnes.     Is  it  what  I  do  to  my  clothes  ? 

Mr.  M.     No,  my  dear,  it  is  not  tear. 

Agnes.     Now,  father,  that's  too  bad  ;  I  meant  wear. 

John.  Would  my  father  have  been  one  had  he  been  a 
Frenchman  ?  ^ 

Mr  M.  Voire  serviteur,  Monsieiir,  he  would,  and  it 
would  not — he  would  have  been  a  father ;  but  this  is  not 
U7i  pere. 

Jessie.     Is  it  what  I  do  not  consider  that  last  question  ? 

Mr.  M.  Another  contradiction  !  I  agree  with  you,  Jes- 
sie, and  yet  I  must  own — it  is  fair. 

"I  think  this  is  a  very  amusing  game,  uncle,"  said 
Susan,  "  and  may  be  useful  in  future  to  us  in  playing 
4 


^^5^^i^ 


B^^^ 


34 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


Paradoxes !  it  will  give  us  such  a  facility  in  finding 
rhymes." 

"  I  agree  with  you,  my  dear,"  said  her  aunt ;  "  but  now 
let  us  have  another  round  of  Ting  tang. 

"  Stop  one  moment,  my  dear,"  said  her  husband,  "  I 
really  think  the  little  ones  can  play  at  this  game  ;  come 
here  my  pet,"  he  continued,  calling  Alice  from  the  table, 
where  she  and  Charley  had  got  a  book  of  prints  before 
them ;  "  now  listen  to  what  is  going  on,  and  you  will  be 
able  to  give  an  answer  with  the  best  of  us,  I  am  sure." 

Mrs.  M.     I  give  a  word  which  rhymes  with  dale. 

Jessie.     Is  it  what  a  lady  becomes  when  agitated  ? 

Mrs.  M.     No,  it  is  not  pale. 

Mr.  Barnes.  Is  it  a  part  of  an  ancient  knight's  accoutre- 
ments ? 

J(j^7i.     There,  aunt,  he  wants  to  put  you  to  the  proof. 

Mrs.  M.     So  I  perceive,  John,  but  it  is  not  mail. 

Susan.     Is  it  like  old  news  ? 

Mrs,  M.  Do  you  think  it  likely  I  should  choose  for  a 
new  game  that  which  is  stale  ? 

Mr.  M.  Is  it  what  Hamlet  told  Polonius  he  agreed  the 
cloud  was  like  ? 

Mrs.  M.     It  is  very  like,  but  not  a  whale. 

Agnes.     Can  I  find  it  at  the  foot  of  a  hill  ? 

Mrs.  M.     You  might,  but  it  is  not  a  vale. 


c/ 


I 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 


35 


Jane.  Is  it  that  thoughtful  creature  which  always  car- 
ries its  own  habitation  with  it  ? 

Mrs.  M.  You  are  very  quick,  my  dear,  and  therefore 
neither  you  nor  my  thought  can  be  considered  a  snaiL 

Tom.     Is  it  what  I  like  to  hit  right  well  ? 

Mrs.  M.     No,  it  is  not  a  nail. 

Charley.     Is  it  what  pigs  carry  behind  them  ? 

Mrs.  M.     No,  my  darling,  it  is  not  a  tail. 

Alice.     Is  it  what  the  milkmaids  use  ? 

Mrs.  M.     No,  my  sweet  one,  not  a  pail. 

John.     Is  it  what  I  am  very  fond  of  ? 

Mrs.  M.  Nay,  that's  too  general  a  question,  you  like 
a  sail^  and  you  like  a  tale,  what  do  you  mean  ?  I  give 
that  up. 

John.     I  plead  guilty,  aunt,  to  liking  ale. 

Mrs.  M.     No,  then,  it  is  not  ale. 

Cameron.  I  think  it  is  what  I  should  do  in  guessing 
other  people's  meanings. 

Mrs.  M.  You  have  done  so  now,  for  it  certainly  is 
not  fail. 

Richard.     Was  there  any  last  week  ? 

Mrs.  M     A  great  quantity,  but  it  is  not  hail. 

Jessie.  Now,  mother,  it  has  been  all  around,  and  we 
have  not  guessed  it ;  will  you  tell  us  ? 


^^^ 


36 


HINTS   FOR  HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


Mrs.  M.  O  !  proceed  ;  there  are  many  more  words  yet, 
you  have  not  mentioned. 

Jesste.     Well,  then,  should  I  do  it  under  your  anger  ? 

Mrs.  M.  I  cannot  tell  what  would  occur  in  such  a  very 
unusual  circumstance,  but  you  cannot  make  my  word — 
quail,  • 

Mr.  Barnes.  O,  skip  me  if  you  please,  I  can't  think 
of  one. 

Siisan.  I  wonder,  aunt,  you  do  not  do  it  at  Mr.  Barnes 
for  missing  his  turn. 

Mrs.  M.  It  would  be  so  rude,  my  dear,  to  a  guest ;  not 
even  in  thought  have  I  given  way  to  rail. 

Mr.  M.  Is  it  what  I  wish  Barnes  would  take  of  my 
tooth  ? 

Mrs.  M.  Poor  father  !  I  wish  you  could  say  as  truly 
as  I  can,  it  is  not  scale. 

The  game  had  proceeded  in  this  lively  uninterrupted 
manner  to  this  period,  when  a  servant  entered  with  a  note, 
which  he  delivered  to  Mr.  Barnes. 

"  One  of  the  frequent  annoyances  of  a  country  doctor's 
life,"  he  exclaimed,  after  reading  it,  "  an  old  man  at 
Crompton  has  been  taken  suddenly  ill,  and  as  his  son  has 
walked  the  three  miles  to  fetch  me,  I  must  of  course  ac- 
company him  back." 

"  You  shall  have  the  pony  to  go  on,"  said  Mr.  M. 


m^^^^ 


& 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES.  37 

"  Well,  let  us  try  to  find  out  this  '  ting  tang'  before  you 
go,"  said  John. 

"  Will  Mr.  Barnes  have  to  ride  through  it  to-night, 
dear  aunt?" 

Mrs.  M.  With  the  wind  blowing  so  loud,  it  seems 
almost  untrue  to  say  it  is  not  a  gale. 

"  The  pony  is  ready,  sir,"  said  Peter  at  this  moment. 

"  Heigho  !"  said  Mr.  Barnes,  rising  reluctantly  from  his 
chair,  "  the  thought  of  leaving  this  cheerful  party  almost 
makes  me  ready  to  do,  what  I  now  ask,  dear  Madam,  if 
your  word  is  ?  " 

Mrs.  M.  I  am  sorry  that  our  pleasant  party  must  be 
broken  up  for  the  present,  and  truth,  as  well  as  politeness, 
makes  me  both  echo  and  acknowledge  your  wail. 

"Now  girls,  give  us  a  little  music  to  fill  up  the  time  of 
our  friend's  absence,"  said  Mr.  Maitland. 

The  piano  was  accordingly  opened,  and  sweet  sounds 
floated  through  the  room  to  the  gratification  of  all. 

Jessie  then  produced  some  conversation  cards,  which 
amused  the  group  by  their  odd  replies  ;  and  at  the  end  of 
which  game,  Mr.  Maitland  exclaimed,  "  Why,  I  declare  if 
here  is  not  our  worthy  doctor  back  again.  You  are  wel- 
come, my  good  friend,  although  I  should  think  my  old 
pony  has  smarted  for  your  quick  return." 


;  'i 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

"  Indeed,  my  dear  sir,  I  have  been  gone  an  hour  and  a 
half,"  said  Mr.  Barnes,  in  a  deprecating  tone,  "  and  it  has 
seemed  much  longer  to  me.  Well,  have  you  had  any  more 
*  ting  tang'  in  my  absence  ?" 

"  No,"  replied  Mrs.  Maitland  ;  "  and  my  husband  even 
forbid  our  making  any  observations  upon  the  game,  until 
you  rejoined  the  party." 

"  Thank  you,  my  good  sir ;  I  have  thought  it  over  dur- 
ing my  ride,  and  give  my  opinion  that  it  is  very  amusing, 
for  there  were  some  capital  definitions  in  each  round.  I 
only  wonder  how  either  you  or  Mrs.  Maitland  compre- 
hended the  meaning  of  some." 

"  They  have  caught  the  spirit  of  my  idea  famously," 
remarked  the  former,  "  it  makes  it  all  the  more  amusing 
to  give  far-fetched  definitions,  and  to  vary  the  style  of  the 
reply ;  and  at  any  time  it  might  be  converted  into  a  game 
t)f  forfeits.  If  the  proposer  of  the  original  word  owns  to 
being  unable  to  find  out  the  meaning  of  a  questioner's 
definition,  he  should  pay  a  forfeit  for  such  inability  ;  or  if 
the  circle  acknowledge  that  they  cannot  think  of  any 
more  rhymes,  and  the  word  is  still  unguessed,  they  should 
be  fined  all  round,  and  the  querist  should  recommence  the 
game,  after  telling  what  his^r*^  thought  was." 

"Yes,  I  think  it  might  be  made  optional  for  forfeits, 
as   John   suggested   it  should  be   in  my  paradoxes,"  re- 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 


39 


marked  Mrs.  Maitland.  "  Come  to  us  on  Friday  evening," 
she  added  to  the  doctor  and  his  friend,  "  and  we  will  try 
this  game  of  mine.  You  will  meet  our  new  curate  and 
his  sister." 


CHAPTER  III. 


THE     HAPPY    INVALID. — ORIGINAL     CONUNDRUMS. INVITATION 

TO      THE     GRANGE. THE    SCRAP      BOOK. — THE      CARDINAL's 

LETTER. 

John  Harper  was  too  clever,  as  well  as  good-tempered, 
to  allow  the  confinement  to  which  he  was  obliged  now  to 
submit,  to  deprive  either  himself  or  his  kind  entertainers 
of  pleasure  and  amusement.  He  was  very  fond  of  reading 
aloud,  and  his  uncle's  well-stored  library  soon  furnished  a 
volume  with  which  he  wiled  away  the  hours,  to  tlYe  grati- 
fication of  his  aunt  and  female  cousins,  who  good-natured- 
ly would  not  leave  the  disabled  youth  alone.  When  din- 
ner-time approached,  Mr.  Maitland  and  the  boys  returned 
from  a  walk  they  had  taken  to  see  a  poor  sick  man  at 
some  distance,  and  brought  rather  improved  accounts  of 
his  health. 


40 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


"  How  is  our  invalid  ?  "  asked  Mr.  Maitland. 

"  Nay,  uncle,  do  not  call  me  an  invalid,"  said  John ; 
"  except  this  tiresome  sprain  I  feel  quite  well,  and  have 
enjoyed  my  morning's  occupation  exceedingly,  and  shall  be 
almost  sorry  when  my  ancle  is  sufficiently  strong  to  allow 
of  no  excuse  for  such  a  luxurious  existence — smiled  on  and 
waited  on  by  kind  dame  and  fair  damsels  ;  who  could  wish 
to  be  well  and  give  up  such  enjoyments  ?  I  have  no  doubt 
I  shall  make  one  or  two  splendid  conundrums  too,  now  I 
have  so  much  leisure." 

"  John's  conundrums  and  charades  are  always  very 
ridiculous,"  said  his  sister  Jane,  "  but  the  best  of  them  is 
they  are  original ;  I  have  a  few  in  my  letter-case  up  stairs, 
which  I  will  bring  down  this  evening." 

The  evening's  amusements  were  again  of  a  varied 
nature,~music,  both  vocal  and  instrumental,  during  a  large 
portion  of  it. 

"Uncle,"  said  John,  "  do  you  know  what  musick  would 
do  to  you,  if  by  chance  you  dropped  the  first  letter  ?  why, 
make  you  sick  (uskk)  to  be  sure  ?  " 

"Very  old,  and  very  bad,"  said  Mr.  Maitland;  "so 
instead  of  wasting  your  precious  breath,  take  a  part 
with  your  sisters  in  my  favorite  glee  of  '  the  Chough 
and  Crow.'  Jane  flatters  you  by  saying  you  sing  bass 
very  well." 


^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


41 


"  All  I  sing  is  ^cse,"  replied  the  incorrigible  John  ;  "  but 
give  me  the  song  and  I  will  do  my  best." 

During  the  cheerful  supper,  Jane  produced  her  promised 
conundrums,  and  much  mirth  was  created  in  guessing  the 
following  : 

"  In  what  did  Queen  Elizabeth  always  take  her  pills  ?" 

"  In  jelly  ;"  "  In  wine,"  said  one  or  two. 

*"'  O,  no,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  "  nothing  so  common, 
perhaps  she  took  them  *  in  a  trice.' " 

"No,"  said  Jane,  "she  took  them  in  cider  {inside  her)." 

"  Why  are  ladies  like  Churches  ?  " 

"  Something  about  belles  and  ringing,  I  dare  say,"  said 
Richard. 

"  Because  there  is  no  living  without  them." 

"  How  exceedingly  gallant,  John,"  said  his  aunt,  smil- 
ing ;  "  we  shall  redouble  our  attentions  to  you  henceforth. 
Go  on,  Jane." 

"  Why  is  love  likp  a  potato  ?  " 

"  0  !  that's  old,"  said  Tom.  "  because  it  shoots  from  the 
eyes." 

"  O  dear,  no,"  said  Jane,  looking  at  her  list,  "  nothing 
half  so  flattering.     Because  it  becomes  less  by  paring^'* 

"  What  a  falling  off  was  there  !"  laughed  Mr.  Maitland, 
"  after  the  previous  one  !" 

"  The  next  is  a  sort  of  neutral^''  continued  Jane. 


'^::^^^^ 


42 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


"  Why  is  love  like  a  box  of  lucifers?" 

"  Ah  !  I  think  I  have  it,"  said  her  uncle.  "  Because 
it  produces  many  matches." 

"  Yes,  that  is  right.  Now,  Tom,  as  you  are  rather  apt 
to  climb  up  trees,  and  scramble  about  now  and  then,  sup- 
pose you  knocked  your  head  by  accident,  what  would  be 
the  best  game  for  you  to  play  at,  to  alleviate  the  pain  ?" 

"  O  !  a  good  game  at  cricket,"  said  Tom,  eagerly  ;  "  I 
should  soon  forget  a  knock  on  the  head." 

"  Do  not  you  think,  uncle,  it  would  be  better  for  him  to 
have  a  friendly  rubber  ?" 

"  Very  good  !"  answered  her  uncle,  "  have  you  any  more 
of  John's  good-uns  there  ?" 

"  Yes  ;  three  more  :  If  a  man  were  to  bite  off  another 
man's  nose,  what  is  he  bound  by  the  law  to  do  ?" 

"  O  !  we  can't  guess  that,  Jane,  I'm  sure,"  said  Jessie, 
"  so  we'll  give  it  up." 

"  Why,  he  is  bound  to  'keep  the  peace,'  to  be  sure  !" 

"  How  very  ridiculous  !  are  the  other  two  as  much  so  ?" 
said  Jessie,  "  if  so,  give  the  answers  at  once,  when  you 
h^ve  asked  them." 

"  Why  is  a  chimney-sweeper  less  difficult  to  be  pleased 
by  his  tailor  than  any  other  man  ?" 

"  I  should  never  have  thought  he  employed  a  tailor," 
said  Richard  ;  "  pray  tell  us." 


■I  ;i 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


43 


"  Because  his  clothes  always  soot  him." 

"  That's  not  bad,"  said  Mr.  Maitland ;  "  now,  Jenny, 
what  is  your  last ;  is  it  the  best  ?" 

"No,  uncle,  I  think  not,  but  you  shall  judge.  What  is 
the  difference  between  an  emperor  and  a  beggar  boy  ? " 

"  I  have  heard  an  old  song  in  my  younger  days,"  said 
Mr.  Maitland,  laughing,  "  about  the 

difference  between 

A  beggar  and  a  queen, 

but  I  hope  the  distinction  in  this  case  is  more  politely  and 
delicately  defined." 

"  O !  quite  in  keeping  with  imperial  dignity,  I  assure 
you  ;  but,  John,  you  manage  the  pronunciation  better  than 
I  do." 

*'  Well,"  said  John,  "  the  difference  is  this  :  One  issues 
manifestoes,  and  the  other  manifests  toes  without  its  shoes,'''' 

"  I'll  tell  you  a  conundrum  that  was  made  the  other  day 
by  a  young  friend  of  mine  in  London,"  said  Susan. 
"  What  are  the  only  two  quadrupeds  admitted  into  the 
opera  ?  " 

"  Nay,  we  know  so  little  about  the  opera,"  said  Rich- 
ard ;  "pray  tell  us." 

"  Puppies  and  white  kids"  replied  his  cousin,  archly. 

"  We  owe   you  one  for  that,  saucy   Sukey,"  said  her 


44 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS ; 


uncle,  "  and  some  other  evening  you  shall  have  'a  Rowland 
for  your  Oliver.' " 

A  sudden  shange  in  the  weather  prevented  the  girls 
from  attempting  to  accompany  Mr.  Maitland  in  his  pro- 
posed walk  the  next  morning.  Heavy  rain  and  hail  fell  in 
alternate  torrents,  and  gusty  storms  of  wind  drove  with 
such  pelting  force  amongst  the  old  trees  surrounding  the 
house,  that  they  groaned  and  cracked  in  the  blast,  as  if 
giving  audible  vent  to  their  aggrieved  feelings. 

"  O,    what  a  day  to  make  one  value  a  good  country 

blaze,"  said  John,  giving  the  fire  a  vigorous  poke,  and  then 

gleefully  rubbing  his  hands  before  it,  spouted 

"  '  Blow  winds,  and  crack  your  jaws,'  we  sit  serene  ; 
For  if  by  angry  fate  we're  not  compelled 
To  '  bide  the  pelting  of  the  pitiless  storm,' 
Your  loud  and  angry  roar  will  but  enhance 
The  cheering  comforts  of  our  English  fire  !" 

"Really,  John,  you  are  a  second  '  young  Roscius,'" 
laughed  his  uncle  ;  "  and  you  laud  our  indoor  comforts  so 
truly,  and  so  well,  that  1  do  not  think  I  shall  desert  them 
myself  to-day.  I  shall  go  into  my  study  and  write  some 
letters." 

As  he  turned  to  leave  the  room,  he  looked  through  the 
window,  and  observing  a  groom  approaching  the  house  on 
horseback,  he  exclaimed,  "  Who  can  have  sent  a  servant 
out  in  such  a  miserable  day  ?  " 


^^^^M 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


45 


"  Why,  it  is  the  Beaumonts'  livery,"  replied  his  wife  ; 
"  but  I  did  not  know  that  they  had  returned  from  Germany." 

*"  O  !  yes,  mother,  they  have  been  back  in  England  the 
last  three  months,"  said  Jessie,  "  but  have  been  in  Devon- 
shire, at  their  uncle,  Sir  Thomas  Graham's ;  and  I 
heard  that  they  were  all  coming  down  to  the  Grange  for 
Christmas." 

A  servant  here  brought  in  a  note  for  Mrs.  Maitland, 
which  he  said  was  to  receive  an  answer  by  the  bearer. 

His  mistress  opened  it,  and  read  aloud  as  follows : 

My  dear  Madam,  The  Grange,  Friday  morning. 

I  am  come  back  to  the  Grange,  accompanied  by  my 
daughter,  and  her  young  folks,  where  I  hope  they  will  stay  a 
few  months  witli  me.  I  wish  to  make  a  part,  at  least  of  their 
visit  more  agreeable  than  by  the  mere  society  of  a  solitary  old 
woman,  and  therefore  hope  that  you  and  Mr.  Maitland  will  oblige 
me  by  coming  to  us  next  Tuesday,  for  some  days,  accompanied 
'  by  your  four  eldest  children,  and  the  three  young  guests  1  un- 
derstand you  have  staying  with  you.  There  is  plenty  of  accom- 
modation in  the  old  Grange  for  you  all.  The  double-bedded  Blue 
room  for  the  girls ;  and  the  Omnibus,  all  clean  and  ready  for  more 
boys  than  you  will  bring  with  you  ;  so  I  shall  take  no  refusal.  A 
German  tree,  and  some  other  exotics,  are  promised  as  an  induce- 
ment. With  kind  regards  to  all,  believe  me,  my  dear  Madam, 
Very  sincerely  yours,  Mary  Beaumont. 


7^^^^^^ 


[jf   I  46  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOUES  J 

When  Mrs.  Maitland  had  finished  reading  the  note,  the 
sparkling  eyes  and  glowing  cheeks  around  her,  proved  that 
no  objection  would  arise  to  Mrs.  Beaumont's  invitation 
from  the  juniors  of  the  party  ;  she  therefore  applied  to  her 
husband  for  his  opinion,  and  finding  that  he  was  willing  to 
oblige  his  old  friend,  she  wrote  a  short  note  of  grateful 
acceptance,  with  the  single  proviso  that  they  would  '  come 
if  the  weather  permitted.' 

"  0,  I  am  so  glad  that  we  are  going  to  the  Grange,"  said 
Agnes,  dancing  about  the  room,  and  clapping  her  hands, 
"  it  is  the  dearest,  funniest  old  place  in  the  world — such 
'  dark  closets  and  steep  staircases  ;'  such  '  large  old  win- 
dow-seats and  dark  corners ;'  such  queer  ins  and  outs,  and 
'  long  winding  passages  :'  it  always  puts  me  in  mind  of  a 
story-book  whenever  I  go  there,  and  I  go  about  expecting 
to  meet  some  old  fairy  with  a  wand  in  the  day-time,  or  to 
see  a  ghost  at  night ! " 

"  Rather  a  pleasant  abode,  I  should  think,"  said  John  ; 
"  and  your  bedroom  seems  especially  suited  to  your  ro- 
mantic taste,  by  its  fear-inspiring  name.  'The  Blue 
chamber!!!'  '  O,  oto  orrid  !^  as  my  friend  Joe  Perkins 
would  say.  I  wonder  you  do  not  all  expect  to  be  frighten- 
^i|  ed  to  death  by  the  ghost  of  some  lovelorn  maiden,  or  else 
III        less  romantically^  niurdered  in  your  sleep." 

It  must  be  the  ghost  of  a  very  bold  maiden,  or  else  a 


^>-.^^i^  ^^2^2^:^ 


Q 


::::r^^. 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


47 


very  daring  living  body,  that  would  stand  the  chance  of 
being  attacked  by  four  young  ladies,  all  armed  with  teeth, 
nails,  and  tongues,''  said  Mr.  Maitland,  jokingly  ;  "  but  I 
must  make  good  my  own  retreat,  I  see,  or  shall  have  them 
beginning  t«  practise  on  me,  to  be  ready  for  the  '  ghost  of 
the  Grange,' "  and  so  saying  he  left  the  room. 

"  What  is  Mrs.  Beaumont's  Omnibus,  where  we  lads  are 
to  sleep  ?"  asked  John.  "  I  hope  she  has  neither  '  steady 
horses'  nor  '  careful  drivers'  attatched  to  it,  or  we  shall 
perhaps  be  dragged 

"  Through  bush  and  through  briar, 
Through  mud  and  through  mire." 

"  You  will  see  in  due  time,  John,"  replied  his  aunt ;  "  I 
shall  not  enlighten  you  as  to  any  of  the  comforts  or  dis- 
comforts of  the  house  we  are  invited  to,  but  I  do  not  think 
you  will  regret  going." 

"Is  George  at  school  now,  mother  ?"  asked  Jessie. 

"  He  was  at  Bohn  University,"  replied  Mrs.  Maitland, 
"  which  was  the  principal  reason  for  his  mother  also  living 
abroad.  Her  two  daughters  she  has  always  kept  at  home, 
under  the  careful  superintendence  of  Miss  Chapman,  a 
very  superior  woman,  whom  I  have  known  for  years." 

Peter  at  this  moment  entered  with  another  note,  and 
observed  that  "  no  answer  was  required." 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS  J 

"  What  now  ? "  said  Mrs.  Maitland,  smiling.  "  O  !  a 
counterbalance  to  the  last : — 

Miss  Harrison  presents  her  compliments  to  Mrs.  Maitland,  and 
regrets  that  the  unfavorable  state  of  the  weather  will  prevent  her- 
self and  brother  from  spending  this  evening  at  Femwood,  agree- 
ably to  her  polite  invitation. 

Holly  Cottage,  Friday  afternoon. 

"  I'm  sure  I  should  not  like  Miss  Harrison,"  said  Tom, 
as  his  mother  finished  reading.  "  What  a  formal  note  that 
is.     I  know  she  don't  like  fun." 

A  hearty  laugh  greeted  Tom's  energetically  expressed 
opinion  of  their  new  acquaintance,  which  made  him  both 
wince  and  blush,  but  soon  all  fell  into  quiet  employment, 
and  became  so  deeply  interested  in  the  progress  of  John's 
volume,  that  they  could  scarcely  believe  the  dinner  hour 
had  nearly  arrived  when  the  bell  summoned  them  to  dress. 

"  I  am  so  sorry  we  must  stop,"  said  Jane,  "  it  is  getting 
so  very  interesting  ;  who  knows  whether  poor  Felix  will 
ever  get  safe  back  in  the  boat  he  has  built  for  himself  out 
of  the  old  timbers  of  the  wreck?" 

"Of  course  he  will,"  replied  her  aunt,  "you  must  wait 
patiently  until  to-morrow,  but  be  assured  that  the  hero  will 
not  be  drowned  in  the  middle  of  the  volume,  or  there 
would  be  an  end  of  the  tale." 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


49 


In  the  course  of  the  evening  Mrs.  Maitland  said,  "  There 
is  an  old  scrap  book  of  mine  in  the  book  case  which  I  have 
not  seen  for  years,  and  the  contents  of  which  will  be  there- 
fore almost  as  new  to  me  as  you.  I  will  go  and  fetch  it, 
and  perhaps  father  will  kindly  read  some  of  the  scraps 
aloud." 

The  book  was  soon  placed  in  Mr.  Maitland's  willing 
hands,  who  from  its  well-filled  pages  made  selections  ac- 
cording to  his  taste,  his  first  being  the  following  passage 
from  Lacon  : — "  Wit  is  one  of  the  few  things  that  has 
been  oftener  rewarded  than  defined.  A  certain  bishop  said 
to  his  chaplain,  '  what  is  wit  ? '  The  chaplain  replied,  '  the 
rectory  of  B.  is  vacant,  give  it  me,  and   that  will  be  wit.' 

*  Prove  it,  and  you  shall  have  it,'  replied  his  lordship.  *  It 
would  be  a  good  thing  well  applied,'  replied  the  chaplain. 
He  was  soon  after  appointed  to  the  benefice." 

"  So  much  for  a  lesson  on   wit,"  observed  the  reader, 
*'  and  now  for  one  on  contentment,"  and  he  read  the  title, 
*  Always  Happy.' 

•  An  Italian  bishop  struggled  through  great  difficulty  with- 
out repining,  and  met  with  much  opposition  in  the  discharge 
of  his  episcopal  functions  without  betraying  the  least  im- 
patience. One  of  his  intimate  friends,  who  highly  admired 
the  virtues  which  he  thought  it  impossible  to  imitate,  one 

5 


^^^ 


50  HINTS   FOR    HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

day  asked  the  bishop  if  he  could  communicate  the  secret 
of  being  'always  happy.'  'Yes,'  replied  the  old  man,  'I 
can  teach  you  my  secret  with  great  facility,  it  consists  in 
nothing  more  than  in  making  a  right  use  of  my  eyes.'  His 
friend  begged  him  to  explain  himself.  '  Most  willingly,' 
returned  the  bishop.  '  In  whatever  state  I  am,  I  first  look 
up  to  heaven  and  remember  that  my  principal  business  here 
is  to  get  there  ;  I  then  look  down  to  the  earth,  and  call  to 
mind  how  small  a  space  I  shall  occupy  in  it  when  I  come 
to  be  buried;  I  then  look  abroad  into  the  world,  and  ob- 
serve what  multitudes  there  are  in  all  respects  more  un- 
happy than  myself;  and  thus  I  learn  where  true  happiness 
is  placed — where  all  our  cares  must  end  ;  and  what  little 
cause  /have  to  repine  or  to  complain.' 

"  There's  a  nice,  good  old  man,"  said  Jessie,  "  I  wish 
there  were  more  like  him,  both  old  and  young.  Go  on, 
father — what's  next  ?  " 

"  Why  here  are  some  original  verses  by  myself^  I  do 
believe,"  he  replied,  laughing ; — 

IMPROMPTU    ON    THE    NEW    PENNY   POST. 

The  penny  post  is  now  come  in, 
And  made  a  great  sensation, 
As  every  one  may  clearly  see, 
Who  usesj^ene-tration. 


l^^^-^^r,^^::^. 


^^^^^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

And  every  one  must  now  confess 

Our  Tuleis  penny-wise. 

Though  if  pound  foolish  in  the  end, 

It  won't  cause  much  surprise. 

Yet  still  to  speeches  in  their  praise, 

We'll  yield  a  hearty  yes ; 

For  each  may  have  their  penny-woTth, 

Who  is  not  penni-less. 

From  London  down  to  Penni-cuick, 

From  Cork  to  Penni-stone, 

Love  in  half  ounces  may  be  sent 

If  you  a  penny  own. 

Then  surely  by  no  other  means, 

Should  letters  now  be  sent, 

May  conscience  prick  each  would-be  cheat. 

And  make  them  peni-teni. 
"  And  now  here  is  an  Anagram  for  you  to  guess,"  continu 
ed  Mr.  Maitland  :— 

If  you  transpose  what  ladies  wear, 

'Twill  show  what  wicked  traitors  are; 

Again,  if  you  transpose  the  same. 

You'll  see  an  ancient  Hebrew  name ; 

Change  it  again,  and  it  will  show, 

What  all  on  earth  desire  to  do. 

Transpose  the  letters  yet  once  more. 

What  bad  men  do  you'll  then  explore. 


62 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS 


"  Is  the  answer  there,  uncle  ?  "  asked  Jane,  peeping  over 
his  shoulder. 

"  Get  away,  you  sly  puss,"  he  replied,  putting  his  hand 
over  the  page  ;  hut  the  quick  eye  of  his  lively  niece  had 
caught  the  first  word,  i^eil,  and  it  occasioned  very  little 
difficulty  to  give  the  required  transposition  of  vile,  Levij 
live,  and  evil. 

"  Now,  hoys,  here  is  an  arithmetical  puzzle  for  you.  A 
man  offered  to  sell  his  horse  (which  was  a  valuable  one,) 
by  receiving  so  much  a  piece  for  the  nails  in  his  horse's 
shoes.  He  was  to  have  a  farthing  for  the  first  nail,  and 
a  halfpenny  for  the  second,  a  penny  for  the  third,  and  so 
on,  doubling  it  each  time  ;  there  are  eight  nails  in  each 
shoe,  thirty-two  nails  in  all — what  now  would  be  the  price 
the  man  would  thus  obtain  for  his  horse  ?" 

"  0  !  that's  very  soon  done,"  said  Tom  ;  and  he  began 
muttering  to  himself — 'a  farthing,  a  halfpenny,  a  penny,' 
&c.  John  watched  him  with  a  sly  and  amused  expres- 
sion of  face. 

"  Poor  Tom  !"  said  he,  in  a  whisper  to  Richard,  '*  he 
little  knows  what  he  has  undertaken." 

"  I  fancied  it  was  very  easy  indeed,"  said  Tom,  "  but  I 
now  find  to  the  contrary,  and  I  will  try  by  myself  to-mor- 
row, when  I  think  I  can  manage  it.  Go  on  now,  if  you 
please,  with  mother's  scraps." 


^ ^ 

jf  OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES.  53 

"  Well,  then,"  replied  his  father,  "  I  will  select  one  es- 
pecially addressed  to  the  ladies,  at  least  to  the  single  ones." 

"  A  sprightly  writer  expresses  his  opinion  of  old  maids 
in  the  following  manner  :  '  I  am  inclined  to  believe  that 
many  aspersions  cast  upon  old  maids,  tell  more  to  their 
credit  than  is  generally  imagined.  Is  a  woman  remarkably 
neat  in  her  person — '  she  will  certainly  be  an  old  maid.' 
Is  she  particularly  reserved  towards  the  other  sex — *  she 
has  all  the  prudery  of  an  old  maid.'  Is  she  frugal  in  her 
expenses,  and  exact  in  her  domestic  concerns — *  she  is  cut 
out  for  an  old  maid.'  And  if  she  is  kindly  humane  to  the 
animals  about  her,  nothing  can  save  her  from  the  appella- 
tion of  '  an  old  maid.'  In  short,  I  have  always  found  that 
neatness,  modesty,  economy,  and  humanity,  are  the  never- 
failing  characteristics  of  that  terrible  creature,  '  an  old 
maid.'" 

"  Then  I'll  be  an  old  maid,"  said  Jessie,  laughing,  "  for 
I  am  sure  she  is  a  most  excellent  character." 

"  And  I  won't,"  said  Agnes,  "  for  I  am  sure  that  mother 
is  quite  as  good  as  any  old  maid  that  ever  lived." 

"  Time  enough,  my  dears,"  said  their  mother,  smiling  ; 
"  like  the  celebrated  decision  of  the  Welsh  judge,  *  much 
may  be  said  on  both  sides.'  Ah  !  my  love,"  she  continued, 
addressing  her  husband,  "  I  see  you  have  turned  to  that 
curious   letter   of  the  celebrated  Cardinal  Richelieu ;  just 


m^^^^  9^^^^m 


54  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

read  it  aloud,  entire,  and  see  whether  any  of  the  present 
party  can  detect  anything  peculiar  in  the  composition." 

Mr.  Maitland,  accordingly,  hespoke  particular  attention, 
adding,  "  This  letter  was  addressed  to  the  French  Ambas- 
sador at  Rome,  by  Cardinal  Richelieu,  who,  you  will  all  re- 
member, was  a  most  wily  and  cautious  diplomatist ;  his 
communication  is  as  follows ; — 

Sir, 

Mons.  Compigne,  a  Savoyard  by  birth,  a  friar  of  the  order  of  St  Benedict, 
is  the  man  wlio  will  preseiit  to  you  aa  his  passport  to  your  protection, 
this  letter.  He  is  one  of  the  most  discreet,  the  wisest,  and  the  least 
meddling  persons  I  have  ever  known,  or  that  I  have  ever  conversed  with. 
He  has  long  earnestly  solicited  me,  to  write  to  you  in  his  favor,  and 
to  give  him  a  suitable  character,  together  with  a  letter  of  credence, 
which  I  have  accordingly  granted  to  his  reaily  great  merit,  rather  than  to 
his  importunity,  for,  believe  me,  his  modesty  quite  equals  his  worth. 
I  should  be  sorry  you  should  be  wanting  in  serving  him,  from  being 
Ignorant  of  his  real  ciiaracter.  Wherefore,  and  from  no  other  motive, 
I  think  it  my  duty  to  advertise  yoti  that  you  are  particularly  desired 
to  have  especial  regard  to  all  he  does,  to  show  all  the  respect  imaginable, 
nor  venture  to  say  anything  before  him  that  may  either  offend,  or  disph-ase 
in  any  sort,  for  1  may  truly  say  there  is  no  man  I  love  so  much  as  M.  Compigne, 
none  whom  I  should  more  regret  to  see  neglected,  as  no  one  is  more  worthy  tn  be 
received,  and  tr\isted  in  decent  society.  Base  therefore  would  it  be  to  injure  him 
And  1  well  know,  that  as  soon  as  you  are  made  sensible  of  his  virtues,  and 
shall  become  acquainted  with  him,  you  will  love  him  as  I  do,  and  then 
you  will  thank  me  for  this  advice ;  the  assurance  I  entertain  of  your 
courtesy,  obliges  me  to  desist  from  urging  thia  matter  farther,  or 
raying  any  thing  more  on  the  subject. 
Believe  me,  Sir, 
Yours, 

RlCHSLIXV. 


^^^^^^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR     ALL    AGES.  55 

"  Now  you  have  heard  the  letter,''  said  Mr.  Maitland, 
"  what  opinion  should  you  form  of  Monsieur  Compigne  ? " 

"  He  must  have  been  a  most  excellent  man  to  obtain 
such  a  high  character  from  one  who  you  say  was  so  very 
cautious,"  said  Jlichard. 

"  I  said  he  was  wily  also,"  returned  his  father,  "  so  let  us 
see  whether  he  had  more  than  one  meaning  to  his  letter." 

He  then  folded  his  letter  in  half  lengthwise,  and  read 
the  first  page  down  again,  which  gave  such  an  opposite 
account  of  the  good  friar,  that  the  auditors  were  surprised 
and  dismayed. 

"  Of  course  the  cardinal  had  instructed  his  correspon- 
dents to  look  for  this  one  way  of  conveying  a  double  enten- 
drey"  said  Mrs.  Maitland ;  "  but  we  must  not  wait  supper 
any  longer  for  Mr.  Barnes  and  his  friend;  the  weather 
detains  them,  no  doubt." 


^L^^^^^^ 


66  HINTS   FOR  HAPPY  HOUES  J 


'     CHAPTER  IV. 

MORNING  VISITERS. — ARITHMETICAL  PUZZLES. — PREPARATIONS 
FOR  THE  VISIT. — ENIGMATICAL  LIST  OF  TREES. — CONUN- 
DRUMS. 

"  If  we  may  judge  from  present  appearances,  we  must  trust 
to  indoor  resources  again  to-day,"  said  Mr.  Maitland ;  "  it 
is  rather  an  advantage  to  me,  for  I  have  promised  old  Jones 
an  hour's  consultation  about  his  brother's  affairs  ;  and 
shall  send  Peter  down  to  the  lodge  to  summon  him  up  at 
once.     Aii  re  voir." 

John  then  recommenced  his  book,  but  had  not  proceeded 
far,  before  Mr.  Barnes  and  young  Cameron  were  an- 
nounced. 

5 "Did  you  stuim  here?"  inquired  John,  as  he  greeted 
his  doctor  with  a  shake  of  the  hand. 

"  No,"  he  replied,  smiling ;  "  but  Cameron  good-natu- 
redly held  an  umbrella  over  us  both,  as  I  drove  up  here  in 
Harrison's  pony-gig.  But  now  let  us  have  a  little  medical 
talk,"  and  he  proceeded  to  examine  the  sprained  ancle, 
which  bore  so  favorable  an  aspect,  that  he  decided  that 
his  patient  would  be  quite  in  trim  for  the  ensuing  festiv- 
ities at  the  Grange. 


i::-^--^ 


fSQ^^^5^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


67 


"  Well,  that's  a  comfort,"  said  John,  "  for  I  must  own  I 
did  not  half  like  the  idea  of  going  amongst  strangers  in  my 
present  maimed  condition.  An  arm  in  a  sling  has  always 
been  considered  an  interesting  thing,  but  to  go  hopping 
about  the  world  like  an  old  Greenwich  pensioner,  is  none 
So  pleasant  to  the  pride  of  a  youth  rising  eighteen." 

"  We  shall  '  have  you  on  your  legs'  at  the  Grange,  never 
fear,"  replied  Mr.  Barnes  ;  "  only  keep  quiet  until  Tues- 
day, and  even  then  be  careful.  Did  you  not  think  us  both 
great  cowards,  dear  madam,"  he  continued,  addressing 
Mrs.  Maitland,  "  for  not  turning  out  last  night?  I  was  not 
at  home  until  after  your  tea  hour,  from  a  round  of  profes- 
sional calls,  and  then  James  had  got  such  a  capital  fire,  he 
persuaded  me  to  remain  at  home." 

"  Indeed,  I  do  not  wonder  at  it,"  replied  Mrs.  Mait- 
land, "  but  if  it  should  hold  up  this  evening,  we  shall  be 
glad  to  see  you." 

"  I  can  leave  Cameron  now,  if  you  will  have  him,"  said 
Mr.  Barnes,  *'  and  then  he  at  least  will  be  sure  of  his  even- 
ing's pleasure." 

Mr.  Cameron  blushed,  and  muttered  something  about 
"  being  quite  ashamed,"  but  Mrs.  Maitland  politely  pres- 
sed him  to  remain  their  guest  for  the  day  ;  so  the  young 
man,  nothing  loth,  consented,  and  Mr.  Barnes  drove 
6 


^^" 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

off  in  the  pony-gig  alone,  promising  positively  to  return 
to  tea. 

"  Poor  Mr.  Bolus ! 
There  he  goes  soliis  !" 

cried  John,  as  he  watched  the  little  vehicle  down  the  car- 
riage-drive ;   "I  hope  he  will  not  be  like 


the  people  of  Derby, 


washed  away  in  the  flood !' 

"  Jessie  has  heard  the  tale  which  John  is  reading,"  said 
his  aunt,  "  so  she  will  play  a  game  at  chess  in  the  inner 
drawing-room  with  Mr.  Cameron,  whilst  you  finish  it  for 
the  rest." 

The  rain  became  somewhat  abated  in  the  course  of  the 
afternoon,  and  towards  evening  ceased  altogether,  so  that 
when  just  before  tea-time,  Mr.  Barnes  made  his  appear- 
ance, he  reported  that  "  a  perfect  change  had  taken  place 
in  the  weather,  and  he  believed  it  would  become  a  frosty 
night." 

"  What  are  you  doing  there,  with  a  slate,  Tom,"  asked 
his  father;  observing  his  son,  soon  after  tea,  very  busily 
employed  making  sundry  figures. 

"  Working  away  at  this  horrible  sum,"  answered  Tom. 
"  I  could  not  have  believed  that  it  was  half  such  a  job." 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 

"  What  is  it  ?  "  asked  Mr.  Barnes. 

Mr.  Maitland  repeated  the  arithmetical  question  about 
the  price  of  the  horse,  which  he  had  put  before  his  party 
the  previous  evening. 

"  You  must  ask  Cameron  that,"  jestingly  observed  his 
friend,  "  canny  Scotland  is  famous  for  calculation;  and 
Jamie  here  has  not  been  at  the  High  School  for  nothing." 

"  I  fancy  that  I  can  do  it,"  replied  Cameron.  "  Whilst 
you  have  been  lauding  my  native  talents,  I  have  got  as  far 
as  the  sixteenth  horse-shoe,  and  as  that  gives  the  product 
of  thirty-four  pounds  two  and  eight-pence,  I  suppose  that 
thirty-two  will  only  produce  twice  that  sum." 

"  You  are  very  far  from  the  sum  total,  there,"  said  Mr. 
Maitland.  "  What  will  you  say  when  I  tell  you  that  it 
will  produce  a  sum  more  than  adequate  to  pay  half  the  an- 
nual amount  of  the  army  estimates." 

"  Is  it  possible!"  exclaimed  several  voices. 

"  Here,  Tom,  give  me  your  slate,"  said  his  father,  and 
rapidly  putting  down  some  additional  figures,  he,  in  a  few 
minutes,  exhibited  it  to  the  view  of  his  children  and  guests, 
with  the  extraordinary  product  of  £4,473,924  5s.  Z{d. 

"  Do  you  know  this  arithmetical  puzzle  ?"  asked  young 
Cameron  :  "  A  man  had  a  hundred  pounds  given  him  to 
lay  out  in  stock  for  a  farm,  of  which  he  was  to  buy  one 
hundred  head.     He  was  limited  to  cows,  sheep,  and  geese ; 


-2£^ 


^19^^^ 


L 


60 


HINTS   FOR    HAPPY  HOURS  J 


and  was  to  give  five  pounds  a-piece  for  the  first,  one  pound 
each  for  the  sheep,  and  a  shilling  each  for  the  geese.  How 
many  of  each  sort  did  he  buy,  to  spend  exactly  his  hundred 
pounds,  and  purchase  just  one  hundred  head  of  stock?" 

"  I  will  try  if  I  can  do  that,"  said  Richard.  "  Father 
says  that  patience  and  perseverance  will  conquer  every 
difficulty;  and  that  even  the  Gordian  knot  might  have 
been  untied.  So  lend  me  the  slate,  Tom — There,"  he 
added  a  short  time  afterwards,  "  I  have  done  it,  father ; 
look  at  the  slate  :" — 

19cowsat  £5each,         ...  ...     £95        0         0 

1  sheep  at  £1,  ...  ...  10        0 

80  geese  at  Is.  each,       ...  ...  4         0         0 


100  stock. 


£100       0 


"  Well  done,  Richard  !  you  are  a  clever,  and  a  persever- 
ing lad,"  said  his  father,  approvingly.  "  I  hope  you  will 
continue  to  cultivate  such  a  steady  determination  to  tri- 
umph over  difficulties  ;  for  it  will  be  useful  to  you  in 
whatever  station  in  life  you  may  be  placed." 

"  Shall  we  meet  you  at  the  Grange,  Mr.  Barnes,  any 
evening  next  week  ?"  inquired  Mr.  Maitland,  during 
supper. 

"  Yes,  I  hope  so,"  he  replied ;  "  Mrs.  Beaumont  has 
kindly  sent  invitations  for  myself  and  friend  for  next  Fri- 


m^^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


61 


day,  when  I  believe  there  is  rather  a  large  party  ex- 
pected." 

"  Have  you  seen  the  family  since  their  return  ?"  inquired 
Jessie ;  "  we  are  all  curious  to  know  something  about  the 
juniors." 

"  I  called  there  to-day,  after  leaving  here,"  he  replied, 
"  and  I  found  them  all  at  home.  The  young  ladies  are 
very  much  grown  and  improved.  George  seems  a  nice 
intelligent  youth,  but  has  acquired  a  slight  foreign  accent 
and  manner.  The  old  lady  is  just  what  she  was,  kind, 
affable,  and  benevolent;  and  Mrs.  Graham  is  lady-like 
and  agreeable." 

"  O  !  then  I  do  not  think  we  need  mind  going  amongst 
them,"  said  Jessie,  '*  but  Agnes  and  I  were  both  rather 
nervous  about  it." 

"  They  spoke  very  amiably,  I  might  almost  say  affec- 
tionately, of  you  all,"  said  Mr.  Barnes,  "  as  their  old  play- 
mates ;  and  rejoiced  in  the  prospect  of  renewing  their 
intercourse  with  you ;  but  come,  James,"  he  continued, 
jumping  up  from  his  seat,  "  we  are  shamefully  late  for 

Saturday  night." "  Stop  my  friends,"  said  Mr.  Mait- 

land,  "it  is  very  late,  but  you  must  wait  a  few  minutes 
longer,  this  is  new  yearns  eve." 

"  Hark !"  said  Richard,  "  there  is  the  old  clock  in  the 
hall  striking  twelve  !" 


HINTS   FOR    HAPPY   HOURS; 

Mr.  Maitland  rose  from  his  seat ;  the  rest  followed  his 
example  :  "  Take  hands  all  round,  my  dear  ones,"  he  ex- 
claimed. And  as  they  did  so,  "  May  God  bless  you  all," 
he  said ;  "  a  happy  new  year  to  each." 

Hearty  repetitions  of  these  familiar  '  household  words* 
followed,  and  the  gentlemen  took  their  departure. 

Sunday,  at  Fernwood,  was  always  observed  in  a  truly 
Christian  spirit,  but  as  sacred  subjects  should  not  be  lightly 
handled,  we  pass  over  its  hallowed  offices  and  employ- 
ments in  reverential  silence. 

"  More  snow,  and  a  hard  frost  again !"  said  Mr.  Mait- 
land, as  on  Monday  morning  he  stood  at  the  window  of  the 
breakfast-room;  "  how  in  the  w^orld  shall  we  all  manage  to 
get  to  the  Grange  to-morrow  if  the  weather  is  like  this  ?  it 
has  snowed  now  for  thirty-six  hours." 

"  Pray,  father,"  said  Richard,  "  do  not  anticipate  evils, 
we  shall  be  able  to  walk,  no  doubt ;  and  the  luggage  can 
go  by  the  mule  cart ;  but  look,  here  comes  the  Beaumonts' 
groom  again,  perhaps  the  party  is  deferred  !" 

The  almost  immediate  delivery  and  perusal  of  the  fol- 
lowing notes  set  all  doubts  and  fears  at  rest : — 

My  dear  Mrs.  Maitland, 

Fearing  that  the  appearance  of  the  weather  may  frighten 
your  party  from  encountering  it  to-morrow,  I  shall  send  my 
daughter's  double  sledge  over  for  some  of  them,  and  the  old  coach 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 

for  the  rest ,  and  I  hope  you  will  oblige  us  by  joining  our  dinner 
party,  at  the  old-fashioned  hour  of  two  o'clock. 

Very  sincerely  yours,  Mary  Beaumont. 

The  Grange,  Monday  morning. 

"  Was  there  ever  such  a  darling  old  woman  in  the 
world  ?"  exclaimed  Agnes.  "  A  sledge  !  O,  I  hope  I  shall 
go  in  that." 

Jessie's  note  was  from  Julia  Graham,  and  run  thus : — 

My  dear  Jessie, 

I  hope  that  you  and'  your  sister  come  prepared  to  be  our 
friends  and  playfellows  as  of  old.  We  have  many  pleasant  plans 
in  store  for  your  amusement,  whichwill  want  kind  aid  from  all 
in  carrying  them  out.  Old  clothes,  especially^nery,  and  gentle- 
men''s  attire,  will  be  extremely  useful  amongst  your  luggage ;  and 
ask  your  good  father  to  lend  us  his  yeomanry  uniform,  complete. 
Affectionately  yours,  Julia  Graham. 

"  Rub  up  your  intellects,  boys,"  said  Mr.  Maitland, 
when  they  were  all  assembled  in  the  evening,  "  and  carry 
as  much  mental  contribution  to  our  friends'  proposed 
soirees  as  you  can.  Do  you  know  any  good  *  charade' 
for  acting,  John  ?  for  1  fancy  from  the  request  made  for 
my  Captain's  uniform,  that  popular  species  of  theatricals 
will  be  amongst  our  amusements." 

"  I  think  I  can  suggest  a  better  thing  than  a  mere  word 


64 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


to  act,"  replied  John,  with  a  knowing  look ;  "  but  I  shall 
imitate  Miss  Julia's  prudent  reserve,  and  say  nothing  more 
until  we  meet." 

"  I  have  been  thinking  of  something  towards  the  mental 
pic-nic,"  said  Susan. 

"  Perhaps  it  will  be  better  to  keep  it  in  store,"  said  her 
aunt ;  "  novelty  frequently  adds  much  to  the  enjoyment  of 
an  amusement." 

"  Where  is  that  enigmatical  list  of  trees  in  verse,  Jessie," 
asked  her  father,  "  which  was  sent  you  some  time  since 
from  Chester?" 

"  In  my  omnium  gatherum^''  said  Mrs.  Maitland,  pro- 
ducing from  the  drawer  of  her  work-table  a  small  'porte 
feuille,  which  in  its  various  compartments  held  scraps  of 
both  poetry  and  prose. 

"  Now  take  some  paper  and  pencils,"  said  Mr.  Maitland, 
"  and  let  us  see  what  answers  we  can  give  in  verse  to  these 
queries.  But  I  propose  that  we  should  resolve  ourselves 
into  committees  of  three  each,  to  help  in  guessing  the 
names  of  the  trees,  and  in  manufacturing  the  required 
answers ;  and  the  president  of  the  committee  must  be  also 
the  reader." 

The  names  were  then  written  on  slips  of  paper,  and  the 
committees  formed  as  follows  ; — 


g£^^^ 


OR  AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


65 


Mr.  Maitland,  Mrs.  Maitland,  John, 

Susans  Jane,  Agnes, 

Jessie.  Tom.  Richard. 

"  We  must  draw  for  our  precedence  in  answering,"  said 
Mrs.  Maitland.  "  There,  my  love,  that  is  all  right,  you 
are  number  one,  and  my  committee  is  number  three.  Now, 
if  you  please,  read  one  of  the  enigmatical  verses  : — 

What  is  the  sociable  tree,  and  the  dancing  tree, 
And  the  tree  that's  the  warmest  clad  1 
The  busiest  tree,  the  chronologist's  tree, 
And  the  tree  that  makes  one  sad  ? 

A  little  confabulation  followed  between  the  members  of 
the  committee,  and  then  Mr.  Maitland  read  as  follows : — 

Oft  when  on  shore  from  stormy  sea, 

I  waste  a  midnight  taper, 

To  write  in  praise  of  social  tea  ; 

And  cut  a  hearty  caper 

For  joy,  no  medlars  are  at  hand, 

To  quiz  my  wax  and  wafer. 

Or  hint  that  sailors,  when  on  land, 

Ne'er  put  their  dates  on  paper. 

Oft  wrapped  in^r,  the  deck  I  pace, 

And  list  the  roaring  billow. 

And  muse  on  friends  in  distant  place. 

Beneath  their  weeping  willow. 


66  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS  J 

"  Pretty  well  answered,"  cried  critical  John  ;  "  but  you 
have  not  brought  the  names  in  exactly  as  they  s,tood  in  the 
question." 

"  We  shall  see  how  you  manage,  my  friend,"  retorted 
his  uncle.     "  Now  for  question  number  two  u-- 

The  tree  in  a  bottle,  the  dandiest  tree  ? 
What  we  offer  to  friends  when  we  meet  ? 
The  tree  of  the  people,  the  senior  tree  ? 
And  what  round  fair  ancles  looks  neat  ? 

"  Rather  a  poser  !  I  fear,"  said  John  ;  "  but,  however, 
nil  desperandum  ;  come,  my  friends,  let  us  lay  our  heads 
together,  and  see  what  we  can  make  of  it." 
"  The  first  is  a  cork,^^  said  Richard. 
"  The  last  is  a  sandal,^^  said  Agnes. 
"  Hush  !  hush  !  whisper  low,"  sung  John,  sotto  voce ; 
then,  after  a  few  minutes'  pause,  he  raised  his  papers,  and 
said,  "  Now,  good  folks,  listen  to  my  confession  :  — 
Two  years  ago  I  went  to  Corh^ 
A  youngster  then  so  gay  and  spruce^ 
A  well  filled  purse  was  in  my  palm, 
A  popHar  feeling  to  produce. 
No  elder  there  to  watch  my  steps, 
No  cross  old  maids  to  hatch  up  scandal ; 
I  met  one  day  a  lovely  girl, 
And  knelt  me  down  to  tie  her  sanded. 


^^^^^^^m 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL    AGES. 


67 


"  Very  good,"  was  the  verdict,  on  its  being  read,  accom- 
panied by  some  hearty  laughter. 

"  Now,  my  dear,  comes  your  turn,"  said  Mr.  Maitland ; 
"  you  will  have  something  to  do  to  surpass  friend  John's 
witticisms." 

If  a  school-boy — the  tree  that  would  fright  you  ? 

The  tree  that  would  hunger  supply  1 
The  one  which  to  travel  invites  you  ? 
And  the  tree  which  forbids  you  to  die  ? 
Another  short  v*'hispered  colloquy,  and  then  Mrs.  Mait- 
land read  from  her  paper : — 

Alas  !  for  him  who,  left  in  learning's  lurch, 
Has  cause  to  dread  the  master's  wielded  birch  ; 
Condemn'd  to  hunger  too  for  lazy  crimes, 
He  longs  to  seek  the  hread-fruiVs  distant  climes ; 
To  pluck  the  orange  from  the  loaded  bough, 
'      Or  place  the  olive  on  his  weary  brow  ! 
"  As  usual,  my  dear,  we  have  to  acknowledge  you  the 
most   clever   amongst  us,"  said   her  admiring   husband; 
"  and  now  I  believe    we  must  close  your  portefeuille  for 
to-night." 

"  How  I  long  for  the  ride  in  the  sledge  to-morrow,"  said 
Agnes,  as  they  were  preparing  for  bed ;  "  do,  Richard, 
just  run  to  the  front  door  and  look  out ;  I  hope  the  snow 
will  not  all  be  gone  in  the  morning." 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

"Never  fear,  my  dear,"  said  Richard,  running  back 
from  his  cold  errand,  "it  snows  still,  and  the  frost  is  as 
hard  as  possible." 

"  Now  here  is  a  charade  quite  apropos  for  you,"  said 
his  father  : — 

What  ice  does  become, 
By  the  heat  of  the  eun, 
Is  given  to  soldiers, 
By  beat  of  the  dmm. 

"  You  all  shake  your  heads  in  ignorance — shall  I  tell 
you  ?  why  iwt  ice  (notice)  to  be  sure." 

"  I  was  just  going  to  say  so,"  said  John,  "  only  my  reply 
would  have  been  couched  in  this  elegant  phraseology  : 

If  so  in  the  morning^  'twill  be  very  grum, 
And  make  my  fair  cousin  look  angry  and  glum. 

"What  a  rattle-pate  you  are,  John,"  said  his  aunt; 
"come,  say  good  night,  and  be  sure  you  are  all  up  in  good 
time  in  the  morning." 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


CHAPTER  V. 


69 


THE    RUSSIAN    SLEDGE. THE     GRANGE,    AND    ITS    INMATES. 

PROJECTED    DRAMA. FIRST    EVENING    AT    THE    GRANGE. 

CONGLOMERATION    CLUB. 

Bright  shone  the  sun  upon  the  snowy  scene  without,  the 
next  morning,  upon  which  a  crowd  of  eager  youngsters 
gazed  with  animated  pleasure,  anxiously  awaiting  the  ex- 
pected arrival  of  the  promised  sledge  and  coach. 

About  twelve  o'clock  a  shout  from  Tom,  whose  eager- 
ness had  taken  him  half  way  down  the  drive,  announced 
that  the  carriages  were  in  sight,  and  soon,  gliding  swiftly 
along  the  spotless  snow,  appeared  an  equipage,  the  novelty 
and  gaiety  of  which  might  well  convert  it  into  '  a  fairy 
car,'  in  the  eyes  of  the  delighted  and  inexperienced 
beholders. 

The  sledge  was  drawn  by  two  fine  black  horses,  with 
flowing  manes  and  tails,  their  bright  eyes  unhoodwinked, 
their  arching  necks  untrammelled  by  a  collar.  Gay  scarlet 
netting  was  spread  over  their  glossy  backs,  and  was  then 
confined  to  the  front  of  the  carriage,  and  at  each  corner 
depended  a  long  tassel ;  whilst  the  ornaments  on  the  scarlet 
morocco  harness  were  of  bright  and  burnished  silver.     The 


^g^^f 


?^Q2??^^S5^ 


70  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

coachman  sat  in  the  very 'centre  of  his  low  box,  which  wa? 
covered  with  a  splendid  black  bear-skin,  with  silver  claws 
at  each  corner.  His  costame,  which  was  both  rich  and 
striking,  consisted  of  a  dark  blue  caftan  (or  wrapping  coat), 
with  broad  red  and.  silver  binding,  and  a  scarlet  velvet 
four-cornered  cap,  with  silver  band,  beneath  which  his 
foreign  countenance  and  well-trimmed  handsome  black 
beard  looked  remarkably  well.  As  he  shook  his  scarlet 
reins,  and  the  well-trained  horses  drew  the  sledge  rapidly 
towards  the  house,  the  youthful  group  clapped  their  hands, 
and  shouted  with  delight. 

"  Look !  look !  dear  mother,"  cried  Agnes,  "  here  is  a 
real  Russian  sledge,  such  as  we  have  seen  pictures  of.  •  0  ! 
I  never  saw  anything  so  beautiful  in  my  life  !" 

"  And  see,  mother,"  continued  Jessie,  "  if  there  is  not 
old  Joseph  standing  behind,  looking  just  like  a  Russian 
himself,  in  his  fur-lined  coat  and  cocked  hat !  I  did  not 
know  him  a  bit !" 

Up  glided  the  graceful  vehicle  to  the  door,  and  its  ap- 
pearance, when  stationary,  elicited  fresh  bursts  of  admira- 
tion. The  body  could  accommodate  four  persons  seated 
as  in  an  English  sociable,  and  was  provided  with  a  blue  cloth 
coverlet,  lined  with  fur,  and  trimmeij  with  scarlet  and 
silver,  en  suite  with  the  liveries.  The  handsome  Ivan 
made  his  national  bow,  and  Joseph  descended  from,  his 


E^^^^Q 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


71 


uncustomary  standard  to  deliver  his  mistress's  message  of 
'kind  regards  and  assurances  that  the  sledge  was  quite 
safe  to  ride  in." 

The  old  coach,  which  had  once  been  the  wonder  of  the 
^arnwood  juniors,  now 

*  Drew  its  slow  length  along,' 

and  fell  into  comparative  insignificance  behind  its  more 
showy  rival ;  and  the  well  fed  boys  were  voted  '  heavy  and 
overladen  with  harness,'  when  contrasted  with  the  airy 
lightness  of  the  foreign  steeds. 

"  Your  father  and  I  will  go  in  the  coach,  my  dears," 
said  the  ever-kind  Mrs.  Maitland,  "  and  so  will  John,  if  he 
be  prudent ;  it  therefore  only  remains  to  choose  four  out 
of  the  remaining  six  to  ride  in  this  novel  and  elegant 
carriage." 

"  Agnes  must  be  one,  aunt,"  said  Jane,  good  naturedly, 
"  and  Tom  ought  to  be  another,  he  has  been  so  kind  in 
bringing  us  word  of  its  approach." 

"  Very  well,  my  dear;  then  you  shall  be  a  third,"  re- 
plied her  aunt,  "  and  Richard  shall  be  your  beau,  so  now 
be  quick  and  get  ready." 

The  happy  quartette  were  soon  equipped,  and  mounting 
into  their  warm,  well-cushioned,  and  fur-lined  car- 
riage, Ivan  again  shook  his  broidered  reins,  cheered  his 


?s 


72 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS ; 


horses  by  their  customary  ^ootche,  ootche,''  and  off  they 
started  down  the  carriag-e-drive  at  a  swift  pace,  gliding  as 
noiselessly  along  as  if  the  progress  had  been  by  magic. 

"Is  not  this  delightful,  Jane?"  asked  Agnes  in  an 
ecstasy.     "Oil  should  like  always  to  ride  in  a  sledge  ;" 

"  But  you  would  not  wish  to  have  snow  always  on  the 
ground,  would  you  ?"  inquired  her  cousin. 

"  Certainly  not;  but  in  winter  I  should,"  returned  Agnes. 

"  Look,  Jane,"  said  Richard,  as  they  approached  an 
ancient  gateway,  *•  we  are  getting  near  the  Grange  now. 
You  will  soon  see  the  old  house." 

The  gate  was  flung  wide  by  a  clean  old  woman,  and  the 
light  vehicle  sped  swiftly  along  a  fine  bold  avenue  of 
beeches  and  elms,  handsome  and  majestic  in  their  propor- 
tions, even  whilst  standing  in  the  sterile  garb  of  winter ; 
and  at  the  end  appeared  the  quaint  old  mansion.  Partak- 
ing both  of  the  baronial  and  the  feudal  style  of  architecture, 
it  presented  a  curious  combination ;  but  the  mixture  of 
ivied  turrets,  and  pointed  gables  of  the  ancient  Norman 
keep,  and  muUioned  Tudor  windows,  formed  objects  of 
great  interest  as  a  general  effect,  however  incongruous  in 
their  details.  At  the  curious  old  nail-studded  door  stood  a 
good-looking  youth,  with  a  fair  moustache  just  visible  on 
the  upper  lip,  who  advanced  to  meet  the  party  with  a  frank, 
good-humoured  air,  which  set  them  at  their  ease  at  once. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOU    ALL   AGES.  73 

He  spoke  with  the  slight  foreign  accent  Mr.  Barnes  had 
mentioned,  but  without  any  foreign  idiom,  as  he  said,  "  My 
grandmother  begged  I  would  be  ready  to  do  the  honors  to 
the  sledge  party,  which  she  rightly  guessed  would  arrive 
first.  You  are  my  old  friend  Richard,  I  know;  and  this, 
is  '  little  Tom,'  as  we  called  him  four  years  ago.  Are  these 
your  sisters  ?" 

Richard  did  the  honors  of  introduction,  and  then 
George  preceded  them  through  a  fine  old  hall  (hung  with 
family  pictures,  groups  of  old  armor,  and  time-worn 
banners),  to  the  oak  parlor,  where  they  found  the  ladies 
assembled. 

Mrs.  Beaumont  was  the  very  beau  ideal  of  an  old  Eng- 
lish lady.  She  had  been  a  celebrated  beauty  in  her  youth, 
and  at  threescore  years  and  ten,  retained  great  traces  of 
her  early  charms  ;  her  eyes  were  still  bright  and  intelli- 
gent, and  her  grey  hair  was  smoothed  over  a  brow  which 
remained  expansive  and  unwrinkled.  Her  features  were 
regular,  and  her  whole  countenance  expressive  and  amia- 
ble. She  was  beloved  by  high  and  low,  for  the  urbanity 
of  her  manners,  the  clearness  of  her  judgment,  and  the 
benevolence  of  her  heart. 

Mrs.  Graham  was  a  sweet,  amiable  woman,  whose  early 
loss  of  a  beloved  husband  had  tinged  her  character  with  a 
7 


ISn^^s^ 


74 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  J 


gentle  sadness,  which  made  her  still  more  dear  and  inter- 
esting to  her  loving  children. 

The  young  ladies  received  their  new  guests  kindly; 
they  were  both  pretty,  but  of  different  styles.  Julia,  the 
eldest,  partook  of  the  bright  intellectual  look  of  her  grand- 
mother, whilst  Mary  had  more  of  the  pensive,  quiet  air  of 
her  mother. 

"  Here  comes  the  coach  at  last,"  cried  Richard,  as  that 
rather  cumbrous,  but  useful  vehicle  drew  up  to  the  doorway. 

Mrs.  Beaumont  rose  to  receive  the  other  party,  and  after 
the  exchange  of  most  friendly  greetings,  said,  "  Now  you 
will  all  like  to  take  off  your  wrappings  at  once  ;  so,  girls, 
show  your  friends  to  their  room  ;  and,  George,  take  these 
young  gentlemen  into  the  omnibus.''^ 

John  was  able  to  make  a  very  respectable  entree  and  exit 
by  the  help  of  a  stick,  and  followed  George  and  his  cousins 
up  a  wide  old  oak  staircase,  with  wonder  and  pleasure  at 
the  great  extent  and  curious  construction  of  the  old  house, 
and  George  at  length  ushered  them  into  a  large  room  in 
the  upper  story,  which  was  sufficiently  capacious  to  con- 
tain six  small  camp  bedsteads,  arranged  as  in  a  school 
dormitory. 

"  Grandmother  calls  this  the  omnibus,"  he  said,  laugh- 
ing, "  because,  she  says,  there  is  always  room  for  one  more 
in  it.    I  hope  you  don't  mind  being  so  high  up   in  the 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

house  ;    my    room    is    just    at    the    end 
passage." 

"  O  !  we  shall  like  it  amazingly,"  said  Richard.  "  What 
a  splendid  view  there  is  from  this  old  east  window." 

"  Yes,"  said  John,  "it  is  a  *  very  pleasant  resting-place 
after  our  toilsome  ascent,'  as  the  guide-hooks  have  it,  or  as 
Mrs.  Howitt  inight  have  said  : — 

The  way  into  our  bed-room  is  up  a  winding  stair, 

But  there  are  many  pleasant  things  to  see  when  you  get  there. 

"  Now,  my  friends,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont,  after  dinner, 
"let  us  draw  round  the  fire  and  have  a  little  consultation 
about  our  plans  for  our  party  on  Friday  next.  'The 
Christmas  tree'  is  all  prepared,  but  we  shall  want  several 
other  things  to  fill  up  our  evening  with.  There  will  also 
be  the  balloon." 

"  No,  no  !  dear  grandmother,"  said  Julia,  playfully  put- 
ting her  hand  before  her  grandmother's  mouth ;  "  you 
must  not  tell  about  that^ 

"  Julia  always  likes  to  make  what  the  Russians  call, 
'  little  surprises,' "  said  her  mother  smiling. 

"  Of  what  nature  do  you  wish  your  amusements  to  be  ?  " 
asked  Mrs.  Maitland  ;  "  active,  or  passive  ?  " 

"Active,"  "active,"  resounded  on  all  sides. 

"  Well  then,  as  the  Christmas  tree  is  a  novelty  to  most 


s&^y^^^ 


76  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

of  US  poor  rustics,  I  presume  that  had  better  be  the  first 
pleasure  of  the  evening.  At  what  period  you  will  let  off 
your  balloon  I  know  not"— Julia  laughed — "but  suppose 
an  acted  charade  or  a  dance  were  to  come  between  ?  " 

"  O,  yes,  a  charade,  a  charade,"  exclaimed  the  youthful 
voices. 

"  But,  John,  you  said  you  could  propose  something  bet- 
ter than  a  mere  word  to  perform,"  said  his  uncle  ;  "  let  us 
hear  your  suggestion." 

"  Why  I  thought,  uncle,  that  a  proverb  might  be  drama- 
tised, instead  of  a  word." 

"  The  best  way  will  be  to  ivrite  us  a  sort  of  drama  to 
learn  our  parts  from,"  said  George. 

"  O  !"  said  John,  "there's  no  necessity  for  that.  I'll 
give  the  outline  of  a  plot  if  you  like ;  but  I  am  sure  none 
of  the  present  party  will  need  a  prompter." 

"  Well,  my  dears,  I  have  got  a  famous  place  for  you  as 
a  theatre,  or  any  thing  else,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont ;  "  and 
as  this  spoilt  boy  here,"  with  an  affectionate  glance  at  her 
grandson,  "  has  persuaded  me   into  buying  some  cast-off 

scenery  from  the  provincial  theatre  of  N ,  you  will 

have  no  difficulty,  I  dare  say,  in  making  your  drama  effec- 
tive. But  now  come  and  see  your  room,  and  then  you  can 
find  some  amusement  for  the  evening."  The  whole  party 
then  rose  and  attended  their  hostess,  who  led   the  way 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

down  sundry  queer  old  passages,  until  she  reached  a  large 
vaulted  room,  in  the  oldest  portion  of  the  building. 
"  There,  my  dears,"  she  said,  "  now  do  what  you  like 
here ;  Joseph  and  Ivan  are  at  your  service  as  assistants, 
and  I  hope  you  will  enjoy  yourselves  very  much.  After 
Friday  the  theatre  must  be  closed,  to  make  way  for  a  little 
crotchet  of  mine." 

The  young  folks  stayed  a  short  time  behind  the  elders, 
to  make  remarks  on  the  capabilities  of  the  room,  and  the 
requirements  of  the  drama ;  and  John  then  informed 
them,  in  confidence,  of  a  '  proverb'  he  had  thought  of, 
which  met  with  unanimous  applause. 

"  What  are  these  queer-looking  wooden  towers  in  the 
court  yard?''  inquired  Tom,  who  had  been  looking  through 
the  window. 

"0  !  don't  ask  !"  cried  Julia,  hastily. 

"  That  is  to  be  another  of  your  '  little  surprises,'  I  sup- 
pose," said  Susan,  laughing. 

Mrs.  Beaumont,  in  the  absence  of  the  young  people,  had 
told  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Maitland  how  she  had  fortunately  ob- 
tained her  sledge. 

"  You  remember,  I  dare  say,  that  we  all  passed  a  part 
of  last  winter  in  St.  Petersburg,"  she  said.  •'  Some  years 
ago.  Count  Tchernikliebb  was  in  England,  and  received 
such  kindness  from  my  dear  husband,  that  he  always  ex- 


78  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

pressed  a  desire  to  return  his  hospitality  in  his  native 
country;  and  last  year  we  were  induced  to  accept  his  kind 
proposal,  that  we  should  continue  our  tour  from  Berlin,  to 
the  far-famed  *  city  of  the  Czar,'  and  highly  pleased  we 
all  were  with  our  month's  sojourn  there.  This  year, 
Count  Tchernikliebb  was  to  pass  the  winter  in  Paris,  with 
his  son-in-law,  Prince  Kartofelofski ;  so  he  wrote,  and 
offered  my  daughter  his  sledge  (which  her  children  had  so 
delighted  in  last  year,)  if  she  thought  it  worth  while  to 
bring  it  over,  on  the  chance  of  being  able  to  use  it  in  our 
'uncertain  climate.'  Ivan  was  highly  pleased  at  the  idea 
of  coming  to  England  ;  and  as  Joseph  was  with  us  in 
Petersburg,  he  had  picked  up  enough  Russian  to  make  the 
poor  fellow  understand  a  little,  and  now  he  is  trying  to 
learn  English." 

After  tea,  Mrs.  Beaumont  requested  they  would  com- 
mence some  of  their  amusing  games,  "  In  short,  you  must 
make  yourselves  at  home,  my  dears,''  she  kindly  said. 

"  Now,  Jane,"  said  her  aunt,  "  what  was  the  contribu- 
tion you  promised  to  our  store  ?" 

"  I  have  never  yet  played  at  it,  aunt,"  she  replied,  "  but 
Eliza  Danvers  told  me  of  it,  just  before  we  left  town  ;  she 
called  it  *  Conglomeration.'  It  is  something  like  '  Nouns 
and  questions,'  only  that  we  must  each  write  several  words 
on  slips  of  paper,  then  throw  them  together,  and  draw  out 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES.  79 

SO  many  indiscriminately.  We  must  then  write  them  as 
we  take  them  up  on  a  sheet  of  paper  as  a  list,  and  weave 
them  in  the  order  in  which  they  stand,  into  a  tale,  an  anec- 
dote, a  piece  of  poetry,  or  a  newspaper  paragraph." 

"  We  shall  some  of  us  make  a  fine  mess  of  it,  I  think," 
said  George,' laughing  ;  "  but  you  must  pardon  us  half-and- 
half  foreigners  if  we  do  not  get  on  as  well  as  you  do." 

Paper  and  pencils  were  soon  produced,  and  smiling  faces 
bent  over  the  busy  hands  which,  ever  and  anon,  threw  a 
little  twisted  scrap  on  to  the  old  oak  table. 

"  Hold  !  enough  !"  cried  Mr.  Maitland,  as  a  little  heap 
of  these  tiny  MSS.  lay  before  him.  "  Now  let  us  draw — 
not  less  than  six  a-piece,  and  not  more  than  twelve." 

"  Well,  I've  got  a  pretty  lot  of  incongruities,"  said  John, 
in  a  tone  of  chagrin  :  "  Englishmen — Neio  Zealand — 
Lord  Brougham — The  Apollo  Belvidere !  what  possible 
connexion  can  there  be  between  these  Antipodes  in  both 
cases?" 

"  0  !  you  will  manage,"  said  Jessie,  laughing.  '*  I  have 
something  still  more  ridiculous." 

Some  little  pause  now  ensued,  only  interrupted  by  an 
occasional  interjection  or  light  laugh  from,  some  of  the 
would-be  authors!  the  study  of  whose  various  attitudes  and 
countenances  formed  a  source  of  great  amusement  to  Mrs. 
Beaumont  and  her  daughter,  the  latter  of  v/hom  had  been 


^:^m 


mf^^ 


80 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


5d 


appointed  *  Reader'  to  *  the  Conglomeration  Club'  by  gen- 
eral consent,  in  lieu  of  being  a  contributor  to  the  papers. 
Mr.  Maitland  and  his  clever  wife  kept  their  pencils  con- 
tinuously at  work.  John  went  oflf  at  score,  after  sundry 
grimaces,  nibbling  at  his  pencil,  and  scratchings  out  of  one 
or  two  beginnings.  The  girls  helped  each  other  with  a 
wished-for  word  or  two,  and  got  on  famously.  Richard  sat 
with  his  hands  tightly  clasped  over  his  eyes,  and  his  elbows 
on  the  table,  until  a  happy  thought  seemed  to  strike  him 
all  at  once,  and  he  scribbled  on  with  energy  and  quickness. 
George  pushed  out  his  lips,  caressed  his  infant  moustache, 
run  his  fingers^through  his  hair,  and  glanced  at  his  mother 
for  irispiration,  and  soon  after  added  his  scrap  to  the 
collection. 

"  Now  shuffle  them  all  well  together,"  said  Mr.  Mait- 
land, "  and  give  them  to  Mrs.  Graham,"  who  received  the 
handful  of  papers,  read  them  to  herself  first,  and  then  com- 
municated their  contents  aloud,  in  the  following  order  : — 

Simplicity  —  German  Wool-work  —  Friendship  —  Brussels — 
Bazaar — Insipid— Heme  Bay — Rheumatism. 

PASSAGE  FROM  THE  NEW  NOVEL  OF 
SIMPLICITY. 

'Do,  dear  mother,  look  at  this  beautiful  piece  of  German 
Wool-work,^  cried  Anastasia  Mordaunt ;  '  it  has  been  sent  to  me 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR     ALL    AGES. 


81 


as  a  token  of  Friendship^  by  my  friend  Natalie  Nymbulhande, 
from  Brussels.'' 

'It  is  very  beautiful  indeed,  my  dear,'  replied  her  mother,  ' and 
will  come  in  very  apropos  for  our  Bazaar^  if  you  can  spare  it.' 

'  Yes,  mother,  you  shall  have  it  with  pleasure.  I  only  hope 
ours  will  not  prove  such  an  insipid  affair  as  the  last  we  were  at.' 

'  What,  the  one  we  attended  at  Heme  Bay^  my  love  ?  I  am 
sure  I  hope  not,  for  the  stupid  concern  would  have  faded  from  my 
mind,  had  I  not  there  obtained  a  most  enduring  remembrance  in 
this  tiresome  rheumatism,  which  has  never  left  me  since.* . 

"  Well,  thafs  very  good,  whosever  it  is,"  said  several 
voices,  Susan  Harper  alone  being  mute. 
Mrs.  Graham  read  on  : 

Honor —  Trifles — Gingerbread — Gunpowder  Plot — Monster 
— Porcupine — Memory. 

Some  men  there  are,  who  honor  hold 

As  trifles  light  as  air ; 
Who  sell  their  principles  for  gold. 

Like  gingerbread  at  fair. 
Such  demon  passion  sure  did  hatch 

Gunpowder  plot  in  Faux, 
And  made  the  monster  hold  the  match, 

Whose  aim  the  patriot  shocks : 


^^ 


82 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


Sure,  had  he  liv'd,  a  thousand  ills 

In  varied  forms  he'd  see ; 
Conscience,  with  Porcupine-like  quills, 

Would  wound  his  Memory. 

"Father wrote  that !"  said  Tom,  and  he  did  not  deny  it. 

Mrs.  Graham  smiled  as  she  raised  the  next  paper,  and 
her  quick  glance  directed  to  her  son,  who  tried  to  look 
very  unconscious,  gave  a  clue  to  the  author  of  the  follow- 
ing lines  : — 

Mother — Apples  and  Pears — Liberty — Earth — Jews — Eng- 
lishmen— Work-table. 

O  !  really,  dear  Mother, 

Tm  quite  in  a  pother, 

To  choose  between  Apples  and  Pears. 

Were  Liberty  granted, 

The  fruit  now  most  wanted, 

As  'tis  dinner,  are  French  pommes  de  teires; 

These  Apples  of  Earth, 

How  useful  in  dearth  ; 

To  speak  in  their  praise,  who's  not  able  ? 

Jews,  Englishmen,  all  sorts, 

Wish  them  sent  in  from  all  ports ; 

Vide  Newspaper  on  your  Work-table. 

"  Come,  that's  pretty  well  for  a  half-and-half  foreigner,'' 
laughed  John. 


KlS^r^^^S. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 

"This  is  a  very  unique  production,"  said  Mrs.  Graham, 
as  she  glanced  over  the  next  paper ;  "  I  rather  think  it  is 
an  exemplification  of  the  old  proverb  that  '  two  heads  are 
better  than  one,'  just  listen  : — 

'  Happiness — Poverty — Politics — Young  England  —  Mous- 
tachios — German  University — Gooseberry-fool — Veteran.' 

THE  FAMILY  PARTY. 

Mild  Margaret. 

Does  happiness  depend  on  wealth  ? 
Then  poverty  must  be  a  curse, 
But  should  we  be  possess'd  of  health. 
It  matters  little,  a  light  purse. 

Petulant  Patty. 

Of  politics  and  matters  grave, 

Young  England  still  does  prate  with  noisy  sneer ; 

If  their  Moustachios  they  would  shave, 

Their  speech,  if  not  their  arguments,  'twould  clear. 

Doctor  Dronewell. 

From  German  University, 

A  youth  has  written  here  to  me, 

To  ask  what's  the  rule 

To  make  Gooseberry  fool. 

What  a  curious  request  to  a  '  Veteran.'' 


Ill 


84 


HINTS   FOR    HAPPY   HOURS; 


Mrs.  DronewelL 
Then  don't  be  a  dunce, 
Write  our  own  out  at  once, 
I  defy  him  to  find  out  a  better-un. 

"  You  are  right,  my  dear  madam,"  said  Mr.  Maitland, 
when  the  laugh  occasioned  hy  this  original  composition 
had  subsided.  "  I  am  very  sure  my  witty  nephew  here 
helped  his  fair  friend  Julia  to  make  that  '  gooseberry-fool.' " 

"  Order,  order,  chair,  chair,"  cried  John,  and  the  fair 
*  Reader'  resumed  her  office. 

"  The  next  paper,"  she  continued,  "  is  entitled — 

EXTRACT  FROM  THE  '  CONGLOMERATION 

GAZETTE.' 

{From  our  own  Correspondent.) 

Englishmen — Railway — New  Zealand — Patience  —  Lord 
Brougham  —  Apollo  Bel videre — Cute — Rosebud  —  Honest — 
America — Bohemian  glass. 

In  these  days  of  enterprize  and  achievefnent,  who  shall  put 
limits  to  the  stupendous  ideas  of  the  great  intellect  of  man,  or  to 
the  practical  results  of  the  perseverance  oi' Englishmen.  When 
news  is  communicated  from  one  end  of  our  native  land  to  the 
other,  literally  with  the  rapidity  of  lightning — when  a  suspension 
bridge  spans  the  mighty  Niagara,  and  a  Railway  is  talked  of 
across  the  Great  Desert,  we  may  be  pardoned  for  not  regarding 


I 


m^^^a 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


85 


with  perfect  incredulity  the  project  of  the  latter  mode  of  transit 
in  New  Zealand.  Far  as  our  Antipodes  now  are  behind  us  in 
arts  and  sciences,  yet  if  we  act  with  prudence,  and  wait  with 
patience,  who  knows  but  that  such  rapid  strides  may  be  made  in 
the  track  of  civilization,  that  ere  another  century  passes,  our  in- 
fant colony  may  boast  a  native  Lord  Brougham  in  their  senate 
house,  or  an  Apollo  Belvidere  amongst  their  statues'?  Much  of 
the  character  of  the  New  Zealander  is  hopeful  and  promising. 
They  are  cute  and  industrious,  and  if  our  royal  Rosebud  of  Eng- 
land will  but  continue  to  treat  them  well,  we  have  every  reason  to 
think  they  will  be  grateful  and  honest  in  return,  and  not  be  like 
America,  who  ungratefully  broke  her  faith  with  the  mother  coun- 
try, as  if  it  was  as  brittle  as  Bohemian  glass. 

"  You  have  given  a  more  hopeful  account  of  the  New 
Zealanders  than  I  ever  heard  before,  John,"  said  his  uncle  ; 
"  but  I  trust,  for  the  sake  of  our  emigrating  countrymen, 
that  you  may  have  been  gifted  with  •  second  sight'  in  your 
prognostications  respecting  them.'' 

"  The  next  paper  will  be  the  last,"  said  Mrs.  Graham, 
"  for  one  or  two  of  the  party  have  abstracted  their  contri- 
butions whilst  our  attention  has  been  otherwise  engaged." 

"  Well,  as  I  fancy  that  the  one  which  is  left,  will  proba- 
bly be  the  best,'^  said  Mrs.  Beaumont,  "  and  it  is  getting 
rather  late,  we  had  perhaps  better  be  content,  so  now,  my 
dear,  proceed  with  your  reading." 


86 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


Sincerity — Medley — Vanity — Nun — Bracelet — Britannia — 
Leap-f irog — Wood-fire  —  Truth  —  Carisbrook  Castle  —  Cream 
cheese — Miniature, 

read  Mrs.  Graham,  and  a  general  murmur  ran  round  the 
circle  that  it  was  a  regular  '  hotch-potch,'  or,  as  John  ex- 
pressed it,  *  a  stickler.'     Mrs.  Graham  proceeded  : — 

Forced  by  Sincerity  to  own  that  I 

Do  sometimes  join,  a  Medley  to  produce, 

'T would  be  a  selfish  sort  of  Vanity ^ 

Or  lonely  Nun-MVe,  feeling  to  refuse. 

'  Off,  worthless  trappings,'  how  can  fingers  move, 

Trammell'd  and  bound  by  fashion's  bonds  and  fetters? 

Lie  there  my  bracelet ;  now  my  fancies  rove, 

A  line  thus  partly  quoting  from  my  betters ; 

Britannia's  boast,  her  S>  .l^spere  seems  to  rise, 

And  play  at  leap-frog  ii .  my  busy  brain ; 

Richard's  foul  deeds,  his  fears,  his  dreams,  his  cries, 

His  doom — all  follow  in  an  ideal  train. 

Far  from  the  Wood-Jire^s  warmth,  and  genial  glow, 

Truth  owns  my  thoughts  now  wander  where  they  please, 

From  Carisbrook  Castle's  sad  and  gloomy  show, 

To  Portsmouth,  Cowes,  and  thence  to  rich  Cream-cheese, 

A  miniature  portrait  here  you  find 

Of  what  is  often  passing  in  a  mind. 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


87 


*'  That  is  mother's  composition,  I  am  sure,"  said  Jessie 
admiringly. 

♦'  And  where  is  yours  ?  "  asked  her  mother,  smiling. 

*'  O  !  in  the  Wood-fire,'''  she  replied.  "  I  had  got  such 
a  heterogeneous  mess,  that  it  was  quite  impossible  for  a 
novice  like  me  to  ari'ange  them  in  any  sort  of  order." 

"  Perhaps  you  may  do  better  the  next  time  we  try  the 
game,"  returned  her  mother ;  "  we  had  too  many  words 
allowed  for  insertion  to-night." 


CHAPTER  VI. 


LES     MONTAGUES     RUSSES. — JviNAGER    JOHN,    AND     HIS     COM- 
PANY.— MISS  Strickland's  enmma. — the  reply. — german 

ENIGMA. — translations. 

The  continuance  of  the  bright  frosty  weather  the  next 
day,  was  quite  propitious  for  the  introduction  of  the  party 
to  the  'little  surprises'  which  Julia  had  in  store  for  them. 
At  either  end  of  the  large  court-yard  at  the  back  of  the 
house,  about  forty  yards  apart,  was  erected  a  square  bat- 
tlemented  tower,  about, twenty  feet  high,  ascended  at  the 
back  by  steps,  which  terminated  in  a  small  room  open  in 


OS  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 

front.  From  each  of  .these  towers  descended  a  hroad  plat- 
form, in  a  gradual  decline  to  the  ground,  fenced  on  each 
side  by  a  hoarding  of  about  three  feet  high,  and  covered 
entirely  with  a  thick  coating  of  snow,  over  which  water 
had  been  poured  for  the  last  two  days,  and  they  conse- 
quently now  foirmed  two  parallel  roads  of  solid  ice !  On 
ascending  the  steps,  the  strangers  stood  in  surprise,  half 
mixed  with  fear. 

"You  are  welcome  to  '  les  montagues  russes,'"  cried 
Julia,  in  delight  at  their  astonishment.  "  George  and  I 
were  so  enchanted  with  the  ice  hills  in  St.  Petersburg  last 
year,  that  we  persuaded  dear  grandmother  to  let  us  try  to 
have  them  in  England  this  winter.  Ivan  helped  to  build 
them,"  she  continued,  "  and  George  is  a  famous  guide 
down  the  hills,  so  I  hope  you  will  let  him  take  you  down 
one  at  a  time." 

Ivan,  who  with  Joseph  was  in  attendance,  grinned  with 
pleasure  to  see  the  surprise  and  affright  depicted  on  the 
countenances  of  the  young  English  ladies,  but  advanced 
very  respectfully  to  place  the  tiny  sledge,  used  in  the  de- 
scent, ready  for  his  young  master,  who  then  assumed  a  pair 
of  handsome  worked  gauntlets.  The  pretty  worked  cushion 
was  carefully  adjusted  by  Joseph,  and  George  seated  him- 
self at  the  end  of  it,  leaving  space  for  another  in  front. 


^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


89 


*'  Now,   young 
first  ride?" 

"  0  !    not   I,"  "  not 


ladies,"   he  said,    "  who  will  have  the 


I,"  said   the   four   Fernwood  cou- 


"  Well,  Julia,  you  come,  and  let  your  friends  see  that 
there  is  no  danger,"  continued  George  ;  and  his  sister, 
nothing  loth,  seated  herself  in  front  of  him,  took  hold  of 
the  sides  of  the  sledge,  and  kept  her  feet  straight  out  be- 
fore her. 

"  Ready  ?"  asked  George,  in  an  animated  tone. 

"  Ready  !"  replied  Julia,  firmly. 

A  stroke  of  his  gauntleted  hand  on  the  slippery  surface 
(which  commenced  about  a  yard  within  the  room),  sent 
them  forward  instantly  on  their  icy  road,  and  in  one  mo- 
ment they  were  swiftly  descending  the  almost  perpendic- 
ular height;  and  ere  the  half-terrified  observers  could 
express  their  fears  and  apprehensions,  the  graceful  little 
car  was  safely  at  its  journey's  end. 

Ivan  had  descended  the  stairs,  and  run  round  in  time  to 
help  his  young  lady  to  rise  from  her  lowly  seat,  and  to 
carry  the  sledge  up  to  the  other  tower.  In  a  few  minutes, 
the  party  they  had  left  saw  George  again  seat  himself  be- 
hind his  courageous  sister,  and  in  three  seconds  they  had 
again  traversed  the  icy  hill  which  divided  them. 

"  0  !  it  is  delicious,"  said  Julia,  as  she  ran  laughing  and 


90 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


Hi 


panting  up  the  steps  again  to  her  companions.  "  Do  some 
of  you  try  it." 

"  No,  indeed,  I  dare  not,"  said  Jessie,  shrinking  back ; 
"  will  you,  Susan  ?" 

"  I  know  I  shall  scream,  if  I  do,"  said  Susan. 

"  Well,  so  long  as  you  do  not  piTzcA,"  said  George,  laugh- 
ing, "  I  do  not  mind.  Now  do  not  be  frightened.  I  am 
very  careful,  and  never  play  pranks  with  ladies,  I  assure 
you." 

Susan  grew  pale,  but  at  length,  with  a  slight  shudder, 
seated  herself  as  desired. 

"  Say  when,^''  said  George,  in  a  lively  tone. 

"jO,  noioV^  said  poor  Susan,  shutting  her  eyes,  and  off 
they  went  in  a  moment. 

"Well !  it  is  not  so  bad  as  you  thought  it,  is  it^"  in- 
quired the  youthful  charioteer,  as  they  reached  the  end  of 
their  first  journey. 

"  Not  nearly  so,"  replied  Susan,  her  color  returning  a 
little.     "  I  shall  like  it  better  as  we  go  back." 

"  You  behaved  very  well,"  he  returned,  "  for  you 
neither  screamed  nor  pinched ;  and  some  do  both  the  first 
time.  But  here  we  are  at  the  top  of  the  steps  ;  now  sit 
down  again,  and  try  to  keep  your  eyes  open  this  time." 

"Well,  Susan,  how  do  you  like  it?  is  it  very  dreadful? 
were  you  not  frightened?"  were  some  of  the  questions 


\\\ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


91 


with  which  she  was  greeted  on  re-ascending  the  steps,  to 
which  she  replied,  "  Very  much  indeed !  O  no  !  not  so 
dreadful  as  I  fancied.  I  was  frightened  at  first ;  at  least  I 
felt  exactly  as  if  I  was  thrown  out  of  a  window,  when  we 
first  set  off,  but  I  liked  it  in  coming  back." 

"  I  knew  you  would,"  said  the  lively  Julia.  "I  mean 
to  have  a  sledge  of  my  own  some  day.  But  come,  do  some 
of  you  other  girls  try  it."  And  so,  by  dint  of  enticing, 
and  force  of  example,  before  very  long  each  one  had  par- 
taken of  the  peculiar  pleasure  arising  from  this  novel  mode 
of  transit,  except  poor  John,  who  was  obliged  to  practise 
great  self-denial  in  refusing  to  partake  of  the  tempting 
amusement.  George  had  proved  himself  a  very  tender 
and  careful  '  squire  of  dames,'  but  became  mischievous 
towards  his  male  companions,  each  of  whom  he  contrived 
to  upset  in  the  soft  snow,  purposely  left  on  each  side  of  the 
icy  road,  to  receive  such  unlucky  wights. 

"  Now,  see  Ivan  and  me  go  down  together,"  said  George, 
and  turning  to  the  Russian,  again  in  attendance,  he  said  in 
his  native  language.  *'  Padi  souda,  Ivan,  preneei  drougori 
sani,"  (come  here,  Ivan  ;  bring  the  other  sledge),  a  com- 
mand which  made  the  very  hairs  on  the  Muscovite's  black 
beard  tingle  with  delight. 

•'  Now,  George,  pray  do  not  play  any  foolish  tricks," 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

said  his  sister  Mary,  who  did  not  relish  the  northern  sport 
as  well  as  Julia  did. 

"  0 !  never  fear,"  he  replied,  kneeling  down  on  his 
sledge,  and  making  signs  for  Ivan  to  do  the  same  on  his^ 
placed  by  his  side,  and  in  another  moment  his  loud 
'  pashol !  pashol !'  sent  them  both  forth  in  impetuous 
rivalry. 

"  O  !  it  is  very  pretty,  but  it  is  very  frightening,"  said 
Agnes,  trembling;  "but  look!  look!  what  are  they  going 
to  do  now  ?  worse  and  worse  !  they  mean  to  return  lying 
on  their  faces  !" 

"  Well,  here  we  are,  quite  safe,  you  see,"  said  George, 
with  an  exulting  laugh,  as  he  again  came  up  the  stairs. 
"  Was  not  that  famous  ? " 

"  Yes,  but  all  your  fair  friends  were  frightened  at  your 
temerity,"  said  Mary. 

"Were  you?"  he  inquired.  "O!  that  was  nothing; 
we  will  show  you  some  more  Russian  tricks  to-morrow." 

They  then  descended,  and  Jane  gave  such  an  animated 
account  of  their  morning's  pleasure,  that  Mrs.  Beaumont 
felt  quite  repaid  for  her  expenditure  upon  the  foreign 
amusement. 

"  After  dinner,  my  dear  Madam,"  said  she,  addressing 
Mrs.  Maitland,  "you  and  your  husband  must  have  a  drive 
with  my   daughter   in  the   sledge,  for  in  this  uncertain 


OR    AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


93 


climate,  these  northern  pleasures  are  sometimes  of  short  du- 
ration.    I  ordered  dinner  half  an  hour  earlier  on  purpose." 

"  Let  John  be  of  the  party,  grandmother,"  said  George, 
good-naturedly,  "  he  has  not  dared  to  go  down  the  hills, 
for  fear  of  hurting  his  ancle." 

When  dinner  was  concluded,  John,  who  had  been  in- 
stalled '  Manager'  of  the  intended  theatre,  consulted  with 
his  'company'  as  to  some  proposed  play-bills,  and  then 
proceeded,  "  I  have  cast  my  characters,  thus  :  You,  Su- 
san, are  to  be  a  country  woman,  Jessie  is  your  daughter, 
and  Richard  is  your  husband." 

"  Then  he  will  be  younger  than  his  child,"  observed 
Jessie,  lauf^hinsf. 

"O!  never  mind  that,"  said  John,  hastily,  "Richard 
must  stoop,  and  wear  a  wig.  Well — now,  you,  Miss 
Julia,  I  want  to  be  a  German  Countess,  and  Jane  is  to  be 
your  mother." 

"  Just  the  same  blunder  about  age  again,"  interrupted 
Julia,  archly. 

"  Is  there  ?  well,  I  did  not  know  it ;  but  you  must  be  the 
Countess,  because  you  can  speak  German,  and  we  must 
have  a  word  or  two  brought  in,  and  you  have  a  little  foreign 
accent  too.  For  the  same  cause,  George  is  to  be  your 
husband,  the  Count — what  shall  we  call  him  ?  give  us 
an  idea." 


r> 


94  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

'"  0  !  Von  Blunder busckell,  or  anything  that  sounds 
very  full  in  the  mouth,"  said  George,  "  something  with 
5  c  A  in  it  by  all  means." 

"  Will  Von  Schlossinpoole  do  ?"  asked  John. 

"Yes,  capitally;   go  on." "You,   Miss  Mary,  must 

please  to  be  a  French  waiting  maid,"  he  continued. 

"  Indeed,  that  is  quite  out  of  my  style,"  she  replied ;  "  I 
have  not  half  vivacity  enough  !" 

"  0  !  you  shall  not  have  much  to  do  or  to  say,  only  a 
few  interjections,  and  shrugs  to  give  effect  to  them.  And 
you,  Agnes,  are  to  be  the  Countess's  little  hoy^ 

All  laughed  at  this  finale^  and  poor  Agnes  declared  al- 
most with  tears  in  her  eyes,  that  she  "  could  not,  no,  nor 
she  would  not,  be  dressed  in  boy's  clothes." 

"  The  clever  Justine  here,"  said  John,  bowing  to  Mary, 
"  will,  I  am  sure,  be  able  to  make  you  a  dress  from  the 
stores  of  her  Parisian  imagination,  which  will  answer  our 
purpose  without  distressing  your  young-lady-like  feelings ; 
but  Alexis  you  must  be,  for  I  must  have  those  pretty  blue 
eyes  and  flaxen  curls  for  my  little  Count. 

"  And  what  are  you  to  be,  John  ?"  asked  Richard. 

"  O  !  I'm  to  be  Squire  Dobson,  and  Jane  is  my  dear  old 
wife — and  now  don't  ask  any  more  questions,  but  just  read 
over  this  paper,  and  say  if  it  will  do,  for  here  comes  Ivan 
and  the  sledge !" 


yf)^^__=^.-^ 


OR  AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


95 


When  the  party  returned  it  was  comprised  of  three 
ladies  and  John,  Mr.  Maitland  having  vacated  his  seat  in 
favor  of  Miss  Harrison,  for  whom  Mrs.  Beaumont  had  re- 
quested them  to  call.  Jessie  and  Richard  gave  a  quick 
arch  glance  at  Tom,  as  this  addition  to  their  party  was  an- 
nounced, who  colored  at  the  recollection  of  his  decided 
opinion  against  the  young  lady's  agreeability. 

When  seated  round  the  social  fire  in  the  evening  how- 
ever, she  proved  so  cheerful  and  amiable,  and  fell  so  good- 
naturedly  into  the  tone  of  the  company,  that  he  communi- 
cated the  alteration  of  his  opinion  to  John  in  the  emphatic, 
but  brief  whisper,  of  '  she'll  do,'  to  which  the  other  replied 
in  the  same  low  tone,  "exactly,  she'll  prove  a   '  brick.''' 

"Have  you  ever  seen  that  enigma  by  Miss  Agnes 
Strickland  ?"  she  inquired,  "  beginning 

From  a  race  the  most  scorn'd  and  ignoble  it  springs  ; 
and  receiving  a  reply  in   the  negative,  she  took  out  her 
pocket-book,  and  unfolding  a  paper,  read — 

From  a  race  the  most  scorn'd  and  ienoble  it  springs, 
Yet  is  loved  by  the  learned,  and  trusted  by  kings  ; 
The  sceptre's  a  bauble,  when  placed  by  its  side, 
And  the  crown  would  be  useless,  if  this  were  denied  ; 
'Tis  the  power  of  the  monarch,  the  people's  defence, 
It  can  win  them  to  peace,  or  to  madness  incense. 
It  is  silent ;  yet  eloquence  has  at  command  ; 
'Tis  the  statesman's  assistant,  the  pride  of  each  land  ; 


I 

i|   ij  96  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS; 

It  is  voiceless,  and  yet  from  the  South  to  the  North, 
To  the  ends  of  the  earth  has  its  language  gone  forth  ; 
It  familiar  hath  been  with  the  learning  of  ages, 
With  the  folly  of  fools,  and  the  wisdom  of  sages  ; 
More  various  its  uses,  in  good,  or  in  ill, 
Than  the  changes  in  April,  or  Womankind's  will ; 
Death  oft  hangs  on  its  motions,  or  life  on  its  gift, 
It  can  sink  to  despair,  or  to  ecstasy  lift ; 
'Tis  the  aider  of  good,  or  promoter  of  evil, 
The  servant  of  God,  or  the  tool  of  the  Devil ! 

"  It  sounds  very  good  and  very  difficult,"  was  the  gen 
eral  remark  ;  and  one  or  two  guesses  made  proving  incor- 
rect, Miss  Harrison  continued,  "  1  have  a  poetical  answer 
here,  but  the  author  is  anonymous  ;  I  will  read  it; — 

From  the  barrenest  soil,  and  the  meanest  of  things, 

Oft  the  wealth  of  the  world  and  its  luxury  springs  ; 

Thus  the  rude  rocky  caverns,  the  diamond  may  hold, 

And  the  dull,  dingy  strata,  the  pure  veins  of  gold  : 

Though  the  damp  loathsome  pit  have  no  charms  to  our  eyes, 

Which  the  warmth-bearing  fuel  abundant  supplies. 

Yet  our  homes  would  seem  wretched  and  dismal  the  while, 

Were  our  hearths  to  continue  uncheer'd  by  its  smile. 

The  earth,  though  with  bounteous  provisions  it  teem, 

To  the  glance  superficial,  a  desert  may  seem  ; 

The  most  worthless  have  each  their  fit  object  and  end, 

Whilst  they  all  in  unvarying  harmony  blend. 

And  thus  means  the  most  simple,  results  oft  attam, 

For  which  power  and  science  have  striven  in  vain  ; 

Ancient  Rome  was  preserv'd  in  its  splendor  and  peace. 

By  the  timely  alarm  of  its  patriot — Geese, 


T>' 


^^■s 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 

And  they  still  can  conduce  to  the  welfare  of  men, 
For  the  safety  of  nations  may  rest  on  a — pen. 


97 


"  The  reply  is  quite  as  clever  as  the  enigma,  I  think," 
said  Mrs.  Beaumont,  "  and  both  are  very  tmey 

"  Julia,  my  love,"  said  her  mother,  "  where  are  those 
two  enigmas,  by  Schiller,  which  you  copied,  and  our  good 
Miss  Chapman  translated  ?" 

"  I  will  fetch  them,  mother,"  she  replied,  and  leaving  the 
room  she  quickly  returned  with  the  promised  papers. 

"Now,  Miss  Julia,  have  the  kindness  to  give  it  us  first 
in  the  original,"  said  John ;  "  I  like  to  hear  the  '  rolling 
rumbling'  from  the  'fader  land,'  although  I  cannot  under- 
stand a  word  of  it." 

"  On  one  condition,"  she  replied,  "  which  is,  that  you 
all  drop  the  '  Miss'  in  futnre  ;  we  must  be  Julia  and  Rich- 
ard, Jessie  and  Mary,  John  and  George,  as  if  we  were 
still  young ;  so  now  pray  attend,  John,"  and  she  read  from 
her  paper 

RAETHSEL. 

Kennst  du  die  Brucke  ohne  Bogen 
Und  ohne  Joch,  von  Diamant, 
Die  fiber  briete  StrOme  Wogen 
Errichtet  eines  Greises  Hand  1 
9 


I 


98  HINTS   FOR    HAPPY   HOURS  J 

Er  baut  sie  auf  in  wenig  Tagen 
Gerauschlos,  du  bemerkst  es  kaum  ; 
Doch  kann  sie  schivere  Lasten  tragen 
Und  hat  fur  hundert  Wagen  Raum 
Doch  Raum  entfernt  der  Greis  sich  wieder, 
So  hiipft  ein  knabe  froh  daher, 
Der  reifst  die  Briicke  edlig  nieder, 
Du  seihst  auch  ihre  Spur  nicht  mehr. 

V.  Schiller. 

"  Very   fine   indeed !  I   dare   say,"   said  John ;    "  now 
please  to  tell  us  what  it  is  all  about." 

"  Miss  Chapman  has  translated  it  thus,"  she  replied  : — 

Do  you  know  the  bridge  without  arches 
And  without  supports,  formed  out  of  diamond, 
Which  over  the  billows  of  the  wide-spread  stream 
An  ancient  hand  hath  erected  ? 
He  buih  it  even  in  a  few  days ; 
Silently,  and  scarce  perceivable ! 
On  its  sparkling  road  it  heavy  loads  can  bear, 
And  room  has  for  a  hundred  carriages ! 
Yet  scarcely  has  the  Ancient  Hand  moved  far  off, 
Than  a  merry  boy  skips  on  the  bridge, 
Who  quickly  breaks  it  down ; 
And  e'en  his  footsteps  are  no  more  beheld  !" 
"Tell  us,  dear  Julia,"  said  some  of  the  juniors,  and 


k*^-^^^-?-.  ^^^^^ 


OE    AMUSEMENTS    FOR     ALL    AGES. 

upon  her  giving  the  solution  as  "  /ce,"  they  all  agreed  that 
it  was  "  very  good  indeed,  and  beautifully. expressed  in  the 
translation." 

"  And  as  every  thing  loses  by  translation  except  a 
Bishop"  said  John,  laughing,  "  no  doubt  it  is  much  better 
in  the  original." 

"  Now  for  enigma  the  second,"  continued  Julia.  "  Come, 
George,  give  it  us  with  the  true  University  accent." 

George  took  the  paper,  and  read  with  much  emphasis 
and  animation  the  fine  words  of  the  German  poet,  which 
even  to  the  uninitiated,  conveyed  a  powerful  impression. 

RAETHSEL. 

Ich  wohne  in  einem  steinern  Haus, 
Da  lieg  ich  verbergen  und  schlafe, 
Doch  ich  trete  herver,  ich  eile  heraus, 
Geibrdert  mit  eisener  WafTe. 
Erst  bin  ich  unscheinbar  und  schwach,  und,  Klein, 
Mich  kann  dein  Athem  bezwingen, 
Ein  Regentropfen  schon  sauget  mich  ein ; 
Doch  mir  wachsen  im  Siege  die  Schwingen, 
Wenn  die  machtige  Schwester  sich  zu  mir  gesellt, 
Erwachs  ich  zum  ftlrchtbarn  Gebieter  der  Welt. 

V.  Schiller. 

0  !    genius  of  the    tongues  !  kind,  clever  Chapman  ! 


?s^^^^^ 


100 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


lend  thy  aid  again  !"  spouted  John  in  appeal  to  Julia,  who 
laughingly  handed  the  translation  to  Mary  for  perusal, 
thus, 

I  dwell  securely  in  a  house  of  Atone, 
There  do  I  lie,  concealed,  and  sleeping. 
Till  summoned  forth  by  iron  tool,  alone 
I  hasten  out,  first  often  slily  peeping ; 
At  first  I'm  feeble,  weak,  and  small ; 
Your  breath,  my  strength  can  soon  renew, 
I  can  absorb  all  rainy  drops  that  fall; 
My  pinions  grow  in  Victory  anew  ; 
And  if  my  powerful  sister  comes  to  me, 
All  people  quail  at  my  sovereignty  I 

After  a  few  false  guesses,  this  enigma  was  solved  by 
Mrs.  Maitland,  as  being  the  subtile  element  Fire,  and  the 
powerful  sister  alluded  to,  as  being  Air  or  Wind,  and  soon 
afterwards  the  party  separated  for  the  night. 


^^^^1 


OE   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 


CHAPTER  Vn. 


VJl 


PREPARATIONS    FOR    THE    FETE. — BON    MOT. — DEFINITIONS. 


"  We  have  a  great  deal  to  do  this  morning,  my  friends," 
exclaimed  John,  as  soon  as  the  breakfast  things  were  re- 
moved ;  "  our  theatre  had  better  be  arranged  to-day,  in- 
stead of  all  being  left  until  to-morrow." 

"You  don't  want  us  all,  John,  do  you?"  inquired 
George,  "  because  we  must  go  to  the  kills  again  to-day,  and 
I  should  like  to  take  Miss  Harrison  down  them." 

"  Jessie  and  I  will  stop  with  you,  John,"  said  Mary. 

"  And  so  will  I,"  said  Tom. 

"I  should  enjoy  taking  your  'governor'  down,"  said 
George,  aside  to  Richard,  "  but  I  do  not  like  to  ask  him." 

"  I  am  sure  father  will  enjoy  it  too,"  he  replied  ;  and 
Mr.  Maitland  agreeing  to  his  young  friend's  proposal, 
'  manager  John'  was  left  with  his  three  assistants,  and  the 
rest  departed  to  their  slippery  amusement.  When  the 
dinner  hour  re-assembled  them,  the  party  had  been  aug- 
mented by  the  arrival  of  Miss  Chapman,  whose  return  was 
hailed  with  genuine  pleasure  by  her  pupils  as  well  as  their 
brother,  and  the  two  elder  ladies. 


^^^ 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  J 


"  She  is  sure  to  have  brought  some  new  games,  or  some- 
thing amusing,"  said  Julia.  "  It  was  her  idea,  making 
the  '  balloon'  grandmother  talked  of." 

*' When  shall  we  see  it?"  inquired  the  Fern  wood  girls, 
in  a  breath. 

"  Not  until  to-morrow,"  returned  Julia,  eujoying  their 
impatience. 

"There,  girls,  you  are  all  wanted,"  cried  George,  to' 
whom  '  the  manager'  had  been  talking.  "  John  says  we 
must  go  and  have  a  sort  of  rehearsal,  and  ask  Miss  Chap- 
man to  accompany  you  to  the  'green  room.'" 

Arrived  at  this  apartment,  which  was  a  small  stone- 
paved  room,  leading  out  of  the  old  hall,  they  proceeded  in 
their  arrangements. 

"  We  must  tell  these  friends  all  about  the  balloon^  Julia," 
urged  Mary ;  "  or  the  plan  you  spoke  of  this  morning  can- 
not be  well  carried  out  without  their  assistance." 

"  True,"  replied  Julia  ;  "  and  the  '  Fernwood  troop,'  as 
John  called  them,  received  the  information  requisite.  And 
so  John,"  concluded  Julia,  "you  must  write  us  the  words 
we  want  before  to-morrow  evening." 

"  To  hear  is  to  obey,"  said  John,  with  eastern  salu- 
tation. 

"  Your  eastern  phrase  has  given  me  an  idea  for  another 
of  those  'little  surprises,'  which  our  dear  Julia  so  delights 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


103 


in,"  said  Miss  Chapman.  And  she  named  an  addition  to 
their  projected  amusements  for  the  morrow,  which  elicited 
great  applause  and  admiration. 

"  What  a  funny  little  cell  this  is,"  said  Agnes,  glancing 
round  their  small  apartment,  with  a  mixture  of  amusement 
and  fear. 

"  I  shall  call  it  a  '  cell-aret,'  "  said  John,  "particularly 
as  there  are  such  '  choice  spirits'  in  it,"  a  witticism  which 
procured  him  a  hearty  laugh,  as  the  party  returned  to  the 
oak  parlor. 

"  Well,  Miss  Harrison,"  inquired  Mrs.  Maitland  in  the 
evening,  "  how  did  you  enjoy  your  ride  down  les  Mon- 
tagnes  Russes?" 

"  Extremely,"  she  replied,  "  it  is  a  most  exhilarating 
amusement.  The  quick  passage  through  the  air  seems  to 
impart  a  peculiar  lightness  to  the  feelings.  I  think  it  must 
resemble  flying,  which  I  have  always  wished  to  do." 

"  And  you,  Mr.  Maitland  ?"  asked  Mrs.  Graham,  "  how 
did  you  like  the  coachmanship  of  my  madcap  son  here  ?  " 

"  He  was  merciful  to  an  old  chap  like  me,"  returned 
Mr.  Maitland,  smiling,  "  but  I  did  not  much  relish  it.  I 
should  define  this  northern  amusement,  a  perilous  pleasure, 
perversely  persevered  in,  by  the  rude  Russian,  the  frivolous 
Frenchman,  and  the  imitative  Islander." 


li 


104  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS; 

"  You  would  be  an  acquisition  to  a  party  playing-  defi- 
nitions, sir,"  remarked  Miss  Chapman. 

"  What  are  they  ? "  inquired  he. 

"  We  have  often  played  at  the  game,"  said  Mrs.  Beau- 
mont, "  and  very  amusing  it  is  ;  suppose  we  try  a  round 
to-night." 

"  The  expression  which  Mr.  Maitland  made  use  of  just 
now,  about  '  the  rude  Russian,'"  said  Mary,  "  reminds  me 
of  a  witticism  a  German  Count  once  told  us  of  at  Dresden. 
He  asked  me  if  I  '  knew  amongst  whom  Poland  was  now 
divided,'  and  upon  my  replying  in  the  negative,  he  said, 
"  les  Rudes-chiens  (les  Russiens),  les  Preux-chiens  (les 
Prussiens),  et  les  Autres-chiens  (les  Autrichiens)." 

"  Ah  !"  said  John,  "  Poor  Poland  is  indeed  •  gone  to  the 
dogs.'" 

Mr.  Harrison  arrived  to  tea,  and  soon  fell,  with  the  ease 
of  a  well-bred  man,  into  the  innocent  amusements  of  the 
evening. 

Miss  Chapman,  as  having  been  the  first  to  name  the 
game  of  '  definitions,'  was  requested  to  propose  a  '  word' 
for  them,  to  be  written  on,  and  she  accordingly  gave  Trutk, 

Pencils  and  paper  were  again  in  requisition,  and  ere 
very  long,  each  person  had  written  a  short  definition  of 
this  quality,  and  laid  them  folded  and  anonymously  on  the 
table. 


s^^^a 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES.  105 

"  Now,  Mr.  Harrison,  you  shall  be  the  ♦  reader'  to-night," 
said  Mrs.  Beaumont,  and  he  accordingly  begun  the  pithy 
little  papers  thus  : — 

"  Truth,"  he  said,  "  is  defined  to  be, 

A  wholesome,  but  unpalatable  medicine. 
The  best  counsel  to  employ  on  a  trial. 

A  sharp  instrument,  requiring  a  skilful  hand  to  use  it  without 
hurting. 

A  looking-glass,  held  by  the  hand  of  friendship  for  the  discovery 
of  our  faults. 
Ithuriel's  spear. 

A  tiara  of  brilliants  upon  the  brow  of  the  possessor. 
The  Pastor's  privilege. 

The  shield  of  Innocence  in  the  battle  field  of  existence. 
The  corner  stone  of  character. 
Preserved  ginger,  pungent  even  when  palatable. 
Substance,  not  shadow. 

A  diving  helle^ 

As  casuists  tell, 

Content  to  dwell 

At  the  foot  of  a  well. 
The  pariah  of  Parliament. 

*•  And  what   is  this  ?"  he  continued,    *'  a  blank  piece  !  is 
truth  a  blank  ?  and  here  is  another  strange  contribution, 
10 


;^- 


B^^^^ 


106 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS 


look  !"  and  he  exhibited  the  scrap  bearing  the  marks  as 
follows,  "  -f     +     +     +." 

"  I  should  think,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  "  that  the  possessor 
of  that  paper  meant,  wittily,  to  indicate  that  the  course  of 
truth  was  full  of  crosses  ;  but  are  those  all  ?" 

"  Yes,"  replied  Mr.  Harrison. 

"  Then  we  have  some  defaulters  amongst  us,"  resumed 
Mr.  Maitland;  "  but  we  must  ask  no  questions.  I  there- 
fore now  propose  Hope,  as  an  exercise  for  our  imagina- 
tions." 

Another  pause,  more  *  pencillings  by  the  way,'  and 
again  the  '  reader's'  task  lay  before  him. 

"  The  prose  seems  dictated  in  a  poetic  spirit,"  he 
observed,  as  he  read  the  list  of  definitions  of  Hope,  thus  : — 

The  rainbow  of  existence. 

The  anchor  of  the  soul  in  the  storms  of  adversity  and  trouble. 
An  evergreen,  planted  in  the  soil  of  piety,  nourished  by  the 
dew  of  cheerfulness,  and  warmed  by  the  sun  of  the  future. 
A  cork  jacket  on  the  rough  waters  of  life. 
The  Christian's  sunbeam. 
A  useful  paint  brush. 
A  mental  prism. 

The  day-star  of  the  storm-tost  mariner. 
Capital  ballast  in  a  life  boat. 
A  light  barque,  floaiing  gaily  on  the  billows  of  existence. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

The  bridge  between  doubt  and  reality. 

The  tree  which  blooms,  but  never  bears  fruit. 

The  enhghtenerof  wretchedness. 

An  angel  without  wings. 

An  indwelling  Atlas,  bearing  our  world  of  cares. 

A  witch,  who  may  practise  spells  without  fear. 

A  tradesman  practising  two  callings. 

This  latter  requires  explanation,"  said  Mr.  Harrison,  as  he 
concluded.  "  I  must  therefore  call  upon  the  author  for  one. 
Mr.  Harper,  is  it  you  ?" 

"  I  suppose  I  must  *  own  the  soft  impeachment,'"  said 
John,  *'  and  beg  to  defend  my  definition  of  ho'pe^  thus  : 
She  is  of  two  callings — inasmuch  as  she  is  a  Weaver  of 
bright  futurities,  and  a  Gilder  of  sombre  realities." 

"  Fairly  made  out,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont.  "  And  now, 
as  a  little  variety  to  our  amusement,  let  me  give  you  a 
fair  subject  for  banter.     A  Bachelor.^'' 

"  O  !  we'll  soon  knock  him  off,"  laughed  George,  and 
pencils  went  vigorously  to  work. 

''  It  will  be  too  bad,  to  make  Mr.  Harrison  pick  out  all 
the  arrows  which  are  sure  to  be  shot  into  his  brother  bach- 
elor," said  Mrs.  Graham,  smiling.  "  I  think,  as  my  mother 
set  up  the  target,  she  should  have  the  task  of  collecting 
tbp  shafts  of  wit." 

"  Very  well,  my   dear,"   replied  the  cheerful  old  lady, 


^iO^^^ 


108 


HINTS   FOR  HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


"then  pass  your  missiles  over  to  me."  The  merry  party 
soon  handed  all  their  flight  of  fun  to  their  kind  hostess, 
who  thus  gave  aloud  their  definition  of  a  *  Bachelor  :' — 

A  voluntary  victim  on  the  altar  of  selfishness. 

A  realization  of  the  line  '  never  is,  but  always  to  be  blest.' 

A  cross  old  chap. 

The  envy  of  hen-pecked  husbands. 

A  dear  creature,  if  a  solitary  specimen  in  a  village. 

One  who  willingly  walks  blindfolded  through  the  beauties  of 
creation. 

The  drone  of  the  human  hive. 

Thepe^  of  a  party. 

A  bottle  of  port  wine,  the  older  it  is,  the  more  crusty  it  becomes, 
and  the  less  flavor  and.  zest  it  possesses. 

A  slippery  fish,  which  is  constantly  angled  for. 

A  human  crab-apple. 

A  social,  sensible  fellow. 

The  moth  who  frequently  singes  its  wings,  when  meaning 
only  to  play  round  the  flame. 

One  who  in  arithmetic  never  advances  beyond  number  one. 

A  rotten  foundation,  on  which  expectant  heirs  raise  a  tottering 
structure  of  hope. 

A  nice  man,  with  his  pockets  full  of  presents. 

The  only  real  Nobody. 

"  Well,  I  think  you  have  not  hit  the  poor  bachelor  so 


BS^^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


109 


hard  as  might  have  been  expected,"  said  Mr.  Harrison. 
"  In  the  name  of  '  the  brotherhood'  I  thank  you." 


CHAPTER  VIII. 


THE    FETE. — CHRISTMAS    TREE. — THE    BALLOON. — THE    MAGIC 
CAVE.— THE    SUPPER. 


Early  on  the   following  morning  the  occupants   of  the 
*  omnibus,'  were  disturbed  by  George  knocking  at  the  door, 
and  upon  being  admitted,  he  said,  "  Come,  lads,  get  up,  we 
must  draw  out  our  Programme  for  this  evening." 
"  Ah !"  said  John,  stretching  himself  rather  lazily, 

The  day  has  dawned,  the  eventful  day, 
Big  with  the  fate  of  Dohson  and  of  me, 

and  so  it  is  high  time  I  got  up  to  meet  it !" 

Shortly  after,  the  '  corps  dramatique'  were  again  assem- 
bled in  the  *  Cellaret,'  in  eager  consultation  and  employ- 
ment, which  continued  nearly  the  whole  day ;  Mr.  Mait- 
land  being  pressed  into  the  service  by  his  youthful  friends ; 
and  between  five  and  six  o'clock  in  the  evening,  equipages 
of  various  kinds  followed  each  other  in  rapid  succession  to 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J  % 

the  door,  and  the  large  saloon,  only  used  on  especial  occa- 
sions, was  soon  filled  by  a  gay  and  numerous  company. 

"  We  mean  to  keep  •  old  Christmas-day'  this  year  you 
see,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont  to  a  lady  seated  next  to  her, 
"  but  without  the  old  English  customs  of  Twelfth  night. 
We  have  so  many  Queens  amongst  us,  that  our  King 
George  would  have  been  puzzled  in  his  choice,  and  so  we 
have  made  him  remain  in  regal  *  single  blessedness.' " 

At  this  moment  the  two  pretty  children,  Alice  and  Char- 
ley Maitland,  entered  the  room,  carrying  fancy  baskets 
adorned  with  ribbons,  and  filled  with  small  pieces  of  paper, 
neatly  folded  up  like  notes,  which  they  presented  to  each 
guest  in  turn,  who  selected  a  diminutive  missive,  and  upon 
opening  them,  found  each  one  bearing  a  number,  and  in- 
scribed with  the  words, 

^       Christmas  Tree.     Prize.     No.  — 

As  soon  as  all  the  guests  had  selected  their  ticket,  the 
folding  doors,  at  one  end  of  the  room,  were  thrown  back, 
and  the  youthful  party  residing  and  staying  at  the  Grange, 
were  discovered,  grouped  in  front  of  a  most  dazzling  and 
beautiful  German  Christmas  Tree,  and  at  the  same  time  a 
band  of  music  commenced  its  strains,  and  their  sweet  and 
cheerful  voices  sung  in  harmonious  concord  the  following 
*  Invitation  :' — 


m 


L=^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES, 

(Air. — O  /  Summer  Night.) 

Hail!  Christmas  tree! 

So  gay  to  see, 

The  gifts  how  rare, 

Which  deck  thy  brandies  fair. 

Kind  friends  are  here, 

In  gala  suit,  ^ 

From  far,  and  near, 

To  pluck  thy  fruit. 

When  o'er  thee  bending, 

Kind  voices  blending, 

To  praise  thy  dazzling  light. 

And  trappings  bright; 

Our  welcome  shall  invite  them ; 

•  Friends,  advance; 

Your  rich  gifts  shall  delight  them ; 

Friends,  advance! 

**  Dear  foreign  tree ! 
.   Thy  home  shall  be, 
In  happy  hearts, 
Where  joy  thy  form  imparts. 
Each  brilliant  bough, 
With  offerings  decked. 
Is  bending  now, 
In  weight  uneheck'd- 


111 


'^ 


112  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS; 

Kind  tributes  bringing, 

Sweet  odors  flinging. 

To  each  dear  guest  around, 

"With  missive  found. 

Our  welcome  sliall  invite  them  ; 

Friends,  advance ! 
Your  glittering  gifts  delight  them ; 

Friends,  advance !" 

As  the  last  notes  died  away,  the  group  divided,  and  ihe 
guests  advanced  in  succession  to  the  tree.  This  was  com- 
posed of  a  handsome,  well-grown  young  fir,  planted  in  a 
large  tub,  elevated  upon  a  round  platform,  about  five  feet 
in  diameter,  which  was  covered  with  a  scarlet  cloth.  The 
tree  was  hung  with  fruit,  bon-bons,  and  nick-nacks  of  all 
descriptions,  and  profusely  illuminated  with  colored-wax 
lights  tied  upon  the  numerous  branches.  The  heavier 
presents  were  strown  beneath  and  around  the  base,  and 
each,  being  labelled  with  a  corresponding  number  to  those 
on  the  tickets,  the  visitors  easily  selected  their  prizes,  in 
gratification  and  surprise,  whilst  anon  the  bon-bons,  oranges, 
grapes,  &c.,  all  received  a  vigorous  assault. 

To  make  the  lottery  amusing,  as  well  as  satisfactory, 
some  of  the  prizes  were  of  a  ludicrous  character — thus, 
for  instance,  a  stout  gentleman,  with  an  expensive  white 
w^aistcoat,   was   decorated   with   a    child's    imitation  gold 


'S^^r^^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS   FOR    ALL   AGES. 


113 


watch.  One  of  the  belles  of  the  neighborhood  received  a 
gilt  gingerbread  husband  !  and  one  of  the  grandmothers  of 
the  party  dandled  in  her  arms  a  waxen  doll !  Long  ere 
the  admiration  produced  by  this  beautiful  '  exotic'  (as  Mrs. 
Beaumont  had  called  it)  had  subsided,  another  surprise 
awaited  the  guests.  At  the  back  of  the  Christmas  tree  a 
dark  curtain  hung  in  massive  folds  to  the  ground,  before 
which  our  young  band  of  choristers  again  grouped  them- 
selves in  graceful  attitudes,  and  sung  to  a  well-known 
lively  Scotch  air  the  following  words  : — 

Come,  come,  friends  of  all  ages  come, 
Enter  the  scene  of  our  pleasing  exertion. 
Come,  come,  kindly  and  quickly  come. 
Come  and  assist  at  our  novel  diversion. 
Girls  with  the  flowing  tress. 
Boys  in  your  gala  dress, 
Enter,  and  gaze  on  our  circle  of  pleasure  ; 
Ladies  of  riper  years, 
Beaux  and  gay  cavaliers, 
See  us  possessed  of  our  sweet-tasting  treasure. 
Come,  come,  &c.  &c. 

Look !  look  !  mark  the  dark  curtain  rise. 
See  our  'Balloon'  swinging  gaily  before  ye ; 
Look  !  look  !  how  its  bright  pendp,nt  flies. 
Telling  of  triumph,  and  promising  glory: 


114  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS; 

Enter,  and  take  your  stand, 

Join  in  our  welcome  band, 
Fortune  sits  smiling  in  glittering  bower, 

Use  well  our  magic  wand, 

Strike  with  a  fearless  hand. 
Gifts  shall  descend  in  a  plentiful  shower ! 
Come,  come,  friends  of  all  ages  come, 
Enter  the  scene  of  our  pleasing  exertion ; 
Come,  come,  kindly  and  quickly  come, 
Come  and  assist  at  our  novel  diversion ! 

The  curtain  then  drew  up,  and  the  much-talked  of  '  Bal- 
loon' appeared.  Suspended  about  eight  feet  from  the 
ground,  by  a  rope  of  colored  twist  attached  to  a  large  hook 
in  the  ceiling,  its  quarters  again  and  again  divided  by 
stripes  of  various  hues,  it  "  swung  in  mid  air,"  an  object 
of  admiration  and  astonishment.  Beneath  it,  on  the  floor, 
was  spread  a  snowy  covering,  and  at  each  corner  stood  a 
servant,  holding  light  wands  of  peeled  v^^illow,  whilst  the 
flag,  to  which  John's  verses  had  alluded,  floated  from  the 
top  and  bore  the  pithy  command  and  promise, 

"  Strike,  and  receive  thy  guerdon  !" 

George  now  advanced,  attended  by  his  sisters,  and  re- 
quested a  young  boy  to  be  blindfolded,  that  he  might  begin 
the  game ;  and  when  the  bandage  was  adjusted,  the  blind- 


^^^:^^!g 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


115 


ed  knight  was  left  alone,  with  one  of  the  willow  wands  in 
his  right  hand. 

"  Advance,  and  strike,"  cried  George,  in  a  loud  voice ; 
and,  in  obedience  to  the  word  of  command,  the  youth 
stepped  forward,  and  raising  his  stick,  struck  forcibly  at 
the  balloon.  Some  of  the  thin  paper  which  formed  the 
covering  of  its  many-hidden  compartments  was  broken  by 
the  successful  blow,  and  a  shower  of  sweets,  walnuts,  and 
bo7i-buns,  fell  on  the  table  cloth  beneath.  Merry  an^  pro- 
longed was  the  joyous  shout  with  which  the  spoils  were 
scrambled  for  by  the  more  youthful  spectators ;  and  then 
another,  and  another  of  the  guests  of  either  sex  was  blind- 
folded, and  tried  their  efforts  on  the  swinging  treasury. 
Some  were  successful  in  their  first  essay,  others  the  re- 
verse, but  disappointment  proved  to  the  by-standers  a 
source  of  as  much  amusement  as  success. 

When  this  exercise  had  been  continued  for  some  time, 
'  king  George'  requested  his  youthful  guests  to  rest  awhile 
from  their  labors,  whilst  some  refreshments  were  handed 
round. 

"  Well,  Julia,"  said  Mrs.  Maitland,  "  your  balloon  was 
well  worth  keeping  as  a  '  surprise ;'  for  it  is  indeed  a  most 
pleasing  one." 

*'  I  am  so  glad  you  like  it,"  replied  Julia  ;  "  but  the 
little  folks  must  now  sit  still  a  bit,  whilst  the  misses  and 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

masters  '  in  their  teens'  are  amused."  She  then  spoke  to 
Mary,  and  in  a  few  minutes  a  smaller  curtain,  hitherto 
hanging  before  one  of  the  old  deep  bay-windows,  was  with- 
drawn, and  a  brilliant  transparency  became  visible  over 
the  recess,  bearing  the  words — 

Here  Hamet  dwells,  the  eastern  sage, 
Who  reads  the  future's  chequer'd  page ; 
Advance,  and  learn  thy  varied  lot, 
He  cheers,  or  warns,  but  harms  thee  not. 

Within  the  recess  sat  a  venerable-looking  man,  with 
flowing  beard  and  locks,  attired  in  an  eastern  costume, 
with  a  snowy  turban  on  his  head,  and  '  spectacles  on  nose.' 
An  antique  silver  inkstand  stood  before  him,  on  an  old  oak 
table,  and  a  large  open  volume  was  spread  beneath  his 
hand.  Beside  him  stood  a  youth  in  fanciful  costume,  with 
negro  face  and  hands,  who  in  good  English,  but  with  a 
thick  muffled  utterance,  thus  invited  the  approach  of  the 
gazing  and  wondering  guests  : — 

'My  master  bids  me  say,  that  to  the  favored  friends  of 
her,  the  generous  mistress  of  this  noble  house,  he  will 
unfold  the  mysteries  of  his  art,  and  tell  the  knowledge 
culled  in  distant  climes.  Approach,  and  ask  the  sage  thy 
future  lot,  nor  doubt  that  Hamet   can  resolve  thy  fate  !" 

Some  little  hesitation  prevailed  amongst  the  company 


Qi^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


117 


as  to  who  should /rs^  try  the  sage's  boasted  art ;  and,  to 
encourage  her  guests  to  the  trial,  Julia  stepped  forth,  and 
said,  "  Ask  of  thy  master  what  will  be  the  future  fate  of 
her  who  now  addresses  thee." 

The  youth  bowed  low,  and,  turning  to  the  sage,  muttered 
some  words,  to  those  around  unintelligible.  Hamet  fixed 
his  eyes  on  the  lively  girl  who  soughihis  boasted  skill, 
then  slowly  turned  the  pages  of  his  book,  and  dipping  his 
pen  into  the  ancient  inkstand,  inscribed  a  card  with  sundry 
strange  characters,  which  he  delivered  to  his  sable  atten- 
dant. A  glance  appeared  to  make  him  acquainted  with 
their  meaning,  for  he  instantly  read  with  fluency  and  em- 
phasis, as  follows  : — 

Thy  brow  is  bright,  and  glad  thine  eye, 
Not  e'en  the  memory  of  a  sigh 
Appears  to  dwell  within  thy  breast ; 
And  though  some  clouds  may  be  in  store 
On  thee  slight  drops  of  grief  to  pour, 
Yet  shalt  tliou  soon  again  be  blest ; 
Bright  joys  there  are  awaiting  thee, 
In  the  far-off  fields  of  time ; 
And  flow'rets  gay  shall  strew  thy  way. 

"  Come,"  cried  Julia,  laughing  and  blushing,  "  I  think 
that  is  pretty  well ;  none  of  you  need  be  disappointed  by 


'^^^^^^^^ 


:S:S 


118  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  J 

my  fate.     Now,  Mr.  Montague,"  turning  to  a  young  man 
near  her,  "  suppose  you  tax  the  art  of  the  eastern  sage." 

Mr.  Montague  accordingly  stepped  forward  and  asked 
his  future  fate,  and  the  youth  again  received  the  mystic 
card,  and  read  aloud  : — 

Like  light  on  the  waters,  thy  destiny's  star 
Now  pointeth  to  honor  and  glory  afar  j 
The  song  of  the  minstrel  shall  honor  thy  name,     • 
Thy  form  be  enshrined  in  the  temple  of  fame. 

This  response  from  the  Oracle  caused  great  applause, 
for  Mr.  Montague  was  a  young  officer  of  great  promise, 
and  was  shortly  expecting  to  join  his  regiment,  and  embark 
for  India. 

"  Now,  Miss  Chapman,  try  your  fate,"  said  king  George, 
well  knowing  that  this  '  cave  of  destiny'  had  been  her  own 
clever  and  tasteful  design. 

"  To  oblige  you,  my  dear  boy,  I  will,"  she  replied ;  "  but 
at  my  age  the  fate  is  pretty  well  known.  Now,  then,  dark 
youth  !  ask  at  your  master's  hands  my  future  fortune." 

As  the  magic  card  was  placed  in  the  youth's  sable  hand, 
a  smile  showed  his  white  teeth,  as  he  repeated  the  pre- 
diction— 

For  many  years  thou'lt  lead  a  single  life, 
Then  prove  a  happy,  prized,  and  loving  wife. 


^^sHissasg 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES.  119 

"  Bravo !  ^iend  Hamet,"  said  George,  shaking  the 
blushing  Miss  Chapman  affectionately  by  the  hand.  "  You 
hit  us  all  off,  what  will  you  say  to  me  ?" 

After  a  very  brief  communication  between  the  venerable 
man  and  his  interpreter,  the  latter  bent  forward  in  an  atti- 
tude of  earnest  meaning,  and  shaking  his  forefinger  at 
George,  read  slowly  and  distinctly  from  his  card,  the 
warning  words : — 

I  bid  you  beware  the  aspiring  eye, 
That  eagle- like  would  soar  beyond  the  sky. 
Bewai'e  that  in  your  learning's  wanderings, 
You  are  not  dabbling  in  forbidden  things  ; 
You've  wit,  and  talents,  mind  you're  wise  as  well ; 
Remember,  by  ambition,  angels  fell. 

"  So  much  for  a  hard  slap  at  my  German  education," 
said  George,  laughing,  but  yet  wincing  a  little  under  the 
inuendo  conveyed. 

"  Come,  Miss  Harrison,  dare  you  ask  your  fortune  from 
so  hard-hitting  an  Oracle  ?" 

"  Yes,  indeed,"  she  replied,  "  and  put  as  much  faith  in 
it  as  you  do.  Tell  me  my  fate,  good  youth,"  she  contin- 
ued to  the  page,  who,  in  reply,  addressed  her  thus : — 

Before  the  blushing  rose  of  June 
Shall  bloom,  and  shed  its  rich  perfume, 


120 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPy    HOURS  J 


A  grave  D.  D.  with  liviDg  fair,        ,. 
Will  in  your  ear  his  love  declare ; 
A  rectory  is  no  bad  thing ; 
Pause — ere  away  you  fortune  fling. 

A  laugh  followed  this  prediction  to  the  curate's  pretty 
sister,  who  took  the  joke  good-humoredly,  and  advised 
Richard  Maitland  to  consult  the  sage. 

The  reply  to  his  obedience  was  couched  in  the  brief  but 
pithy  sentence — 

Pursue  thy  studies,  honor  and  renown 
Wait  on  thy  toils,  and  will  thy  labors  crown. 

"  Now,  Mary,  it  is  your  turn,"  said  he,  not  ill-pleased 
at  the  allusion  to  his  own  abilities. 

The  timid  girl  trembled  slightly  as  she  put  the  required 
question,  and  the  youth  bowed  gallantly  as  he  recited  the 
reply  ;— 

Gentle  art  thou,  as  the  dove. 
Pure  thou  art  as  wedded  love, 
Meek,  and  trusting  is  thy  heart, 
^'       Within  thy  breast  guile  holds  no  part ; 
As  thy  character,  shall  be. 
Fair  maid,  thy  future  destiny ; 
Gliding  in  serenity, 
Through  life's  changeful  scenery ! 


m^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


121 


Mary  retired,  blushing,  but  gratified  from  the  plaudits 
of  her  friends,  and  a  dandified  youth  next  entered  the 
charmed  circle. 

The  master  and  his  page  consulted  the  magic  book 
and  the  white  teeth  of  the  latter  were  again  visible  as  he 
read — 

You'll  flirt  and  you'll  flatter, 
By  word  and  by  look, 
Reach  the  wise  age  of  fifty, 
And  marry  your  cook  ! 

"  It  serves  you  quite  right,  Mr.  Thorpe,"  said  a  young 
lady.  "  Tell  me  my  fortune,  good  youth ;  you  have  good 
in  store  for  me,  I  hope." 

The  book  was  turned,  the  card  was  written,  and  the 
words  were  read  : — 

Don't  flirt  any  more, 
Or  I'm  sadly  afraid 
You'll  repent  it  at  last, 
And  die  an  old  maid. 

"  A  very  fair  tit  for  tat,  my  dear,  I  think,"  said  Mrs. 
Beaumont,  who  watched  the  amusement  with  great  plea- 
sure.     "  Now,  Mr.  Smithson,  ask  advice  on  your  future 
career." 
11 


122 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  J 


"  O  !  I  mean  to  be  Lord  Chancellor  of  England,"  re- 
plied the  young  man,  smiling ;  "  shall  I  not  be  ? "  he 
asked  the  sable  page. 

"  Listen,"  he  replied  : — 

In  foreign  climes  go  seek  for  fortune^s  smile, 
'Twould  be  denied  thee  in  thy  native  Isle. 

"Well,  if  I  must  go,  I  must,"  resumed  the  querist; 
"  will  you  go  with  me.  Miss  Elliot  ?" 

"  I  must  ask  the  Oracle,"  replied  the  lady. 
"  No,"   replied  the  youth. 

Resist  all  offers  to  forsake  thy  home, 

A  foreign  land  would  prove  thy  early  tomb. 

"  It  matters  little  where  we  live,  I  think,"  remarked  the 
stout  gentleman  who  had  obtained  the  incongruous  prize  of 
the  child's  gilt  watch,  "  home  is  home.  A  pleasant  circle 
and  a  cheerful  fire,  and  place  or  climate  signify  but  little. 
Have  you  such  gifts  in  store  for  me,  good  youth  ?" 

Who  would  have  thought  such  cheerful  aspirations 
would  meet  the  chill  response — 

Alas  for  the^!  thou'lt  lead  a  joyless  life. 
Unblest  by  children  or  a  loving  wife ; 
Thy  home  uncheer'd  by  sweet  domestic  mirth, 
Thou'lt  sit  beside  *  a  Bachelor's'  cold  heai-th. 


:-^:r^r^J:w^. 


Q^^^^^ 


OR   AlVJUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


123 


"Nevermind  him,  Mason,"  laughed  a  friend,  "  the  sage 
is  evidently  getting  crusty.     I  think  he  wants  his  supper." 

"What!  ray  dear  girl,"  cried  Mrs.  Maitland,  as  her 
daughter  Jessie  advanced  to  the  recess,  "  dare  you  risk 
some  stern  decree  of  Fate  ?" 

"  Yes,  mother,"  she  replied,  "  I  am  not  afraid ;  Julia 
and  Mary  both  beg  I  will  follow  their  example.  What  is 
my  fortune,  youth  of  the  mystic  speech  ?  " 

"  Your  face  is  your  fortune — pshaw  !  Pardon  me,  fair 
maiden,  I  will  ask  my  master He  bids  me  say  : — 

Red  is  the  rose  and  beautiful, 

Yet  of  prickly  thorns  is  full. 

The  sunflower  lifts  its  gaudy  head, 

As  if  applause  it  merited. 

A  modest  violet  thou  ;  the  flower 

Man  loves  to  place  within  his  bower ; 

Humility  its  own  best  guard, 

From  harm  to  shield,  from  storms  to  ward  ! 

"The  reverend  Hamet  seems  rather  less  irate  than  he 
was,"  remarked  Mr.  Barnes ;  "  I  think  I  may  venture  to 
inquire  my  "fate;  but  if  he  declares  that  I  am  always  to 
'  sit  in  silent  solitude,'  like  my  predecessor,  I  shall  be 
ready  to  pull  his  beard." 

A  longer  consultation  than  formerly  followed  his  appeal 


124 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS 


to  the  sage,  which,  had  it  been  intelligible  to  the  company, 
would  have  seemed  rather  out  of  keeping  with  the  foreign 
books  and  habits  of  the  pair  within. 

"  I'll  tell  you  what,  uncle,  I  can't  stand  this  any  longer," 
said  the  sable  youth.  "I  am  nearly  dead  with  heat,  be- 
hind this  detestable  mask." 

"  And  as  for  me,  John,  I  must  get  rid  of  this  beard  and 
wig,"  said  the  Eastern  sage.  "  Time  may  not  '  thin  my 
flowing  locks,'  unless  we  make  a  determination  on  the 
subject.  Tell  these  good  people  *  Hamet  is  fatigued,  and 
the  Book  of  Fate  shut  up.' " 

"  We  must  give  poor  Barnes  his  answer,"  remarked 
the  page. 

"Well,  he  wants  to  be  married,  he  says,  so  give  him 
this  card,  to  insure  him  a  good  appetite  for  his  supper,  and 
then  shut  up  the  shop." 

Those  who  had  witnessed  this  long  colloquy,  listened 
with  more  than  common  attention  as  the  youth  addressed 
Mr.  Barnes : — 

Hark  !  to  the  news  I  now  can  bring ; 
Horses,  a  carriage,  and  a  wedding  ring; 
A  fair,  a  lovely,  and  a  virtuous  bride ; 
Fortune  is  coming  on,  with  rapid  ytride. 
Amid  her  smiles,  remember  she  may  change^ 
She's  like  yourself,  a  little  given  to  range. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


125 


Before  the  laugh  with  which  this  was  received  had  sub- 
sided, the  messenger  spoke  again  : — 

Hamet  now  bids  you  all  a  kind  farewell, 
He  seeks  repose  in  hospitable  cell. 

And  at  a  signal  from  the  youth  the  curtain  was  drawn, 
and  the  recess  veiled  from  the  sight  of  the  guests. 

Supper  was  now  announced,  and  the  company  descended 
to  the  old  banqueting  room,  where  plenty  and  elegance  had 
combined  to  load  the  boards.  The  previous  amusements 
of  the  evening  formed  fruitful  topics  of  conversation  ;  and 
Mr.  Maitland  and  John  being  at  last  found  amongst  the 
guests,  the  impersonaters  of  the  eastern  sage  and  his  inter- 
preter, were  recognised  and  applauded  for  their  eiforts. 

**  We  grew  very  warm  in  your  cause,  I  can  assure  you," 
said  John,  perpetrating  an  old  joke  ;  "  but  1  could  stand  it 
no  longer,  otherwise  we  had  some  more  '  caps'  ready  made 
'  to  fit  the  heads'  which  presented  themselves." 

"  Now,  my  dear,  good  lad,  refresh  yourself,"  said  Mrs. 
Beaumont,  "  you  have  other  labors  to  go  through.  My 
young  folks,"  she  continued,  addressing  her  guests,  "have 
kindly  got  up  a  dramatic  representation,  as  the  finale  to 
our  evening's  entertainments,  and  after  supper  the  theatre 
will  be  opened." 

When  the  elegant  and  substantial  repast  had  been  done 


Q^^^^m 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  : 


ample  justice  to,  the  company  were  conducted  through  the 
mazy  windings  of  the  old  passages,  now  lighted  by  sconces 
and  lamps,  to  the  spacious  hall,  where  rows  of  seats  were 
ranged  before  a  curtain  of  green  baize,  and  a  handsome 
pendant  chandelier  shed  brilliancy  upon  the  expectant 
throng. 


CHAPTER  IX. 


THE    FETE    CONTINUED. —  THE    DRAMATISED    PROVERB. — THE 
SUCCESSFUL   GUESS. — GENERAL   BON    SOIR. 


The  company  being  all  seated  in  front  of  the  green  cur- 
tain, Tom,  who  according  ^to  his  request  had  been  made 
into  a  supernumerary  of  the  dramatic  corps  (and  was 
attired  in  the  dress  of  a  stage  footman),  went  round  the 
circle,  and  distributed  some  very  neat  play-bills,  containing 
the  following  announcement : — 


"^^^^^Si 


^■-=5?^ 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

On  FRIDAY  EVENING,  January  6th,  1852, 

WILL   BE   PRESENTED 

AN  ACTED  PROVERB. 


127 


DRAMATIS   PERS0N;E. 

Madam  Dobson Miss  Harper. 

The  Countess  Von  Schlossinpoole Miss  Graham. 

Martha  Brown Miss  Susan  Harper. 

Nancy  (her  daughter)    Miss  Maitland. 

Justine  (a  French  waiting  maid)  Miss  Mary  Graham. 

Count  Von   Schlossinpoole    Mr.  Graham, 

Squire  Dobson   Mr.  Harper. 

William  Brown Mr.  Richard  Maitland. 

Alexis  Miss  Agnes  Maitland. 


Doors  open  at  eleven  o'clock — performance  to  commence  at  a  quarter 
past  eleven. 


Soon  after  the  distribution  of  these  bills,  a  bell  rang, 
and  the  curtain,  slowly  rising,  discovered 

SCENE  I.— An  apartment  in  the  old  Moat  House. 
The  SdtTiRE  and  his  Dame,  quaintly  attired,  seated  on  each  side  of  the 
fire-place. 

Squire.     Well,  Molly  my  love,  this  is  a  sad  blow,  hav- 


^^^^^ 


128 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 


ing  to  part  with  our  dear  girl  to  a  moustachioed,  frog- 
eating  foreigner ! 

Davie  Dobson.  Ah!  1' little  thought  it  when  he  was 
brought  here  by  Sir  John  Meadows,  or  I'd  have  seen  him 
hanged  before  he  should  have  slept  in  the  best  bed ! 

Squire.  Well,  "  what  cari't  be  cured,  must  be  endured ;" 
let  us  hope  our  dear  Mary  has  married  a  good  husband, 
though  he  does  live  in  such  an  outlandish  place. 

Dame  D.  Yes,  I  hope  he'll  be  kind  to  her  now  they're 
gone  to  Germany,  for  Mary  was  a  sweet,  precious  creature, 
that  she  was. 

Squire.  It  was  a  curious  thing  that  he  should  come  at 
all ;  if  it  had  not  been  for  that  tremendous  storm.  Sir 
John  Meadows  would  have  taken  him  straight  up  to  the 
hall,  and  we  should  riever  have  seen  him. 

Dame  [energetically].  I  wish  we  had  not;  perhaps  I 
shall  never  see  our  Mary  again  ! 

Squire.  Come,  come,  wife,  this  won't  do;  the  Count 
said  as  plainly  as  he  could  in  his  broken  English,  that  he 
should  "  lub  alvays  de  great  shtorms  of  Inkerlandt"  so  he 
did  not  regret  our  meeting. 

Dame.  Ah  !  but  he  got  a  beautiful  young  bride  by  the 
•  shtorm'  as  he  called  it — he  had  no  cause  to  grumble — we 
have. 

Squire.     Nay,  nay,  Dame,  do  not  speak  so  rash,  *  least 


OR  AMUSEMENTS   FOR  ALL   AGES.  129 

saidy  soonest  mended;  we  had  better  not  abuse  our  fine 
Countship  of  a  son-in-law,  he  may  be  of  use  to  us  some 
day.  If  we  cannot  find  your  grandfather's  will,  and  your 
uncle  should  die  who  has  never  disputed  your  right  to  the 
estate  of  Moat  House,  the  next  heir  will  be  '  grasping  Gre- 
gory,' as  your  cousin  is  well  named,  and  he  might  turn  us 
out  at  any  time,  and  make  us  glad  to  live  with  Count 
Schlossinpoole,  as  he  asked  us  to  do. 

Dame  [weeping].  I  hope  that  day  will  never  come  ; 
there  must  be  a  will  somewhere  ;  my  poor  old  grandfather 
always  said  he  should  leave  the  old  house  to  me,  and  old 
Sharpe,  the  lawyer,  said  he  had  made  a  will,  but  could  not 
tell  what  was  done  with  it.       * 

Squire.  Well,  my  dear,  we  must  hope  on ;  dry  your 
tears,  and  let  us  go  out  for  a  walk.  [Exeunt]. 

SCENE  II. — The  interior  of  a  Cottage — Martha  discovered  knitting  a 
stocJfing — Nancy  en>ployed  in  household  duties. 

Enter  William,  with  a  spade  on  his  shoulder,  which  he  lays  down  in 
a  corner. 

Will.  Well,  wife — well,  Nancy,  how  are  you  both  ? 
eugh  !  but  I'm  tired,  and  that's  truth  !  it's  no  joke  tramp- 
ing home  four  miles  in  such  weather  as  this  !     [sits  down\. 

Mar.     No,    poor   soul,    it  isn't,    indeed!  it  does  blow,       i:,\\\ 

III 


130 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY    HOURS ; 


above  a  bit !  It  has  been  much  such  a  day  as  when  you 
and  I  were  married,  William ;  it  is  twelve  years  this  very 
day. 

Will.  Bless  me,  Martha,  why  so  it  is  !  and  our  young 
lady  was  married  the  same  day.  Dear !  dear !  what 
changes  there  have  been,  to  be  sure,  since  then !  To 
think  that  old  Master  and  Missus  should  have  had  to  turn 
out  of  their  old  house,  just  for  want  of  her  grandfather 
making  a  Will. 

Nan.  [bringing  her  father  some  supper].  How  was  it, 
father,  that  there  ever  was  any  dispute  about  Madam  Dob- 
son  having  the  property  ? 

Mar.  /can't  tell  you  thild.  I  ben't  no  lawyer;  but 
it  was  something  about  sonship,  and  heirship.  Weren't  it, 
William  ? 

Will.  It  was  this,  you  see,  Martha  ;  our  missus's 
father  died  before  his  father  (when  she  was  quite  a  little 
un),  and  so  unless  the  old  master  ivilled  the  Moat  House 
to  his  granddaughter,  it  went  to  his  eldest  son  and  his 
children. 

Mar.  Ah  !  and  as  long  as  her  uncle  lived 'he  left  her 
peaceable,  for  he  had  plenty  of  money,  and  a  fine  estate, 
without  turning  his  poor  niece  out  of  the  house  in  which 
she  was  born  and  bred. 

Nan.     Then  whose  fault  is  it  now  ? 


E^^s^^^^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

Will.  Why,  '  Grasping  Gregory's,'  as  he  is  called ;  a 
Mr.  Jenkins,  who  married  the  only  daughter  of  this  kind 
uncle  ;  he  has  got  a  son,  and  won't  give  nothing  away  that 
he  can  keep.     If  there  was  hut  a  Will  ! 

Mar.  Well,  it's  a  shanie,  and  so  it  is — of  course  Mr. 
Dobson  meant  to  leave  this  property  to  his  granddaughter. 
What  did  he  marry  her  to  her  cousin  for,  but  that  the  old 
family  seat,  and  the  old  family  name  might  go  together  ? 
Why,  it  has  been  Dobson  of  the  Moat  House,  time  out  of 
mjnd  ! 

Nan.  O  !  mother,  mother,  do  listen  to  the  wind  and 
rain  !  is  it  not  dreadful  ? 

Will.  Aye,  Nancy,  your  mother,  and  our  young  lady 
at  the  Moat  House,  have  both  to  thank  such  weather  as 
this  for  getting  them  good  husbands;  so  look  out,  my  dear, 
who  knows  but  you  may  have  equal  good  luck. 

Nan.  You  must  have  your  joke,  father,  but  I  have  heard 
mother  say,  that  if  you  had  not  been  so  patient  under  the 
pain  of  the  broken  arm  you  got  when  that  great  tree  fell, 
she  would  not  have  had  you. 

Will.  Hark !  is  that  only  the  wind  howling  ?  or  is  it 
any  one  calling  !   [listens.] 

[Voices  ivithout.     Help — holloa — holloa.] 

[  WilUami  opens  the  door,  which  is  almost  driven  in  by  the 
storm  ;  shouts  in  reply  ;  a  party  enter,  consisting  of  a  lady 


132 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY  HOURS  ; 


and  gentleman^  a  little  boy,  arid  a  female  attendant^  all  ap- 
parently half  drenched  with  rain,  and  much  fatigued. 
Martha  and  Nancy  help  them  off  with  soTne  of  their  cloaks, 
(f-c.  Lady  speaks  aside  to  the  gentleman,  and  then  ad- 
dresses Martha  i?i  a  foreign  accent.] 

Lady.  My  good  woman,  we  must  on  you  intrude  for 
room  to  sleep  in  to-night. 

Mar.  [in  alarm].  Eh  !  Madam  '  we  have  not  got  a 
room  for  the  likes  of  you. 

Boy.  Dear  mother,  we  can  lie  down  on  the  floor — any 
where  but  stop  in  the  carriage. 

Maid.  Ah  !  Madame  —quel  horreur !  to  sleep  in  dis 
littel  chambre ! 

[Nancy  whispers  her  mother,  and  goes  up  stairs.  Gentle- 
man  again  speaks  to  his  wife,  who  turns  to  Martha.] 

Lady.  Go  you  to  your  bed,  we  will  sit  down  here  till 
morning.       [Nancy  comes  down  stairs  and  goes  to  Lady.] 

Nan.  [curtseying].  If  you  please,  ma'am,  you  and  Miss 
here  [curtseying  to  the  Maid,  who  curtsies  in  return]  can 
sleep  in  mother's  bed,  and  the  gentleman  and  the  little  boy 
can  have  mine. 

Lady.  Thank  you  ver  much,  we  will  not  forget  your 
kindness  ;  [they  go  up  stairs.] 

Will.  Why,  Martha !  that's  our  young  lady,  I  do  be- 
lieve, and  her  husband  and  son  ! 


bs^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


133 


Mar.  Heart  alive  !  William,  I  do  think  you're  right ; 
but  she  spoke  so  fur r in  like,  and  would  not  raise  her  veil ; 
and  he  has  never  spoke  at  all,  and  has  kept  up  his  fur 
collar,  so  that  what  with  that  and  his  moustachios,  I  could 
not  make  him  out. 

Nan.  Is  that  a  real  German  Count  ?  Dear  !  he's  very 
like  an  English  Captain,  only  more  hairy  ! 

Mar.  Well,  come,  child,  and  you,  husband,  let  us  go 
and  lie  down  on  the  clean  straw  we've  just  got  in  to  the 
back  room,  ready  for  thatching  our  old  cottage  anew. 

Will.  Ah  !  we  should  never  have  persuaded  old  Smith 
to  have  had  it  done,  if  it  had  been  as  mild  a  spring  as  last 
year.  {^Exeunt. 


SCENE  III.— Part  of  the  interior  of  a  room  at  the  old  Moat  House— some 
of  the  outer  wall  blown  down — the  wainscot  torn  down  in  places — frag- 
ments of  broken  furniture,  &c.,  the  whole  looking  ruinous  and  wretched. 

Enter  Squire  and  Madam  Dobson,  each  more  aged — he  with  a  stick, 
she  wearing  spectacles — they  stand  in  sad  grief  and  surprise. 

Da.vie.  Well-a-day  !  Well-a-day  !  to  think  that  ever  I 
should  see  this  day !  my  grandfather's  old  room  nearly 
knocked  to  pieces !  his  arm-chair  broken  !  his  picture 
fallen  down !  O  dear !  O  dear !  my  heart  will  surely 
break.  [Cries,  and  wrings  her  hands. 

Squire.    Come,  Molly,  my  dear  wife,  cheer  up.     I  would 


^SF^^ 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 


not  have  let  you  come,  if  I  had  thought  you  would  have 
taken  on  so. 

Dame.  Ah  !  it  is  like  our  fortunes  now  !  well  may  my 
kind  grandfather's  chair  be  broken,  when  a  stranger  to  his 
heart  and  name  is  to  sit  in  it.  Well  may  his  picture  fall, 
when  one  whom  he  loved  so  well  is  to  be  thrust  from  his 
door  by  an  upstart  like  that  Gregory  Jenkins  ! 

Squire,  [looking  round  on  hearing  a  noise'].  Dear ! 
dear  !  who  are  all  these  people  coming  in  with  William, 
and  Martha  Brown,  I  wish  they  had  not  brought  strangers 
to  the  old  place,  when  they  knew  we  were  here  ! 

[Enter  party  of  last  night,  William,  SfC.  (J-c] 

Will,  {bowing].  I  beg  your  pardon,  Squire,  but  this 
lady  and  gentleman  be  furriners,  and  want  just  to  look 
about  this  old  place  for  a  sight,  like.  \A.sid.e?^ — I  wonder 
if  he'll  know  'em. 

Squire.  They  have  as  much  right  here,  William,  as 
we  have  now,  [sighs]  but  still  I  wish  they  had  not  come 
to-day. 

Alexk  [goes  up  to  Madam  Dohson].  If  you  please, 
ma'am,  may  I  run  about  just  where  I  like  in  this  funny 
old  place. 

Dame.  Bless  your  sweet  face,  child ;  yes,  but  come 
back,  let  me  look  at  you  again  [agitated].  Dear,  dear ! 
how  like  he  is  to  our  darling  Mary  ! 


'l/!t 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


135 


Squire  [starting.] — Eh  !  what !  so  he  is  !  why,  child — 
speak — whose  little  boy  are  you  ?  [Count  and  Coun- 

tess advance  to  the  old  couple^  and  each  seize  a  hand.] 

Countess.  Our  boy,  dear  father  !  your  grandchild,  my 
dearest  mother  ! — we  came  from  Germany  on  purpose  to 
see  you  in  the  dear  old  house  again  ;  and  to  stay  with  you 
in  happy  England  for  some  months. 

Dame  [weeping  and  kissing  her  daMghter].  We  have 
so  longed  to  see  you,  my  darling !  and  now  you  are  really 
come,  we  have  no  home  to  welcome  you  to. 

Squire  [^mournfully],  it  is  too  true,  Mary,  the  Count 
and  you  have  now  two  poor  old  outcasts  for  your  parents  ! 

Count.  Den,  it  faut  que  vous  reviendrez  avec  nous. 
You  vil  lib  vid  me  and  my  vife,  she  'is  goot  vife,  she  is  goot 
moder,  she  sail  be  goot  dochtor !  ^ 

Alexis  [laughing  and  dancing  about].  O  !  yes,  grand- 
mother, I  shall  so  like  to  have  you,  and, this  funny  old 
gentleman  in  our  old  Schloss.  I  love  England,  and  I  al- 
ways speak  English  ;  but  I  like  Germany  too.  [Dayices 
about,  and  in  so  doing  tumbles  over  a  broken  chair,  and 
cries  out.  They  all  run  to  look  for  him,  but  he  has  dls- 
appeared.] 

Countess  [in  alarm].  Alexis,  man  cher  Jils,  darling, 
mein  leihling  !  O  !  on  etes  vous  ?  where  are  you  ?  Speak ! 
Sprich  ein  mal  I     I  shall  die  if  my  boy  is  lost ! 


C;^^ 


HINTS   FOR    HAPPy   HOURS ; 

Justine  [screams],  O  !  le  mignon  !  le  tres  cher  enfant  ! 
il  est  perdu  !  vere  you  put  yoursel,  monsieur  Alexis  ?  0/ 
mafoi !  mais  c'est  terrible  !  ! 

Nancy.  Don't  stand  crying  and  making  a  noise,  Miss, 
but  help  to  look  for  the  young  gentleman.  [Pulling  the 
thing  aside.] 

Count.     Mein  hind,  '  mien  sohn,^  sprich  ein  mat. 

Countess,     [calls].     Alexis  !  Alexis  ! 

Alexis  [in  a  faint  voice].  Pm  here,  dear  mother,  all  in 
the  dark. 

[  Willia?n,  Martha,  and  the  rest  begin  moving  about  the 
rubbish,  find  a  large  hole  in  the  panncl  of  the  wainscot, 
break  more  away,  and  all  go  through.] 

SCEINE  IV. — A  small  room  like  a  closet,  very  dark  ;  the  people  all  grope 
about  with  their  hands,  until  William  calls  out. 

William.  Stand  still,  all  of  you ;  I  think  I  feel  a 
shutter.  There ;  hurra !  there's  some  light  for  us  ;  now 
we  shall  see  what  we  are  about.  [Pulls  aside  an  old  shut- 
ter, and  discovers  the  inside  of  the  room,  in  which  stands  an 
old  oak  chest,  a  rusty  bunch  of  keys  hanging  in  the  lock.] 

Dame  [in  amazement].  I  never  knew  of  this  room  be- 
fore in  my  life  !  what  can  it  have  been  used  for  ? 

Squire.  Let  us  open  the  chest.  [Turns  the  key  with 
some  difficulty.] 


f^^^^S^ 


'S^^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR  ALL  AGES. 


137 


Alexis  [putting  his  hand  in].  O,  grandfather !  here 
is  nothing  in  the  chest  but  this  old  piece  of  parchment. 
[holds  it  up.] 

Squire  [snatching  it,  and  opening  it  hastily].  Why, 
goodness  !  Molly,  look  here  !  it  is  your  grandfather's  Will ! 

Dame  [eagerly].  O  !  read  it,  Richard,  read  it.  Who 
has  he  left  the  old  house  to  ? 

Squire  [murmurs  over  pari  to  himself,  then  reads  aloud]. 
"  I  give  and  bequeath  to  my  dear  granddaughter,  Mary, 
the  child  of  my  beloved  son,  John  Dobson,  the  estate  and 
manor  of  the  Moat  House,  for  herself  and  heirs  for  ever." 

William.     Hurra  !  hurra  ! 

Dame  [crying  with  joy].  Then,  dear  Mary,  you  and 
your  darling  boy  have  got  an  English  home,  after  all. 

Countess.  Well,  dearest  mother,  and  we  will  gratefully 
share  it  with  you  sometimes,  for  if  we  had  not  brought 
this  mischievous  boy  to  see  the  tumble-down  house' of  his 
ancestors,  we  should  never  have  found  the  Will  in  this 
unheard-of  place. 

Count.  It  is  alvays  de  great  shtorms  of  Inkerlandt  dat 
brings  de  good  luck  ! 

Martha  [curtseying].  So  say  I,  my  lord,  for  they  got 
my  young  lady  a  good  husband,  and  me  not  a  bad  one. 

Squire.  Well,  let  us  all  go  down  to  the  Inn,  in  the 
village,  and  talk  over  our  plans  for  the  future.     I  think, 


^£^^^£ 


9^ 


V  il 


138 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


from  all  that  has  happened,  we  may  agree  in  the  truth  of 
the  old  proverb,  which  \turning  and  bowing  to  the  audience] 
our   friends    here    have    most  probably  guessed  ere   this. 

[CuTtaiii  falls. 


"Admirable!"  "very  good!"  "what  can  it  be?" 
were  some  of  the  expressions  heard  on  the  conclusion  of 
the  piece. 

"  Come,  come,  Maitland,  you  know  all  about  it,  of 
course,"  remarked  Mr.  Mason  of  the  match  ;  "tellus  what 
the  proverb  is." 

"  Indeed,"  replied  Mr,  Maitland,  "  I  am  as  much  in  the 
dark  as  yourself;  but  I  will  give  a  guess.  How  must  we 
summon  one  of  the  Dramatis  Personae?"  turning  to  Miss 
Chapman. 

"Thus,"  she  answered,  applying  a  small  silver  whistle 
to  her  lips,  in  obedience  to  whose  shrill  call.  Squire  Dobson 
stood  again  before  the  audience. 

"  I  am  requested  to  ask  whether  your  Acted  Proverb 
was  that  of  '  Where  there's  a  ivill  there's  a  Way  T"  ob- 
served Mr.  Maitland,  standing  up  and  addressing  John. 

"  It  was  not,  sir,"  replied  the  Squire,  with  a  bow,  and 
again  retired. 

"  I  say,  Cameron,"  said  Mr.  Barnes,  in  a  low  and  half 
apologetic  tone,  to  his  young  friend,  "  here's  a  pretty  go ; 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES. 


139 


that  stupid  man  of  mine  has  brought  my  pony  with  the 
saddle  on,  instead  of  putting  him  in  the  gig.  I  fear  you 
must  walk  home." 

"  No,  no,"  said  kind  Mrs.  Beaumont,  who  overheard  the 
conversation,  "  your  friend  must  stay  here  to-night.  It 
will  be  but  putting  one  more  into  the  omnibus." 

"  If  my  man  had  not  been  so  thoughtless  and  stupid, 
you  would  not  have  had  the  pleasure  of  being  Mrs.  Beau- 
mont's guest,  James,"  said  Mr.  Barnes;  "you  see,  that 
must  be  an  ill  wind  that  blows  no  one  any  good.'" 

"  That's  it^  Barnes,  that's  zY,"  cried  Cameron,  in  delight, 
and  hitting  his  friend  a  hearty  slap  on  the  back. 

"That's  what,  James?"  he  asked,  in  amazement  and 
slight  paiTi,  from  his  friend's  enthusiasm. 

"  The  proverb,  the  proverb,  man.  Here.  Miss  Chapman, 
call  your  friend  the  Squire — *  Whistle,  and  helZ  come  to 
you,'  or  lend  it  to  me,  will  you?"  and  receiving  the  tiny 
instrument  from  her  hands,  he  blew  it  so  long,  so  loud  and 
shrilly,  that  the  curtain  rose  again,  and  the  whole  of  '  the 
company'  stood  arrayed  before  a  pretty  drop  scene,  to  hear 
why  they  were  thus  summoned.     Mr.  Maitland  spoke  : — 

"  Noble  Countess,  gentle  Dame,  fair  Count,  and  honest 
Squire,  and  you,  good  Yeoman,  with  your  comely  wife; 
we've  called  you  here  once  more,  before  your  sympathiz- 
ing friends,  to  hear  our  hearty  congratulations,  and  receive 


140 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


our  thanks.  The  happy  denouement  to  all  your  -varied 
ills  has  proved  to  our  satisfaction,  as  you  wished  it  would, 
that 

'  It  is  an  ill  wind  that  blows  no  one  any  good.' 

And  for  the  admirable  manner  in  which  it  has  been  repre- 
sented, 1  beg,  in  the  name  of  the  whole  house^  to  thank 
you  most  sincerely." 

A  hearty  clapping  of  hands,  and  rounds  of  applause, 
followed  this  address  ;  and  '  the  manager'  then  said,  "  In 
the  name  of  myself  and  *  company,'  I  thank  you  for  your 
indulgence  and  your  praise.  The  happy  results  which 
have  attended  our  efforts,  prove  that  in  performing  one 
proverb  we  have  realized  another  : — 

'  All's  well  that  ends  well.' " 

The  dramatic  group  then  made  a  respectful  obeisance,  and 
the  cMXtB.m  finally  feli  for  the  evening. 

The  guests  now  began  to  depart,  all  highly  pleased  with 
the  diversity  and  novelty  of  their  evening's  entertainment, 
and  Mrs.  Beaumont  gave  a  verbal  invitation  to  a  few  of 
her  most  intimate  acquaintance,  to  come  on  Tuesday  to  a 
little  party  she  contemplated,  in  quite  a  different  style. 
As  the  last  carriage  drove  from  the  door,  her  daughter  and 
grandchildren  insisted  upon 'her  immediately  retiring  to 
rest. 


Cit^-^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


141 


"Kiss  me,  my  darlings,"  said  the  amiable  old  lady. 
"  Shake  hands,  my  friends.  It  will  be  allowable  to  be  half 
an  hour  later  at  breakfast  to-morrow  : — 

'  To  each  and  all  a  fair  good  night, 
And  pleasant  dreams,  and  slumbers  light.'" 

"  Hollo !  old  chap,"  cried  John,  as  James  Cameron 
joined  them  ;  "  what,  you  are  for  the  Bus,  are  you  ?  Well, 
•  King  George,'  here  is  Monsieur  le  Conducteur,  so  you 
must  tip  him  to  let  you  come  in." 

"  Now,  lads,"  said  George,  prudently,  as  they  arrived 
at  their  exalted  situation,  "  pray  don't  talk  any  more  to- 
night. I  am  sure  we  have  all  done  enough  of  that  for  one 
evening;  and  as  for  John,  I  should  think  he  has  not  an- 
other '  word  to  throw  at  a  dog.' " 

"  My  dear  fellow,  I  could  not  even  '  say  bo  to  a  goose,'" 
replied  John,  yawning,  "  so  pray  don't  ask  me.  Good  night. 
Shut  the  door,  Conductor,  and  drive  on,  Morpheus." 


T^^^e^ 


Q^': 


■i^^m 


142  HINTS  FOR  HAPPY  HOURS  ; 


CHAPTER  X. 

PERILOUS    PLEASURES. MISS    CHAPMAN's    DIARY. —CHRISTMAS 

TREES  IN  SILESIA. — ST.  GEORGE's    HALL  AT  ST.  PETERSBURG. 

A  MERRY,  talking,  laughing,  getting-up  was  that  of  the 
next  morning  !  and  in  each  room  the  occupants  had  so  much 
to  say,  and  to  do,  in  their  recapitulations  of  last  night's 
amusements,  that  the  breakfast-bell  rung  twice  its  cheerful 
summons  ere  the  oak  parlor  received  its  complement  of 
guests. 

"  Now,  dear  grandmother,"  said  Mary,  anxiously,  "  you 
must  be  very  quiet  to-day." 

"  I  think  a  sledging  down  to  Ferndale  this  bright  morning 
^ould  be  quite  refreshing,"  returned  her  grandmother. 
*'  You  know  I  hope  to  have  another  party  on  Tuesday,  but 
as  some  of  my  principal  wished-for  guests  have  not  receiv- 
ed their  invitation,  I  wish  to  take  it  in  person." 

"Who  is  grandmother  alluding  to?"  said  Julia,  won- 
deringly  ;  "  /have  no  idea  !" 

"  All  in  good  time,"  replied  her  grandmother,  enjoying 
their  astonishment ;  "  when  I  know  if  my  guests  can  come, 
I  will  consult  with  my  young  councillors  as  to  the  best 
mode  of  amusing  them." 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES.  143 

After  breakfast  the  parties  divided,  Mrs.  Beaumont  tak- 
ing Mrs.  Maitland,  Miss  Chapman,  and  Mr.  Cameron 
with  her. 

"  If  you  please,  dear  grandmother,  not  to  be  gone  more 
than  an  hour  and  a  half,"  pleaded  George,  "for  we  wish 
to  take  Cameron  down  the  hills,  and  I  want  Ivan  to  help 
me  to  show  off  some  of  the  '  perilous  pleasures'  which  Mr. 
Maitland  deprecates." 

"  We  will  do  our  best  to  oblige  you,"  replied  his  indul- 
gent relative ;  and  she  called  to  her  northern  coachman, 
as  soon  as  they  were  all  seated,  "  P'skerrai,  Ivan,  na  zat 
se  chas,"  (Make  haste,  Ivan,  come  back  very  soon),  in  so 
lively  a  tone,  that  the  Russian,  who  had  learned  to  love 
his  English  mistress  for  her  constant  and  thoughtful  kind- 
ness, took  off  his  picturesque  cap  with  both  his  hands,  and 
bowed  his  head  with  an  almost  reverential  feeling  at  the 
cheerful  spirit  of  his  aged  lady. 

"  Sloushi  soudarina,"  (I  hear,  madam),  he  said,  and, 
in  obedience  to  her  wishes,  his  beautiful  horses  started  off 
at  full  speed,  and  bore  them  rapidly  on  their  road  towards 
Ferndale. 

Until  the  return  of  the  sledge  party,  all  pursued  different 
ZM  amusements  ;  and  when  Ivan  was  at  liberty  to  attend  his 
yZ]  y^""^  master's  commands,  a  numerous  section  of  the  party 
jjl       accompanied  ♦  King  George,'  to  the  scene  of  his  intended 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

exploits  ;  and  after  he  had  acted  as  charioteer  to  some  of 
the  ladies,  taken  James  Cameron  down  properly  twice, 
and  thus  entrapped  him  into  a  third  ride,  in  which  he  in- 
dulged his  inclination  of  victimizing  a  novice,  he  called  to 
Ivan  to  come  and  show  off  some  of  the  modes  in  which 
this  exilarating,  but  sometimes  dangerous  sport,  may  be 
pursued.  The  sledges  being  again  placed  side  by  side, 
George  and  the  Russian  took  their  station  on  them  in  the 
various  postures  of  kneeling,  lying  flat  on  their  back,  and, 
going  head-foremost ;  and,  as  di  finale  to  their  extraordinary 
and  well-named  "  perilous  pleasure,"  they  descended 
closely  side  by  side,  with  each  an  arm  thrown  over  the  other's 
back,  and  shooting  off  with  great  rapidity,  maintained 
their  curious  interlacement  to  the  end  of  their  icy  road. 
This  feat  called  forth  great  admiration,  but  it  was  not  un- 
mixed with  fear,  and  Mr.  Maitland  joined  the  frightened 
females  in  requesting  it  might  not  be  repeated. 

"  This  amusement  must  be  particularly  gay  in  St. 
Petersburg,  I  should  think,"  observed  Cameron. 

"  Yes,"  replied  George,  "  the  variety  of  costume  gives 
an  effect  to  the  scene,  which  the  mere  coats  and  round 
hats  of  Englishmen  never  can,  but  yet,  strange  to  say,  the 
'  English'  hills,  as  they  are  termed  (meaning  those  belong- 
ing exclusively  to  the  British  residents  in  Petersburg)  are 
always  better  made,  and  more  thronged  than  any  of  the 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


145 


native  ones,  and  more  dangerous  exploits  performed  at 
them." 

"  Except  during  *  the  Butter  week,'  as  it  is  called,"  said 
Mary,  "  when  the  shows  are  all  erected  on  the  fine  Isaac's 
plain,  {tnd  the  'Ice  hills'  are  crowded  from  morning  till 
night  with  the  mujiks  and  the  country  women." 

In  the  evening  the  conversation  about  the  amusements 
of  the  previous  day  was  resumed,  and  after  the  guests  had 
reiterated  their  admiration  at  the  appearance  of  the  Christ- 
mas tree,  Mrs.  Graham  said,  "  We  saw  one  of  these  pretty 
devices  each  year  that  we  were  abroad  ;  and  my  dear 
mother  resolved  the  first  winter  we  returned  to  England 
she  would  transplant  the  '  exotic'  with  her,  but  we  have  not 
followed  our  example  in  every  respect.  They  are  in  Ger- 
many and  other  countries  carried  to  a  much  greater 
extent." 

"  The  first  we  attended,  if  you  remember,  dear  madam, 
was  at  the  Count  Kiesselwasser's,"  said  Miss  Chapman, 
"  near  Breslaw." 

*'  Yes,  and  I  recollect,  my  good  friend,  that  you  made  a 
copious  entry  in  your  amusing  journal  of  the  events  of  the 
evening,"  returned  Mrs.  Graham.  "  Suppose,  as  our 
minds  really  require  some  rest  this  evening,  as  well  as  our 
bodies,  that  you  were  to  oblige  us  by  reading  it  aloud. 
13 


wm-^E^^ 


^ 


146 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


Some  of  our  friends  may  not  be  familiar  with  the  mode  of 
keeping  Christmas  in  Germany.'* 

Miss  Chapman,  being  eagerly  pressed  to  comply  with 
this  request,  went  up  stairs  for  the  volume  of  manuscript 
desired,  and  on  her  return,  the  happy  party  drew-  closer 
round  the  cheerful  fire,  and  listened  to  her  entertaining 
narrative. 

"  Being  one  of  the  guests  invited  to  celebrate  Christmas 

Eve  at  B ,  I  went,  resolved  to  make  the  best  use  of 

my  eyes,  in  what  I  knew  would  be  to  me  a  perfectly  novel 
scene.  We  found  the  whole  of  the  family  assembled  at 
the  Chateau ;  children,  grandchildren,  uncles,  aunts,  and 
cousins,  of  all  ages,  and  from  far  and  near.  At  six  o'clock, 
the  company  were  all  requested  to  go  down  stairs,  to  the 
room  in  which  the  presents  were  to  be  given  ;  to  most  of 
those  present  this  move  was  productive  of  no  surprise, 
whatever  it  might  have  been  of  pleasure,  but  on  my  mind 
it  produced  both,  as  the  house  is  so  large,  and  so  old,  that 
a  mere  walk  through  its  rambling  passages  and  ancient 
chambers  seems  to  open  whole  pages  of  by-gone  history  to 
one's  imagination.  Down  went  the  guests  in  '  orderly  dis- 
order.' The  Count  and  his  elder  children  ;  the  Colonel  of 
the  eldest  son's  regiment ;  fathers  and  mothers  ;  the  nurses, 
with  infants  in  their  arms,  with  the  seven  little  ones  who 
could  walk  ;  uncles,  aunts,  and  guests,  pile  mile  down  we 


iw 


a^i: 


n 


SE- 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES.  147 

went  into  a  room  reserved  for  such  fetes.  The  walls  were 
painted  light  blue,  with  large  figures  on  them,  shaded  to 
represent  statues  in  relievo,  with  a  handsome  ceiling  in 
stucco.  Down  the  centre  extended  a  table  nearly  the 
length  of  the  room,  on  which  were  seven  Christmas  trees  ! 
these  were  hung  with  walnuts,  apples,  raisins,  and  sundry- 
other  eatables  ;  bits  of  colored  and  white  wax  tapers,  about 
the  size  of  a  little  finger,  were  stuck  in  the  branches,  and 
on  each  side  of  the  tree,  lines  were  chalked  on  the  table, 
dividing  it  into  compartments.  In  this  was  also  chalked 
the  name  of  the  grandchild  for  whom  the  tree  was  destined, 
and  each  division  was  filled  with  a  profusion  of  toys ;  and 
a  wax  taper  also  burned  in  a  little  tin  candlestick,  for  each 
child.  Against  the  walls  of  the  room  were  also  ranged 
tables,  and  at  one,  near  the  entrance,  sat  the  Countess. 
As  we  entered  the  room  my  eye  fell  with  interest  upon  a 
fair  girl  whom  I  had  previously  observed  up  stairs  ;  a  sym- 
pathetic feeling  evidently  prevailed  between  us  ;  she  looked 
hard  at  me,  and  smiled  :  it  touched  a  chord  of  national 
feeling.  I  spoke  a  few  words  at  a  venture  in  English,  and 
to  my  delight  found  I  was  correct,  and  that  she  was  my 
countrywoman  !  A  few  words  explained  all ;  she  was  the 
English  governess  in  the  family;  from  that  moment  she 
was  my  companion  for  the  evening,  and  I  enjoyed  the 
scene  with  twofold  zest  and  pleasure.     As  we  stood  close 


148 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


to  the  Countess,  she  said  to  my  friend,  '  a  la  droitCyMiss  A.' 
but  she  did  not  hear  her,  and  that  side  being  much  thronged 
by  persons  surrounding  the  children,  we  turned  to  the  left 
instead.  Here,  against  the  wall,  were  all  the  presents  ar- 
ranged for  the  sons — stocks,  waistcoats,  gloves,  perfumery, 
&c.  ;  it  was  like  a  bazaar.  At  this  moment  the  Count 
came  up  to  my  friend,  and  politely  said  '  Vous  n'  avez  pas 
encore  trouvee  votre  place,  Miss.'  Miss  A.  like  myself, 
had  been  too  much  absorbed  by  the  novelty  of  the  scene  to 
have  thought  of  herself,  but  she  now  followed  the  kind 
Count  round  to  the  other  side  of  the  room.  We  paused 
in  our  progress  to  give  another  glance  at  the  children  ;  who, 
each  seated  in  a  chair  at  the  table,  were  hugging  their 
dolls,  munching,  crunching,  feeding,  and  stuffing  to  their 
hearts'  content.  Arrived  at  the  table  on  the  right-hand 
side,  we  found  the  centre  occupied  by  the  Christmas  tree 
of  my  friend's  pupil,  lighted  up  similarly  to  the  others ; 
whilst  on  each  side  were  the  presents  intended  for  Miss  A. 
and  the  German  governess.  It  was  not  an  elegant  style 
of  illumination  which  designated  their  possessions,  being 
what  is  there  termed  a  wa'x  stock,  in  England  a  twirl,  such 
as  we  see  in  the  windows  of  oilmen  ;  and  their  names  be- 
ing stuck  on  with  a  pin.  The  effect  was  extraordinary  of 
all  these  wax  lights  illumined  at  once ;  the  gay  color  of 
the  walls,  the  varied  number  of  the  cadeauzy  the  sweet- 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 

meats,  bonbons,  and  toys.  Most  of  the  party,  when  they 
had  eaten  enough,  practised  economy,  and  put  out  their 
lights.  Not  so  my  fair  friend  ;  she  obliged  both  me  and 
herself  by  allowing  the  huge  wax  taper  to  burn  on,  until 
her  neighbor  extinguished  hers  !  Pretty,  useful,  and  nu- 
merous, were  the  presents  she  had  received,  and  when, 
following  the  example  of  her  German  companion,  she 
wished  to  carry  them  off  to  her  own  room,  a  basket  was 
requisite  to  hold  them  all.  A  goodly  store  there  was  of 
nick-nacks  and  eatables  !  and  a  choice  candlestick,  with 
the  proper  taper  burning  in  it,  to  light  them  to  her  store. 
I  helped  to  fill  her  basket  with  the  cakes,  apples,  ginger- 
bread, sweetmeats,  almonds,  raisins,  bonbons,  diud  chocolate. 
The  trees  were  beginning  to  be  stripped  of  their  tempting 
fruit,  the  lights  burnt  down  to  the  branches,  and  as  my 
friend  quitted  the  room  with  her  basket  on  her  arm,  a  gilt 
inkstand  in  one  hand,  and  her  china  candlestick  in  the 
other,  the  beauty  of  the  scene  seemed  all  gone,  and  I  ex- 
claimed, WMth  a  sigh,  sic  transit  gloria  mundi .'" 

A  unanimous  burst  of  thanks  and  admiration  ensued 
upon  Miss  Chapman  here  shutting  her  book,  but  Mrs. 
Beaumont  said,  "  We  have  not  quite  satisfied  our  demands 
upon  that  entertaining  volume,  my  dear;  for,  if  I  mistake 
not,  there  are  some  notes  respecting  the  celebration  of  this 
interesting  ceremony  at  the  Imperial  court  of  Eussia." 


^^^^^ 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


"  The  description  of  the  roo?n  in  which  the  Christmas 
trees  are  arranged,  is  from  my  personal  survey,  but  the 
ceremonial  itself  from  mere  heresay,"  replied  Miss  Chap- 
man. 

"  Well,  give  us  the  benefit  of  both,  if  you  please,"  said 
Mrs.  Maitland  ;  and  Miss  Chapman,  re-opening  her  MS., 
said,  "  I  will  not  trouble  you  with  the  description  of  the 
whole  of  the  magnificent  suite  of  state  rooms  in  '  the  Win- 
ter Palace,'  which  we  ♦saw  at  the  time  of  the  splendid 
spectacle  of  '  blessing  the  water,'  as  it  is  called,  but  will 
read  the  few  concluding  remarks  I  made  on  the  occasion  : — 

"From  thence  (the  Salle  de  Marechaux,  hung  round 
with  the  portraits  of  the  Marshals  engaged  in  the  allied 
army  against  France)  our  polite  friends  conducted  us  to 
the  splendid  ''Hall  of  St.  George,'  an  apartment  reserved 
expressly  for  state  receptions,  and  not  shown  to  casual  vis- 
itors. The  official  character  of  Monsieur  M.,  as  one  of  the 
'  Aides-de-camps'  at  court,  procured  us  this  favor. 

"  This  magnificent  apartment  has  the  beautiful  white 
polished  walls  and  pillars,  similar  to  those  we  had  pre- 
viously admired  in  *  la  salle  blanche,'  which  are  relieved 
by  recesses  lined  with  crimson  velvet,  in  which  stand  ex- 
quisite statues  ;  whilst  splendid  mirrors  in  alternate  com- 
partments, reflect  and  repeat  the  chaste  elegance  of  the 
whole. 


^^^^s^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR    ALL   AGES.  151 

"  At  one  end  of  this  apartment  is  raised  a  throne  of 
elegant  design  and  richly  gilt  workmanship,  surmounted 
by  a  crimson  velvet  canopy,  trimmed  with  deep  gold  fringe  ; 
on  the  same  colored  velvet,  at  the  back,  is  a  most  exquisite 
small  alto  relievo  of  St.  George  and  the  dragon  ;  the  body 
of  the  monster  is  composed  entirely  of  emeralds,  some  of 
them  of  enormous  size,  and  its  eyes  are  formed  of 
diamonds.  The  white  steed  of  the  knight  is  made  of 
dead  silver,  and  his  armor  and  the  horse's  accoutrements 
are  profusely  studded  with  precious  stones.  Madame  M. 
told  me  that  it  was  valued  altogether  at  the  large  sum  of 
£30,000  sterling!" 

"  So  far  for  my  own  personal  observation,"  continued 
Miss  Chapman ;  "  here,"  referring  to  another  part  of  her 
book,  "  is  what  a  friend  told  me  about  the  use  this  splendid 
room  is  annually  devoted  to  : — 

"  On  Christmas  eve  separate  small  tables  are  arranged 
in  the  magnificent  *  Hall  of  St.  George,'  bearing  the  dif- 
ferent Christmas  trees  designed  for  the  emperor's  children, 
which  are  always  adorned  with  a  great  variety  of  most  elab- 
orate French  confectionary  and  bonbons,  whilst  around  the 
base  of  each  tree  are  laid  the  various  cadeaux. 

"  Those  from  the  Emperor  to  the  Naslednik,  or  Czari- 
vitch  (as  the  eldest  son  is  alternately  called),  consist  prin- 


^ 


152  HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS, 


cipally  of  jewelry,   and  increase  in  value  and  brilliancy 
each  year." 

Miss  Chapman  here  closed  her  book,  and  again  received 
the  thanks  of  the  whole  party,  for  the  amusement  and 
instruction  it  had  afforded. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

PROPOSAL  FOR  A  SCHOOL  TREAT. — THE  TETE-A-TETE  INTER- 
RUPTED.— FRENCH  AND  ENGLISH  CHARADES. — ENIGMATICAL 
DINNER. 

"  I  MUST  now  request,  my  friends,  that  you  will  give  me 
your  attention  first,  and  your  advice  afterwards,  upon  a 
matter  of  some  little  importance,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont, 
rising  from  the  breakfast-table  on  Monday  morning,  and 
taking  possession  of  her  own  particular  arm-chair.  "  You 
have  all  been  so  politely  observant  of  my  desire  for  silence 
on  the  subject,  that  I  mean  now  to  reward  you  by  a  full 
disclosure  of  niy  plans  and  wishes." 

The  party,  one  and  all,  promised  their  attention  and 
assistance. 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES.  153 

"  I  wish  to  give  a  treat  to-morrow  to  the  senior  children 
of  our  Ferndale  school,"  she  resumed,  "  and  having  satis- 
factorily arranged  with  Mr.  Randolph,  the  master,  and  Miss 
Capper,  the  mistress,  for  the  required  holiday  being  allowed,, 
it  only  remains  to  decide  what  amusements  will  be  best 
for  the  children  to  join  in." 

"  The  balloon  might  be  required,"  suggested  Mrs.  Mait- 
land,  "  if  not  to  look  quite  so  gay  as  on  Friday  evening." 

"  Very  well,"  returned  Mrs.  Beaumont,  "  we  will  set 
some  of  our  youn^  ladies  to  work  with  gum  and  tissue 
paper ;  perhaps  Susan  will  prove  that  her  acquaintance 
'with  Fraulien  Nymbulhande,  has  given  her  a  right  to  the 
same  designation." 

Susan  blushed  and  smiled,  and  promised  to  do  her  best. 

"  Miss  Capper  has  taken  a  good  deal  of  pains  with  the 
girls'  singing,  by  my  particular  desire,"  continued  Mrs. 
Beaumont,  "  and  some  of  the  boys  also  have  good  voices 
and  some  knowledge  of  music  ;  so  that  if  our  clever  friend 
John,  here,  will  kindly  arrange  some  new  words  to  any 
popular  air,  in  which  a  chorus  will  be  effective,  I  think  it 
will  form  a  pleasing  variety  during  the  evening." 

"  I  will  retire  into  the  Cellaret,  and  court  the  muses  this 

Qfi         afternoon,"  replied  John,  "  and  perhaps  at  the  tea-table  I 

/  may  be  able  to  tell  you,  dear  madam,  if  my  suit  has  been 


r 


I 


14 


154 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  J 


successful.  But  I  must  have  something  more  encouraging 
than  mere  bare  walls  to  recite  my  ditties  to,  so  Mary,  you 
must  kindly  come  about  half  an  hour  hence,  and  bring  the 
guitar  with  you,  that  we  may  try  an  effect  or  two." 

Mary  promised  to  oblige  him,  and  then  her  grandmother 
continued  her  arrangements. 

"  You  now  see  for  what  I  wanted  your  theatre,  my  dears," 
she  said  ;  "  it  is  to  be  turned  into  a  regular  play-room  at 
one  period  of  the  evening,  and  convejted  into  a  '  salle  a 
manger^  at  another." 

"  We  have  been  holding  a  council  of  six,  grandmother, 
with  Mrs.  Maitland  for  our  president,"  said  George,  ad- 
vancing from  one  of  the  large  bay  windows,  "  and  we  have 
drawn  up  this  pro gramm.e  for  your  inspection  and  sanction ;" 
and  he  displayed  a  paper  to  Mrs.  Beaumont,  which  she 
perused  with  mu;:h  satisfaction. 

"  Now,  where  is  Ivan  and  his  axe  ?"  cried  George  ;  "  he 
is  a  clever  fellow,  and  uses  this  national  implement  in  a 
most  extraordinary  way.  We  must  knock  up  a  sort  of 
dais,  grandmother,  for  you  and  the  other  grandees  to  sit 
upon,  whilst  the  *  little  folks  below'  are  running  anti. 
tumbling  about ;  so  good-bye  till  dinner  time.  Come, 
lads,  leave  the  young  ladies  to  their  own  devices  for  an 
hour  or  two." 

The  seniors  found  plenty  of  employment  and  entertain- 


Slz^^^. 


a 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES.  155 

ment,  and  the  girls  were  busily  engaged  in  repairing  the 
balloon,  and  putting  in  a  quantity  of  common  nuts  and 
walnuts,  to  supply  the  place  of  the  more  rare  eatables, 
which  had  been  abstracted  and  demolished. 

"  I  wonder  how  John  and  Mary  are  getting  on  in  the 
cellaret,"  said  Julia.  "  I  should  like  to  take  a  peep  at 
them,  so  stick  this  piece  of  paper  on,  and  then  come  with 
me." 

Passing  quickly  along  the  many  windings  of  the  long 
passages,  the  mirthful  girls  at  length  stole  quietly  into  the 
old  hall;  but  they  almost  feared  their  jesting  errand  would 
prove  fruitless,  when  at  the  farther  end  they  observed 
George  and  his  three  male  companions  busily  directing  and 
assisting  Joseph  and  Ivan  in  the  movement  and  arrange- 
ment of  divers  boards,  which  now  and  then  fell  on  the 
floor  with  rather  a  startling  noise,  not  propitious  to  the 
process  of  "  composition,"  which  they  supposed  was  being 
carried  on  within  the  little  cell.  Thither,  however,  they 
crept  quietly,  as  they  saw  the  door  was  ajar,  and  Julia  and 
Susan  first  approaching  it,  heard  John  in  a  most  emphatic 
tone  making  the  inquiry — 

And  say,  when  summoned  from  the  world  and  thee, 

I  lay  my  head  beneath  the  willow  tree. 

Wilt  thou,  sweet  mourner  !  at  my  stone  appear, 

And  soothe  my  parted  spirit  ling'ring  near  7 


i56 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS 


"  He  can  never  be  going  to  arrange  those  words  to  music  !' 
whispered  Julia,  and  peeping  in,  she  saw  John  comforta 
bly  seated  in  an  old  arm-chair,  with  his  feet  upon  the 
fender  of  the  stove,  whilst  opposite  to  him  sat  Mary,  the 
guitar  hanging  listlessly  by  her  side,  and  her  looks  fastened 
upon  John's  face,  who  held  a  book  in  his  left  hand,  and 
kept  his  right  one  waving  and  swaymg  in  emphatic 
gesture. 

"  That  is  what  you  call  'courting  the  muses,'  is  it?" 
laughed  Julia.  "  Pray  which  is  the  chorus  we  are  all  to 
sing?" 

"  O,  we  have  written  that,  and  sung  it,  and  approved 
it,"  returned  John,  rallying  his  courage,  •'  and  thus  having 
done  our  work,  we  thought  it  no  harm  to  indulge  in  some 
of  '  The  Pleasures  of  Hope,'  for  the  satisfactory  conclusion 
to  our  trouble.  But,  I  say,  is  not  dinner  ready  ?  for  I  am 
getting  voraciously  hungry,"  and  so  saying,  he  put  his 
book  in  his  pocket,  and  ran  off  to  prepare  for  the  expected 
meal. 

When  the  usual  evening  gathering  took  place,  John  and 
Mary  were  both  quizzed  for  their  sly  method  of  procuring 
a  tete  a  tSte,  but  they  defended  themselves  so  cleverly  and 
good-humoredly,  that  Mrs.  Beaumont  called  "  a  truce" 
and  proposed  some  species  of  amusement  for  the  party. 

"  I  should  like  a  hit  or  two  at  backgammon,"  she  said, 


m^^^^^. 


OK    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES.  157 

"  if  Mr.  Maitland  will  indulge  an  old  woman.  Miss 
Chapman,  attack  your  friend  Richard  at  chess  ;  I  hear  he 
is  an  adept.  Come,  my  friends,  what  will  the  rest  of 
you  do  ?" 

"  We  have  been  very  idle  lately,  grandmother,"  re- 
turned Julia,  "  so  we  will  work  a  little,  and  make  these 
young  gentlemen  amuse  us  by  giving  us  some  charades  or 
puzzles." 

"  I  have  some  very  good  charades,  fair  Julia,"  said  John. 
"  which  I  will  fetch  from  my  room ;"  and  in  a  short  time 
he  had  again  seated  himself  by  her  side,  with  a  porte 
feuillem  his  hand."  "Now  then,"  he  said,  "'lend  me 
your  ears,'  as  the  Turks  say.     This  is  an  easy  one  : — 

When  foreign  nations  leagued  in  fight 

Our  realm  to  overthrow ; 
Upon  my  first  Britannia's  might 

Subdued  the  haughty  foe. 
In  many  a  hall,  where  fashion  reigns 

And  ennui  holds  her  power. 
Attention  oft  my  second  gains, 

To  wile  the  tedious  hour. 
My  whole  beheld  a  glorious  fray, 

That  beat  a  hero  down, 
And  won,  on  that  eventful  day, 

Another's  laurel-crown. 


e?^^^^^ 


158 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS ; 


"  I  have  it,  I  have  it,"  cried  Julia ;  "  it  is  Waterloo." 
"  Quite  right,  fair  lady.     Now  for  a  bit  of  the  tender 
and  sentimental ; — 

Seated  beneath  the  arching  bough, 

A  fountain  sparkling  nigh, 
With  guardian  Water-god  below, 

Sweet  odors  floating  by, 
Oft  has  my  Jirst,  with  blush  and  sighs, 

Been  sever'd  from  the  fair  ; 
Who  to  her  lover,  the  rich  prize 

My  second  scarcely  dare. 
If  whilst  this  hlissful  period  flies 

Some  spy  should  do  ray  whole, 
They'd  wish  the  Water-god  to  rise, 
'  And  drown  him  in  the  bowl.' 
"  It  is  what  you  do  even  now  on  my  good  temper  and 
patience,    John,"    said   his    aunt,    *'  by    twisting   up   my 
netting  silk  into  all  sorts  of  kno.ts,  during  your  reading — 
trespass. ^^ 

"  Aye,  aye,  aunt,  you  have  '  sat  beneath  the  arching 
bough'  yourself  not  so  many  years  since,"  laughed  John, 
"  or  you  would  not  so  quickly  have  found  it  out." 

"Go  on,  you  saucy  lad,  with  your  reading,"  said  his 
uncle,  from  the  backgammon  table,  "  or  I  shall  send  one  ol 
my  men  at  your  head." 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES, 


159 


"  The  next  is  in  quite  a  different  style ;  martial,  yet 
melancholy  ;  monitory  and  memorable  : — 

^  When  to  the  field  the  hero  goes, 

For  conquest  wild,  for  fame  athirst, 
Feeble  would  fall  his  sabre's  blows, 
If  forged  without  my Jirst. 

Without  my  second  if  we  see, 
One  who  would  strive  our  love  to  win, 
O  !  may  we  all  his  presence  fiee, 
For  he  is  false  within. 

And  when  upon  the  scaffold  died, 
One  who  had  sat  upon  a  throne. 
My  whole  stood  faithful  by  his  side 
Undaunted,  though  alone ! 

A  few  guesses  were  of  course  made  upon  the  name  of 
our  own  unfortunate  monarch,  Charles  I.  but  unsuccessful- 
ly, until  Mrs.  Maitland  again  relieved  their  doubts,  by 
saying,  "  Who  has  not  read,  and  remembered,  that  mem- 
orable speech  to  the  unfortunate  Louis  XVI.  of  *  Fils  de 
Saint  Louis,  montez  au  ciei !"  made  by  the  Abbe  Edge- 
worth  r 

'"  Here  is  a  French  charade  for  you,  Julia,"  said  John, 
archly  ;  "  you  will  be  sure  to  guess  it,  for  it  is  what  all 
ladies  are  fond  of  : — 


2^^S~i^" 


160 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS; 


Men  'premier  est  un  des  elements,  ^ 

Mon  second  un  mot  souvent  va, 
Men  troisieme,  tu  le  re9ois  en  naissance 
Et  mon  tout  est  une  liqueur  tres  forte." 
"  Really,  John,  you  are  enough  to  make  one  need  your 
eau-de-vie,  to  keep  one  from  fainting  under  your  impel ti- 
nences,"  she  replied. 

"  I  will  make  V  amende  honorable  : — 
Mon  premier  est  un  metal  precieux, 
Mon  second  (ion  image,  qui),  habite  les  cieux, 
Et  mon  tout  est  un  fruit  delicieux. 
"Your  addition  gives  the  key  to  it,"  she  answered, 
with  a  smile.     "  When  you  want  to  puzzle  any  one,  do 
not  be  so  complimentary." 

"  Here  is  a  French  one  for  you,  Mary,"  said  he,  "  as 
you  are  such  an  admirer  of  '  la  belle  science  ;'  tell  us  the 
reason  for  this  strange  reluctance  on  the  part  of  your  sable 
sisters." 

"  Pourquoi  les  negresses  refusent  elles  d'  apprendre  la 
musique  ?" 

"  Parcequ'on  leur  dit,  qu'une  blanche  vaut  deux  noires,"* 
answered  Mary,  quickly. 

"  The   next  is   one  of  my   own,"  said   John,    "  so   be 
lenient  : — 
*  A  '  blanche,'  in  music  signifies  one  minum,  and  a  '  noire,'  a  crotchet. 


'^^s^^2 


OR  AMT7SEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES.  161 

From  Persia's  royal  head  remove 

One  letter — that's  my  first ; 
From  every  spray,  in  every  grove, 

In  spring  my  next  will  burst. 

When  '  Wakefield's  Vicar'  sent  his  son, 

To  sell  his  fav'rite  nag, 
He  deem'd  the  spectacles  he  won, 

My  whole,  bore  in  his  bag. 

But  when  the  treach'rous  fraud  he  found, 

He  burnt  with  rage  and  shame, 
And  felt  a  word  of  equal  sound, 

That  is  not  spelt  the  same. 

"  That  is  to  say,"  said  John,  when  the  party  had  given 
this  up,  "  his  was  '  a  case  of  chagrin,'  instead  of  the  spec- 
tacles each  having  a  shagreen  case." 

"  What  have  you  got  there,  John  ?"  asked  Julia,  eager- 
ly, as  she  tried  to  take  possession  of  a  sheet  of  paper 
covered  with  strange-looking  figures. 

"  Patience,  patience,  my  fair  friend,  you  shall  see  it  in 
good  time,  but  guess  these  charades  first,  my  stock  is  all 
but  exhausted : — 

My  first  is  a  small  preposition, 
My  second  is  part  of  a  wheel. 
My  whole,  in  a  belle  of  condition. 
To  the  purse  makes  a  frequent  appeal. 


1G2 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


" '  Proof  required,'  as  they  say  in  ,  the  schools,"  said 
Cameron. 

"  And  she  shall  walk  in  silk  attire,'"  parodied  John,  in 
answer.     "  Now  for  my  last  to-night : — 

My  first  is,  when  Irish,  oftentimes  relished, 

My  second  in  Cromwell  we  trace, 
My  whole  is  a  House,  whose  last  scion  has  perished, 

And  Victoria  sits  in  their  place. 

"  King   George   ought   to   answer    that,"    said    Jessie. 

"  Well,  then,"  he  replied,  "  the  first  is  the  Stew  my 
sister  Julia  has  long  been  in  to  look  at  John's  hieroglyphi- 
cal  paper,  and  the  second  is  the  art,  with  which  he  has 
prevented  her  so  doing." 

"  But  which  I  now  present  to  the  fair  lady,  sincerely 
wishing   her  a    good  appetite  and  digestion,"  said  John. 

The  paper  was  covered  with  large  and  small  octagonal 
devices,  varied  with  circles  and  ovals,  and  having  four  small 
figures,  shaped  like  bottles,  placed  at  the  corners.  In  each 
of  these  devices  were  written  some  words,  and  Julia  dis- 
covered, upon  a  nearer  inspection,  that  what  had  so  greatly 
excited  her  surprise  and  curiosity,  was  neither  more  nor 
less  than  an  E?iigmatical  Dinner,  whose  rather  heterogene- 
ous dishes  spoke  more  for  the  liberality  of  the  spirit  which 
dictated  the  repast,  than  for  the  elegance  of  the  taste 
which  arranged  them  in  the  following  "  admired  dis- 
order :" — 


^^=-^trj 


:r52 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES. 


163 


The  sailor's 
delight. 


Melancholy   soup, 
changing  a  letter. 


An  Island  in  the 
Atlantic. 


S5 


Part  of  a  shoe, 
Fried. 


The  sixteenth  letter 
and  every  one. 


Musical 
Instruments. 


°3         .. 


o 

O    OJ 

.2  2 


A  much  esteemed  Knight, 
roasted. 


A  province  in 
France. 


The  soldier's 
habitation. 


O    09 


A  colored 
measurement. 

Running 
water. 

Wine  in 
a  skin. 


A  field. 


The  Grand  Seignor's 
dominions 
in  chains. 

A  thing  of 
no  consequence. 

The  ornamental  part 
of  the  head  roasted. 


a 

(3 

<! 


A  high  hill. 


A  lean  wife 
roasted. 


The  first 
temptation. 

A  sum  of 
money. 

A  silly  bird 
and  wild  fruit. 

> 


Troublesome  people. 


i.2 

^•3 


Married  folks. 


The  capital  of 
Portugal. 


The  roost  of  a  bird 
broiled. 


Tranquillity  soup, 
adding  a  letter. 


13  cr 


Counterfeit 
agony. 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 


CHAPTER  XII. 


THE     FERNDALE     SCHOOL. THE     PROCESSION. HUNTING     THE 

BELL. MUFTL ARITHMETICAL     PUZZLES. THE     BALLOON 

RESTORED. ROSE    DANCE. THE    BUMPER    AT    PARTING. 


The  last  bright  gleams  of  the  declining  sun  shone  through 
the  leafless  branches  of  the  stately  old  elms,  when  the 
lively  strains  of  the  Ferndale  band  were  heard  approaching 
the  Grange ;  and  shortly  afterwards  the  parties  stationed 
at  the  windows  of  the  oak  parlor  discerned  the  expected 
guests. 

The  procession  which  approached  had  a  very  pretty  and 
peculiar  effect.  First  walked  a  man  supporting,  with  some 
difficulty,  a  royal  standard,  borrowed  from  'the  Club'  for 
the  occasion;  next  followed  the  'Ferndale  brass  band,' 
arrayed  in  their  smart  uniform,  and  making  '  the  welkin 
ring'  with  their  inspiring  tones.  After  them  came  two  of 
the  senior  boys,  each  carrying  a  large  garland  on  a  long 
pole,  and  composed  of  ivy  and  the  red-berried  holly.  Mr. 
Harrison  and  the  venerable  parish  clerk  were  the  next  in 
order,  after  whom  came  the  thirty  school  girl«,  two  and 
two,  headed  by  their  neat  and  pretty  young  mistress,  who 
bore  a  white  staff  bedecked  with  colored  streamers  of  rib- 


Q^::^ 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL    AGES. 


165 


bon.  The  union  jack,  borne  aloft  by  a  pair  of  stalwart 
arms,  next  caught  the  frosty  air,  and  then  the  school-boys 
in  orderly  array,  with  Mr.  Biddulph,  and  his  ward  of 
office,  closed  the  line. 

The  clock  in  the  old  Tower  struck  four,  as  the  proces- 
sion drew  up  at  the  entrance  to  the  Grange,  and  the  nail- 
studded  door  being  flung  wide  open,  the  fine  spacious  hall 
became  visible,  nearly  filled  with  the  guests,  children,  and 
domestics  of  the  venerable  owner,  who,  advancing  from 
the  group,  gave  a  kind  and  hearty  welcome  to  the  village 
throng.  The  '  cellaret'  was  soon  converted  into  an  extern- 
•pore  '  cloak  (or  rather  tippet)  room,'  and  the  youthful 
guests  seated  on  forms  around  temporary  tables,  which  ex- 
hibited a  profusion  of  ^lumcake,  platefuls  of  bread  and 
butter,  and  other  tempting  accompaniments  to  the  sweet 
and  excellent  tea,  which  soon  threw  its  'fragrant  steam' 
over  the  well-spread  board. 

Julia,  Mary,  and  George,  were  ably  supported  by  their 
young  guests  in  their  duties  as  waiters  upon  the  rustic 
company,  and.  much  amused  at  their  feats  in  the  consump- 
tion of  the  cakes  and  tea.  But  even  the  appetite  of  village- 
school  children  has  a  limit,  and  at  length  all  were  suffi- 
ciently satisfied  to  allow  the  tables  to  be  cleared  and  re- 
moved. 

A  temporary  absence  into  the  housekeeper's  room  gave 


166  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

the  required  space  for  this  movement,  and  then  began  the 
entertainments,  as  set  forth  in  George's  programme. 

The  dais  had  been  duly  raised,  and  prettily  decorated 
with  evergreens,  holly-berries  strung  in  chains,  and  fes- 
tooned from  one  green  garland  to  another,  and  interspersed 
with  small  paper  banners  and  scrolls,  bearing  such  appro- 
priate mottoes  as  '  Merit  meets  its  reward.' — '  Be  merry 
and  wise.' — '  Work  well,  play  well,'  et  cetera.  Two  large 
staples  had  been  driven  into  the  wall  to  support  the  ex- 
pected flags,  which  hung  in  very  graceful  folds  behind  Mrs. 
Beaumont's  chair,  who  was  seated  in  the  centre  of  the 
platform  with  her  gentry  guests  on  either  side,  and  the 
band  was  stationed  at  the  other  end  of  the  large  room,  and 
some  of  the  more  noisy  instruments  dispensed  with. 

The  junior  Maitlands  and  their  cousins  again  joined 
'  King  George'  and  his  sisters  in  arranging  a  vocal  group, 
and  the  village  scholars,  forming  side  chorusses,  commenced 
with  the  band  accompaniment,  John's  new  adaptation  to 
the  favorite  air  of 

Auld  Lang  Syne. 

Who  has  not  heard  the  wide-spread  fame 
Of  Beaumont's  ancient  line, 
That  earn'd  a  lov'd  and  honor'd  name, 
In  days  of  Auld  Lang  Syne  ? 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR  ALL  AGES.  107 

In  arts,  in  arms,  in  peace,  in  war, 
They  ever  foremost  stood. 
The  Christian's  purse,  the  hero's  car, 
Each  aid  their  country's  good. 

Chorus. 
Then  help  to  eing  the  wide-spread  fame 
Of  Beaumont's  ancient  line, 
Who  earn'd  a  lov'd  and  honor'd  name. 
In  days  of  Auld  Lang  Syne. 

And  she,  who  long  has  fill'd  their  place, 

And  borne  that  honor'd  name, 

For  gen'rous  deeds,  for  kindly  grace. 

Our  love  and  homage  claim. 

She  aids  the  poor  with  heart  and  hand. 

Content  and  toil  to  blend  ; 

Is  lib'ral,  courteous,  pitying,  bland, 

To  every  rank  a  friend. 

Chorus. 
Then  help  to  sing  the  wide-spread  fame 
Of  Beaumont's  ancient  line. 
Our  hostress  well  becomes  the  name, 
Belov'd  in  Auld  Lang  Syne. 

The  amiable  old  lady  was  much  gratified  by  this  unex- 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


pected  tribute,  and  the  chorus,  which  was  given  with  right 
good  will. 

And  now  began  a  merry  scene — two  boys  and  two  girls 
were  selected  from  the  rest,  and  their  eyes  tightly  band- 
aged. They  w^ere  then  led  into  the  middle  of  the  room, 
and  the  rest  formed  a  circle  round  them  at  the  extent  of 
their  joined  hands.  Into  this  circle  one  more  was  now  ad- 
mitted, no  other  than  our  friend  John,  who,  after  his  fort- 
night's rest,  and  careful  tending  of  his  ancle^  seemed  to  have 
regained  all  his  wonted  activity.  His  eyes  were  as  active 
and  untrammelled  as  his  limbs,  and  in  his  right  hand  he 
carried  a  small  silver  bell ;  stationing  himself  close  behind 
one  of  the  blindfolded  girls,  he  rang  a  sharp  peal  in  her 
startled  ear,  and  before  she,  or  her  companions  could  turn 
to  the  spot  with  outstretched  arms,  he  had  run  to  the  other 
side  of  the  circle  and  repeated  his  alarum,  which  again 
drew  them  towards  the  part  he  instantly  quitted.  The 
rapidity  of  John's  movement,  the  cautious  steps  and  sud- 
den turns  of  the  blinded  searchers^  the  extraordinary  man- 
ner in  which  he  contrived  to  escape  from  their  grasp,  and 
the  awkward  astonishment  exhibited  in  the  wondering 
gestures  of  his  pursuers,  produced  shouts  of  laughter  from 
the  circle  round,  to  the  majority  of  whom  this  game  of 
'  hunting  the  bell'  was  a  complete  novelty.  John's  faith- 
less ancle  at  length  gave  him  a  most  desperate  twinge  as 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


169 


he  was  turning  sharp  round  (after  darting-  under  the  arms 
of  two  of  his  male  pursuers,  who  had  joined  hands),  and 
the  pause  he  was  compelled  to  make,  to  recover  from  the 
pain,  made  him  an  easy  prey  to  the  bewildered  children, 
who  now  had  to  guess  the  name  of  their  prisoner. 

Jane,  anxious  to  prevent  her  brother  from  resuming  his 
exertions  at  present,  whispered  the  required  information  to 
one  of  the  girls,  who  thereupon  with  great  glee  emanci- 
pated herself  from  her  bandage,  by  proclaiming,  in  a  loud 
voice,  "It  is  Mr.  Harper  from  London." 

Mrs.  Beaumont  now  insisted  upon  it,  that  John  should 
not  again  take  an  active  part  in  the  amusement  he  had  so 
successfully  begun,  and  one  of  the  boys  who  had  been 
blindfolded,  becoming  the  bell-ringer,  Julia  and  Kichard 
took  the  place  of  him  and  John's  captor. 

The  less  practised,  and  heavier  shod  rustic,  could  not 
compete  in  activity  with  his  predecessor,  but  he  contrived 
to  keep  the  bell  in  pretty  good  play,  and  was  at  length 
raptured  by  Julia,  who,  by  dint  of  a  sly  push  of  her  band- 
age, was  able  to  identify  him  as  'William  Jones.'  One 
most  amusing  part  of  the  game  was  exhibited  when  Julia 
thus  became  the  '  belW  of  the  circle,  for  being  as  light  and 
active  as  John,  she  eluded  all  efforts  to  secure  her,  and  in 
so  doing  the  eagerly  extended  arms  frequently  embraced 
15 


170 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


one  another,  and  it  was  with  the  greatest  difficulty  tell-tale 
mirth  could  be  repressed,  whilst  the  muffled  ones  were 
feeling  over  the  hands  and  faces  of  their  supposed  captive, 
until  the  bandaged  forehead  told  of  their  fruitless  toil. 

"  There's  sympathy  embodied,"  cried  John,  as  he  watch- 
ed with  much  amusement  a  scene  like  the  above. 

"  Sympathy !  Mr.  Harper ;  I  do  not  comprehend  you," 
said  a  middle-aged  lady,  wearing  rather  a  severe  looking 
head-dress  ;  "  explain,  if  you  please." 

"It  is  a  ^  felloic  feeling^  for  ^fellow  crea^wre,  ma'am," 
said  John,  demurely  ;  and  the  laugh  with  which  his  an- 
swer was  greeted,  proved  that  the  joke  had  told. 

After  some  period  of  perseverance  in  this  new  game, 
'King  George'  referred  to  his  programme,  and  thirteen 
chairs  were  ordered  into  the  room,  for  the  accessaries  to  a 
game  of  '  Mufti.'  Fourteen  youthful  guests  being  selected 
in  couples,  the  band  was  desired  to  play,  and,  selecting  a 
tune  at  once  lively  and  martial,  the  game  began.  Most 
people  know  that  it  consists  in  this — The  chairs  are  placed 
close  together,  alternately  back  and  front ;  the  players 
walk,  or  rather  glide,  round  them,  keeping  tune  to  the 
music  ;  after  three  or  four  times  pacing  the  dizzy  round,  the 
well-tutored  band  stopt  suddenly,  and  each  boy  and  girl 
dropt  as  soon  as  possible  into  the  chair  nearest  them. 
As  there  was  one  less  cha4r  than  persons  to   fill  them,  it 


5S3 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


followed,  as  a  thing  of  course,  that  some  one  must  rerimin 
unseated,  and  the  excitement  and  amazement  of  the  game, 
consists  in  the  desire  and  efforts  of  each  party  to  secure  a 
chair.  It  was  one  of  the  hoys  who  in  this  first  struggle 
was  unsuccessful ;  and  he  having  retired,  another  chair 
was  removed,  to  continue  the  excitement.  The  leader  of 
the  band  entered  into  the  spirit  of  the  scene,  and  after 
each  sudden  stop  in  the  music,  and  consequent  decrease  in 
the  candidates  for  chairing,  he  played  more  and  more 
lively  airs,  and  in  quicker  time,  so  that  by  the  time  the 
seven  couples  had  been  reduced  to  two,  in  the  persons  of 
Jessie  and  George,  and  only  one  chair  remained  for  occu- 
pancy, their  merry  chase  round  and  round  the  coveted 
seat  was  a  perfect  whirl  of  excitement.  In  another  mo- 
ment the  tune  ceased.  Jessie  sunk  down  in  the  chair  with 
a  laugh  of  delight,  and  George  was  left  minus ;  whilst 
acclamations  and  clapping  of  hands  followed  the  young 
lady's  triumph  !  John  then  spoke  to  Mr.  Biddulph,  and 
as,  in  obedience  to  Mrs.  Beaumont's  wishes,  the  boys  had 
come  provided  with  their  slates  and  pencils,  they  were 
now  drawn  from  their  receptacle  amongst  the  caps  and 
bonnets,  and  slung  in  the  true  school  fashion  round  their 
neck ;  they  then  stood  in  front  of  the  platform,  and  Mrs. 
Graham,  by  her  mother's  request,  put  some  Arithmetical 
puzzles  before  them,  as  a  relief  to  the  more  active  sports. 


&\^^^^ 


172 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ', 


Mrs.  Graham's  first  query  was  the  following  :  "  What 
is  the  least  number  that  can  be  divided  by  each  of  the 
nine  digits,  1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7,  8,  9,  without  leaving  a 
remainder  ?" 

Away  went  the  busy  pencils  to  work,  and  in  less  time 
than  could  possibly  have  been  expected,  three  boys  out  of 
the  selected  twelve  held  forth  their  slates  for  inspection ; 
and  Mr.  Maitland,  who  had  the  solution  to  the  several  rid- 
dles committed  to  his  care,  pronounced  that  the  '2520,' 
thereon  placed,  gave  the  correct  answer. 

Mrs.  Beaumont  then  called  the  successful  respondents 
nearer  to  her,  and  gave  them  each  a  small  book,  as  a  prize 
for  their  quickness. 

Mrs.  Graham  proceeded  in  her  puzzling  questions  : — 
."  How  long  a  time  would  it  take  to  count  a  million  of  sov- 
ereigns, supposing  a  man  could  count  sixty  in  a  minute,  and 
worked  ten  hours  a  day  ?  " 

Several  of  the  youthful  gentry  hazarded  a  guess,  varying 
from  two  days  to  fourteen  ;  but  the  school-boys  went  sys- 
tematically to  work  with  their  slates  and  pencils,  and  in  a 
short  time  several  of  the  former  were  again  presented  to 
Mr.  Maitland,  with  the  correct  solution  of,  27  days,  7  hours, 
46  minutes,  40  seconds. 

"  Well,  they  do  you  vast  credit,  Mr.  Biddulph,"  said 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL    AGES. 


173 


John,  admiringly.  "  I  know  ive  could  not  have  come  that 
so  quickly  at  our  school !" 

"It  is  practice  makes  perfect,  sir,"  returned  Mr.  Bid- 
dulph,  making  an  unintentional  pun. 

Prizes  were  again  awarded  to  the  clever  lads,  and  an- 
other puzzle  proposed  : — 

*'  A  hundred  hurdles  may  he  so  placed  as  to  enclose  two 
hundred  sheep.  How  many  will  it  require  to  hold  four 
hundred  sheep  ? " 

Julia  here  observed  a  little  girl  whispering  earnestly  to 
Miss  Capper,  who  smiled  and  nodded  in  return,  and  upon 
inquiry,  found  that  Eliza  Green  "  thought  she  could  an- 
swer that." 

The  child  was  therefore  brought  forward,  and  dropping 
a  courtsey  to  Mrs.  Beaumont,  said  :  "  If  you  please,  ma'art^ 
I  should  put  forty-nine  hurdles  at  each  side,  and  one  at 
each  end,  to  hold  the  two  hundred  sheep ;  and  then  I 
should  only  want  two  more  hurdles,  one  at  the  top,  and 
one  at  the  bottom,  to  make  it  twice  as  many.'" 

Eliza  Green  felt  amply  rewarded  for  her  ingenuity  by  the 
present  of  a  pretty  and  entertaining  little  book. 

"  How  many  different  hands  can  be  held  at  the  game  of 
Whist?"  continued  Mrs.  Graham. 

Mr.  Biddulph  explained  to  his  boys  of  how  many  cards  a 
pack  consisted,  and  that  thirteen  constituted  a  hand ;  and 


^^^^ 


174 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    POR    ALL    AGES. 


then,  after  a  long-er  calculation  than  heretofore,  the  head 
boy  .of  the  school,  James  Thompson,  gave  the  enormous 
product  of  63,501,055,960,  which  Mr.  Maitland  said,  "ac- 
cording to  his  paper,  was  correct,  and  he  was  sure  he 
could  not  gainsay  it." 

James  Thompson  was  accordingly  presented  with  a  very 
nice  book,  and  Mrs.  Beaumont  then  said,  "  You  must  now 
have  some  more  play,  or  you  will  think  yourselves  still  at 
school." 

They  then  formed  a  ring  again,  and  Susan  introduced 
the  graceful  and  pretty  dance  of  '  the  Rose'  to  the  notice 
of  the  well-pleased  children,  who  were  all  delighted  when 
their  own  turn  came  to  exhibit  the  preference  and  innocent 
flirting  this  dance  permits  to  the  holder  of  the  '  flower.' 
When  they  had  rested  awhile,  after  this  exercise,  John 
called  his  choristers  together  again,  and  they  sung  the  fol- 
lowing animating  parody,  or  imitation  of  *  Here's  a  health 
to  all  good  lasses.' 


Raise  your  voices,  lads  and  lasses, 
Come,  arrange  yourselves  in  classes, 

Not  for  learning,  but  for  play. 
Here  we  take  our  fill  of  pleasure, 
Without  checking,  without  measure, 

For  'tis  New  Year's  holiday. 


^5?S-^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


175 


Some  are  dancing, 

Cornets  blowing ; 

Bright  eyes  glancing, 

Cheeks  are  glowing. 
We  are  merry  lads  and  lasses, 
We'll  divide  ourselves  in  classes^ 
Not  for  learning,  but  for  play. 

The  door  now  opened,  and  Joseph  and  Ivm.  bore  in  the 
renovated  balloon,  which  was  regarded  by  the  school- 
children with  great  astonishment.  Willing  hands  were 
speedily  found  to  hold  it  in  an  upright  position,  until  a 
ladder  could  be  procured  to  rest  against  the  large  beams  of 
the  ancient  ceiling,  into  one  of  which  a  hook  had  been  al- 
ready fixed  to  hold  'the  swinging  treasury,'  which  was 
speedily  hoisted  to  its  destination.  In  obedience  to  John's 
advice,  two  *  classes,'  or  companies,  were  now  formed  to 
attack  this  '  Castle  of  comfits,'  from  which  one  of  each 
side  were  selected  for  the  purpose  of  beginning  the  onset, 
and  a  merry  scene  immediately  ensued.  The  blinded 
champions  quite  as  frequently  clashed  their  sticks  together, 
as  aimed  a  successful  blow  at  the  balloon,  and  even  now 
and  then  received  a  smart  rap  on  their  own  shoulders, 
which  had  been  intended  for  a  very  different  purpose. 

Still  some  blows  told,  and  the  showers  of  nuts  and  com- 
fits were  eagerly  appropriated  by  the  surrounding  children. 


176 


HINTS   FOR  HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


The  duration  of  each  attack  was  to  be  regulated  by  the 
the  music  of  the  band,  who  had  inspired  the  pair  by  play- 
ing a  martial  air,  and  upon  this  stopping,  the  first  two 
ceased  their  attacks,  removed  their  bandages,  and  were 
succeeded  by  another  couple  of  aspirants.  When  the 
once  gay  balloon  was  nearly  denuded  of  its  outward  cover- 
ing, and  the  inner  compartments  laid  bare  like  the  interior 
of  a  beehive,  George  cried.  Halt !  and  the  exciting  exer- 
cise was  discontinued.  The  children  were  then  marched 
in  order,  to  the  housekeeper's  room,  with  the  band  at  their 
head,  to  give  the  opportunity  of  arranging  and  spreading 
the  upper  tables,  and  numerous  and  willing  hands  soon  ac- 
complishing this  alteration,  the  juvenile  guests  speedily' 
re-entered  the  room  in  orderly  array,  to  the  appropriate 
air,  of  '  The  roast  beef  of  old  England.' 

After  Mr.  Harrison  had  said  grace,  the  guests  all  did 
justice  to  the  feast.  Mrs.  Beaumont,  her  daughter,  and 
all  the  party,  were  seated  at  the  tables  amongst  the  chil- 
dren, and  by  their  kind  attention  and  affability,  made. them 
each  as  happy  as  possible.  Home-made  wines  were  dis- 
tributed along  the  tables,  from  which  they  were  moderately 
helped,  and  it  were  difficult  to  conceive  a  happier  scene. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  feast,  Mr.  Harrison  rose,  and 
said,  "  My  dear  friends  and  children,  one  health  must  be 
drunk  before  we  separate.     After  such  bountiful  favors  as 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES.  177 

have  been  heaped  upon  us  all  this  evening,  we  should  be 
very  ungrateful,  did  we  not  all  most  heartily  join  in  wish- 
ing "  health  and  happiness  to  our  dear,  kind  friend  and 
benefactress — Mrs.  Beaumont !" 

Ere  even  a  shout  of  joyful  acquiescence  could  respond 
to  this  appeal,  John  was  mounted,  glass  in  hand,  upon  the 
form,  where  he  had  been  seated,  and  one  wave  of  his  hand 
gave  the  signal  to  the  musicians  for  their  accompaniment 
to  his  extemporaneous  song  of, 

A  bumper  of  gooseberry,  fill,  fill  for  me, 
'Tis  as  good  as  your  foreign  champagne, 
Take  ginger  or  currant,  a  bumper  't  must  be, 
If  we  ne'er  drink  a  bumper  again ; 
Now,  now,  when  our  hostess  wins  love  from  each  class, 
With  gratitude  let  us  address  her. 
Upstanding,  uncover'd,  round,  round,  let  it  pass. 
Here's  the  health  of  our  friend — God  bless  her. 
Hurra  !  hurra !  God  bless  her. 

Hearty  and  unanimous  was  the  cheering  with  which 
this  appropriate  burst  of  feeling  was  chorused,  the  chil- 
dren's voices  in  alto  being  predominant.  When  the  accla- 
mations had  subsided,  '  King  George'  rose  and  said,  "  My 
grandmother  begs  me  to  thank  you  all  for  your  good 
16 


^^^^^ 


178 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS  J 


wishes,  and  should  she  be  spared  another  year,  will  be 
very  happy  for  you  to  have  the  same  opportunity  of  repeat- 
ing^ them."  This  speech  obtained  a  repetition  of  joyful 
shouts,  and  then  Mr.  Harrison  gave  the  signal  for  the  na- 
tional Anthem,  after  the  singing  of  which  the  guests 
departed,  most  thoroughly  delighted  with  their  evening^s 
entertainment,  which  furnished  them  with  discourse  on 
their  moonlight  walk  homewards. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 


THE     VISIT     PROLONGED. THE     SCHOOLMASTER'S    REQUEST. 

PUZZLES     FOR     THE     PERSEVERING. INVESTIGATION THE 

YOUNG   AUTHORS. TERSE Y. FOREIGN    RIDDLES. 


At  breakfast  the  next  day  George  introduced  a  request  for 
a  prolonged  stay  from  his  friends,  and  after  some  little 
demur  from  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Maitland,  it  was  agreed  to  upon 
certain  conditions.  They  were  to  drive  home  as  soon  as 
the  meal  was  finished,  to  see  the  younger  children,  and 
make  arrangements  for  remaining  until  the  following  Mon- 
day, when  the  three  junior  Grahams  were  to  accompany 


[\U 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 

their  friends  home,  and  stay  until  the  whole  party  dis- 
persed, upon  John  and  his  sisters  returning  to  London,  and 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Maitland  proceeding  to  pay  a  long  promised 
visit  to  his  brother  in  Berkshire. 

"  Here  comes  Biddulph,  I  see ;  what  news  does  he 
bring,  I  wonder?"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Beaumont. 

Upon  the  schoolmaster  being  introduced,  he  first  re- 
peated  his  thanks  for  the  delightful  entertainment  of  the 
previous  evening,  and  then  said,  "  The  arithmetical  puz- 
zles kindly  put  before  my  boys  last  night,  madam,  were 
talked  over  with  much  pleasure  amongst  the  seniors,  and 
James  Thompson,  who  won  the  prize  for  solving  the  dif- 
ficult one  about  the  changes  in  a  pack  of  cards,  having 
observed  that  the  paper  held  by  Mr.  Maitland  contained 
several  more,  made  it  his  particular  request  to  me  this 
morning,  that  I  would  endeavor  to  procure  them  for  him- 
self and  his  schoolfellows,  to  work  at  in  their  play  hours." 

Mrs.  Graham  was  the  owner  of  the  wished-for  document, 
which  she  immediately  took  from  her  writing  case,  and 
was  about  to  give  it  to  the  schoolmaster,  when  George 
said,  *'  O !  mother,  let  us  just  read  what  these  wise  lads 
of  Ferndale  are  going  to  exercise  their  brains  upon," 
and  taking  the  paper  from  his  mother's  hand,  he  read  as 
follows  : — 

"  The  eldest  of  four  sisters  having  seventy  eggs  to  dis- 


^' 


m^^^i  ^  ^^^?&i 


180  HINTS   FOR  HAPPY  HOURS  J 

pose  of,  the  next  fifty,  the  third  thirty,  and  the  youngest 
ten,  agreed  to  sell  them  at  the  same  rate.  By  this  arrange- 
ment they  each,  brought  home  the  same  sum  of  money. 
How  was  this  done  ? " 

"  I  know  that  answer,"  said  Mr.  Biddulph  ;  "  they  must 
have  sold  their  eggs  at  seven  for  a  cent,  and  three  cents 
each  for  all  beyond  that  proportion,  by  which  means  they 
would  bring  home  ten  cents  a-piece.  My  boys  do  not 
know  it ;  so  it  will  be  a  good  puzzle." 

"  Place  the  nine  digits  in  two  different  lines,"  continued 
George,  "  so  that  in  one  case  the  sum  may  be  seventeen, 
and  in  the  other  thirty-one." 

"  That  sounds  easy,"  said  Richard,  "although  I  do  not 
know  how  to  do  it." 

"  This  seems  a  poser,"  cried  George.  "  Just  listen. 
AVhat  would  be  the  length  of  a  golden  causeway,  ten 
sovereigns  in  breadth,  and  laid  as  closely  as  possible,  if 
eight  hundred  millions  of  sovereigns  (the  amount  of  the 
national  debt)  were  employed,  and  each  sovereign  measur- 
ed seven-eighths  of  an  inch  in  diameter  ?  " 

"Whew  I"  whistled  John,  in  astonishment.  "I  would 
not  try  to  find  that  out,  to  obtain  the  sovereigns  necessary 
to  form  the  '  golden  road  to  learning'  here  indicated." 

"  This  last  seems  comparatively  easy,"  concluded  George. 
"  Place  four  nines,  so  that  their  sum  will  be  one  hundred," 


H^^^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES.  181 

and  he  folded  the  paper,  and  gave  it  to  the  worthy  school- 
master, who  thereupon  took  a  respectful  leave,  and  de- 
parted. 

"  Now,  my  dear  madam,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  in  the 
evening,  addressing  Mrs.  Beaumont,  "  you  must  give  me 
my  revenge  at  backgammon  for  a  little  while,  and  then  we 
can  vary  your  amusements." 

"  What  are  you  thinking  of  so  intently,  mother?"  cried 
Jessie,  laughing,  as  she  watched  her  mother's  fixed  gaze  at 
the  fire,  whilst  her  netting  lay  idly  in  her  lap. 

Mrs.  Maitland  roused  herself  with  a  smile,  and  replied, 
"  Guess  the  subject  of  my  thoughts,  my  dear,  and  it  will 
fulfil  the  very  purpose  for  which  I  was  so  much  absorbed." 

"  You  are  talking  riddles,  dear  mother,"  returned  Jessie, 
"  were  they  the  subject  of  your  thoughts  ?  " 

"  No,"   she  answered.     "  Guess  again." 

"Were  they  animal  or  mineral,  aunt?"  asked  John, 
jocosely. 

"  I  was  endeavoring  to  arrange  a  new  game  for  you," 
she  replied,  "  a  sort  of  adaptation  of  the  old  one  of  'what 
is  my  thought  like,'  and  your  expression,  John,  came  most 
apropos,  as  it  was  one  of  the  very  forms  in  which  I  meant 
to  tell  you  the  questions  must  be  asked,  to  arrive  at  the 
desired  solution  of  my  new  game  of  *  Investigation.'  I 
have  never  yet  seen  it  played,  but  I  think  it  will  exercise 


&s^^^g^ 


182 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


your  ingenuity  and  talents,  and  be  a  little  variety  to  those 
which  require  pencil  and  paper.  I  shall  think  of  an  ob- 
ject, and  you,  by  dint  of  ingeniously  framed  questions, 
must  divine  that  object  in  twenty  guesses,  or  own  your- 
selves defeated,  and  then  the  penalty  of  such  defeat  I  leave 
it  to  you  to  decide  upon." 

"In  what  form  must  we  put  the  questions?"  asked 
George. 

"  Indirectly,  but  pithily,"  answered  Mrs.  Maitland. 
"  For  instance,  ask  if  it  be  tangible  ?  An  affirmative  does 
away  with  all  idea  that  the  thing  thought  of  is  a  merely 
mental  subject.  A  negative  to  the  question,  is  it  com- 
pound ?  in  the  same  way  greatly  simplifies  its  nature,  and 
so  on  ;  but  you  will  best  understand  it  by  playing  it.  So 
now  guess  what  is  the  subject  of  my  thought." 

A  little*  hesitation  took  place  as  to  the  precedence  of 
querists,  and  then  they  proceeded  as  follows  : — 

Mrs.  Graham.     Is  it  tangible  ? 

Mrs.  Maitland.     Yes. 

Susan.     Is  it  compound  ? 

Mh.  M.  Yes.  Stop.  I  must  tell  you  that  it  will  be 
part  of  the  rules,  that  the  answers  must  always  be  mono- 
syllables, or  at  any  rate  in  one  word.     Now  proceed. 

George.     Is  it  animal  and  mineral  ? 

Mrs.  M.     Yes. 


II 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


183 


Jessie,     Is  it  vegetable  also  ? 

Mrs.  M.     Yes. 

Mary.     Is  it  soft  or  hard  ? 

Mrs.  M.     Both. 

Jane.     Is  it  stationary  ? 

Mrs.  M.     Sometimes. 

Richard.     Has  it  a  head  ? 

Mrs.  M.     No, 

Julia.     Has  it  arms  ? 

i)fr5.  ikf.     Yes. 

Agnes.     Has  it  legs  too  ? 

Mr^.  M.     No. 

Miss  Chapman.     Is  it  vocal  ? 

Mr5.  M.     No. 

Cameron.     Has  it  the  power  of  motion  ? 

Mr5.  ikf.     No. 

Tom.  Why,  mother,  you  said  that  it  was  only  stationary 
sometimes,  so  it  must  be  capable  of  moving. 

Mrs.  M.  That  does  not  follow  ;  it  certainly  is  not  al- 
ways stationary,  and  yet   it  has  not  the  power  of  moving. 

Tom.     0  !  then  can  it  be  moved? 

Mrs.  M.     Yes. 

John.     What  color  is  it  ? 

Mrs.  M.  I  hardly  know  whether  that  question  is  quite 
fairly  put,  but  I  answer,  various. 


2 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

The  querists  here  consulted  together,  Mrs.  Graham 
*  summing  up  the  evidence.'  She  then  asked,  "  How  many- 
guesses  may  we  make  before  owning  ourselves  defeated  ?  " 

"  I  think  we  had  better  limit  ourselves  to  the  customary 
number  of  three,"  replied  Mrs.  Maitland. 

"  Is  it  an  easy  chair  ?"    inquired  Susan. 

"  No,"  replied  her  aunt,  "  that  has  legs  as  well  as  arms, 
which  is  one  reason  against  it." 

"One  of  the  banners  in  the  hall?"  suggested  John, 
"  that  has  silk  for  the  animal  compound,  gold  for  the  min- 
eral, and  a  wooden  pole  for  the  vegetable,  and  has  the 
arms  upon  it." 

"  No,  John,  I  do  not  condescend  to  puns,"  returned  his 
aunt,  smiling. 

"  We  did  not  take  our  allowed  number  of  questions  in 
the  first  instance,"  said  Mary.  "  May  I  now  ask  whether 
it  be  foreign  or  domestic  ?  " 

Mrs.  Maitland  smiled  very  archly  as  she  replied,  rather 
emphatically,  "  Both^ 

"  Then,  dear  madam,"  returned  Mary,  "  I  think  it  is 
grandmother's  sledge.''^ 

"  You  are  quite  right,  my  dear,"  she  replied  ;  "  and  I 
think,  if  you  will  reconsider  your  questions  and  my  an- 
swers, you  will  find  the  description  tallies  very  well  with 
my  thoughts." 


^^^^^ 


s^^;^^ 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


185 


"  This  first  round  of  your  new  game  has  been  tolerably 
successful,  I  think,"  observed  Mrs.  Graham  ;  "  and  there 
must  of  course  be  a  great  variety  of  subjects  for  thought 
in  it.  The  only  part  which  I  imagine  would  make  it 
rather  wearisome  for  a  continuance,  is  the  monotony  which 
seems  likely  to  arise  in  the  questions." 

"  I  fancy  they  might  be  sufficiently  varied  to  prevent 
that,"  returned  Mrs.  Maitland  ;  "  it  would  not  do  to  make 
this  the  sole  amusement  of  an  evening,  nor  to  persevere  in 
it  too  long ;  but  still  I  think  it  will  exercise  both  thought 
and  ingenuity  as  a  variety." 

"  Let  us  try  another  round,"  said  John. 

Mr.  Maitland  and  Mrs.  Beaumont  here  joined  the  circle, 
and  requested  to  know  the  subject  of  their  discourse,  and 
when  informed,  Mrs.  Graham  proposed  that  one  of  the 
new  comers  should  give  them  a  subject  to  guess  at,  as 
likely  to  possess  novelty.  Her  mother  preferred  being  a 
listener,  so  Mr.  Maitland  in  a  short  time  professed  himself 
"  willing  to  hear  and  answer  any  questions  they  might 
think  fit  to  address  to  him." 

"  Can  I  use  it  ?"  began  his  wife. 

Mr.  M.     Yes. 

Jane.  Is  it  compound  ?  as  that  seems  to  be  a  usual 
question. 

Mr.  M.     No. 


186  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

Julia.     Is  it  animal,  mineral,  or  vegetable  ? 

Mr.  M.     Neither. 

John.     O  !  ho  !  then  it  is  an  ideality.    Can  I  measure  it  ? 

Mr.  M.     Yes. 

John  looked  very  significant  as  he  said  to  his  fellow- 
questioners,  "  I  thought  so.  I  believe  it  is  '  timey^ "  and 
was  surprised  to  meet  a  denial  of  its  accuracy. 

"  Go  on,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  "that  was  a  good  guess 
for  the  present  answers,  but  perhaps  future  ones  will  show 
its  fallacy." 

Jessie.     I  am  half  afraid  to  ask,  is  it  visible  ? 

Mr.  M.     Yes. 

George.  In  the  same  way,  I  do  not  know  whether  to 
inquire,  is  it  tangible  ? 

Mr.  M.     Yes, 

Mary.     Could  we  do  without  it  ? 

Mr.  M.     No. 

Mrs.  Graham.     Is  it  opaque  or  clear  ? 

Mr.  M.     Clear. 

Richard.     Does  it  ever  form  a  barrier  ? 

Mr.M.     Yes.  ' 

JaTie.     Does  it  sometimes  disdain  one  ? 

Mr.  M.     Sometimes. 

Susan.  We  are  getting  on  the  right  scent,  I  thmk. 
Does  it  offer  an  abode  to  many  living  creatures  ? 


^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR  ALL  AGES. 


187 


Mr.M.    Yes. 

Agnes.  Now,  mother,  you  sum  up  this  evidence,  and 
let  us  debate  upon  it  before  we  go  any  further,  Jessie 
thinks  we  have  guessed  it. 

Upon  recapitulating  the  questions  and  answers,  Mrs. 
Maitland  agreed  with  the  others,  and  proclaimed  to  her 
husband  that  they  thought  his  word  was  'Water,*  which 
he  acknowledged  to  be  true. 

"  You  pressed  me  very  hard,"  he  said  ;  "  I  had  intended 
the  subject  of  my  thoughts  to  have  been  '  thought,'  itself ; 
but  to  disappoint  John's  idea  of  an  ideality,  I  changed  it 
to  one  of  the  elements." 

"  You  were  very  quick  and  clever  to  do  so,  father,"  said 
Richard.  "  But  a  few  evenings  ago  you  promised  us  an 
idea  for  a  variety  in  our  '  pencil  sketches ;'  will  you  tell 
us  now?" 

"  You  are  again  too  late,  my  boy,"  returned  his  father  ; 
'  John  has  just  reminded  us  that  time  can  be  measured, 
and  upon  referring  to  my  pocket-rule,  in  the  shape  of  a 
watch,  i  find  it  is  getting  towards  Mrs.  Beaumont's 
retiring  hour." 

"  Oblige  us  then  to-morrow  evening,  my  dear  sir,"  said 
that  lady,  "  when  we  will  not  spend  so  much  time  at  the 
backgammon  board." 


^^^^ 


188 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY    HOURS ; 


"  I  do  not  promise^''^  answered  he,  "  it  depends  upon  let- 
ters in  the  morning." 

The  driving  sleet  and  snow  which  ohscured  the  outdoor 
prospect  the  next  morning,  rendered  the  comforts  within 
still  more  enjoyable  ;  and  Mrs.  Maitland  regretted  extreme- 
ly that  the  arrival  of  the  anticipated  letters  obliged  her 
husband  to  brave   the  inclement  weather,  and  proceed  in 

his  magisterial  capacity,  to  the  neighboring  town  of  N , 

promising,  however,  to  rejoin  the  party  again  on  the 
Thursday  morning,  if  not  before. 

As  his  wife  and  children,  with  the  Grahams,  stood 
around  him  in  the  hall,  to  bid  him  good  bye,  Jessie  ex- 
claimed, "  What,  father,  are  you  going  to  wear  that  shab- 
by old  cap  again  !  really,  I  must  work  you  a  new  one,  for 
I  am  quite  ashamed  of  that." 

"  Never  be  ashamed  of  old  friends,  niy  child,"  replied 
her  father.  *'  I  shall  be  very  happy  to  receive  a  specimen 
of  your  handywork,  but  this  old  cap  has  been  my  compan- 
ion in  too  many  pleasing  scenes,  to  be  lightly  thrown 
aside.  By-the-by,"  he  continued,  addressing  tl^  whole 
group,  "  there's  an  idea  for  you.  You  will  want  something 
to  amuse  yourselves  with  this  morning,  as  you  can  neither 
walk,  nor  go  'over  the  hills,  and  far  away'  in  George's 
tiny  sledge  ;  so  sit  down,  two  or  three  of  you,  and  write 
*  the  Adventures  of  a  Travelling  Cap,'  or  any  other  sub- 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


^^^:Q.£ 


189 


ject  you  think  may  have  passed  through  a  variety  of  places 
and  scenes,  and  save  them  for  my  perusal ;  but  here  is  the 
gig,  so  good  bye," 

"  I  think  there  are  one  or  two  articles  of  dress  or  fur- 
niture, that  could  tell  as  good  a  tale  of  '  sayings  and  doings,' 
as  ever  have  been  yet  chronicled,  either  as  '  the  history  of 
a  feather,'  or  'the  adventures  of  a  shilling,'"  said  John, 
as  they  returned  to  the  sitting-room. 

*'  But  our  compilations  must  not  be  quite  so  voluminous 
as  those  are,"  remarked  George,  laughing,  "  or  we  shall 
not  have  finished  them  by  the  time  Mr.  Maitland  returns." 

"  No,  certainly  not,"  replied  John,  "  those  were  histo- 
ries, ours  must  be  kistorietf.es  ;  and  now  let  us  beat  up  for 
recruits  to  this  honorable  Society  of  Scribblers." 

Upon  informing  the  rest  of  the  party  of  their  wishes, 
to  their  great  vexation  they  were  met  by  a  refusal  from 
one  and  all.  '  We  are  not  capable  of  it.'  *  You  will  do 
it  much  better  than  we  shall,'  were  some  of  the  excuses. 

"We  will  not  entirely  disappoint  Mr.  Maitlandi"  said 
Mrs.  Graham,  "  so  I  will  write  the  names  on  a  slip  of  paper, 
and  dr*w  three  out,  and  whether  clever  or  stupid,  seniors 
or  juniors,  the  bearers  of  those  names  must  be  the  au- 
thors." 

This  being  agreed  to,  the  lottery  took  place,  and  to  the 
amusement  of  their  companions  and  their   own    chagrin. 


f^E^Cl 


^^^^^^^.^m 


190 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS ; 


Mary  and  Agnes  were  associated  with  John  as  the  writers 
of  the  proposed  histories. 

"  Look,  Jessie,"  exclaimed  Julia  from  the  hay-window, 
"  here  comes  our  new  piano,  upon  one  of  the  railway 
wagons." 

"  O  !  come  away,  Mary,  come,  Agnes,"  cried  John,  let 
us  go  into  the  quiet  library,  and  shut  ourselves  up  to  the 
pleasures  or  labors  of  composition.  Here  there  will  be  so 
much  noise  and  confusion,  directly." 

"  Do  give  me  an  idea,  cousin  John,"  said  Agnes,  as  they 
proceeded  along  the  passage  ;  "  what  shall  I  write  about  ?  " 

"  Have  you  no  old  carpet  bag,  or  box,  in  your  possession," 
he  replied,  "  that  has  seen  service  in  the  family  ?" 

"  Ah  !  I  think  I  know  what  will  do  now,"  she  returned, 
in  a  cheerful  voice,  "  if  Mary  does  not  think  of  the  same." 

"  I  intend  to  make  Miss  Chapman's  old  watch  the  sub- 
ject of  my  adventures,"  answered  Mary,  "  as  the  appear- 
ance of  it  is  sufficiently  ancient  to  warrant  the  supposition 
that  it  must  have  been  in  scenes  of  by-gone  years." 

"  Come,  let  us  sit  comfortably  round  this  library  table," 
said  John,  arranging  some  chairs  as  he  spoke,  "  here  are 
two  inkstands,  and  lots  of  pens." 

The  business  of  composition  proceeded  very  pleasantly, 
and  the  task  of  each  was  completed  before  the  dinner-hour 
arrived. 


hji 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


191 


Upon  rejoining  the  rest  of  the  party,  they  found  that 
the  new  piano*  had  been  successfully  unpacked,  and  ar- 
ranged in  a  recess  in  the  small  drawing-room,  and  the 
tone  having  already  been  tested  and  approved  by  each  of 
the  girls  in  turn,  it  was  resolved  to  give  a  further  proof  of 
its  powers  in  the  evening. 

When  the  dinner  w^as  over,  as  the  weather  presented  so 
few  inducements  to  go  out  in  it,  Julia  proposed  that  they 
should  proceed  to  the  old  hall,  and  amuse  themselves  for 
an  hour  or  two  with  a  game  at  '  les  Graces,'  and  upon  ad- 
journing thither,  James  Cameron  inquired  whether  they 
also  knew  the  game  commonly  called  '  Tersey.' 

On  receiving  a  reply  in  the  negative,  and  finding  that 
this  large  room  gave  space  to  play  it  in,  he  instructed  them 
in  couples,  one  person  close  in  front  of  the  other,  thus 
forming  a  large  double  circle,  as  it  might  be  called,  with  a 
space  between  each  pair.  Two  others  were  left  unplaced, 
one  of  whom  then  commenced  the  game,  by  running  after, 
and  endeavoring  to  catch  the  other,  whose  endeavor  it  was 
to  place  him  or  herself  hefore  one  of  the  couples,  thus 
forming  one  line  of  three^  the  last  of  whom  now  became 
'  il  terzo*  (the  third,  from  which  word  the  game  is  derived), 
must  instantly  start  off,  and  be  pursued  by  the  '  odd'  one ; 
as  soon  as  this  *  odd'  player  has  touched  or  caught  the 
other,  he  or  she  must  get  possession  of  a  place  m  front  of 


^^^^& 


192 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS  ,' 


another  couple,  whose  third  line  then  starts  off,  again  to 
be  pursued  by  the  last  caught  person,  with  the  same  efforts, 
and  similar  results.  This  game  giv«s  occasion  for  constant 
exercise  and  activity,  as  the  runners  are  continually  chang- 
ing, and  in  the  present  instance,  the  youth  and  agility  of 
the  parties  rendered  it  most  exciting  and  amusing. 

They  were  at  length  fairly  exhausted,  and  obliged  to 
pause. 

"  Well,  Cameron,"  said  John,  panting  from  exertion, 
"  you  have  found  out  something  to  keep  the  blood  from 
stagnating  in  our  veins." 

•'  It  is  capital  exercise,  and  good  fun,"  returned  Came- 
ron, "  especially  on  the  grass,  because  then  if  one  chances 
to  have  a  fall,  no  great  damage  can  be  done.  About 
eight  or  ten  couples,  and  a  good  field,  or  lawn,  to  form  a 
large  circle  on,  and  I  know  few  games  more  exciting,  in 
which  both  sexes  can  join." 

"  Thank  you,  Mr.  Cameron,  for  your  anglicized  version 
of  '  il  terzo,'"  said  Miss  Chapman,  "which  I  hope  we 
shall  have  an  opportunity  of  trying  in  the  park  some  time 
in  the  approaching  spring." 

They  then  returned  to  the  senior  ladies,  and  after  tea, 
Jane  and  Susan,  at  the  particular  request  of  their  friends, 
opened  the  new  instrument,  and  gave  ample  proof  of  its 
excellence,  and  their  own  capabilities. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES. 


193 


During  an  interval  in  the  music,  Miss  Chapman,  ad- 
dressing John,  said,  "  Mary  told  me  the  other  evening  that 
my  stock  of  French,  and  other  foreign  riddles,  had  been 
much  wished  for,  I  have  now  brought  down  the  book  into 
which  they  are  copied,  if  you  would  like  to  look  them 
over." 

John  received  the  little  volume  with  polite  acknowledg- 
ments, and  bespeaking  attention,  read  the  following  French 
charade  : — 


Sans  mon  cliief,  je  suis  un  oiseau  de  passage,  rendez-moi  mon  chef,  et  je 
ne  vaux  rien  apres  diner. 

*'  Ah  !  maintenant,  je  le  comprends,"  he  added,  after  a 
few  minutes'  pause,  "  la  premiere  est  une  outarde  et  avec 
son  chef,  elle  deviendra  la  moutarde.^^ 

"  En  voila  une  autre,"  he  continued,  "  devinez  la." 
"  Avec  mon  chef,  je  ne  crains  pas  les  dangers ;  mais  si 
sans  pitie,  vous  me  coupez  la  t^te,  je  me  trouve  dans  un 
potager.*' 

"  That  sounds  queer,"  said  Richard  ;  "  we  should  go  in 
a  body,  I  think,  and  consult  Mrs.  Markham  what  she  orders 
as  the  components  of  a  stew." 

"  Onions,  carrots,"  mused  Julia,  "  neither  of  those,  as 
French  words,  will  give  any  light  on  the  subject." 
17 


194  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

"  I  have  it,"  cried  Richard,  "  it  is  '  un  hrave^  et  une 
rave.'" 

"  Ecoutez  done,  demoiselles,"  resumed  the  reader,  "la 
prochaine  ^st  extremement  poetique  dans  son  genre,  on  Pa 
fait  pour  les  dames,  je  crois." 

Je  brule  d'ardeur  extreme,  meme  en  versant  deslarmes, 
Si  je  les  ai  vers^es  c'est  pour  porter  vos  armes ; 

Je  parcours  tout  I'univers 

En  protegeant  vos  mysteres  ! 

"  Good  !"  said  George,  but  I  know  that  one,  it  is  cire  d 
cacheter." 

"  Now  I  come  to  one  in  la  bella  lingua,''^  said  John  : 

Toglimi  il  capo,  e  quel  che  ha  vita  e  estinto, 
Toglimi  un  altro  membro,  e  il  tempo  segno; 
Siegui  a  toglimi  ancor,  e  avrai  dipinto, 
Chi  fra  i  mortali  stimasi  il  piu  degno 
Colla  testa  e  coi  pudi  indico  i  lochi 
Ove  ardevano  un  di  i  sacri  fochi ; 
E  finallemente  genera  il  mio  tutto, 
Or  gioja,  or  pace,  or  guerra  e  lutto. 

"  That  is  a  very  pretty  one,"  said  Mrs.  Graham.  "  It 
was  told  us  by  La  Marchesa  della  Pompeii,  when  we  met 
at  Baden  Baden." 


gJr^c^^ns^r^^:::?-.  ^^^^^51! 


OR  AMtTsEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGlS. 

"  Tell  it  to  US,  dear  madam,"  said  Jessie,  "  I  know  very- 
little  of  Italian." 

"  Perhaps  you  would  then  understand  it  better,"  said 
Mrs.  Graham,  "  if  I  wrote  the  translation  in  English  first, 
and  showed  you  how  it  applies  in  the  original.  The 
translation  is  literally  this  : — 

Take  away  my  head,  and  that  which  has  life  is  dead. 
Take  away  another  member,  and  I  denote  time. 
Go  on  to  subtract  again  from  me,  and  you  will  depict 
He  who  esteems  himself  the  highest  among  mortals. 
With  my  head,  and  feet,  T  indicate  the  spots 
Where  once  burnt  the  sacred  fires. 
Finally,  my  whole  gives  rise  to 
Joy,  and  peace,  or  war,  and  grief. 

When  Jessie  had  perused  this,  Mrs.  Graham  proceeded, 
" The  word  is  the  Italian  *  amore'  the  English  *  love ;' 
and  now,  if  you  read  it  again,  you  will  see  the  different 
significations." 

"  Thank  you,"  said  Jessie,  "  I  quite  comprehend  it  now, 
with  your  kind  elucidation." 

"  Have  you  any  foreign  riddles  in  that  book  ? "  asked 
Susan  of  her  brother. 

*'  Here  is  one  written  in  German,  which  I  cannot  read," 
replied  John,   "  but  Miss  Chapman  has  kindly  appended 


&\^^^^ 


i 


196  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 

an  English  translation,  which  I   will  give  you ;  it  seems 
pretty  : — 

Over  the  bosom  of  the  deep  blue  wave, 
Without  a  bridge,  a  vessel,  mast,  or  sail, 
Gracefully  I  bear  thy  weight,  but  crave 
Thy  own  assistance,  that  I  may  not  fail. 
For  not  for  postures  of  repose,  or  rest. 
Nor  yet  for  sitting,  is  my  vessel  plann'd  ; 
Thou  must  glide  swiftly  o'er  the  river's  breast, 
Beware  thy  head — advance — nor  idly  stand  ! 

"  I  do  not  know  what  it  is,"  said  Jane,  "  and  yet  it 
sounds  rather  easy." 

"It  is  very  much  better  in  the  original,"  said  Miss 
Chapman,  "  but  it  is  difficult  to  write  an  enigma  which 
will  answer  for  more  than  one  language." 

"  I  have  been  reading  it  over  again  to  myself,"  said 
John,  "  and  assisted  by  certain  rather  unpleasant  recollec- 
tions of  Burton  lake,  fancy  this  curiously  formed  vessel 
must  he  intended  for  a  *  pair  of  skates.^  " 

"  You  are  right  in  your  conjecture,"  replied  Miss  Chap- 
man, *'  although  in  German  the  solution  stands  in  the  5m- 
gular  number  as  *  a  skate.' " 

"  Come,  aunt  Maitland,"  continued  John,  "  you  are  a 
good  geographer,   as   well  as  many  other  clever  things, 


^^^^{ 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL    AGES. 


197 


tell  us  where  this  country   is   situated,  described  so  enig- 
matically— 

V  Mes  mers  n'  cut  jamais  d'eau 

Mes  champs  sont  infertiles, 
Je  n'ai  point  de  maisons, 
Mais  j'ai  des  grandes  villes. 
Je  reduis  en  un  point, 
Mille  objets  divers ; 
Je  ne  suis  presque  rien, 
Et  je  suis  I'univers. 

"  Vraiment,  c'est  une  enigme  plus  difficile  que  toutes  les 
autres,"  said  his  aunt,  smiling,  "  je  ne  puis  pas  la  deviner." 

"  Let  me  help  you  out  of  the  difficulty,"  said  a  familiar 
voice  behind  her  chair.  "  The  solution  to  John's  charade 
is,  I  think,  mappe?nonde.'^ 

Mrs.  Maitland  turned  round  with  a  joyful  exclamation 
of  surprise,  and  joined  the  rest  of  the  party  in  a  hearty 
greeting  at  her  husband's  unexpected  return. 


198 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPy    HOURS , 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

HISTORIETTES.- -ADVENTURES    OF    A    PORTMANTEAU. HISTORY 

OF    A    WATCH. NOTE    BOOK    OF   A   BENEDICT. — SUGGESTIONS 

FOR    A    NEW    GAME. 


"  Did  any  of  you  take  advantage  of  my  hint  a"bout  '  Ad- 
ventures,'" inquired  Mr.  Maitland,  after  breakfast,  "and 
commence  authors  in  a  small  way,  during  my  absence  ?" 

"  0,  yes,  father,"  answered  Jessie,  "  your  daughter 
Agnes  is  about  to  figure  in  that  character,  in  company  with 
Mary  Graham  and  cousin  John." 

"  Agnes  !"  said  her  father,  in  a  tone  of  surprise,  "  I  had 
no  idea  that  she  was  ever  troubled  with  *  cacoethes  scri- 
hendV  I  shall  be  quite  curious  to  read  the  results  of  her 
efforts." 

"  Suppose  we  have  the  MSS.  read  aloud  this  morning," 
said  Mrs.  Beaumont ;  "  there  is  nothing  very  tempting  in 
the  weather-  to  induce  outdoor  occupations.  Will  you 
kindly  undertake  the  office  of  reader,  Mr.  Maitland  ?" 

"  I  will  do  my  best  to  give  effect  to  these  debutantes  in 
light  literature,'"  he  replied,  "and  shall  begin  with  Ag- 
nes's  first  attempt,  entitled — 


SSiS^^ 


3a 


^^-^^5c^? 


or  amusements  for  all  ages.  199 

Adventures  of  a  Portmanteau. 

I  AM  not  conceited,  but  still  I  should  like  to  give  some 
account  of  my  life,  and  a  few  adventures  which  have  he- 
fallen  me.  I  took  a  long  time  to  he  made,  heing  very 
large  and  complete.  I  was  covered  with,  the  best  Russian 
leather,  and  had  also  rows  of  bright  brass  nails  on  my  lid 
and  sides ;  indeed,  I  was  a  great  beauty,  and  felt  sure  ot 
meeting  with  a  purchaser, 

I  was  soon  sent  to  London,  along  with  a  great  many 
others,  and  we  were  deposited  in  a  shop  in  Regent-street, 
and  had  not  been  there  more  than  two  days,  when  a  lady 
entered  with  her  son,  and  asked  for  some  good  portman- 
teaus. My  master  immediately  pulled  me  out,  rightly  con- 
sidering me  one  of  the  best  of  his  stock,  and  the  lady,  after 
inquiring  very  minutely  into  my  capabilities,  bought  me, 
and  I  was  carried  to  her  house,  where  the  business  of  pack- 
ing was  going  on,  for  my  young  master  was  going  to  leave 
town  the  following  day  to  go  to  school. 

He  was  not  much  delighted  at  the  thought  of  going 
there,  but  his  mother,  Mrs.  Featherstone  Haugh,  tried  to 
comfort  him  by  filling  my  upper  compartment  with  all 
sorts  of  good  things,  bulls-eyes,  plum-cakes,  and  tarts.  At 
last  we  set  off,  and  after  rather  a  pleasant  journey  on  the 
roof  of  a  coach,  arrived  at  the  school  late  in  the  evening. 
Little  or  nothing  occurred  during  my  stay  here ;  and  I 


200  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 

should  have  been  very  dull,  passing  my  days  in  the  school 
dormitory,  had  it  not  been  for  occasional  nocturnal  visits 
from  my  young  master,  who,  whenever  he  received  a 
sound  thrashing  from  Mr.  Birch,  which  he  richly  deserved, 
consoled  himself  by  eating  my  contents,  and  I  often  heard 
him  muttering  between  his  teeth  that  he  should  pass  a  mis- 
erable life  without  me.  ♦ 

'  At  length  the  time  arrived  for  us  to  return  home  for 
the  holidays,  and  I  was  very  glad  to  be  pulled  from  under 
the  bed,  and  once  more  to  breathe  the  fresh  air. 

*  I  thought  I  should  have  had  a  pleasant  time  during  my 
master's  holidays,  but  it  was  not  so,  I  again  occupied  the 
old  garret,  and  for  some  years  saw  no  variety  but  the 
periodical  journeys  to  and  from  the  school,  which  became 
quite  monotonous.  I  often  thought  I  should  like  to  change 
my  situation,  but  had  no  idea  my  wishes  were  soon  about 
to  be  realized. 

*  My  master  was  now  of  a  proper  age  to  go  to  college, 
and  I  was  not  deemed  smart  enough  to  accompany  him , 
and  Mrs.  Featherstone  Haugh  being  very  economical  (per- 
haps too  much  so  for  her  station  in  life),  determined  to 
make  a  good  penny  of  me,  by  selling  me  to  any  old  Jew 
she  might  meet  with. 

*  I  thought  this  was  but  an  ill  return  for  long  and  faithful 
service,  where  the  flower  of  my  youth  and  beauty  had 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES. 


201 


faded  into  comparative  old  age  ;  but  such  ingratitude  took 
away  all  regretful  feelings  at  the  idea  of  leaving  the  house, 
when  I  was  carried  off  by  a  kind  looking  old  man  to  a  shab- 
by little  shop,  in  a  narrow,  dirty  lane.  At  the  end  of  two 
days  the  old  man  succeeded,  by  dint  of  washing,  scrub- 
bing, and  varnishing,  in  restoring  me  to  a  portion  of  my 
former  beauty,  and  soon  after  I  was  thus  touched  up,  I 
was  purchased  by  a  young  gentleman  of  the  name  of  Oli- 
ver Brown,  who  was  going  abroad.  With  him  I  resided 
many  years,  travelling  about  from  place  to  place,  during 
which  time  my  bones  were  terribly  shaken,  and  at  one 
time  I  was  quite  unhinged. 

'  I  began  to  wish  for  rest  and  quietness,  and  was,  soon 
after  our  return  to  England,  able  to  effect  this  object ;  for 
my  master,  in  consideration  of  my  services,  granted  me 
the  use  of  an  upper  room  in  his  house,  and  made  me  the 
keeper  of  some  old  papers,  in  which  quiet  retirement  I  am 
at  present  living,  my  only  companions  the  gnats  and  spi- 
ders, and  my  only  occupation  musing  on  the  past  events 
of  my  long  and  busy  life.' 

"  Bravo  !  my  little  girl,"  cried  Mr.  Maitland,  as  he  con- 
cluded Agnes's  performance.     <'  I  think  your  first  attempt 
is  quite  a  credit  to  a  young  lady  of  only  thirteen  years 
of  age." 
18 


202 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    H0t7RS  ; 


The  rest  of  the  party  having  praised  this  Jirst  paper,  re- 
quested Mr.  Maitland  to  proceed. 

"  Well,  then,"  he  said,  "  as  I  know  that  John,  as  a  gal- 
lant young  man,  will  wish  to  give  'place  aux  dames,' 
I^  shall  proceed  with  Mary's  contribution;  who  thus 
narrates — 

'  The  History  of  a  Watch.' 

'My  neighbor,  the  French  clock  in  the  drawing-room,  hav- 
ing requested  me  to  recount  my  history,  I  lose  no  time  in 
commencing,  though  it  will  certainly  not  be  so  striking  as 
his  own.  The  different  pieces  of  mechanism  that  compose 
me,  were  first  put  together  in  the  year  1762,  though  they 
might  have  been  fabricated  a  long  time  previously,  but  of 
course  that  I  do  not  pretend  to  know,  as  I  only  undertake 
to  recount  my  adventures  from  the  time  when  I  first  began 
to  go,  which  is  more  than  any  of  the  race  of  man  can  do. 

'  I  am,  as  you  will  see  from  what  I  have  just  said,  now 
ninety  years  old,  but  I  do  not  (though  a  little  the  worse  for 
wear)  look  so  battered  as  an  old  gentleman  of  that  age, 
although  my  face;  which  was  very  handsome,  is,  to  be  sure, 
a  little  marked  by  time. 

*  I  was  fashioned,  both  externally  and  internally,  with 
the  greatest  care,  so  much  so,  that  I  almost  fancied  I  was 
intended  for  royalty  itself ;  but  my  master  sought  not  to 
gratify  pride,  nor  to  gain  money ;    affection  alone  influ- 


ss5x5; 


^^^_ 


S; 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


203 


enced  him  in  his  extreme  anxiety  to  make  me  perfect,  as  a 
present  for  his  young  wife.  It  was  the  fashion  then  for 
watches  to  have  two  coats,  and  I  was  not  inferior  to  my 
contemporaries  in  that  respect.  I  had  a  green  one,  edged 
with  gold,  to  wear  in  common,  and  a  very  rich  gold  one 
for  best. 

'  Thus  equipped,  I  was  presented  to  the  lady,  who  did 
not  (like  the  modern  dames)  scorn  to  wear  me  on  account 
of  my  bulk.  I  was  always  corpulent,  but  that  was  deemed 
no  defect  in  those  days. 

'  My  master's  name  was  Mills,  an  alderman  of  the  city 
of  London,  and  one  of  the  worshipful  company  of  cfock- 
makers.  The  first  occasion  on  which  his  lady  introduced 
me  into  company  was  at  the  Guild-hall  feast,  on  Lord 
Mayor's  day,  when,  for  a  wonder,  she  was  ready  to  step 
into  the  coach  directly  the  worthy  alderman  summoned 
her ;  for  this  she  had  to  thank  Twe,  and  I  have  my  suspic- 
ions that  I  was  given  to  her,  in  a  great  measure,  to  coax 
her  into  punctuality.  I  was  attached  by  a  handsome  chain 
to  her  neck,  and  had  a  servant,  named  key^  to  wait  upon 
my  movements,  stir  me  up  when  I  went  too  slow,  and  check 
me  if  I  went  too  fast. 

'  At  this  distance  of  time  I  cannot  recall  the  magnifi- 
cence and  abundance  of  the  civic  feast,  nor  any  circum- 
stance that  passed.     I  only  know  my  mistress  stayed  till 


^^^S&iB 


204  HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

she  was  fatigued,  when  she  looked  at  me,  and  I  gave  her  a 
hint  to  depart. 

*  London  was  very  gay  at  that  time,  it  heing  just  after 
the  accession  of  George  III. ;  I  was  therefore  present  at 
many  city  festivities,  which  I  will  pass  over,  as  well  as  the 
rest  of  my  existence  with  the  alderman's  wife,  who  died 
young,  and  I  became  the  property  of  her  daughter.  This 
lady  was  married  when  very  young  to  a  Mr.  Ball  Jenkins, 
a  merchant  of  London,  very  rich  at  the  time  of  his  mar- 
riage, but  of  so  speculative  a  disposition,  that  in  a  few 
years  he  became  a  bankrupt,  and  his  wife  was  obliged  to 
giv*up^  her  jewels — myself  amongst  them.  I  was  pur- 
chased by  a  Jew,  who  conveyed  me  in  the  course  of  his 
dealings  to  one  of  his  brethren  in  Portugal,  with  great 
encomiums  upon  my  excellence  and  good  marks.  As  re- 
gards looks,  when  my  best  dress  was  on,  I  was  as  fresh  as 
ever ;  and  as  the  Jew  took  good  care  not  to  tell  my  age,  I 
was  looked  upon  as  quite  juvenile,  and  was  bought  by  the 
king's  jeweller,  and  afterwards  by  the  king  himself,  who 
took  a  fancy  to  me  for  my  steadiness  and  accuracy.  The 
only  fault  that  was  found  with  me,  was  that  when  I  first 
went  over,  I  kept,  from  habit,  London  time  ;  I  have  since 
found  it  not  at  all  unusual  for  what  is  considered  right  in 
one  place,  to  be  looked  upon  as  quite  wrong  in  another. 
In  1807,  the  French  army,  commanded  by  Junot,  pene- 


OR    AMUSEMENTS   FOR    ALL   AGES.  205 

trated  into  Portugal,  and  the  royal  family  fled  from  Lisbon 
to  their  South  American  possessions.  I  was  left  behind 
in  the  flight,  and  was  disposed  of  to  a  jeweller  by  some 
page  about  the  court,  from  whom  I  was  Soon  again  pur- 
chased by  a  servant  about  to  leave  the  family  of  Mr.  Beck- 
ford,  the  wealthy  Englishman. 

'  My  new  owner  brought  me  back  to  England,  and  dis- 
posed of  me  to  great  advantage,  to  an  elderly  lady  residing 
at  Camberwell.  On  her  death,  two  years  afterwards,  I 
became  the  property  of  her  daughter,  who  was  a  great 
invalid,  and  went  into  the  country  for  change  of  air,  taking 
me  with  her.  She  was  an  excellent  woman,  and  I  have 
frequently  been  a  witness  to  the  friendly  admonitions  and 
instructions  she  gave  to  two  iittle  girls,  the  daughters  of 
the  friend  with  whom  she  lived.  To  the  elder  of  these 
girls  I  was  consigned  soon  after,  on  my  poor  mistress's 
death,  upon  her  mother's  promise  that  I  should  never  be 
parted  with.  I  was  by  her  immediately  put  into  a  dark 
drawer,  and  have  no  idea  how  long  a  period  elapsed  (as  1 
could  keep  no  time  in  my  imprisonment),  but  upon  my 
owner  leaving  school  I  was  again  given  into  her  care  with 
injunctions  to  be  careful  of  me,  and  think  upon  my  late 
mistress. 

-   '  I  cannot  say  that  my  young  lady  ever  ill-used  me,  but 
she  frequently  neglected  to  give  me  the  necessary  attend- 


206 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


ance  of  a  servant,  and  I  was  more  frequently  under  a 
physician's  hands  than  formerly.  Geneva  watches  had  be- 
come the  mode,  and  my  mistress  was  frequently  urged  to 
change  me  away  for  one  of  those,  but  she  always  replied, 
'  my  mother  promised  in  my  name  that  I  never  would.'  I 
have  sometimes  wondered  whether  she  remembered  other 
things  promised  in  her  name  as  well.  This  has  been 
when  I  have  heard  little  girls  repeating  their  catechism, 
for  I  now  adorn  a  governess's  room,  and  I  hear  there  is 
some  chance  of  my  revisiting  Portugal.  I  care  very  little 
about  it,  though  I  think  a  warm  climate  suits  me  better 
than  a  cold  one,  as  I  am  apt  to  grow  torpid  in  the  latter, 
and  my  circulation  becomes  sluggish.  Perhaps  you  will 
say  this  is  the  effect  of  old  age  ;  but  no,  my  hands  are  as 
busy  as  ever,  night  and  day,  and  I  think  I  attract  more  at- 
tention now  than  I  did  thirty  years  ago  ;  youth  and  beauty 
extort  admiration,  and  old  age  respect  and  veneration,  while 
neither  are  accorded  to  the  transition  state. 

*  But,  bless  me,  Pendule,  did  you  say  that  it  was  twelve 
o'clock  ?  it  is  time  for  me  to  wind  up.  I  never  heeded 
how  time  was  passing.     Good  night.' 

'*  You  have  managed  to  keep  the  interest  up  extremely 
well,  my  dear  Mary,"  said  her  grandmother,  "  and  I  for 
one,  thank  you  for  the  amusement  your  little  historiette  has 
afforded  me." 


$^^^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

"  I  had  made  it  rather  longer,  grandmother,"  she  an- 
swered, "  but  I  thought  you  would  all  be  tired  of  it,  and 
so  I  burnt  the  rest." 

"  You  have  nicely  '  taken  the  shine'  out  of  me,"  said 
John.  "  I  shall  be  quite  ashamed  to  have  my  production 
read  aloud,  after  your  clever  composition  ;  but  hark>J  there 
is  positively  the  clock  striking  one  ;  we  shall  have  the 
dressing  bell  ringing  in  ten  minutes." 

"  Yes,"  said  Mrs.  Maitland,  "  we  are  like  Mary's  watch^ 
quite  unaware  how  time  steals  away.  I  think,  John,  it 
will  be  better  to  defer  reading  your  story  until  after  din- 
ner." This  being  agreed  to,  the  party  separated  to  their 
rooms,  and  were  soon  reassembled  round  Mrs.  Beaumont's 
hospitable  board. 

Before  the  winter's  light  had  quite  withdrawn,  the  social 
group  again  drew  round  the  fire,  and,  in  accordance  with 
their  request,  Mr.  Maitland  then  read  them, 


'  AN    EXTRACT    FROM   THE    NOTE    BOOK    OF    A    BENEDICT.' 

*  I  walked  the  other  day  up  to  Hampstead,  to  see  my 
friend  Miles  Meredith,  and  not  finding  him  at  home  sat 
down  to  await  his  momentarily  expected  return,  both  hot 
and  tired,  after  my  dusty  walk.  A  bachelor's  room,  when 
tidied  up,  presents  but  few  things  to  amuse  the  eye.  The 
book-case  was  closed  and  locked  ;   there  was  no  air  of  com- 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS 


fortable  litter  and  untidiness  ;  no  lady's  open  work-box, 
tempting  one  to  explore  its  mysteries ;  no  '  card-basket,' 
with  its  amusing  variety  of  names,  leading  one  on  to  inter- 
minable guesses  as  to  the  character,  or  appearance  of  the 
originals  of  these  'paper  representatives.'  The  very  still- 
ness of  the  room  became  oppressive,  as  I  sat  in  friend 
Miles's  easy  chair,  and  found  nothing  around  me  to  disturb 
my  meditations. 

'  As  my  eyes  roamed  round  the  small  space,  they  weie 
suddenly  caught  by  a  varied-colored  object  upon  the  side- 
table  ;  I  rose  to  look  at  it,  and  taking  it  up,  discovered  it 
was  a  travelling  cap,  which,  although  bearing  marks  of  age 
and  wear,  had  evidently  been  the  work  of  some  fair  hand, 
and  had  boasted  considerable  beauty.  I  instinctively 
placed  it  on  my  head,  and  sat  down  again  to  muse.  '  Ah  ! 
ha  !'  quoth  I  to  myself,  '  I  wonder  which  of  the  fair  cousins 
friend  Miles  boasts  of,  gave  him  this  souvenir  ;  I  warrant 
it  could  not  only  "  unfold"  one  "  tale,"  but  ma^^y  of  the 
scenes  it  has  been  taken  to.'  Just  after  this  there  was  a 
strange  buzzing  in  my  ear,  and  at  length  I  distinctly  heard 
these  words,'  1  have  no  objection  to  tell  you  a  few  anec- 
dotes of  my  career;  but  I  will  not  violate  my  master's  con- 
fidence by  narrating  all  the  scenes  we  have  entered  to- 
gether. To  begin,  then  :  Well  do  I  remember  the  triumph- 
ant shake  of  my  gold  tassel,  when,  completed  by  the  fair 


\A 


'i 


Wz 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


209 


hands  of  a  certain  young  lady,  she  placed  me  on  the  top 
of  her  dark  ringlets,  and  for  the  first  time  my  form  was 
reflected  in  a  looking-glass  over  the  dressing-table  in  her 
oivn  room.  With  a  blush,  and  a  smile,  she  then  took  me 
off*,  and  wrapped  me  carefully  in  a  sheet  of  soft  white 
paper,  and  then  I  was,  to  my  terror  and  astonishment, 
placed  in  a  dark  receptacle,  tied  round  and  round,  and  hur- 
ried off,  I  knew  not  whither.  Presently  I  felt  I  was 
thrust  by  a  strong  arm  into  a  conveyance  of  some  sort. 
Shrieks  and  groans  seemed  now  and  then  to  penetrate  into 
my  prison,  especially  when  for  a  few  moments  we  paused 
in  our  journey  ;  but  at  length  it  was  brought  to  an  end, 
and  Lwas  emancipated  from  my  confinement  by  the  eager 
hands  of  a  gentleman,  who  viewed  me  with  great  pleasure, 
pressed  me  to  his  heart,  and  even  k.  .  .  .  but  no,  I  won't 
tell  that.  Hey  too,  placed  me  on  his  head,  and  surveyed 
me  in  the  glass,  but  somehow  I  thought  I  looked  better  on 
the  lady's  dark  curls  than  on  his  ;  however,  I  fitted  him  to 
a  t,  and  arriving  opportunely  on  the  eve  of  a  tour,  began 
my  travels  and  adventures  the  next  day. 

'  Far  away  on  the  wide  ocean  was  to  be  our  destination  ; 
but  first  we  had  a  railroad  journey,  and  very  cosey  my 
master  found  me,  as  I  propped  his  head  in  the  corner  of  the 
carriage.  When  we  arrived  at  the  end  of  our  land  pro- 
gress, and  commenced  that  by  water,   I  was  still  sported 


1^:5^^ 


210 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


with  much  satisfaction  on  the  deck  of  a  steamer,  and  ma- 
ny admiring  looks  were  directed  to  me,  which  I  half  fancy 
my  wearer  took  to  himself.  When  we  got  out  of  the 
river,  however,  he  was  obliged  very  soon  to  quit  the  deck, 
and  gladly  exchange  me  for  head-gear  of  a  very  different 
appearance  ;  whilst  he  hung  me  up  within  sight,  that  I 
might  not  be  ill-treated.  After  a  few  days'  seclusion,  my 
services  were  again  in  requisition,  and  both  my  master 
and  I  were  complimented  upon  our  re-appearance.  There 
was  one  young  lady,  who  seemed  to  take  an  especial  in- 
terest in  both;  and  after  a  day  or  two's  association  on 
shipboard,  she  and  Mr.  Meredith  became  more  intimate 
and  confidential  than  I  at  all  approved  ;  the  scarlet  wool  of 
my  border  seemed  to  assume  a  deeper  hue  with  vexation, 
and  my  very  tassel  trembled  with  indignation  when  I  heard 
him  saying  soft  words  to  a  comparative  stranger,  when  / 
was  on  his  head  ;  but  when,  in  answer  to  some  coquettish 
question  of  this  new  favorite,  he  dared  to  speak  in  a  deri- 
sive tone  of  the  fair  creature  from  whom  he  had  received 
me,  I  was  so  provoked,  that  I  positively  felt  delighted  when 
a  stiff  breeze,  which  had  not  long  before  sprung  up,  sud- 
denly lifted  me  from  his  head,  and  flung  me  into  the  sea  ! 
For  some  little  time  I  was  supported  by  my  own  buoyancy, 
and  drifted  away  by  the  swell  of  the  steamer  to  some  dis- 
tance, but  soon  I  should  have  been  at  the  bottom  of  the 


^^^^"^2 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


211 


ocean,  when  just  as  I  was  sinking  under  the  combined 
weight  of  terror  and  sea  water,  .a  dark  object  appeared 
close  to  me,  it  was  one  of  the  ship's  boats  ;  my  master's 
voice  was  heard  exclaiming  eagerly,  "  there  it  is !  pull 
away,  boys  !"  and  in  another  moment  I  was  snatched  from 
a  watery  grave,  and  gratefully  squeezed  (to  get  the  water 
out  of  me),  and  pressed  in  my  master's  hands.  His  better 
feelings  had  been  aroused  at  my  loss,  and  what  with  those> 
and  his  drenched  and  dabbled  appearance,  he  would  not 
again  face  the  fair  cause  of  my  disaster.  Having  caught 
a  cold  from  this  exploit  (for  he  came  bareheaded  to  my 
rescue),  he  did  not  leave  his  berth  the  next  day ;  and  dur- 
ing those  few  hours,  the  vessel  stopped  at  an  intermediate 
port,  and  this  dangerous  young  lady  there  landed.  When 
we  reached  our  destination,  I  had  another  narrow  escape 
of  losfng  my  owner.  Much  confusion  prevailed  on  quit- 
ting the  vessel,  increased  by  our  having  arrived  late  in  the 
evening.  I  was  lying  very  comfortably  on  a  carpet-bag, 
when  the  support  was  suddenly  withdrawn  by  a  foreign 
servant,  as  I  imagined  him  to  be,  who,  by  his  hasty  move- 
ment, not  only  threw  me  on  the  ground,  but  remorselessly 
set  his  foot  upon  me,  which  accident  gave  me  that  crook 
the    bottom    of  my    tassel,  which  I  carry  to  this  day. 


in 


Away  went  the  laquais  de  place,  as  I  found  he  was,  and 
left  poor  me  on  the  dirty  floor  of  the  cabin  ;  several  other 


212 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


persons  entered  at  intervals,  and  carried  away  boxes,  bas- 
kets, coats,  or  cloaks,  but  no  one  picked  me  up.  Darkness 
and  silence  succeeded  to  light  and  bustle.  I  was  alone — 
lost.  How  long  I  remained  thus,  I  know  not,  but  one 
morning  I  was  agreeably  surprised  to  hear  a  well-known 
voice,  saying,  "  I  tell  you  I  know  it  is  here  somewhere,  for 
I  had  put  it  on  my  carpet-bag  ready  to  wear  it  ashore, 
when  that  rascally  Frenchman  brought  the  one,  without  the 
other,"  and  here  began  a  search,  which  terminated  in  my 
being  once  more  restored  to  my  owner,  although  my 
beauty  had  been  sadly  spoilt  by  the  ill-treatment  I  had 
received. 

*  We  now  passed  a  week  or  two  pleasantly  enough.  Mr. 
Meredith  was  domesticated  in  the  house  of  a  very  nice 
French  Englishman,  in  the  beautiful  environsof  the  famed 
city  of  Bordeaux,  and  many  a  pleasant  ramble  we  had  to- 
gether about  the  vine-clad  summits.  Mr.  G.  (excuse  the 
initials)  was  a  widower  with  three  chfldren,  two  of  whom 
were  daughters,  and  to  the  eldest  of  these  my  master  again 
talked  more  nonsense  than  I  liked  to  hear ;  however,  it 
soon  came  to  an  end,  for  wy  lady's  name  was  once  uttered 
before  the  whole  party  in  connexion  with  some  other  gen- 
tleman's, and  my  master's  ears  burnt  so  with  rage,  that  it 
nearly  turned  the  color  of  my  lining,  and  he  quitted  the 
place  the  next  day.    I  will  not  trouble  you  with  particu- 


OR    AMUSlEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


Q^^'^^^;^^^ 


213 


lars  of  our  continental  progress,  but  merely  mention,  en 
passant,  that  I  have  accompanied  my  owner  to  balls  and 
theatres,  where  I  contentedly  remained  in  his  great  coat 
pocket  until  the  gay  scene  terminated,  and  I  was  wanted 
to  protect  him  from  the  night  air.  I  have  propped  his 
head  in  French  diligences,  in  German  eil  wagens,  in  Rhine 
steamers,  in  Russian  kabitka's,  and  in  English  bus''s  ;  and 
except  for  short  journeys,  have  never  been  left  at  home. 
Our  last  tour,  however,  very  nearly  did  for  me.  We  were 
travelling  by  railway,  and  had  come  a  long  distance  that 
day.  The  journey  and  the  daylight  were  both  coming  to  a 
close,  we  were  comfortably  arranged  in  our  favorite  seat, 
back  to  the  engine,  face  to  the  window,  when  suddenly 
there  came  a  crash  and  a  smash  !  my  master  was  thrown 
forward  by  a  sudden  shock,  and  with  the  force  out  I  flew 
at  the  open  window,  and  was  flung  many  yards  on  to  the 
ground,  amongst  broken  carriages,  screaming  women,  and 
swearing  men  I 

'  Amidst  the  din  I  distinctly  heard  Mr.  Meredith's  voice, 
exclaiming,  '  HoUo  !  old  chap,  who  would  have  thought  of 
finding  you  half  asleep  in  my  arm  chair,  ivith  my  old  trav- 
elling cap  covering  your  pate  .''  The  voice  ceased,  the 
vision  fled,  and  starting  up  to  greet  Miles  Meredith,  who 
had  roused  me  from  my  amusing  dream,  I  soon  after  made 


214  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

him  laugh  heartily,  in  narrating  the  supposed  Adventures 
of  a  Travelling  Cap.' 

A  hearty  burst  of  merry  laughter  greeted  the  termina- 
tion of  John's  characteristic  '  dream,'  which  every  body 
pronounced  as  a  probable  sketch  of  the  progress  of  a  gay 
bachelor. 

"  Indeed,  John,"  said  Julia,  "  it  will  be  a  useful  hint  to 
me,  never  to  work  travelling  caps,  or  slippers,  or  in  fact 
amj  '  gages  d'amitie,^  for  your  fickle  sex ;  for  '  Miles  Mere- 
dith' is  but  a  type  of  the  tribe  he  represents.  Half  of 
you  only  laugh  at  the  giver,  even  when  making  use  of 
the  gift." 

"  A  libel,  a  libel,"  cried  John ;  *'  it  is  only  in  a  dream 
such  fickleness  exists,  and  even  there  you  see  coTistancy 
prevailed.  My  hero  was  always  '  Miles  the  miserable,' 
until  his  much-loved  cap  was  in  his  possession." 

"  You  acknowledge  that  constancy  is  a  dream  also," 
laughed  Julia  ;  "  so  as  the  scales  of  justice  are  thus  poised 
equally  again,  we  will  drop  the  subject." 

"  But  now,  Mr.  Maitland,"  said  Julia,  when  the  party 
were  arranging  themselves  for  the  evening's  amusements, 
"  I  hope  you  will  remember  your  promise,  and  enlighten 
us  as  to  your  new  game.     What  do  you  call  it  ?" 

"  I  really  do  not  know  what  to  call  it,"  he  replied,  "  we 
will  try  a  round  at  it,  and  then  determine  its  name." 

;■'■  I — -Mi 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR  ALL  AGES. 


215 


Some  of  the  party  wishing  to  look  on,  he  arranged  the 
rest  with  pen  or  pencils  in  hand,  and  strips  of  writing 
paper  before  each,  and  said,  "  We  will  now  divide  our 
forces  and  our  labors,  thus — five  shall  each  write  a  ques- 
tion in  verse,  the  others  must  answer  that  question  also  in 
rhyme,  and  for  an  observation  or  moral  to  be  appended,  we 
will  draw  from  the  whole  party."  He  here  took  a  piece  of 
paper,  wrote  some  lines  on  it,  and  passed  to  his  wife,  say- 
ing, "  Now,  my  dear,  just  answer  that,  it  will  show  what  I 
mean  better  than  half  an  hour's  talk.  Thank  you,"  he 
continued,  taking  it  from  her  hand  again,  "  now  I  will 
add  a  moral,  or  whatever  you  may  call  it — there,  now 
listen : — 

Question. 

Do  those  your  censure  or  approval  share 
,  Who  take  an  active  part  at  Fancy  Fair  7 

Answer. 
How  can  I  say  I  do  not  quite  approve 
Of  what  isDften  done  by  those  I  love  ; 
Hard  and  ungenerous  it  were  to  blame 
Those  whose  sole,  earnest,  steadfast  aim 
Is  to  do  good.     Although,  I  own, 
I  think  more  wisdom  might  be  shown, 
And  more  good  done  in  other  ways. 
In  these  enlightened,  active  days. 


^^^^s^^ 


216  HINTS  FOR  HAPPY  HOURS ; 

Observation  or  Moral. 
Let  those  who  approve  'em  go  hither  and  buy, 
Another's  kind  feeling  may  contrary  tend  ; 
To  help  a  good  cause  we  should  e.'ich  of  us  try, 
If  our  roads  are  diverse,  we  all  seek  the  same  end. 


uncle,"  said   Jane, 
Who  are  to  be  the 


"  Thank  you  for  the  illustration 
"  we  shall  be  able  to  understand  now. 
five  querists  ?  " 

Before  the  question  could  be  answered,  Joseph  opened 
the  door,  and  announced  "  Mr.  Barnes,"  and  that  gentle- 
man's appearance  caused  a  little  interruption  to  the  matter 
in  hand  ;  he^had  come  by  agreement  to  spend  the  evening, 
and  Cameron  was  to  return  home  with  him. 


CHAPTER  XV. 


MR.  MAITLAND's  'morals.' — VARIATIONS. — RECAPITULATION. 

Mutual  inquiries  after  health  having  ceased,  Mr,  Barnes 
expressed  a  hope  that  his  arrival  Would  not  disturb  the 
amusement  in  which  he  found  them  engaged. 

"  We  are  about  to  try  a  new  version  of  an  old  game," 
said   Mr.    Maitland,   "  to    be   something   in    the  style  of 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


217 


*  nouns  and  questions  ;'  but  perhaps  not  quite  so  difficult — 
will  you  join  us  ?" 
•  The  circle  again  formed  round  the  table,  and  their  names 
having  been  written  on  slips  of  paper,  five  were  drawn  out 
to  form  the  querists,  who  thus  appeared  as  Mr.  Maitland, 
John,  George,  Susan,  and  Miss  Chapman.  The  remaining 
five  patiently  awaited  the  result  of  their  appeal  to  the 
Muses,  which  proved  very  successful,  as  but  a  short  period 
elapsed  before  the  folded  questions  lay  before  them  for 
their  choice.  Each  person  was  bound  in  honor  not  to  di- 
vulge the  name  of  the  writer,  even  if  recognizing  the 
hand-writing;  and  after  contributing  the  required  answers 
to  the  questions  (some  of  which  on  perusing  raised  a 
smile  on  the  lips  of  the  silent  reader),  another  lottery  of 
names  took  place  for  the  moralists^  and  the  papers  were 
soon  refolded  and  replaced  before  Mrs.  Graham.  She  pro- 
mulgated their  contents  as  follows : — 


Q.uestion. 

Come  tell  me,  ye  youths,  or  ye  maidens  so  gay, 
Which  pleases  you  most  in  the  course  of  a  day ; 
The  morn  which  awakes  you,  with  sun  brightly  shining, 
Or  twilight's  soft  hue,  when  that  sun  is  declining  ? 


19 


218  HINTS   FOR   HAPPY    HOURS; 

Answer. 
Bright  is  the  dawn  of  day 
To  the  earth's  beloved  and  blest. 
But  brighter  still  is  the  '  twilight  grey' 
That  whispers  of  coming  rest ! 

MoToL. 
In  dawn  of  life,  or  dawn  of  day, 
Grateful  rise  to  work  or  play, 

Youth  enjoying, 

Time  employing, 
Cheerful  pass  life's  early  way. 

Age  creeps  on,  the  sun  descending, 
Life  and  light  to  evening  tending  j 

Useful  doing. 

Still  pursuing, 
Each  will  radiant  hues  be  blending. 

"  That  is  a  very  pretty  one,"  said  the  listeners  ;  but  no 
guess  was  allowed  as  to  the  writers. 

*'  Here  is  one  not  quite  so  sentimental,"  said  Mrs.  Gra- 
ham, and  she  read  : — 

Question. 
On  which  do  you  prefer  to  rest  your  head, 
A  mattress,  or  a  feather  bed  ? 


•(-^^ 


Q^^^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR  ALL  AGES. 


219 


Answer. 
In  summer  time,  not  liking  too  much  heat, 
I  choose  a  mattress,  covered  by  one  sheet ; 
But  when  the  winter  comes,  dehghting  to  be  snug, 
A  feather  bed  for  me,  two  blankets,  and  a  rug. 
Observation, 
Goose  down  or  wool, 
Feathers  or  hair ; 
If  one  sleeps,  warm  or  cool. 
Not  a  straw  should  one  care  ! 
"  Now  that's  what  I  call  real  philosophy,"  said  Came- 
ron ;  •'  I  beg  leave  to  cordially  join  in  the  sentiments  of 
the  '  Moralist.' " 

. "  You  used  to  be  very  fond  of  the  spot  to  which  the 
next  question  refers,  my  dear  mother,"  observed  Mrs. 
Graham,  "  so  pray  listen  to  the  reply,  and  the  observation 

thereon  : — 

Question. 
Has  nature  such  charms, 
That  defying  alarms 
Of  waves  and  of  wind, 
You  could  make  up  your  mind 
To  cross  the  wide  ocean, 
With  paddles  in  motion  ; 
And  all  for  1  he  sake 
Of  '  Killarney's'  famed  '  Lake  V 


m^^^ 


220  HINTS   FOR    HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

Answer. 
Vm  no  enthusiast,  and  despise  all  blarney, 
But  much  would  give  to  visit  sweet '  Kiilarney.' 

Observation. 

Hope  and  wait  patiently  awhile, 
Perchance  you'll  see  the  "  sister  Isle  ;" 
Science  advances  with  bo  swift  a  pace, 
As  to  "  annihilate  both  time  and  space ;" 
Scenes  inaccessible  before, 
Tourist  and  author  now  explore  ; 
Friends  from  far  distant  hemisphere, 
Oft  suddenly  our  vision  cheer, 
And  morn  finds  dear  ones  by  our  side, 
Whom  eve  saw  Ocean's  foam  divide — 
Steam !  to  thy  mighty  power  we  owe 
Many  a  comfort  here  below  ! 

"  Very  good,  and  very  true,"  observed  Mrs.  Beaumont ; 
«*  we  begin  now  to  look  upon  swift  transit,  both  by  sea  and 
land,  as  a  mere  thing  of  course  ;  and  are  so  accustomed  to 
the  convenience  of  expedition,  as  to  feel  ourselves  perfect- 
ly aggrieved  if  any  delay  occurs  by  which  our  progress  is 
reduced  to  that  moderate  speed,  which  in  our  ancestors' 
days  would  have  been  esteemed  a  most  dangerous  pace  tc 
travel." 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES.    ^ 


221 


"  It  is  a  '  go-ahead'  age,  my  dear  madam,"  said  John, 
"on  both  sides  of  the  Atlantic;  nothing  short  of  flying 
will  suit  the  progressing  spirit." 

"  But  to  return  to  the  matter  in  hand,"  said  Mrs.  Gra- 
ham.    "  I  will  now  read  you  some  very  amusing  lines  : — 

n  Question. 

Do  you  think  as  some  do,  that  an  Englishman's  face 

By  a  foreign  moustache  is  improved  ? 

Answer. 
Except  in  the  army,  'tis  quite  a  disgrace, 
And  I  hope  will  ere  long  be  removed. 

Moral. 
Pray  spare  the  poor  moustache,  your  ruthless  razor  stay, 
It  but  proclaims  an  ass,  before  we  hear  him  bray. 

"  Really,"  said  George,  reddening,  "  that  is  rather  a 
sweeping  conclusion,  and  being  an  anonymous  attack,  not 
a  very  liberal  one  ;  but  I  dare  say,"  he  continued,  laugh- 
ing away  his  brief  vexation.  "  that  the  observation  was 
penned  by  some  '  beardless  boy,'  who  thereby  expressed 
more  envy  than  sincere  judgment." 

"  Much  the  wisest  decision  to  arrive  at,"  said  his  mo- 
ther, smiling.     "  Now  follow  some  very  pretty  verses  not  - 
obnoxious  to  any  one,"  and  she  read  as  follows  : — 


222  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

Question. 
Which  season  of  this  changing  chme. 

Tell  me  in  language  clear,  but  brief, 
You  most  prefer — the  bright  spring  time 

Or  autumn's  '  sere  and  yellow  leaf?' 

Answer 
Beautiful  each  in  turn 

Are  the  green  and  the  changing  bough; 
Like  the  bloom  on  a  fair  young  cheek. 

And  the  grey  on  an  honor'd  brow  ! 

Moral. 
'Tis  truly  so,  if  viewed  with  grateful  hearts, 
But  thankless  ones  to  all  a  gloom  imparts, 
'Tis  the  mind^s  sunshine,  and  the  spirits  glow, 
Tinges  our  prospects  in  this  world  below. 

"  We  really  have  some  poets  as  well  as  moralists  a- 
mongst  us,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont.  *'  I  am  quite  sorry  that 
the  stock  is  exhausted." 

"  We  will  get  up  a  few  more  for  you,  Grandmother," 
said  George,  laughing,  "  when  we  begin  the  bouts  rimes  I 
have  promised  to  these  poor  creatures,  who  just  now  pro- 
fessed their  inability  to  write  verses." 

"T  think  you  are  all  getting  so  well  into  this  game,*' 
said  Mrs.  Beaumont,  "  that  it  seems  a  pity  not  to  continue 


^^^^m 


OR  AMUSEMENTS  FOR  ALL  AGES.  223 

it  a  little  longer,  instead  of  commencing  any  other.  Bouts 
rimes  will  do  to-morrow  night." 

"  As  Mrs.  Beaumont  wishes  for  another  poetic  specimen 
or  two,"  said  Mr.  Barnes,  "  suppose  we  write  a  few  prose 
questions,  and  choose  three  out  of  the  number  to  put  into 
a  versified  form,  it  will  cause  much  diversity  of  idea  and 
metre,  all  writing  and  moralizing  on  the  same  subject." 

Out  of  this  curious  collection  Mrs.  Maitland  took  pos- 
session of  a  few,  to  retain  as  specimens  for  any  future 
novices.     The  first  of  these  ran  as  follows  : — 

Question. 
What  do  you  think  of  love  in  a  cottage  ? 

Answer. 
Bran  in  the  bread,  and  leeks  in  the  pottage. 
Thank  you,  I'd  rather 
See  your  love  farther. 

Mcyral. 
Such  fancies  are  pretty  in  youth,  p'raps,  but  not  age. 
on  which  was  a  variation  to  this  effect :  — 

Question. 
How  would  you  like  the  lowly  lot, 
Affection's  dream,  of^ '  love  in  a  cot  ? ' 


^^^^^^ 


Ill 


\ 


22^  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS; 

Answer, 
Affection's  dream  it  well  may  Beem, 
For  half  asleep  the  pair  I  deem, 
Who  this  cottage  of  love, 
Suppose,  as  a  glove, 
Can  be  made  to  stretch  to  any  extreme. 
I,  for  one,  would  rather  not 
Try  the  chance  of  *  love  in  a  cot.' 

Moral. 
If  love  be  really  worth  its  name, 
A  cot  or  palace  were  the  same  ; 
For  love  makes  any  place  *  sweet  home,' 
From  which  its  counterfeit  would  roam. 
So  when  in  life  you  wish  to  settle, 
Be  sure  you  choose  the  sterling  metal ! 

Another  of  these  specimens  gave  the  following  good  rules 
against  the  prevailing  foible  of  gossiping,  or  talking  too 
fast,  at  which  some  of  the  young  ladies  inveighed 
highly  :— 

Question. 
What's  the  best  way  to  govern  the  tongue  ? 

Answer. 
To  be  well  whipp'd  for  chattering,  when  you  are  young. 


OR  AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


225 


bSf^ 


Moral 
Discreetly  put,  and  I  could  name 
A  few  adults  to  whom  the  same 

Would  do  a  world  of  good ; 
Scandal  would  lose  its  poison'd  zest, 
Heart's  love  uncheck'd,  and  nature  rest, 

If  this  were  understood. 

Upon  which  prolific  theme  another  moralist  thus  expressed 

an  opinion : — 

Question. 
Can  you  advise,  and  say  what  must  be  done, 
To  govern  tongues  that  will  too  glibly  run  ? 

Answer. 
If  a  male  gossip — scorn  his  tittle  tattle ; 
If  a  dear  female  (bless  her  prittle  prattle). 
Believe  just  half  she's  '  certain  is  quite  true,' 
Laugh  at  her  foible,  but  avoid  it  too. 

Moral. 
With  stolen  goods,  or  stolen  reputation. 
Both  need  receivers  to  support  the  trade ; 
Be  honest,  disappoint  their  expectation. 
Slander  and  theft  alike  will  be  dismayed ; 
No  custom  found  for  '  home,  or  exportation,' 
To  keep  on  business  each  will  be  afraid. 
20 


::;;;::i^:i^'"v 


I 

i 


Kii 


226  .   HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

"  I  quite  congratulate  you,  Mr.  Maitland,"  said  Mrs. 
Beaumont ;  *'  your  pupils  do  ample  justice  'to  the  teaching 
of  their  master.  It  is  a  very  interesting  diversity  in  our 
attempts  as  feeling  poets." 

"  Yes,  I  think  so  myself,"  he  replied ;  "  and  friend 
Barnes's  variations  on  the  original  '  Tkeme,^  gives  an  oppor- 
tunity for  much  luxuriance  of  thought  and  opinion." 

*•  One  evening  before  we  go  home,"  said  Susan,  "  I 
mean  to  propose  a  game  to  be  called  *  Recapitulation,'  and 
to  consist  of  a  short  example  of  each  of  the  novel  amuse- 
ments v\^hich  we  have  learnt  in  the  country." 

"  Not  a  bad  idea,  Susan,"  said  her  uncle,  "  for  some 
extra  additiortals  may  suggest  themselves  during  repetition, 
which  will  prove  improvements  also." 

Mr.  Barnes  and  his  young  friend  then  took  leave,  with 
a  promise  of  joining  the  party  on  Wednesday  evening, 
after  their  return  to  Fernwood. 

"  I  think,  my  dear  children,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont, 
before  she  retired,  "  that  Mr.  Maitland's  idea  of  filling  up 
an  interval  in  the  evening  by  the  composition  of  a  tale,  is 
most  excellent." 

"  It  is  one  that  may  be  very  easily  carried  out,"  remark- 
ed that  gentleman,  "  by  way  of  a  variety  in  home  amuse- 
ments ;  it  exercises  imagination  and  industry,  and  is  only 


■>^iz:. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


227 


an  English  version  of  the  '  time-honored  custom'  of  story- 
telling, still  practised  in  eastern  climes." 


CHAPTER  XVI. 


THE    LETTER-BAG. TING   TANG    IMPROVED. BEN    BLACK*S 

SALMAGUNDI. 

Ever  since  the  Maitlands  had  been  domesticated  at  the 
Grange,  the  postman  had  brought  their  bag  there  each 
morning,  instead  of  delivering  it  at  Fernwood  ;  and  upon 
opening  it  on  the  Saturday  at  the  breakfast  table,  a  larger 
number  of  letters  than  usual  were  produced  from  its 
leathern  compartments  by  Mr.  Maitland  :  "  Here  are  two 
letters  for  you,  John,"  he  said,  "  two  for  my  wife,  and  even 
one  for  Jessie  ;  surely  all  the  people  must  have  been  seized 
at  once  with  a  pen-and-inh-7nania,  for  my  own  letters  are 
more  numerous  than  usual !" 

"  There  is  nothing  I  enjoy  more  than  the  receipt  of 
letters  during  the  breakfast-hour,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont ; 
"  it  seems  as  if  one's  friends  were  partakers  of  that  social 
meal  when  their  thoughts  are  thus  brought  before  us." 

"  '  Heaven  sent  letters  to  some  wretches  aid,' "  replied 


EQ^^^i 


228  HINTS   FOR  HAPPY   HOTJES  ; 

Mr.  Maitland,  "  so  sings  the  poet ;  and  Rowland  Hill  com- 
pleted the  bounty  when  he  thought  of  the  penny  post. 
Well,' John,"  he  continued,  "  yow  seem  to  have  received 
two  good  pennyworths.  Are  any  of  those  closely  written 
pages  pro  bono  publico  ?  " 

*'  Quite  intended  for  it,"  replied  John.  "  My  friends, 
young  Black  and  White,  knowing  the  clever  circle  I  am 
domesticated  with,  have  sent  me  some  new  charades,  enig- 
mas, et. cetera." 

"Are  those  really  your  friends'  names?"  asked  Mary, 
doubtfully. 

"  Decidedly  so,"  said  John,  "  they  were  schoolfellows  of 
mine,  and  from  my  staid  appearance,  we  used  to  go  by  the 
names  of  Black,  White,  and  Grey.'* 

The  idea  of  which  sobriquet  quite  overset  the  gravity  of 
the  company. 


"  Well,  what  are  we  to  do  with  ourselves  this  evening  ?  " 
asked  Mr.  Maitland,  after  tea,  music  having  agreeably 
filled  up  a  portion  of  the  previous  twilight. 

"Let  us  have  one  round  at  your  'Ting  tang,'"  said 
John.  "  Our  friends  here  have  never  tried  it,  and  I  fancy 
we  might  introduce  a  variety  into  it." 

Mr.  Maitland  was  then  requested  to  begin  the  game,  and 


^^^ 


LA' 


^^^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


229 


gave  the  word  "  by"  for  them  to  rhyme  to  ;  the  guesses  as 
to  his  thought-of  word  proceeded  thus : — 

Mrs.  Beaumont.     Is  it  what  all  the  world  must  do  at 
some  period  of  their  lives  ? 

Mr.  Maitland.     You  begin,  dear  madam,  where  others 
end  ;  but  it  is  not  die. 

George.     Is  it  what  we  read  was  once  put  before  a 
king  ? 

Mr.  M.     No,  there's  not  a  pie  to  open. 

Jane.     Is  it  seven  feet  above  the  ground  ? 

Mr.  M.     Sometimes  more,  but  it  is  never  high. 

Richard.     Does  a  Scotch  lassie  sometimes  go  through 
it,  and  meet  a  body  ? 

Mr.  M.     So  sings  the  ballad  ;  but  it  is  not  rye. 

Susan.     Does  it  betoken  thirst  ? 

Mr.M.     No,  it   is   sometimes  in 'a  burning  heat,  but 
never  dry. 

Mary.     Is   it   what  finishes  the  boy,  and   begins   the 
youth  ? 

Mr.M.     No,  lady  fair,   it  is  not  so  far  down  in  the 
alphabet  as  y» 

John,        You  say  the  word  will  rhyme  with  *  by/ 
No  doubt  the  sound  is  right, 
If  so,  I  think,  'twixt  you  and  I, 
'Tis  what  produces  sight. 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 

Mr.  M.     Thus  varying  the  query  throws  quite  a  new  light, 
'Tis  a  pity  your  eye  should  be  wrong,  and  not  right 

Mrs.  M.         John's  hint  to  take,  a  word  I'll  find. 
Although  produced  from  pain, 
In  bearing  absent  friends  in  mind, 
I  long  to  meet  again. 

Mr.  M.  Your  ready  wit  such  funds  supply, 

I  gladly  say — breathe  not  a  sigh. 

Mrs.  Graham.  I  must  come  back  to  humble  pross; 
thinking  your  word  is  what  I  ought  not  to  attempt  with 
such  clever  competitors. 

Mr.  M.  Although  not  very  wrong  to  do  it,  it  would  be 
so  to  say  it ;  it  is  not  vie. 

Jessie.  Is  it  what  Cardinal  Wolsey  once  put  before  the 
kipg? 

Mr.  M.  That  is  a  mere  variation  upon  George's  ques- 
tion, I  think. 

Jessie.  No,  indeed,  father,  it  is  to  show  my  historical 
knowledge,  not  my  acquaintance  with  the  '  nursery 
rhymes.' 

Mr.  M.  Well,  Jessie,  then  you  have  puzzled  me ;  tell 
me  what  the  Cardinal's  dish  was  ? 

Jessie.  It  was  '  7,'  father ;  do  not  you  remember  the 
expression,  *  /and  the  king,'  which  gave  such  offence  ? 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


231 


Mr.  M.  Very  fair,  Jessie  ;  but  I  am  not  quite  so 
egotistical  as  you  seem  to  fancy  ;  I  did  not  think  of  *  /by 
myself  /.' 

Julia,  Is  it  a  word  to  be  found  in  almost  every  conun- 
drum ? 

Mr.  M.     Very  frequently,  but  I  cannot  say  why. 

Miss  Chapman.     'Tis  not  guessed  yet — I'll  soar  on  high, 
But  do  not  think  me  proud  ; 
With  reverence  I  cast  my  eye 
On  it  beyond  the  cloud. 

Mr.  M.         Shame  on  my  earthly  feelings — fye  ! 
I  never  thouf^ht  abont  the  sky 

Tom.  I  can't  manage  poetry  without  thinking  such  a 
while ;  so  I  hope  it  is  what  I  don't  mean  to  do. 

Mr.  M.  Nil  desperandum,  Tom  ;  but  this  time  you 
would  be  wrong  in  your  try. 

Agnes.     Is  it  what  Miss  Harrison  wishes  to  do  ? 

Mr.  M.     Ah  !  I  remember  her  wish  ;  no,  not  fly. 

"  I  cannot  make  verses  improjnptu,^''  said  Julia  ;  "  but  1 
should  like  to  inquire  if  it  is  what  Mr.  Harrison  is  always 
particularly  anxious  to  have  neat  and  clean  ? 

Mr.  M.  Is  Mr.  Harrison  a  pig  fancier,  and  you  feel 
interested  in  the  arrangement  of  the  pig's  domicile — 
vulgOy  a  sty  ? 


232 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS ; 


Julia  [laughing].  O  !  dear  no,  I  was  thinking  of  his 
nice  white  tie. 

Mr.  M.  That  is  not  the  only  tie  that  clergymen  are 
particular  about ;  but  I  had  not  thought  of  such  a  knotty 
point. 

John.         Another  word — these  being  wrong —  . 
I  beg  to  offer  you, 
Though  email,  it  still  is  very  strong, 
T'  express  a  word  untrue. 

Mr.  M.     Truth  and  politeness  mix  in  my  reply, 
I  should  quite  blush  to  say  it  is  a  lie. 

Mrs.  Beaumont.     Is  it  close  to  us  ? 
Mr.  M.     No,  it  is  not  nigh. 


Mrs.  M. 


Mr.M. 


Miss  C. 


Fair  Julia  surely  looked  the  word 
When  her  last  lively  guess  we  heard. 

No,  dearest  wife,  I  must  deny 
That  Julia  or  my  word  are  sly. 

Remember,  remember,  the  fifth  of  November, 
Gunpowder,  treason,  and  plot; 
I  think  there's  no  doubt 
Your  word  I've  found  out. 
And  you  can  deny  it  not. 


^c^^^a. 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES. 


233 


Mr.  M.         It  would  be  treason 

To  truth  and  to  reason 

For  me  to  deny 

You  have  guessed  my  Chiy. 

When  Mr.  Maitland  thus  acknowledged  that  Miss 
Chapman  had  guessed  his  thought,  the  approbation  was 
general  as  to  John's  clever  variety ;  but  Mrs.  Graham 
expressed  a  doubt  as  to  whether  it  would  be  generally 
adopted. 

"  It  is  not  every  one  who  has  the  happy  facility  of  form- 
ing rhymes  impromptu,^^  she  said,  "  which  has  been  dis- 
played by  our  friends  this  evening;  but  every  one  may 
play  at  '  Ting  Tang'  in  its  original  form,  and  find  it  very 
amusing.'" 

"  In  a  large  party  I  should  think  there  is  very  little 
doubt  but  what  one  or  two  rhymesters  (I  will  not  say  poets) 
may  be  found,"  observed  Mr.  Maitland  ;  "  and  if  requested 
beforehand,  to  vary  the  game  in  this  way  when  it  came  to 
their  turn,  a  slight  preparation  would  enable  them  to  do  it, 
by  merely  apprizing  the  other  players  that  they  intended 
to  use  such  and  such  a  word,  therefore  it  must  not  be  ap- 
propriated by  any  one  else." 

"  And  even  if  the  proposer  of  the  word  to  be  rhymed  to 
were  not  as  clever  and  quick  at  repartee  as  yourself," 
remarked  Mrs.  Beaumont,  "  still  he  or  she  would  have  to 


li^^r^^^ 


234  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  J 

exercise  an  extra  degree  of  thought  and  ingenuity  in  divin- 
ing the  meaning  of  this  versified  answer." 

"  Well  then,"  replied  Mr.  Maitland,  "  we  will  say 
ckacun  a  son  gout,  with  my  personal  thanks  to  John  for 
his  suggestion." 

His  nephew  here  pulled  a  letter  from  his  pocket,  and  un- 
folding it,  said,  "  Let  me  now  read  you  a  few  trifles  from 
Ben  Black's  budget,  which  he  truly  designates  as  "  a  Sal- 
magundi ;"  and  first,  young  ladies,  listen  to 

THE  NINE  aUALIFICATIONS  OP  A  BRIDE. 

Piety — Purity — Probity  —  Prudence  —  Patience^ — Placidity — 

Politeness — Punctuality — and  Portion. 

"  If  any  lady  possessed  all  those  qualities  without  any 
set-off's,  I  should  think  she  might  add  a  tenth  P,  and  call 
herself  Perfection,"  observed  Mr.  Maitland. 

"  And  I  was  about  to  say,"  continued  his  wife,  "  that  in 
the  scale  of  precedence,  the  first  and  last  very  frequently 
change  places." 

"  Aunt  Maitland,  you  are  very  severe,"  said  John.  "  I 
ipust  resume  my  reading  to  prevent  your  further  remarks. 
Here  is  a  charade  for  you,  short  and  pithy,  pungent  and 
poetical : — 

My  first  makes  my  second, 
And  then  my  whole  is  reckoned. 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


235 


"  A  decided  case  of  mystification,"  exclaimed  Julia ; 
"  pray  enlighten  us." 

"  Uncle  Maitland  will  be  pleased  at  the  answer,"  said 
John  ;  "  for  he  thinks  that  Pat  riot  are  well  put  together.' 

"  And  too  often  obtain  the  misnomer  contained  in  the 
word  when  complete,"  said  his  uncle. 

"  Try  and  guess  this  Anagram,"  said  John  : — 

Take  a  simple  appellation, 

Turn  its  form  quite  round-about, 

A  horse's  handsome  decoration 

You  will  quickly  then  find  out. 

See,  how  strange,  in  change  the  third 

A  disposition  not  to  spend  ; 

And  stranger  still,  one  little  word 

In  which  oyir  prayers  should  always  end. 

"  That  last  expression  gives  the  clue  to  the  whole,"  said 
his  aunt,  "  as  '  Amen'  may  be  easily  turned  into  '  name,' 
'mane,'  and  'mean.'" 

"  Black  sends  a  French  sentimentality  next,"  said  John, 
"  which  I  must  write  down,  for  you  to  understand  and 
elucidate,  Ze  voici.^^ 

Pir  vent  venir 

un  vient  d'un. 

Each  of  the  party  tried  their  powers  of  divination  on 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

this  enigmatical  phrase,  and  at  length  Mary  successfully 
elucidated  it  by  reading  it  thus. 

Un  sowpir,  vient  soiivent,  d'un  souvenir, 

"  Here  is  a  versified  conundrum,  without  an  answer  ap- 
pended," said  John,  "  and  1  have  puzzled  for  a  solution  in 
vain  ;  try  your  best  endeavors  :  — 

When  from  the  ark's  protecting  bound, 

The  world  came  forth  in  pairs, 
Who  was  it  first  that  heard  the  sound 
Of  boots  upon  the  stairs  1 
"  That  is  a  puzzler,"  said  George.     "  Who  knows  when 
boots  were  first  invented  ?  not  I,  for  one." 

All  consideration  and  guesses  proving  fruitless,  the  solu- 
tion was  postponed  sine  die. 

"  Con  the  second,  interesting  '  to  all  England,'"  resum- 
ed the  querist.  "  Why  is  Trafalgar-square  like  a  grand 
review  on  a  rainy  day  ?  D'ye  give  it  up  ?  Because  it  is 
a  fine  site  spoilt  !" 

"  Very  true  in  both  cases,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  laughing. 
"  Now,  uncle,  the    next  charade,   my  friend  observes, 
*  gives  a  grand  opportunity  for  the  display  of  Romaic  eru- 
dition,' so  rub  up  your  classics  and  give  a  guess  : — 
My  first  is  known  to  every  nation 
That  treads  the  shores  of  Hindostan. 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR    ALL  AGES.  237 

My  second  is  a  fair  creation. 

But  only  of  the  mind  of  man. 

When  Greek  meets  Greek  in  nuptial  rite, 

My  whole  rejoices  in  the  sight. 

Mr.  Maitland  thought  for  a  few  minutes,  and  then  said, 
"  I  have  found  it  out,  but  it  is  not  quite  correct,  I  believe, 
in  the  pronunciation  of  the^r*^  part.  It  means  'para- 
nymph,'  the  Greek  word  for  '  the  friend  of  the  bridegroom,* 
but  I  have  always  seen  the  outcast  Hindoo  spelt  either 
Paria  or  Pariah  ;  however,  it  will  pass." 

"  Ben  seems  to  have  rather  a  penchant  for  the  arA:," 
continued  John,  "at  least  I  conjecture  that  first  essay  in 
ship  building  is  here  alluded  to  : — 

My  first  was  the  stay  of  a  drowning  world ; 
My  next  its  maker  must  surely  have  been  ; 
My  whole  is  a  name,  which  wifRiold  its  fame, 
While  steam  can  labor  or  jennies  can  spin. 

"  We  can  all  guess  that,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  "  for — 

Who  has  not  heard  of  Arkwright^s  fruitless  toil, 
Until  his  little  son  applied  the  oil. 

"  So  ends  Ben  Black's  collection,"  said  John,  refolding 
his  letter,  "  with  the  compliments  of  the  season  to  my 
talented  companions." 


238 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  J 


"  And  very  amusing  it  has  been,"  said  Mrs.  Beaumont, 
"  but  before  we  withdraw  I  wish  to  introduce  a  very  pretty 
conundrum  of  Dr.  Whewell's,  in  reply  to  a  lady  who  re- 
quested his  autograph  or  cipher — 

You  0  my  0,  but  I  0  thee — 
Then  0  no  0,  but  ah  !  0  me — 
Let  not  my  0  a  0  go — 
Give  back  0  0  1  love  thee  so. 

"  Let  us  first  give  Dr.  Whewell's  lines  literally : 

You  cipher  my  cipher^  but  I  cipher  thee — 
Then  cipher  no  cipher,  but  ah !  cipher  me — 
Let  not  my  cipher  a  cipher  go — 
Give  back  cipher  cipher  I  love  thee  so. 

"  Now  let  us  take  a  little  of  the  poet's  license  : 

You  sigh  for  my  cipher,  but  I  sigh  for  thee — 
Then  sigh  for  no  cipher,  but  ah  !  sigh  for  me — 
Let  not  my  sigh  for  a  cipher  go — 
Give  back  sigh  for  sigh  for  I  love  thee  so, 

*•  Your  other  friend's  contribution,  John,"  resumed  Mrs. 
Beaumont,  "  we  shall  be  glad  of  on  Monday." 


n 


OR  AMUSEMENTS  FOR  ALL  AGES. 


239 


CHAPTER  XVII. 


NEW    DRAWING    LESSON. BOOK    OF     FATE. THE     EXPECTED 

DINNER    GUESTS. THE  BLUE  BELLE. DISHING. AMERICAN 

GAME.  ^ 

"  No  one  who  looks  in  upon  our  group  of  this  morning 
can  call  this  '  the  castle  of  indolence,'  I  am  sure,"  said 
Mrs.  Beaumont,  looking  with  benign  satisfaction  on  the 
busy  hands  and  cheerful  faces  around  her,  after  breakfast 
on  Monday  morning.  "  It  is  more  like  a  school  of  indus- 
try. But  what  are  you  doing,  Richard  ?"  she  continued, 
as  she  observed  him  turning  a  piece  of  paper  in  various 
directions,  and  at  last  beginning  to  sketch  upon  it. 

"  I  am  about  to  try  and  form  a  figure  of  a  man  from  the 
five  spots  you  see  here,  dear  madam,"  he  answered, 
'*  which  are  to  indicate  the  head,  the  two  hands,  and  the 
two  feet." 

"  But  why  did  you  place  these  points  in  such  very 
extraordinary  and  almost  unnatural  positions  ?"  asked  the 
old  lady. 

■  "  I  did  not  place  them,"  he  replied;  "  but  it  is  a  tax 
upon  my  ingenuity  Miss  Chapman  has  just  put  in  force. 


^^^^^ 


240 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


I  will  turn  the  paper,  and  you,  Mrs.  Beaumont,  shall 
practise  her  experiment,  and  see  the  result." 

He  then  picked  up  five  little  pieces  of  paper,  which  had 
been  rolled  up  somewhat  to  the  size  and  shape  of  peas,  and 
placing  them  in  Mrs.  Beaumont's  hand,  requested  her  to 
scatter  them  on  the  paper.  At  each  spot  on  which  they 
fell  he  then  made  a  small  pencil  mark,  and  although  they 
had  again  assumed  ft  most  unpromising  form,  he  laugh- 
ingly assured  Mrs.  Beaumont  that  he  hoped  in  a  short 
time  to  "  present  her  with  a  very  respectable-looking  young 
man,"  from  her  accidental  hints. 

Waving  back  the  curious  group  which  pressed  around 
his  cousin,  John  said,  "I  will  keep  the  ladies  quiet  for  you 
by  producing  •  the  book  of  fate,'  which  my  friend  Will 
White,  has  sent  down  for  the  amusement  and  enlighten- 
ment of  my  fair  friends.  Come,  then,  young  ladies,  and, 
by  choosing  certain  numbers,  you  shall  hear  divers  secrets 
revealed,  as  to  your  character,  your  wishes,  and  your 
destiny." 

Much  amusement  was  afforded  by  this  little  book  ;  and 
after  all  had  had  their  foitune  told  from  it,  John  undertook, 
at  Julia's  request,  to  make  a  copy  of  it,  to  leave  for  her 
especial  benefit  when  he  should  have  carried  off  his  friend's 
original  to  London. 

When   he  had   proceeded   a  line  or  two,  he  protested 


^^^^^_ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


24i 


against  the  employment,  as  being  of  too  quiet  a  nature. 
"  If  one  of  you  would  read  it  aloud,"  he  said,  "  I  could 
get  on  twice  as  fast,  and  not  be  obliged  to  stop  my  ears  to 
all  the  agreeable  prittle  prattle  around  me.  Come,  Mary, 
be  good-natured  for  once,  and  act  as  my  dictator.  It  is  not 
every  one  I  would  allow  to  assume  that  character,"  he 
added,  as  she  prepared  to  comply  with  his  request — and  so 
was  compiled  the  following 

BOOK  OF  FATE. 
What  18  your  disposition  ? 

1.  Obstinate.  9.  Indolent. 

2.  Satirical.  10.  Romantic. 

3.  Gay.  11.  Sincere. 

4.  Amiable.  12.  Modest. 
6.  Extravagant.  13.  Obliging. 

6.  Capricious.  14.  Impatient. 

7.  Enthusiastic.  15.  Prudent. 

8.  Constant.  16.  Jealous. 

WImt  quality  do  you  wish  your  husband  (or  wife)  to  possess  ? 

1.  Economy.  5.  Benevolencfe. 

2.  Affability.  6.  Placidity. 

3.  Firmness.  7.  Goodness. 

4.  Wit.  8.  Caution. 

21 


242 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


9.  Gaiety. 

10.  Excellence. 

11.  Talkativeness. 

12.  Good  temper. 

What  do  you  ardently  love  ? 

1.  Music. 

2.  Botany. 

3.  Yourself. 

4.  The  country. 
6.  Talking. 

6.  Dancing. 

7.  Your  own  way. 

8.  Flirting. 


13.  Humility. 

14.  Candor. 

15.  Charity. 

16.  Industry. 


9.  Horse  exercise. 

10.  Admiration. 

11.  Money. 

12.  Poetry. 

13.  London. 

14.  Display. 

15.  Reading. 

16.  Home. 


What  are  your  present  most  anxious  wishes  ? 


1.  To  be  admired. 

2.  To  go  to  France. 

3.  To  hear  yourself  praised. 

4.  To  be  rich. 

5.  To  be  accomplished. 

6.  To  set  the  fashion. 

7.  To  be  married. 

8.  To  keep  a  carriage. 

9.  To  gain  a  title. 


10.  To  become  an  Author. 

11.  To  travel. 

12.  To  have  (or  make)  an  offer. 

13.  To  build'a  church. 

14.  To  be  at  the  sea-side. 

15.  To  have  your  lover's  picture. 

16.  Tobe  buried  in  Westminster 

Abbey. 


l'^^ 


^^^msi 


OR  AMUSEMENTS  FOR   ALL   AGES. 

For  what  are  you  beloved  7 

1.  For  your  money.  10.  I  cannot  imagine. 

2.  For  your  excellence.  11.  For  your  artlessness. 

3.  For  your  tenderness.  12.  For  your  generosity. 

4.  For  the  graces  of  your  mind.  13.  For  your  wit. 

5.  For  your  own  sake.  14.  For  your  worth. 

6.  For  your  candor.  15.  For  your  accomplishments. 

7.  Because  no  one  can  help  it.  16.  Because  you   are   a   good 


8-  For  your  beauty. 

9.  For  your  brilliant  talents. 

Will  you  ever  marry  ? 

1.  Yes,  when  old. 

2.  No,  you  know  better. 


listener. 


10.  Before  long  I  hope. 

11.  When  you  have  time. 


you. 

13.  Better  late  than  never. 

14.  No. 

15.  Most  assuredly. 

16.  Perhaps,  it  is  a  chance. 


3.  Yes,  to  make  some  one  happy.  12.  A  disappointment  will  deter 

4.  You  have  no  objection. 

5.  Yes,  to  please  your  friends. 

6.  To  be  sure  you  will. 

7.  No,  no  one  will  have  you. 

8.  You  will  repent  if  you  do. 

9.  Yes,  if  you  can. 

"Happily  accomplished,"  cried  John,  as  he  finished  the 
last  line  as  above.  "  Now,  Julia,  you  shall  have  the  plea- 
sure of  asking  me  the  questions  first  by  way  of  experi- 
ment, and  let  me  hope  I  may  obtain  a  good  fortune  as  a 
reward  for  my  exertions  in  your  cause,  so  now  begin." 


^\^^^ 


244 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS; 


Julia.     What  is  your  disposition  ? 

John.     Number  six. 

Julia.  *  Capricioits  /'  What  quality  do  you  wish  your 
wife  to  possess  ? 

John.     Bless  her  heart,  number  eleven. 

Julia.     I  very  much  question  it.     '  Talkativeness.'' 

John.     Defend  me  from  it  ! — go  on. 

Julia.     What  do  you  ardently  love  ? 

John.     Number  three. 

Julia  [laughing].     '  Yourself.^ 

John.  Now,  really  it  is  too  bad,  I  don't  believe  you  tell 
truly. 

Julia.  Indeed  I  do.  What  are  your  present  most  anx- 
ious wishes  ? 

John.     Thirteen. 

Julia.     '  To  build  a  church.* 

John.  '  Some  have  honors  thrust  upon  them.'  I  never 
thought  of  such  a  thing  before. 

Julia.     For  what  are  you  beloved  ? 

John.  Come,  give  me  a  cheerer.  1  will  try  number 
thirteen  again. 

Julia.  I  ought  to  cry  out  now  that  it  is  not  fair,  the 
answer  is  so  likely  to  be  true.     '  For  your  toit.* 

John.     Spare  my  blushes,  and  proceed. 

Julia.     Will  you  ever  marry  ? 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


245 


John.  I  hope  so,  when  I  have  arrived  at  years  of  dis- 
cretion, but  what  says  the  oracle  ?  I  choose  number  seven. 

Julia.  Then  the  oracle  crushes  your  hopes ;  for  it 
replies,  '  No  ;  no  one  loill  have  you.^ 

"  I  will  be  judged  by  every  body  present,"  said  John, 
"  whether  this  book  of  fate  has  not  given  an  ungrateful  re- 
turn for  all  the  trouble  I  have  taken  in  compiling  it." 

"  My  dear  cousin,  I  have  felt  your  wrongs  so  deeply," 
said  Richard,  laughing,  "  that,  being  unable  to  avenge 
them  myself,  I  have  sketched  a  champion  from  Mrs.  Beau- 
mont's scattered  indicators,  who  stands  sword  in  hand,  to 
fight  your  battles,  if  any  one  can  be  found  to  meet  him  in 
the  combat — look!  dear  madam,"  he  continued,  handing 
the  paper  to  his  hostess,  "  I  have  contrived  to  form  a 
tolerable  figure,  and  have  left  the  spots  distinct,  to  prove 
that  I  have  abided  by  the  rules  Miss  Chapman  pre- 
scribed." 

Mrs.  Beaumont  took  the  drawing,  and  expressed  much 
pleasure  and  surprise  at  the  skill  and  ingenuity  displayed 
in  the  formation  of  the  figure,  which  in  an  easy  but  ani- 
mated posture,  represented  a  soldier  engaged  in  an  appar- 
ent attack  upon  an  unseen  enemy. 

Every  one  joined  in  the  praises  bestowed  upon  his  clever 
sketch  ;  and  Mr,  Maitland  said,  "  You  do  great  credit  to 
Mr.  Day's  instructions,  my  dear  boy ;  persevere,  and  you 


246 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS 


will  make  a  clever  artist.  You  ought  to  thank  Miss  Chap- 
man for  her  hint,  and  although  every  one  may  not  be  able 
to  make  such  telling  sketches  from  such  strange  begin- 
nings, they  may  amuse  every  one  and  assist  many." 

"  Are    we  all   to    play   at   being  good    little   children, 
grandmother  dear,  and  come  into  dessert,  as  we  dine  be- 


^^^=5?^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES.  247 

fore  the  seniors  to-day  ? "  interrogated  Julia,  alluding  to 
an  intended  dinner-party. 

"  It  would  be  rather  a  formidable  accession  to  our  num- 
bers if  you  did,"  returned  her  grandmother,  smiling  ;  "  and 
as  you  are  all  rather  too  big  to  sit  upon  the  knees  of  my 
dinner  guests,  and  extra  chairs  would  cause  a  great  con- 
fusion, you  must  be  kind  enough  to  remember  you  have 
not  yei  left  the  school-room;  and  so  your  governess  will 
have  you  all  awaiting  our  return  to  the  drawing-room." 

"  It  is  quite  delightful  to  feel  oneself  reckoned  amongst 
the  young  people  still,"  said  John,  laughing. 

The  juniors  were  already  assembled  in  the  drawing- 
room,  according  to  Mrs.  Beaumont's  request,  when  she  re- 
entered it  after  dinner,  accompanied  by  her  lady  guests, 
but  the  very  speedy  re-enforcement  of  the  gentlemen,  gave 
but  short  time  for  the  inspection  or  individual  notice  of 
any  of  the  party. 

One  of  the  ladies  was  a  Mrs.  Bell,  an  authoress  of  some 
repute,  whom  John  accordingly  designated  as  a  "  Blue 
belle,"  and  the  sight  of  her  dress,  of  cerulean  hue,  made 
him  now  laugh  at  her  double  right  to  his  sobriquet. 

Her  husband  was  very  short,  very  thin,  and  very  quiet, 
and  some  of  his  male  friends  had  been  heard  to  call  him 
the  "  dumb  bell." 

After  tea  and  coffee  had  been  served,  the  Misses  Harper 


^^^^^  ,  ^^^^^m 


248 


HINTS   FOR  HAPPY   HOURS  ; 


were  called  upon  for  some  music,  the  performance  of  which 
was,  as  usual,  the  signal  for  conversation  to  begin  with 
great  vivacity  after  the  first  six  or  eight  bars,  and  only  to 
conclude  with  the  last  chords  of  the  overture,  thence  merg- 
ing into  a  murmur  of  thanks  and  approbation,  almost 
amusing  to  hear  uttered. 

Mrs.  Graham  then  began  to  find  various  amusements 
for  the  rather  numerous  party,  by  getting  up  a  rubber  for 
an  M.  P.  and  a  J.  P.  with  their  respective  ladies,  and  a 
backgammon-board,  chess-table,  and  "  Tactics,"  were  also 
furnished  with  their  vis-d-vis  couples.  The  piano  received 
a  performer  or  two  at  intervals,  but  still  several  remained 
unoccupied,  and  amongst  them  Madame  la  Clocke  (the  pub- 
lishing title  of  the  authoress). 

"  Shall  we  try  a  round  at  some  of  the  paper  verses  you 
used  to  be  so  famous  at  ?  "  said  Mrs.  Graham,  addressing 
this  lady,  "  Mrs.  Maitland,  and  her  nephew  Mr.  Harper, 
are  very  quick  at  them,  and  will  be  most  proud  to  be 
joined  with  you  in  the  game  of  '  Wit.'" 

"  I  have  never  attempted  any  thing  but  the  American 
game  of  "  Nouns  and  Questions,"  replied  Mrs.  Bell,  "  but 
shall  be  very  happy  to  try  whether  I  have  lost  my  art  even 
at  that,  for  it  is  some  time  since  I  made  the  attempt." 

A  circle  was  then  formed  round  the  loo-table,  some  as 
active,  others  as  mere  honorary  members  of  the  "  Wit 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR  ALL   AGES. 


249 


club,"  and  the  writers  were  soon  busily  engaged  concoc- 
ting their  questions,  and  afterwards  supplying  the  single 
word  at  the  foot  of  such  question  which  the  rules  of  the 
game  require  to  be  woven  into  the  poetical  reply  to  the 
question.  Whilst  all  were  thus  occupied,  poor  little  Mr. 
Bell  sat  silently  by  the  fireside,  apparently  as  much  "  the 
world  forgetting,"  as  he  was  evidently  "  by  the  world  for- 
got," until  Julia  happening  to  turn  round,  observed  his 
listless  inactivity,  and  good  naturedly  resolved  to  try  and 
arouse  him.  So  tripping  up  to  the  little  man,  she  in- 
quired, "  Will  you  play  a  game  of  chess  with  me,  Mr. 
Bell,  for  want  of  a  better  partner  ?" 

"  Thank  you,  I  don't  play  chess,"  was  the  reply. 

"  Shall  we  try  draughts  ?" 

*'  I  would  rather  not  play  them,  thank  you." 

"  Backgammon  ?  " 

"  I  don't  understand  it." 

Julia  ran  through  the  list  of  all  the  tete-&-tete  games  she 
could  think  of  (some  of  which  she  could  not  play  herself), 
but  all  in  vain.  At  last,  as  a  desperate  resource,  she  said, 
"  Will  you  try  dishing  ?  " 

"  I  never  heard  of  the  game,  but  I  will  try  to  learn  it,  if 
it  is  not  too  difficult." 

Her  good-natured  point  thus  gained,  Julia  flew  off  to 


250 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPy    HOURS ; 


obtain  a  draught-board,  four  of  the  black  men,  and  one  of 
the  white.  The  former  of  these  she  placed  on  squares  of 
their  corresponding  color,  at  one  end  of  the  board,  as  at 
draughts,  and  the  single  white  man  at  the  opposite  end, 
also  on  a  black  square. 

"  Now,  Mr.  Bell,"  cried  she,  sitting  down  opposite  him, 
"  which  will  you  choose,  the  single  champion  or  his  four 
opponents  ?" 

*'  Whichever  you  please,"  replied  the  meek  little  man. 

"  Then  I  will  take  the  single  man,"  said  Julia,  laugh- 
ing, "  and  now,  this  is  the  way  we  must  play.  The  men 
move  one  square  at  a  time,  just  as  at  draughts  ;  the  object 
of  my  man  is  to  get  past  your  four  men,  so  as  to  be  ena- 
bled to  reach  the  other  end  of  the  board,  and  your  en- 
deavor must  be  to  keep  the  line  so  completely,  that  I  cannot 
pass  it.  If  I  do  not  do  so,  but  you  contrive  to  hem  me  in 
so  that  I  cannot  move,  you  '  dish'  me,  to  use  the  elegant 
phrase  which  gives  the  game  its  name  ;  but  if  I  do  pass 
your  line,  if  you  once  leave  an  opening  that  I  can  get 
through,  I  '  dish*  you.  So  now  let  us  see  which  of  us  will 
be  first  to  be  dished." 

Who  shall  say  that  there  is  any  one  living  but  what  pos- 
sesses some  hidden  spring  of  interest  and  sympathy,  if  one 
did  but  know  how  to  touch  it !  Julia  most  unconsciously 
had  awakened  this  interest  in  the  little  "  dumb  Bell,"  who 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

became  quite  excited  over  this  apparently  trivial  game, 
and  rubbed  his  hands  most  gleefully,  and  quite  laughed 
aloud,  when  at  the  third  trial  he  was  able  to  exclaim, 
"  There,  Miss  Graham,  you  are  dished.''' 

Satisfied  with  having  taught  her  quiet  little  friend  some- 
thing to  amuse  him,  both  for  the  present  and  future 
evenings,  Julia  now  rose  and  joined  the  party  at  the 
loo  table,  from  whence  she  sent  Agnes  to  be  Mr.  Bell's 
partner. 

*'  Have  you  finished  your  witty  contribution?"  she  in- 
quired of  Richard. 

"  We  have  not  all  been  writing,"  he  replied.  "  There 
is  sometimes  more  amusement  to  be  derived  as  a  spectator 
of  other  people's  labors  than  as  a  fellow  workman,  but  hush  ! 
fhe  papers  are  about  to  be  unfolded." 

"  It  is  a  thing  of  course,  that  you  are  to  be  the  reader, 
Mrs.  Graham,"  said  John,  addressing  that  lady,  "  you  give 
all  the  emphasis  so  well,  and  as  I  know  by  grateful  experi- 
ence, sometimes  supply  both  sense  and  sound." 

Mrs.  Graham  bowed  and  smiled  for  the  compliment,  and 
then  read  paper  the  first : — 

Question.     Is  emigration  a  blessing  or  not  ? 

Wo7d — Neglect. 

'Yes,  better  o'er  the  seas  to  roam, 
Than  see  your  children  perish  herej 


^jQ^^^  ^^s?^ 


252  HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 

Hope,  love,  and  health,  can  build  a  home, 

E'en  in  a  distant  hemisphere, 

But  woe  to  those  whose  cold  ^^neglecV^ 

Has  snapt  the  ties  of  brotherhood, 

To  Dives,  in  his  purple  decked, 

While  Lazarus  sighed  for  daily  food.' 

It  is  not  allowable  to  guess  at  the  authors,  I  believe,"  said 
the  reader,  as  she  concluded,  *'  but  those  are  exceedingly- 
pretty  lines,  whoever  wrote  them.  The  next  question  and 
word  are — 

What  is  the  difference  between  wit  and  humor  ? 
Ruby. 

Wit  is  like  the  lightning  flash, 

Humor  like  the  moonbeam's  ray  j  ,    . 

Wit  is  like  the  torrent's  dash, 

Humor  like  the  fountain's  play. 

Wit  is  like  the  "ru6y"  rare, 

Humor  like  the  sterling  metal  j 

Wit,  the  geyser  of  the  north, 

Humor,  the  domestic  kettle  ! 

"  That  is  a  very  good  description,"  said  Mr.  Maitland, 
who  had  joined  them  from  the  backgammon  table,  "  and 
good  poetry  too,  only  (to  be  hypercritical),  the  last  line  but 
one  should  have  rhymed  with  fare." 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


S53 


"  0  !  but  such  poetic  licences  are  quite  allowable  at  this 
sort  of  game,  I  think,"  said  Mrs.  Bell.  "  We  have  great 
authority  for  such  a  departure  from  set  rules  in  the  con- 
cluding stanza  of  Campbell's  beautiful  ballad  of  '  Lord 
Ullin's  daughter.'" 

"  I  remember  what  you  allude  to,"  replied  Mr.  Maitland, 
"  and  bow  to  the  example.  Proceed,  Mrs.  Graham,  if  you 
please." 

"  Here  is"  an  inquiry  which  has  been  often  answered  in 
the  affirmative,"  she  continued,  "  and  had  the  parties  pos- 
sessed the  '  word,'  it  would  have  been  a  blessing  : — 

Will  you  join  a  party  to  '  the  diggings  ?' 
Contentment. 

The  thirst  of  gold  in  man  is  strong, 

It  lures  him  o'er  the  seas  to  roam  j 

To  dare  the  pangs  of  parting  long. 

From  friends,  and  country,  health,  and  home. 

On  California's  golden  shore. 

Hundreds  pursue  wealth-seeking  toil, 

But  whilst  ^^contentment"  gilds  my  store, 

I'll  envy  not  their  shining  spoil. 

"  A  Very  good  resolve,  whoever  made  it,"  remarked 
Mrs.  Beaumont.     "  What  follows,  Georgina  ? " 

"Rather  sl  favorite  inquiry,"  replied  her  daughter  : — 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ^ 

Which  ia  preferable,  spring  or  autumn  ? 
Noun. — Wisdom. 

Each  has  its  charms,  yet  mast  it  be  confessed, 
The  hope  of  summer  lends  to  spring  a  zest 
Denied  to  autumn ;  for  its  beauties  past, 
Our  minds  with  coming  gloom  are  overcast. 
Though  "wisdom"  teaches  in  the  sunny  hour, 
Blithe  to  rejoice,  nor  dread  the  future  show'r. 

**  That's  the  true  principle  of  enjoying  life,"  said  Mr. 
Maitland,  "  both  as  men  and  Christians." 

"  1  have  only  one  more  paper  to  read,"  continued  Mrs. 
Graham,  "  which  seems  both  witty  and  true — 

Question.     What  is  the  use  of  a  pen  ? 
Noun. — Q^uaker. 

Use  of  a  pen  ?  how  very  strange  ! 
What  is  there  not  within  its  range? 
'Tis  used  to  flatter,  and  to  blame ; 
To  eulogize,  and  bring  to  shame ; 
To  chronicle  some  village  news, 
Accept  a  dinner,  or  refuse. 
Congratulate  a  married  friend. 
Condolence  to  a  widow  send  ; 
Form  treaties,  too,  with  Indian  men, 
As  did  the  "  Quaker,"  William  Penn.' 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES. 


255 


By  the  time  these  "  readings"  were  finished,  the  tray 
was  brought  in,  and  the  company  soon  afterwards  de- 
parted. * 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

RETURN  TO  FERNWOOD. — THE  DOUBLE  DROSHKI — THE  HOUSE 
—INVITATIONS. — CONGLOMERATION  REVISED. — THE  WALK. 
ENGLISH  VERSUS  FOREIGN  HILLS. — SECRET  CORRESPON- 
DENCE. 

**  Farewell  !  a  long  farewell  to  this  old  mansion,"  cried 
John,  as  on  the  following  morning  the  preparations  com- 
menced for  their  return  to  Fernwood.  "  I  do  not  remem- 
ber ever  having  passed  so  thoroughly  happy  a  fortnight  as 
the  last  has  been.  " 

By  Mrs.  Beaumont's  kind  and  thoughtful  arrangement, 
the  party  partook  of  an  early  dinner,  before  returning 
home  ;  and  about  three  o'clock  the  old  coach,  with  its 
strong  pair  of  bays,  drew  up  at  the  arched  doorway,  and 
was  speedily  followed  by  Mr.  Maitland's  pretty  double 
bodied  pony  phaeton. 

"  Here  comes  my  carriage,  in  which  I  hope  Miss  Mait- 


mm^ 


256  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

land  will  become  my  companion  and  guide  to  Fernwood," 
said  George,  gaily. 

The  vehicle  to  which  he  thus  drew  attention  was  a  well 
appointed  handsome-looking  Russian  double  droshky,  in 
front  of  which  sat  our  old  friend  Ivan,  skilfully  guiding 
with  his  rein  in  each  hand,  one  of  his  sleek  and  beautiful 
black  steeds.  Although  not  quite  so  striking  a  conveyance 
as  the  sledge,  yet  it  possessed  so  much  of  attractive  nov- 
elty in  its  apprearance  as  to  elicit  much  admiration.  The 
bow  over  the  horse's  head  which  is  fastened  on  each  side 
to  the  shafts,  and  to  which  the  bearing  rein  is  attached  by 
a  silver  hook,  was  furnished  with  several  small  bells,  *  more 
for  ornament  than  use  designed,'  as  fortunately  the 
necessity  for  scaring  wolves  (their  object  in  the  '  far 
north')  is  not  now  needed  in  our  happy  land. 

Obtaining  her  mother's  permission,  Jessie  yielded  a 
willing  assent  to  George's  proposal,  and  the  cavalcade  pre- 
pared to  start. 

Kind  wishes  and  adieus  were  again  and  again  exchang- 
ed ;  but  Mr*.  Beaumont  checked  the  more  serious  fare- 
wells offered  by  the  Harpers,  by  saying  :  "  No,  no,  my 
dears,  you  have  not  done  with  the  old  woman  yet.  I  shall 
come  to  Fernwood  before  you  leave,  and  then  .we  will 
say  good-bye." 


OR  AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


257 


And  now  the  carriages  being  all  ready,  amidst  smiles 
and  tears,  nods  and  bows,  the  party  drove  away. 

"  I  hope,  George,  you  have  not  quite  forgotten  Fernwood 
during  your  absence  ?"  asked  Jessie  of  her  companion. 

"  On  the  contrary,"  he  replied,  "  I  have  always  carried 
a  perfect  recollection  of  its  noble  proportions  and  elegant 
design,  as  a  guide  to  my  own  taste,  if  I  should  ever  build 
a  house." 

The  carriages  here  turned  into  the  drive,  the  numerous 
large  hollies,  Portugal  laurels,  rhododendrons,  and  clumps 
of  mountain  ash  in  which,  formed  a  thicket  of  verdure  and 
variety  even  at  this  inclement  season  of  the  year.  There 
was  not  much  space  between  the  arrival  of  the  respective 
equipages,  and  their  occupants  were  soon  transferred  to 
the  comforts  of  a  thorough  English  home. 

"  Here  are  some  letters  awaiting  our  return,  I  observe," 
said  Mr.  Maitland,  walking  up  to  the  centre  table  ;  "  these 
delicate  pink-tinted  notes  are  invitations,  I  presume  ;  take 
yours,  Susan  and  Julia." 

"  Invitations  to  a  friendly  party  at  the  Perabertons,  on 
Thursday  evening,  aunt,"  said  Susan. 

"  Having  no  previous  engagement,  we  will  of  course  go," 
observed  her  aunt.  "  Mrs.  Pemberton  is  the  widow  of  our 
late  incumbent,  and  they  are  very  nice  people,  but  very 


258 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ,* 


quiet ;  they  have  no  piano,  so  you  will  have  neither  music 
nor  singing  at  the  Mount." 

After  tea,  John  proposed  a  carpet  quadrille  in  the  small 
drawing-room,  to  celebrate  their  return  to  Fern  wood,  which 
concluded,  his  uncle  said,  "  Now,  young  folks,  a  truce  to 
active  sports  for  a  while,  and  let  me  tell  you  of  an  idea 
that  occurred  to  me  this  morning,  for  a  different  way  of 
playing  Jane's  game  of  Conglomeration."  The  young 
folks  sat  down  as  he  requested,  and  prepared  to  listen  and 
obey.  "  It  strikes  me,"  he  resumed,  "  that  it  would  cause 
more  amusement  if  each  party  was  obliged  to  write  upon 
the  same  words.  The  chief  entertainment  arises  from  the 
clever,  humorous,  or  even  bungling  introduction  of  the 
specified  nouns,  and  I  think  it  will  show  more  variety  of 
style  and  character,  if  we  are  each  obliged  to  use  the  same. 
At  any  rate  let  us  try." 

The  proposition  was  adopted  forthwith,  but  as  some  of 
the  party  drew  back,  and  declared  they  did  not  feel  "  up" 
to  composition  that  evening,  the  authors  were  finally  set- 
tled, as  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Maitland,  John,  Mary,  Susan,  and 
Richard,  who  immediately  gave  forth  in  turn,  a  "  noun"  for 
insertion  at  the  head  of  each  paper,  which  stood  thus  in 
order : — 

Trouble —  Grief — Silver — Curiosity — Mushroom  catsup — 
Polka. 


i| 


i'    t 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 


259 


"  King  George  shall  be  our  monarch  of  the  game,  and 
read  our  productions  aloud,"  said  John  ;  "  so  now,  good 
folks,  get  something  else  to  do  besides  looking  at  us,  or 
you  will  find  the  time  required  for  composition  appear  very- 
long."     • 

This  hint  produced  chess-men,  backgammon-boards, 
and  work-baskets,  until  in  about  twenty  minutes  "  the 
King"  was  called  to  receive  the  contributions  of  his  wil- 
ling subjects,  who  had  not  however  produced  them  without 
many  murmurs  at  the  extraordinary  word  of  "  mushroom 
catsup,"  which  John  had  mischievously  introduced,  without 
knowing  more  about  it,  than  that  sundry  bottles  in  the 
oilman's  shop  windows  bore  that  title.  The  whole  party 
drew  round  to  listen,  and  George  thus  begun  : — 


'Tis  hard  with  ^^  trouble'^  to  commence, 

And  p'rhaps  find  no  relief, 

Though  if  we  are  possess'd  of  sense, 

'Twill  help  to  conquer  "^ne/';" 

Take  "  si7rer"  pencil-case  in  hand. 

Write  verses  with  velocity, 

I  warrant  some  from  out  our  band 

Will  prove  a  '■'"curiosity." 

That  "  mushroom  catsup,'''*  what  a  word 

A  poet's  line  to  fill ! 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS ; 

The  "  Polkd'^  is  much  less  absurd, 

Or  elegant  quadrille. 

But  as  my  "lotted  task"  is  done, 

I'll  not  add  any  more, 

Except  record,  that  I  for  owe. 

Rejoice  the  task  is  o'er. 


"  The  next  paper,"  he  continued,  "  professes  to  set  forth 
the  feelings  of — 


AN  ANGRY  MISTRESS. 

Here's  scolding  and  anger,  here's  "  trouble"  and  "  grief ^^ 

Nancy's  mistress  declares  she  can  prove  her  a  thief: — 

"  I  gave  you  some  '  silver''  to  go  with  to  town. 

Various  articles  thence,  ma'am,  to  buy  and  bring  down. 

And  now  it  appears  you  have  had  the  owdocity 

To  spend  it  instead  on  your  own  '  curiosity.'' 

The  nice  '  Mushroom,  Catsup^  I  yesterday  boiled. 

For  want  of  the  corks  will  be  probably  spoiled. 

You  have  not  brought  the  shoes  for  my  daughter.  Miss  Mary, 

Nor  yet  the  new  milk  pans,  to  put  in  the  dairy. 

Mary  can't  dance  the  '  Polka'  to-night  in  thick  shoes ; 

These  troubles  have  come  because  you,  ma'am,  must  choose 

To  spend  all  my  money  at  Darlington  fair  ! 

Get  away,  you  bad  girl !  I  shall  scream,  I  declare ! 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL    AGES. 


261 


woman  !"  said  George,  "  what  a  pack  of  troubles 
ghty  Nancy  caused  her.  What  are  you  doing, 
Mary  ?  nay,  that  is  too  bad,"  he  continued,  trying  to  take 
out  of  his  sister's  hand  the  papers  she  had  begun  to  tear 
up ;  but  she  was  too  quick  for  him,  and  the  fragments  lay 
upon  the  table. 

"  Indeed,  George,  we  could  not  manage  anything  at  all 
readable,"  she  said  in  excuse ;  "  that  extraordinary  word 
of  John's,  and  Mrs.  Maitland's  '  silver'  to  which  every 
one  knows  there  is  no  rhyme,  so  completely  puzzled  us, 
that  Richard,  Susan,  and  I,  gave  up  the  attempt  in  despair  ; 
but  you  have  another  paper  to  read,  have  you  not  ?" 

"  One  more,"  replied  her  brother,  "  called — 

THE  SATISFIED  BACHELOR. 
What  causes  us  the  greatest  '  troubles,^ 

What  the  most  poignant  '  grief ^^ 
Love  or  marriage  ?  bubbles  !  bubbles  ! 

For  these  there's  no  relief. 
Yea  !  '  silver^  oft  our  cares  decreases, 

And  gives  to  love  a  charm  ; 

For  poverty,  the  proverb  teaches, 

Sends  love  off  in  alarm. 
*  *  *  * 

Pondering  thus  some  weeks  ago, 
I  had  the  '  curiosity^^ 


^=^^ 


262  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  ; 

To  an  old  married  man  I  know, 

To  say,  with  some  pomposity : 
"  Just  let  me  at  some  items  look 

In  your  good  lady's  diary." 
He  smiled,  and  brought  a  well  fill'd  book, 

Suffieient  for  a  Friary. 
I  glanc'd  it  o'er,  how  queer  did  mix 

The  things  I  saw  therein, 
To  '  Mushroom  Catsup,^  one  and  six, 

"  One  pound  for  Pelerine," 
"  Gingerbread  three-pence,"  "  Cab  to  town, 

"  Mercer  (an  old  account) 
Six  pounds,"  "  new  '  Polka?  half  a  crown," 

"  Sundries  to  hal  account." 
I  shut  the  book  with  mute  disdain, 

Content  a  Bach'lor  to  remain  ! 

"  I  really  think  we  have  all  managed  tolerably  well  to 
get  over  John's  stickler,  as  he  would  himself  call  it,"  said 
his  aunt.  "  And  your  idea  of  its  being  more  amusing  to 
play  the  game  this  way,  my  dear,"  addressing  her  hus- 
band, "  is  quite  correct,  for  as  the  intention  of  the  game 
is  to  furnish  amusement,  rather  than  edification  -or  im- 
provement, the  more  ludicrous  the  examples,  perhaps  the 
better." 

"  Being  a   decided  encouragement  to   my    '  Mushroom 


&JC^ 


Q-::::^'^^^^:^^, 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES.  263 

Catsup,'  or  any  other  sauce  I  may  choose  to  give  you, 
aunt,"  said  the  inveterate  punster,  John. 

The  next  morning  was  bright  and  clear,  and  the  youth- 
ful party  enjoyed  a  long  walk  in  the  exhilarating  neighbor- 
hood of  Fernwood,  where  the  diversity  of  hill  and  dale  fur- 
nished beauty  to  the  eye,  and  required  activityin  the  limb. 

"  This  is  rather  different  from  our  prescribed  walk  in 
London,"  said  Jane,  laughing,  as  she  ran  down  a  steep 
green  declivity  in  one  of  the  fields ;  "  some  of  our  friends 
there  would  stare  to  see  us  in  such  full  chase." 

"  Yes,  we  shall  miss  the  country  exercise,  as  well  as  the 
country  air,"  sighed  John  ;  "  but  we  must  make  the  best 
of  it.  It  is  a  pity  that  we  cannot  have  ice  hills  in  a  house, 
for  then  one  might  manage  that  novel  diversion  without 
the  outdoor  space,  which  is  so  seldom  to  be  found  in  a 
toivn  residence." 

"  You  might  have  it  within  doors,"  said  Mary,  "  if  you 
had  a  room  high  enough  to  give  a  good  descent.  We 
used  to  see  them  at  the  emperor's  country  palaces  round 
St.  Petersburg." 

"  Do  you  mean  that  ?"  asked  John,  in^  surprise  ;  "  how 
were  they  made  ?  " 

"  0  !  George  can  tell  you  all  about  it,"  she  replied,  "  for 
he  superintended  the  commencement  of  a  hill  for  my  un- 
cle. Sir  Thomas  Graham,  before  we  left  Devonshire." 


S^^~i2^ 


^^ 


264 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPy    HOURS ; 


"  Hollo  :  George,"  cried  John  to  his  friend  in  advance, 
"  come  back  here,  that's  a  good  fellow,  and  tell  us  some- 
thing about  these  indoor  icehills,  which  Mary  says  you 
gave  your  uncle  the  idea  for.  What  are  they  like,  and 
where  did  you  put  them  ?" 

"  To  answer  your  questions  in  order,"  replied  George, 
"  in  the  first  place  they  are  not  ice  hills  at  all ;  and  second- 
ly, they  are  like  those  erections  inform,  but  not  in  mate- 
rial; and  thirdly,  they  were  put  up  by  my  uncle  in  a  laige 
granary  or  barn,  standing  next  to  his  stables  and  coach- 
house, which  he  had  cleared  out  and  whitewashed  for  the 
purpose."  • 

"Ah!  we  have  nothing  of  that  sort  in  London,"  said 
John,  "  and  so  your  description  will  not  profit  us  much, 
individually ;  but  tell  us  more  about  it,  that  we  may  en- 
lighten others,  who  possess  the  means  as  well  as  inclina- 
tion to  apply  them." 

"  The  hill  is  formed  of  planks  of  wood,  about  four  feet 
wide,"  continued  George,  "  and  it  depends  upon  the  height 
of  your  building  what  length  your  slide  is.  At  the 
emperor's  small  palace  at  Tzarsco  Celo,  near  Petersburg, 
the  frame  and  wooden  road  are  formed  of  mahogany,  beau- 
tifully polished,  and  the  height  at  which  the  slide  begins  is 
perhaps  eighteen  or  twenty  feet  from  the  ground,  to  which 
you  mount  by  a  most  elegant  little  spiral  staircase  at  the 


^g^^Q  _  g^^5^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES.  265 

side.  We  did  not  do  things  quite  in  such  style  at  Combe 
Hall,  but  our  framework  and  planks  were  of  good  strong 
deal,  painted  oak  color,  with  steps  attached  to  one  side, 
like  a  ladder,  but  not  left  open  between.  The  road  for  the 
sledge  to  travel  on  is  marked  out  something  like  a  railway, 
only  that  there  are  two  pieces  of  narrow  iron  stand  up  in- 
stead of  one,  which  thus  forms  a  groove  for  the  sledge,  and 
it  cannot  but  travel  in  safety  to  the  ground,  where  the 
same  guides  are  continued  for  a  few  yards,  that  the  ivvpe- 
tus  may  be  checked  before  the  sledge  finally  stops  ;  too 
sudden  a  stop  would  be  apt  to  overset  this  small  vehicle." 

**  I  dare  say  it  is  very  good  fun,"  remarked  John,  "  but 
not  so  exhilarating  as  the  real  Russian  hills." 

"  But  it  is  a  very  good  substitute,"  said  George,  "  and  I 
think  ought  to  be  added  to  the  gymnasium  of  every  large 
school." 

The  end  of  this  conversation  found  them  nearly  at  home, 
where  their  long  and  pleasant  walk  made  the  announce- 
ment of  dinner  very  acceptable. 

As  they  drew  round  the  fire  in  the  afternoon,  Mrs.  Mait- 
land  said,  "  Whilst  you  were  absent  this  morning  I  em- 
ployed part  of  my  time  in  sorting  and  looking  over  some 
of  the  miscellaneous  contents  of  my  '  Omnium  Gatherum,' 
and  amongst  other  *  curiosities  for  the  ingenious'  I  found 
23 


^. 


266 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


this  specimen  of  *  secret  correspondence,'  which  I  thought 
might  serve  both  to  amuse  and  inspire  some  of  us.  This 
letter  is  supposed  to  have  been  addressed  to  an  intimate 
friend,  by  a  young  lady,  w^hose  husband  always  read  her 
correspondence  before  he  allowed  it  to  proceed  to  its  desti- 
nation." 

She  then  read  the  letter,  which  gave  a  glowing  picture 
of  the  young  lady's  happy  matrimonal  life,  quite  cheering 
to  all  hymeneal  aspirants  ;  but  when  she  explained  the 
double  entendre,  by  only  reading  every  alternate  line,  the 
exact  reverse  of  the  previous  description,  was  quite  as 
much  calculated  to  damp  all  wishes  of  entering  the  state 
of  wedlock ;  and  raised  both  the  surprise  and  mirth  of 
the   uninitiated. 

"  I  agree  with  you,  aunt,  that  it  would  be  possible  to 
appropriate  and  act  upon  that  idea,"  said  John ;  "  come, 
let's  have  a  try  now,  before  the  light  quite  fades  away." 
All  the  rest,  however,  declined  his  challenge,  and  John 
withdrew  alone  to  a  small  writing  table  at  the  window, 
where,  resolutely  shutting  his  ears  to  the  conversation  near 
the  fire,  he  collected  his  thoughts,  and  soon  threw  them 
on  paper,  in  an  amusing  form.  '*  Now,  good  folks,"  he 
said,  "  be  lenient  in  your  criticisms,  and  hear  me  read  a 
very  pleasant  letter  my  friend  old  Mr.  Lovepenny  had  from 
his  son,  whom  he  had  placed  at  a  cheap  Yorkshire  school  : 


r^^^-^-'^- 


a^^^sa 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

'My  dear  Father, 

•  I  avail  myself  of  your  permission  to  write  to  you,  and 
do  not  hesitate  to  open  my  whole  heart  to  you,  well 
knowing  you  will  wish  for  my  account  of  school, 
where  I  have  now  been  long  enough  to  form  an  opinion, 
I  hasten  to  tell  you  what  I  really  think  of  my  master. 
I  find  him  kind  and  considerate,  but  others  say  that 
he  is  exceedingly  harsh,  cruel,  exacting,  and  unjust. 
Perhaps  they  call  him  so  who  deserve  severity,  but 
to  me,  it  would  be  difficult  to  find  one  more 
kind  and  attentive,  so  unlike  some  men,  who  are 
capricious,  tyrannical,  selfish,  and  severe. 

'  Some  of  the  boys  complain  most  unjustly,  that 
we  have  not  good  food,  nor  even  enough  of  it  ; 
but,  indeed,  my  dear  father,  it  is  not  true  that 
we  either  have  bad  meat,  or  are  half  starved. 
My  tasks  are  easy,  and  although  it  is  natural  that 
I  long  for  the  holidays,  to  see  those  who  love  me, 
yet  school  is  more  like  home  to  me  than  otherwise, 
and  I  shall  be  nearly  wild  to  return  here. 

'  Letters  from  you  are,  of  course,  always  welcome,  so 
pray  do  write  to  me  immediately,  and  tell  me 
if  you  are  not  delighted  with  my  abode  here,  and 
whether  you  are  not  thoroughly  disgusted  to  find 
boys  capable  of  so  falsely,  and  wilfully  representing 
that  such  deceit,  wickedness,  and  cruelty  can  exist  in 
my  dear  and  respected  master,  Mr.  Whackem,  who  is 
a  man  who  only  requires  to  be  really  known 
to  disprove  these  statements,  and  show  his  accusers 
to  be  despicable  in  the  eyes  of  all  good  men. 
'  Your  affectionate,  but  never 
'  your  unhappy  son, 

'  Launcelot    Lovepenny."* 


267 


268 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 


"  A  very  good  imitation,  John,"  said  his  uncle,  when 
his  nephew  had  read  the  letter  in  its  two  different  signifi- 
cations ;  "  but  just  let  me  look  at  it.  *'  O  !  yes,"  he  con- 
tinued, glancing  it  over,  "  it  is  all  right,  you  each  time 
read  the  top  line,  and  in  your  double  entendre^  skip  the 
alternate  one,  I  see ;  I  suppose  that  the  key  to  this  *  secret 
correspondence'  had  been  agreed  upon  before  young  Love- 
penny  was  sent  to  this  establishment ;  a  sort  of  Dotheboys 
Hall,  I  should  imagine,  by  some  of  the  allusions  ;  but  here 
are  Barnes  and  Cameron,  so  now  let  us  have  tea." 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

THE     CONCERT. — LES     BOUTS     RIMES.  —  A    COUNTRY    VISIT. 

PRACTICAL     PUZZLES. — HINTS    FOR    DIPLOMATISTS. — CONUN- 
DRUMS.— NEW    CIPHER. 

The  absence  of  their  elder  play-fellows  from  home  had 
been  a  great  source  of  grief  to  Alice  and  Charley,  and 
their  joy  at  their  return  was  proportionably  great.  The 
Grahams  were  particularly  fond  of  children,  and  had 
a  happy  knack  of  entertaining  them,  and  winning  their 
regard. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


269 


"  Let  us  have  a  game  at  something  this  evening  in 
which  these  little  folks  can  join  before  they  go  to  bed," 
said  Julia,  good-naturedly.  "  Come  George,  Richard,  all 
of  you,  what  shall  we  play  at?" 

"  There  is  so  little  room  in  modern  drawing-rooms  for 
active  amusements,"  said  Mr.  Maitland  ;  "  can  you  not 
think  of  a  merry  sitting  down  game  ?  " 

"  Have  you  ever  tried  '  a  concert  ? ' "  asked  Jane,  "  where 
each  one  chooses  an  instrument,  and  is  supposed  to  play 
upon  it  at  the  command  of  the  leader  ?  It  makes  it  much 
more  amusing  for  it  to  be  vocals  instead  of  silent.  John 
makes  a  capital  leader,  and  I  think  Alice  and  Charley 
would  enjoy  this  fun." 

The  performers  vt'ere  then  requested  to  choose  their  in- 
struments, and  John,  moving  a  music-stool  from  the  piano, 
placed  himself  on  it,  as  the  leader  and  conductor  of  the 
proposed  concert.  In  so  large  a  party  it  required  some 
ingenuity  to  remember  the  names  of  a  sufficient  number 
of  instruments,  but  at  length  all  were  supposed  to  be  sup- 
plied, and  John,  clapping  his  hands,  as  the  pre-concerted 
signal  for  the  luhole  orchestra,  commenced  singing  the  well- 
known  huntsman's  chorus  in  "  Der  Freitschutz,"  to  which 
the  band  responded,  all  apparently  playing  their  several 
instruments  of  harp,  piano,  flute,  violin,  trumpet,  violin- 
cello,  et  cetera.     In  the  midst  of  which  the  conductor  held 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPV    HOURS  J 

forth  his  outspread  palms,  and  ere  the  silence  which  suc- 
ceeded this  signal  had  endured  a  second,  his  quick  imita- 
tion of  the  violin,  succeeded  almost  instantaneously  by  the 
piano,  thence  flying-  to  the  ophicliede  b^ck  to  the  luhole 
band,  and  thus  keeping  them  all  in  the  greatest  state  of 
exercise  and  excitement,  caused  the  chorus  of  voices  more 
frequently  to  be  a  ringing  laugh  of  merriment,  than  the 
intended  tones  of  Weber's  composition.  A  quarter  of  an 
hour's  hard  work  at  this  amusement  found  almost  all  the 
party  quite  tired  with  their  exertions,  and  Alice  and  Char- 
ley laughing  till  the  tears  ran  down  their  cheeks  at  *'  cousin 
John's  funny  way." 

Their  mother  therefore  begged  the  '  concert'  might  ter- 
minate for  the  evening,  and  when,  soon  after  these  young- 
sters said  'good  night,'  she  reminded  her  husband  that 
"Mr.  Barnes  and  his  friend  had  promised  to  join  the 
'  children  of  a  larger  growth'  in  a  trial  at  the  game  of 
'  bouts  rimes,'  proposed  by  George  before  they  left  the 
Grange." 

Some  of  the  party  then  commenced  their  literary  labors, 
and  in  a  short  time  George  having  '  gammoned'  poor  Susan 
most  unmercifully  at  the  Polish  game  of  backgammon, 
came  forwards  to  receive  and  read  their  efforts. 

"  Must  I  read  the  given  rhymes  alone  first  ?"  he  asked. 

"No,"  replied  Mrs.  Maitland ;  "only  keep  each  to- 
% 


^^^mi 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES.  271 

gether  that  are  written  on  the  same  rhymes,  it  will  show 
the  design  of  the  game  better  than  by  reading  first  from 
one  set  and  then  from  another." 

George  then  took  up  the  papers  which  laid  together,  and 
read  them  in  the  following  order  : — 

THE  BACHELOR   UNCLE. 

Now  the  baby's  brought  in  to  exhibit  her  charms, 
And  dances,  and  crows  in  the  old  nurse's  arw,s, 
It  is  really  amusing  to  nole  their  delight, 
As  nurse  and  mamma,  all  her  doings  recite  ] 
Martha's  visage  lights  up  with  a  wintry  ray, 
As  she  tells  how  her  darling  will  fondle  and  play  ; 
'  She's  sure  to  be  beautiful,  sure  to  be  wise, 
All  doubts  on  the  subject,  Sir,  /  should  despise,^ 
But  '  the  bachelor  uncle'  dislikes  this  display, 
And  crossly  exclaims,  *  that's  enough  for  to-day? 

"  Poor  Martha  ! "  laughed  George,  *•  how  unkindly  her 
pleasing  prognostications  were  snubbed.  But  what  have 
we  here  ? — 

THE  AMOROUS   USHER. 
Aid  me,  O  !  muse,  to  sing  my  Sophy's  charms, 
(Be  quiet  boys)  her  lovely  rounded  armsj 
Her  ruby  lips,  her  voice,  my  heart's  delight, 
(Sir,  I've  my  Latin  verses  to  recite). 


^^^^^ 


272  HINTS   FOR   HAPPY  HOURS  ; 

Her  azure  eye,  that  beams  with  softest  ray, 
(Boys  will  you  learn,  and  not  leave  off  to  play)  ; 
She  is  not  only  beautiful,  but  wise, 
(It  seems  that  all  my  threat'nings  you  despise)  ; 
Modest,  she  shrinks  from  all  unmeet  display, 
(Confound  you,  boys,  I'll  flog  you  all  to-day)  ! 
A  hearty  laugh  chorussed  this  last  poetic  effort,  which, 
from  the  arch  looks  directed  to  John,  was  evidently  sup- 
posed to  have  emanated  from  him.     He,  however,  really 
looked  innocejitly  unconscious,  and,  glancing  round  the 
group,  detected  such  a  tell-tale  blush  upon  his  sister  Jane's 
cheek,  that  although  he  kept  her  secret,  he  felt  certain  that 
he  had  discovered  it. 

"  I  pass  now  to  my  second  edition,"  said  George — 

THE  JEALOUS  LOVER. 
I'll  watch  them  !  see  !  he  leads  her  quite  apart, 
A  coxcomb  !  can  he  hope  to  touch  and  win  her  heart  ? 
If  she  be  faithful,  all  his  arts  are  vain, 
To  shake  her  truth,  and  her  affections  gain. 
But  who  can  tell  the  chances  of  an  hour  ? 
Who  count  of  wealth,  and  rank,  the  tempting  pow\ 
When  placed  in  bright  array  before  her  vieWj 
Will  she  -to  poverty,  and  love,  be  true  ? 
I'm  half  distracted  by  my  doubt  and  fear, 
I  fain  would  fly,  and  yet  must  linger  here. 


Sl^^^^ 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL   AGES.  273 

Again  1  see  them — ah !  hope  buds  a-new, 
She  coldly  bends — he  bows  a  vex'd  adieu. 

"  That  seems  as  if  it  came  from  the  heart,"  said  George, 
jokingly.     *'  Did  you  write  these  moving  lines,  Cameron  ?" 

"  Our  motto  is  *  sub  silentio,' "  replied  his  friend,  "  so 
ask  no  questions,  but  read  on." 

George  obeyed,  by  commencing — 

THE  GIDDY  SCHOOL-GIRL. 

^  Nay,  Charlotte,  I  must  sit  apart, 
I  cannot  get  these  lines  by  heart, 
You  talk  so  much,  it  is  in  vain, 
I  must  recite  them  o'er  again. 
Pray  can  you  tell  me  what's  the  hour  7 
Twelve  !  then  it  is  not  in  my  pow'r. 
What  is  it  in  the  square  I  view  1 
My  dearest  uncle?  it  is  true; 
My  governess  I  need  not^ear, 
I  shall  not  stay  much  longer  here. 
How  I  do  long  for  something  new  ! 
Hark  !  I  am  called ;  dear  girl,  adieu. 

"  Just  like   a  school-girl,"  said  George,  mischievously  ; 
"  always  wanting  to  do  something  different  to  what  she  is 
told  to  do  !     But  these  last  lines,  on   the  same  rhymes, 
24 

^i 


274 


HINTS    FOR    HArry    HOURS 


seem  quite  touching.  They  appear  to  have  been  suggested 
by  that  beautiful  picture  of  Cromwell  sitting  by  the  bed- 
side of  his  dying  daughter,  and  are  entitled — 

Mrs.  claypole. 

With  heaving  chest,  and  lips  apartj 
(For  death  is  busy  at  her  heart) 
Lies  one  who  strives  (alas  !  in  vain) 
A  father's  confidence  to  gain; 
To  win  him  in  this  awful  houTj 
Back  from  ambition's  iron  pouPr. 
She  bids  him  all  his  deeds  review. 
Be  to  his- God  and  country  true, 
'Father,'  she  says,  'repent  and  year/ 
Not  long  do  mortals  sojourn  here  y 
Soon  we  are  called,  where  all  is  new. 
Where  kingdoms  profit  not.     Adieu  ! 

"  Now  that  is  really  poetry !"  continued  George,  admir- 
ingly, "  and  I  see  others  appreciate  it  as  well  as  myself. 
But  I  hope  the  remaining  couplets  are  not  quite  in  such 
a  lachrymose  strain.      The  first  seems  promising  : — 

Bless  me  !  I  fear  we  shall  begin  to  tire, , 
This  taxes  too  much  our.poetic  j^re  .' 
We  must  be  surely  quite  a  rhyming  party, 
Our  zeal,  too,  in  the  cause,  appears  most  hearty. 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

But  I  will  ask,  if  I  may  be  so  hold, 

Is  there  not  fear  that  zeal  will  soon  grow  cold  7 

Each  thinks  the  other  beats  his  efforts  hollmD, 

Disgust,  and  weariness,  will  shorty  follow  ! 

I  must  confess  I  wish  no  person  harm, 

But  hope  they'll  stumble  at  that  odious  farm. 

"  Ha  !  ha  !  ha  !"  laughed  George.  "  I  am  sure  I  should 
hikve  stumbled  at  that  '  odious  farm  ;'  how  has  the  writer 
of  these  last  lines  got  over  the  difficulty  ? — 

In  making  verses  we  don't  seem  to  tire, 

But  keep  up  steadily  a  good  brisk  pre  ; 

As  round  the  table  our  small  social  party 

Begin  to  work  with  energy  most  hearty. 

Some  write  with  trembling  nerves,  and  otHers  bold, 

Sonje  rather  idle,  perhaps  lukewarm,  or  cold. 

But  Mrs.  Maitland  always  beats  us  hollow, 

I  wish  we  all  may  in  her  footsteps /o//oic  y 

For  then,  perchance,  we  shall  not  come  to  harm, 

But  if  we  do,  retire  to  our  farm  ! 

"  I  am  very  glad  that  the  writer  of  this  effusion  has  the 
opportunity  of  enjoying  his  otium  cum  dignitate,^  said 
Georj'e,  as  he  concluded  the  perusal ;  "  in  case  he  should 
fail  as  a  poet,  he  may  try  the  agriculturist." 


Wh 


m^^^i    '  ^^^5 


276 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 


"  Well,  what  do  you  think  of  bouts  rimes,  Barnes,  now 
you  have  tried  them  ? "  asked  Mr.  Maitland. 

"  I  am  quite  astonished  at  myself,"  he  replied.  *'  I  had 
no  idea  that  I  could  have  tacked  anything  like  sense  to 
ready-made  rhymes." 

"  And  since  I  have  heard  some  really  good  poetry  made 
out  of  such  materials,"  said  Mrs.  Maitland,  "  where  genius 
seems  at  first  'crihhed,  cabined,  and  confined,'  I  am  less 
sceptical  than  I  used  to  be,  at  the  sincerity  of  the  sorrow 
expressed  by  Monsieur  Dulot  at  the  loss  of  his  *  blank 
sonnets,'  as  he  called  them,  the  imitation  of  whose  curious 
practice  of  writing  the  end  of  his  verses  first,  gave  rise  to 
this  amusing  entertainment." 

*  *  *  *  *  # 

After  a  morning  spent  in  pleasant  employment  and  ex- 
ercise, our  young  friends  agreed  to  follow  country  fashions, 
and  walk  up  to  '  The  Mount,'  which  was  only  a  short  mile 
across  the  fields. 

In  the  drawing-room  they  found,  besides  the  amiable 
hostess  and  her  son  and  daughter,  Mr.  and  Miss  Harrison, 
Mr.  Barnes  and  young  Cameron,  and  a  middle-aged  gen- 
tleman of  the  name  of  Webster,  who  resided  in  London, 
and  was  spending  a  week  with  his  late  friend's  widow. 

Soon  after  tea,  ,the  amusements  of  the  evening  began, 
which  consisted  principally  of  puzzles  and  riddles.  Some  of 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL  AGES. 


the  former  were  very  good  practical  ones.  One  given  by- 
James  Cameron  consisted  of  a  piece  of  paper  in  the  shape 
of  a  cross,  which  he  then  divided  by  only  three  cuts  of  the 


.d 


scissors  (although  it  thereby  formed  six  pieces  of  pa- 
per), and  the  puzzle  was  to  place  them  together  again  in 
their  original  form.  John  took  an  illustration  of  tbis  in 
his  pocket-book,  and  also  of  several  others  given  by  Mr. 
Webster  and  Mr.  Harrison. 

There  was  one   which  represented  three-fourths   of  a 


^^^^^ 


278 


HINTS   FOR  HAPPY   HOURS  J 


square,  eut  in  a  peculiar  way,  which,  caused  much  puzzling 
as  to  how  four  pieces,  all  of  the  same  shape  and  size,  were 
to  be  formed  out  of  it.  Mr,  Webster  also  showed  them 
one  in  which  he  arranged  six  hollow  squares  upon  the  ta- 


1 


ble  (formed  ingeniously  from  cedar  spills  cut  in  half),  and 
then  desired  them,  by  removing  five  pieces,  to  leave  three 
whole  squares  ;    and  another  of  two  exact  squares  of  pa- 


per, which  it  was  required  to  cut  into  two   such  parts, 


^^^^^' 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


279 


that,  when  all  four  parts  were  joined  together,  they  should 
make  one  square. 


The  boxes  of  bone  alphabets  were  also  called  into  requi- 
sition very  amusingly,  and  enabled  the  Pembertons  to 
show  some  clever  (but  to  the  majority  of  the  party  well 
known)  anagrams,  which  proved    very   satisfactorily   that 

*  moonstarers '   and   *  no  more  stars  '   equally  represented 

*  Astronomers  ;'     that  ^  new    door  '    literally  made    *  one 
word  ;'   that  '  great  helps '  truly  designated  '  Telegraphs  ; 


-W 


280  -   HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

that  '  sly  ware'  wittily  described  '  lawyers ;  that  '  Johnny 
the  bear '  was  another  term  for  '  John  Abernethy  ;'  and 
that  '  Golden  land '  applied  not  to  California  but  to  '  Old 
England.' 

"  One  might  make  out  another  mode  of  '  secret  corres- 
pondence,' John,  from  these  suggestions,"  said  his  uncle  ; 
and  then  turning  to  Mr.  Webster,  he  recounted  the  per- 
formance of  his  nephew  in  that  art,  which  he  had  shown 
for  their  amusement  the  previous  day. 

"  Some  years  ago,"  said  Mr.  Webster,  "  I  was  much 
interested  by  the  cipher  said  to  have  been  used  by  Bona- 
parte during  his  eventful  campaigns,  the  key  to  which  was 
changed  each  time  ;  that  appended  to  the  foot  of  one  dis- 
patch, always  referring  to  another  which  had  been  sent 
previously." 

"  That  was  a  most  ingenious  idea  for  a  cipher,"  remark- 
ed Mr.  Maitland,  "  I  never  saw  it." 

"  I  made  one  or  two  of  my  own  upon  the  same  plan," 
resumed  Mr.  Webster,  "  and,   indeed,  in   writing  to  my 

brother-in-law,  who  is  consul  general  at ,  I  always  use 

them  alternately  for  any  official  communication.  I  have 
them  up-stairs  in  my  writing-case  at  this  moment,  and  will 
show  them  to  you."  In  a  few  minutes  these  curious  ac- 
cessories to  diplomacy  were  placed  before  the  party,  and 
caused  them  great  amusement.     "  Now,  I  cannpt  let  you 


w^;^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


281 


have  my  keys,"  said  Mr.  Webster,  laughing,  "  or  you  will^ 
perhaps  unlock  some  state  secrets,  which  ought  to  be  kept 
quite  strictly  ;  but  I  will  tell  you  how  you  may  form  ciphers 
for  yourselves,  if  such  a  wish  occurs  to  you." 

"  I  shall  be  much  obliged  for  your  instructions,"  said 
John. 

"  You  must,  then,  choose  some  short  pithy  sentence  for 
your  •  key,'  which  will  have  all  the  letters  of  the  alphabet 
contained  in  it,"  said  Mr.  Webster,  "  and  I  will  show  you 
how  to  arrange  them." 

"  You  will  not  have  time  to  do  it  secundum  artem  to- 
night, so  come  to  Fernwood  in  the  morning,  and  make  our 
early  dinner  your  luncheon,"  said  Mr.  Maitland,  which  his 
new  acquaintance  agreed  to  do  ;  and  then  turning  to  Miss 
Harrison,  he  said,  "  Do  you  know  this  conundrum  ? — 

'  What  ladies  with  a  grace  may  do  ; 

What  without  art,  looks  well  on  you  j 

What  every  man  who  has  a  wife, 

Submits  to  for  a  quiet  life  !' 
"  Being  an  old  married  man  myself  I  can  answer  for  the 
iatter  part,  and  with  such  a  fair  bevy  before  me,  the  first 
is  equally  clear." 

Many  were  the  unsuccessful  guesses  at  his  conundrum, 
which  he  at  length  told  consisted  in  the  simple  word 
"  anything  y       , 


2S2 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


"  Is  it  true  that  you  and  your  sisters  leave  Fernwood  on 
Saturday?"  inquired  Miss  Harrison  of  John. 

"  Unfortunately  too  true,"  he  replied.  "  My  mother  has 
written  to  remind  us  of  our  promise,  and  made  engage- 
ments conditional  on  its  fulfilment,  so  we  must  go.  Apro- 
poSy^  he  continued,  turning  to  Julia,  "  do  you  know  what 
oil  is  the  best  to  apply  to  locomotive  engines  ?" 

"  You  could  not  have  asked  a  worse  person,"  she  an- 
swered ;  "  I  know  nothing  whatever  of  mechanics." 

"  I  will  put  it  to  the  company  generally,  then,"  said 
John,  but  not  getting  any  satisfactory  answer,  was  found 
out  in  its  being  a  conundrum  of  his  own  making,  when 
he  gave  the  solution  as  "  Train  oil,'"  and  ended  his  witty 
contributions  by  answering  the  request  for  another,  in  the 
words — 

My  first  is  a  company, 

My  next  shuns  a  company. 

My  third  calls  a  company, 

And  my  whole  amuses  a  company. 

Miss  Harrison  guessed  this  '  co-nun-drum,'  and  the 
party  soon  afterwards  broke  up. 

True  to  his  promise,  Mr.  Webster  was  at  Fernwood  by 
an  early  hour,  and  he  and  John  soon  sat  down  to  the  com- 
pilation of  a  Cipher  Alphabet. 

"  I  have  tried  one  or  two  sentences  to  contain  all  the 


^^^ii^g 


OR    AMUSEMENTS   FOR  ALL  AGES. 


283 


letters,"  said  the  latter,  "  and  think  this  one   will  answer 
for  you  to  show  me  the  plan." 

Mr.  Webster  assented,  and  drew  out  the  following  tables, 
writing  the  key  at  foot : — 


Alphabet. 

Cipher. 

Cipher. 

Alphabet. 

A     . 

.    A 

A    . 

.     A 

B 

D 

B 

T 

C     . 

.     Z 

C     . 

.    N 

T> 

E 

D 

B 

E     . 

.      S 

E     . 

.    D 

F 

M 

F 

M 

G    . 

.    L 

G    . 

.    Y 

H 

K 

H 

U,V 

I,J   . 

.    I,  J 

I,  J 

.    I,  J 

K 

N 

K 

H 

L    . 

.      0 

L    . 

.    G 

M 

F 

M 

F 

N    . 

.      C 

N     . 

.    K 

0 

R 

0 

L 

P    . 

.      X 

P     . 

.    W 

Q 

Q 

Q 

Q 

R    . 

U,V 

R     . 

.    0 

S 

y 

S 

E 

T     . 

.      B 

T    . 

.    Z 

u,v   . 

H 

U,V      . 

R 

w  . 

.    p 

w    • 

.    X 

X 

w 

X 

P 

Y    . 

.      G 

Y    . 

.   s 

Z 

T 

Z 

c 

Adze,  a  small  kind  of  crooked  axe,  equally  used  bj  ship-wrights  and  coopers. 


284 


HINTS    FOR   HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


*'  And  now,  to  make  use  of  your  cipher,"  continued  his 
instructer,  "  let  us  write  a  sentence,  such  as  would  be 
likely  to  occur  in  a  letter,  and  then  put  it  into  cipher ;  now 
for  instance,  '  write  immediately  you  receive  this  ;'  now 
look  to  your  cipher,  and  see  how  the  letters  stand  which 
compose  this  ;  w  in  the  alphabet  is  p  in  the  cipher;  write 
it  on  your  paper ;  r  is  z^,  i  is  i,  t  is  b,e  is  s,  and  so  on :"  he 
then  added  all  the  other  words  in  the  same  way,  and  the 
sentence  appeared  in  the  unpronounceable  form  of  'puibs 
iffseiabsog  grh  vszsihs  bkiy.'  "  I  hope  you  understand  it 
now,"  he  said  ;  "  in  composing  fresh  keys  you  have  only  to 
follow  the  same  rule  of  finding  a  sentence  comprising  all 
the  letters  of  the  alphabet,  and  in  forming  your  cipher  you 
of  course  exclude  any  that  occur  twice  over." 

"  You  have  made  it  quite  clear  to  me  now,"  said  John ; 
"  I  am  to  look  in  the  alphabet  for  composition,  which  shows 
me  what  the  letters  become  in  cipher,  and  I  am  to  use  the 
cipher  column  for  translation,  which  gives  me  the  alpha- 
betical letter  back  again." 

"  Quite  right,"  said  Mr.  Webster,  rising  from  the 
table,  and  approaching  that  where  the  ladies  of  the  party 
were  seated  at  work  j  *'  and  now  I  must  be  saying  good 
morning." 


OR  AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES.  285 


CHAPTER  XX. 

THE    LAST    EVENING   AT   FERNWOOD. — MRS.  GRAHAM's  VERSES. 

ENCOURAGEMENT    TO    ARTISTS. OLD    FRIENDS    AND    NEW 

GAMES. — THE    LAST    SONG. A    FRIENDLY    FAREWELL. 


About  four  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  Mrs.  Beaumont's 
coach  was  discerned  coming  up  the  drive,  and  in  a  few 
minutes  she  and  her  daughter,  accompanied  by  Miss  Chap- 
man, had  been  added  to  the  social  group.  "You  see,  my 
dears,"  said  the  cheerful  old  lady,  "  I  have  fulfilled  my 
promise  of  coming  to  say  good  bye  ;  is  it  still  determined 
that  you  leave  to-morrow?" 

"  Yes,  dear  madam,"  said  Susan,  "  we  must  not  dis- 
appoint mother ;  we  shall  quit  dear  Fernwood,  and  the 
Grange,  with  much  regret,  but  the  remembrance  of  the 
pleasure  experienced  afreach  will  endure  beyond  the  pain 
of  parting." 

"The  parting  must  come,"  said  John,  "and  therefore 
our  only  endeavor  ought  to  be,  to  render  these  last  hours 
as  happy  as  our  previous  ones  have  been." 

"  And  to  hope  that  we  may  all  meet  together  again  for  a 
renewal  of  our  intercourse  and  amusement,"  added  Mrs. 


266  HINTS    FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 

Graham,  " '  hope  on,  hope  ever,'  should  always  be  the  motto 
of  the  young." 

"  You  made  it  your  oion  motto  last  evening,  Georgina," 
said  her  mother,  then  addressing  her  grandchildren  ;  "what 
will  you  say  to  w^e  three  old  folks  amusing  ourselves  last 
evening  with  attempting  '  les  bouts  rimes,'  after  the  John- 
sons had  left  us  ? " 

"  I  hope,  grandmother,  you  have  brought  your  produc- 
tions for  us  to  criticise,"  said  the  lively  Julia. 

"  Only  the  one  written  by  your  mother,"  said  Miss 
Chapman,  "which  I  have  in  my  pocket-book ;"»,  and  she 
drew  forth  the  paper,  and  presented  it  to  Mrs.  Maitland, 
requesting  her  to  read  it  aloud ;  it  was  entitled 

ADDRESS  TO  A  DESPONDING  FRIEND. 

Cheer  up  !  'hope  on,  hope  ever,'  cast  away  thy  sorroWj 
If  clouds  obscure  to-day,  they  may  disperse  to-morrow  ; 
Life  proffers  many  blessings,  why  off,  those  blessings  Jiing  7 
Shall  man  alone  be  ingrate  ?  hark  !  how  the  sweet  birds  sing  ; 
Mark  with  what  brilliant  hues  the  woodland  scene  is  glowing, 
List  with  what  magic  sound  the  mountain  stream  is  Jlowing, 
Why  all  this  blush  of  beauty  ?  why  tuneful  stream  and  grove? 
'Tia  nature's  hymn  of  duty  ;  they  praise  their  Maker's  love  ? 

'•  Never  say  again,  mother,  that  you  cannot  write  poetry," 


?^^^52^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


287 


said  Mary,  kissing  her  mother  affectionately.  "  I  shall 
copy  those  lines." 

"  It  occurs  to  me,"  said  Mrs.  Maitland,  "  that  it  would 
be  a  very  good  way  of  trying  this  game,  to  choose  those 
rhymes  composing  any  well-known  piece  of  poetry  ;  it 
would  make  one  value  the  original  more  than  ever,  when 
one  found  how  very  rarely  any  fresh  couplets  exceeded 
them  in  beauty." 

"  To  ensure  fair  competition,  then,"  said  her  husband, 
"  the  piece  selected  should  be  unknown  to  those  playing 
the  game,  otherwise  their  verses  might  degenerate  into 
had  imitations,  instead  of  tolerably  good  originals.". 

"  We  will  try  some  evening,"  said  his  wife.  Then 
turning  to  Miss  Chapman,  she  added,  "  Richard  was  prac- 
tising your  new  method  of  drawing  this  morning,  and  from 
the  five  pieces  of  paper  I  dropped  on  his  card-board,  he 
will  make  quite  a  capital  sketch  of  a  peasant  girl  carrying 
a  basket  on  her  head  !" 

"  With  perseverance,  and  talent  such  as  Richard  mani- 
fests," returned  Miss  Chapman,  "  I  shall  not  be  surprised 
to  hear  of  his  equalling  the  young  man  who  first  told  me 
of  this  aid  to  composition.  He  had  attained  to  such  per- 
fection, that  he  would  allow  you  to  make  the  dots  or  points 
in  any  position  you  please,  and  however  oddly  and  diffi- 
cultly arranged,  you  could  not  puzzle  or  defeat  him,  so  go 


288 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


on,"  she  continued, addressing  Richard,  "and  I  have  little 
doubt  but  what  you  may  obtain  equal  facility  of  design." 

After  tea,  Susan  came  up,  and  said,  "  As  this  is  to  be 
our  last  happy  evening  at  Fernwood  for  some  time,  dear 
aunt,  we  wish  to  perpetuate  its  recollection  by  concluding 
our  varied  amusements  with  the  same  game  which  com- 
menced them.  May  we  initiate  our  dear, friends  from  the 
Grange  in  your  '  pleasing  paradoxes  ?'" 

Her  aunt  gave  a  willing  assent,  and  the  circle  being 
formed,  an  introductory  round  was  gone  through  in  the 
two  line  style  of — 

A 
It  is  in  Arrow,  not  in  bow, 
It  is  in  hail,  but  not  in  snow, 

when  just  as  they  had  arrived  at  '  W,'  and  Mr.  Maitland 
was  commencing  the  couplet, 

It  la  in  Writing,  not  in  print. 
It  is  in  Wadding,  not  in  lint, 

the  door  opened,  and  Peter  announced  "  Mr.  Barnes  and 
Mr.  Cameron." 

"  Most  apropos"  said  their  host,  laughing,  as  he  shook 
them  by  the  hand ;  "  the  very  name  of  lint  produced  the 
doctor !" 

'  You  have  often  expressed  a  wish  to  play  at  mother's 


OR   AMUSEMENTS   FOR   ALL   AGES. 


2S9 


game,"  said  Jessie,  addressing  Cameron,  "  and  now  you 
will  have  the  opportunity." 

"  I  shall  prove  but  a  bungler,  I  dare  say,"  he  answered, 
"  but  I  will  make  the  attempt." 

The  game  was  then  recommenced  with  the  more  elab- 
orate paradoxes,  and  the  majority  of  the  party  being  now 
pretty  well  accustomed  to  versification,  made  but  short 
pauses  in  them,  and  thus  went  the  merry  round  ;  towards 
the  end,  the  more  expert  supplying  the  place  of  the  hesi- 
tating few. 

Mr.  Maitland. — A 
You  can  place  it  in  an  Arbor, 

But  not  in  covered  bower, 
In  leafy  shades,  or  gardens, 
But  not  in  tree  nor  flower. 
Siisan. — B 
In  Beauties  and  Belles  I've  a  prominent  place, 
Yet  lend  no  assistance  to  form  or  to  face  ; 
In  the  Bride  and  the  Bridegroom  am  equally  seen, 
But  in  wife  or  in  spouse  have  never  yet  been. 
Mrs.  Graham. — C 
Though  in  a  Corner  it  will  perch, 
With  holes  and  nooks  it's  naught  to  do  ; 
It  precedence  expects  in  Church, 
Yet  never  enters  seat  op  pew. 
25 


290  HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS  J 

Jane. — D 
It  gives  to  each  Daughter  a  portion, 
Yet  never  spares  aught  to  a  son  ; 
It  is  seen  in  each  Dance  and  Diversiwi, 
But  never  in  frohc  nor  fun. 

Richard. — E 
Foremost  in  Evil  it  is  shown, 
Yet  shuns  iniquity ; 
And  though  'tis  found  in  every  one, 
Both  you  and  I  are  free  ; 

Julia. — F 
It  is  always  in  the  Fashion, 
Yet  never  in  the  mode  ; 
You  may  meet  it  in  a  Footpath, 
But  never  in  the  road. 

Miss  Chapman. — G 
Though  first  and  last  in  Gambling", 
Ne'er  seen  with  cards  or  dice ; 
Found  in  the  midst  of  rog-uery, 
But  never  shares  in  vice. 

Mrs.  Maitland. — H 
No  Home  without  me  is  complete, 
And  yet  with  friends  I  never  meet ;      ^ 
Get  plung'd  in  t/ioug/it,  but  not  reflection, 
Share  sympathy,  but  not  affection. 


^^=^53 


OR  AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL    AGES. 


291 


Jessie. — I 
Where  Influence  is  wanted,  'tis  foremost  in  place. 
Yet  on  rank  or  on  wealth  has  no  claim  ; 
It  stands  in  a  nzche,  like  a  Muse  or  a  Grace, 
But  not  in  the  Temple  of  Fame ! 

George. — J 
Though  both  in  Judge  and  Jury  seen, 
In  court  or  box  it's  never  been, 
A  part  of  every  morning  Journal, 
But  never  mix'd  with  things  diurnal. 

Agnes. — K 
Possessed  by  every  Kingdom, 
Yet  unknown  in  any  nation  ; 
Gives  a  portion  to  one's  Kindred, 
But  shuns  a  near  relation. 

Mrs.  Beaumont. — L 
I'm  heard  in  Loud  Laughter, 
But  never  in  mirth  ; 
I'm  part  of  each  Land, 
But  no  claim  on  the  earth. 

Cameron. — M 
Foremost  in  every  Mob, 
And  in  midst  of  numbers  seen ; 
In  rows  it  never  mingles, 
And  in  crowds  has  never  been. 


s&^^^ 


292  HINTS    FOR   HAPPy   HOURS; 

Mary. — N 
Shared  in  by  mawy,  yet  possessed  by  Nowe, 
Not  given  to  all,  though  part  of  every  one. 

John. — O 
I'm  seen  in  every  Officer, 
In  every  soldier  too, 
Yet  Generals,  Captains,  Privates,  Subs, 
With  me  have  naught  to  do ; 
Both  horse  and  foot  require  me, 
In  every  shot  I'm  heard. 
Yet  cavalry  and  infantry. 
Without  me  are  preferred. 

Tom.—P  ^ 
Although  in  a  Passion  I  daily  get, 
No  anger  have  I  to  crush  ; 
In  Pride  I  indulge  I  own,  and  yet, 
For  conceit  have  not  to  blush. 
Mr.  Barnes. — Q, 
'Tis  true  I  live  in  Q,uiet, 
But  not  in  calm  repose, 
For  I'm  mixed  in  every  duarrel, 
Though  I  never  come  to  blows. 
Mr.  Maitland. — R 
Where  Railroads  are  I  '  go  ahead,' 
Though  shunning  noise  and  fuss ; 


^^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 

I  get  in  third  class  carriages, 
But  enter  not  a  hiis. 

Susan, — S 
I'm  always  used  in  Sculptured  Stone, 
Though  not  in  monument  nor  tomb  ; 
In  Statuary  I  stand  alone, 
Yet  enter  not  an  artist's  room. 

Miss  Chapman. — T 
It  is  heard  in  the  trumpet's  Tone, 
But  not  in  the  bugle  or  horn  ; 
It  is  seen  in  the  ligh^  alone, 
But  not  in  the  day  or  morn. 

John. — U 
Though  required  by  each  Umpire, 
When  parties  disagree, 
I've  no  claim  to  style  or  title, 
Of  a  special  referee. 
You  can't  buy  an  Umbrella 
Without  I  give  my  aid. 
Yet  I'm  never  in  a  shower, 
And  ne'er  get  in  the  shade- 

Mary.—  V 
Though  foremost  in  the  Valiant^ 
In  the  hero  have  no  lot , 


293 


/ri 


394  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

It  is  seen  in  every  Village, 
But  enters  not  a  cot. 

Richard. — W 
It  is  heard  in  the  WaiHng  Wind, 
But  not  in  the  tempest's  roar ; 
It  is  seen  in  the  dash  of  the  Wave, 
But  not  in  the  surge  on  the  shore. 

Mrs.  Maitland. — X 
If  Vinox  had  not  possess'd  me. 
His  name  had  ne'er  been  known, 
And  yet  no  Scotch  reformer 
Can  claim  me  for  his  own  ; 
Though  seen  in  all  the  eorcellent. 
In  goodness  has  no  share, 
It  joins  each  one's  anxiety. 
And  yet  is  free  from  care. 
Jessie. — Y 
It  is  seen  at  the  op'ning  of  every  Year, 
Yet  never  in  spring  is  displayed  ; 
Its  figure  in  Yellow  does  always  appear, 
But  ne'er  is  in  colors  array'd. 

.  Mt.  Barnes. — Z 
'Tis  found  wherever  Zig-Zags  are. 
But  not  where  paths  are  winding  j 
'Tis  part  of  every  sort  of  Zone, 
Yet  naught  to  do  with  binding. 


L-< 


m 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


295 


Wlien  the  alphabet  was  thus  concluded,  the  newly 
initiated  expressed  their  thanks  to  Mrs.  Maitland  for  the 
amusement  of  the  game,  and  Cameron  said,  *'  I  am  afraid 
there  are  few  circles  where  it  would  be  kept  up  with  so 
much  spirit  as  in  this." 

"  It  was  John's  idea  to  make  it  more  elaborate,"  said 
Mrs.  Maitland  ;  "  but  with  the  two  lines,  I  think  most 
people  would  get  through  very  respectably." 

Supper  being  soon  after  announced,  Mr.  Maitland  led 
Mrs.  Beaumont  to  the  dining-room,  where  the  usual  cheer- 
fulness prevailed. 

"  Come,  John,"  said  his  uncle,  when  the  meal  was  con- 
cluded, "  you  ought  to  give  us  one  parting  song;  have  you 
nothing  appropriate  in  your  mental  portfolio  ?" 

John  considered  for  a  few  seconds,  and  then  said, 
"  Nothing  perfectly  so,  but  one  of  my  own  adaptations,  if 
you  will  grant  me  your  indulgence  j"  he  then,  in  very 
good  style,  sung — 

Here's  to  the  month  that's  awa', 
We'll  drink  it  in  strong  and  in  sma', 
And  to  each  happy  scene  that  we  all  have  passed  through, 
In  the  hours  of  the  month  that's  awa'. 
Here's  to  our  relatives  dear, 
To  Beaumont,  the  honor'd  of  a', 
To  friends  lately  made,  now  surrounding  us  here, 
Whose  smiles  cheer'd  the  month  that's  awa'. 


si-i^lS 


296  HINTS   FOR  HAPPY   HOURS  J 

Here's  to  that  time-honor'd  ha'. 

Where  feasted  the  great  and  the  sma', 

Where  plenty  and  wealth  pour'd  with  generous  hand, 

Made  pleasures  of  cold  and  of  sna'. 

Here's  to  the  on-coming  spring, 

When  again  we  shall  meet,  one  and  a', 

May  no  voices  be  mute,  whilst  we  cheerfully  sing, 

Of  the  joys  of  the  month  that's  awa'. 

John's  impromptu  was  chorussed  with  genuine  feeling, 
and  when  Mrs.  Beaumont,  her  daughter,  and  grandchildren, 
rose  to  take  leave,  the  regret  at  parting  was  most  sincere 
on  all  sides. 

The  last  words  of  the  kind  mistress  of  the  Grange  were 
a  pressing  request  for  the  Harpers  to  visit  them  again  in 
the  summer,  which  they  gratefully  promised  to  do. 


I 


so 


APPENDIX. 

Prom  Chamber3'  Edinburgh  Journal. 
FIRESIDE  GAMES- A  SKETCH  FOR  CHRISTMAS  TIME. 

Who  does  not  love  the  hour  between  daylight  and  can- 
dlelight, the  best  of  the  twenty-four  ?  the  hour  of  ruddy 
dusk  round  the  fire,  when  the  sense  of  home  and  its  com- 
forts is  borne  in  most  strongly  upon  the  mind,  when  the 
business  of  the  day  is  ended,  and  the  pleasures  of  the 
evening  begin.-  This  hour,  which  is  neither  day  nor  night, 
when  people  can  no  longer  see  to  work,  and  yet  are  reluct- 
ant to  ring  for  light,  is  a  sort  of  overture  to  the  full  concert 
of  family  harmony  at  and  after  tea.  The  curtains  are  not 
yet  drawn,  perhaps,  and  the  last  streak  of  day  lingers 
about  the  windows ;  or  perhaps  it  is  frosty  weather,  and 
the  shutters  are  already  shut,  and  the  ample  curtains 
drawn  close.  The  father  of  the  family,  tired  with  the 
toils  of  the  day,  leans  back  in  his  easy  chair  on  one  side  of 
the  fire,  and  the  mother  sits  opposite  to  him.  The  little 
26 


298 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 


ones  toddle  or  run  down  from  nursery  and  school  room  ;  a 
shuffling  of  tiny  feet  is*heard  outside,  and  they  peep  in  at 
the  drawing  room  door  to  know  if  they  may  come  in.  In 
they  come,  of  course  ;  and  father  and  mother  are  assailed 
with  caresses  and  questions ;  and  then  comes  a  heap  of 
mighty  trifles  that  have  befallen  the  small  fry  during  the 
day.  Elder  sons  or  daughters  crouch  down  on  ottomans 
close  before  the  fire,  book  in  hand,  to  catch  the  flickering 
light  from  a  noisy  coal.  Mother  conjures  them  not  to  try 
their  eyes  by  reading  at  firelight.  0,  they  have  only  a  few 
more  words  to  finish  that  paragraph,  &c.  No,  no ;  it  can- 
not be  allowed  ;  they  must  shut  up  their  books,  and  make 
themselves  sociable  and  agreeable  to  the  cadets  of  the 
family.  "  Yes,  certainly  !"  exclaimed  one  of  these  last ; 
"  put  away  your  tiresome  books,  and  let  us  all  sit  round  the 
fire  and  play.     Shall  we,  mother  ?     Do  let  us,  father  !" 

Father  and  mother  are  very  willing  to  consent ;  and  the 
family  circle  is  quickly  formed.  They  begin  with  — 
"Cross  questions  and  crooked  answers,"  "I  carry  a  bas- 
ket ;'^  or  "  I  love  my  Love  with  an  A."  But  these  games 
are  not  sufficiently  interesting  to  keep  up  attention  long, 
and  one  of  the  company,  and  in  a  kind  of  desperation, 
"  Forces  a  laugh."  "  Ha  !"  cries  he,  looking  into  his 
■neighbor's  face  ;  "  Ha  !"  answers  she  instantaneously  ; 
"Ha!"   says  the  next  as  quickly;  "Ha!    ha!   ha!"  say 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


299 


they  all,  one  after  another,  like  lightning,  till  the  merriment, 
instead  of  artificial,  becomes  natural,  and  the.  forced  laugh 
ends  in  a  general  roar. 

Encouraged  by  this  successful  effort  of  genius,  a  little 
boy  starts  up  from  a  footstool,  and  looking  down  upon  an 
imaginary  drum,  seizes  a  couple  of  visionary  drumsticks, 
and  begins  to  beat  the  tattoo  upon  nothing.  Another, 
darting  out  his  left  hand,  moves  his  right  swiftly  across  it, 
and  thus  discourses  most  eloquent  no-music  upon  the 
violin  ;  another  converts  his  two  hands  into  a  trumpet 
which  he  blows  with  all  his  might ;  a  young  girl  plays  the 
Polka  upon  a  phantom  piano,  while  her  sister  strum-strums 
the  back  of  a  chair  for  a  guitar  ;  and  even  the  father,  fired 
with  the  enthusiasm  of  art,  but  choosing  an  easy  instru- 
ment, for  fear  of  marring  the  concert,  turns  round  a  ficti- 
tious hurdy-gurdy  con  spiritu.  And  all  the  while  each  of 
the  band  sings  out  while  he  plays — *'  Row-de-dow  goes  the 
drum  ;  twang,  twang,  goes  the  harp  ;  toot,  too,  hoo,  goes 
the  horn  ;  tweedle  dee,  tweedle  dee,  goes  the  violin,"  &c, 
till  mother  stops  her  ears  and  the  music. 

These  games  are  too  uproarious  to  last ;  and  so,  as  they 
are  sitting  quietly  down  to  recover  themselves,  the  young- 
est child  picks  up  a  very  light  feather  from  the  carpet,  and 
blows  it  to  his  neighbor.  The  latter  in  turn,  blows  it  from 
him  ;  and  although  some  are  indignant  at  the  trifling  na- 


^Q^^^j  ^^^^^i 


300  HINTS   FOR    HAPPY   HOURS; 

ture  of  the  amusement,  not  one  can  refrain  from  giving  the 
feather  a  puff  as  it  passes  ;  and  at  last,  when  a  stronger 
breath  makes  it  mount  into  the  air,  it  is  wonderful  to  see 
the  keen  eyes  and  pursed-up  lips  that  await  its  descent, 
and  the  eager  competition  that  at  last  sets  the  whole  circle 
puff-puffing  at  the  same  time. 

"  Ye  smile, 


I  see  ye,  ye  profane  ones,  all  the  while" — 

hut  yet  that  feather,  that  enticing  spirit  of  imitation,  that 
pufF-puffing,  and  that  competition,  might  be  the  subjects  of 
a  homily  too  grave  for  Christmas-time  ! 

A  re-action,  however,  takes  place.  Some  of  the  party 
(neither  the  youngest  nor  the  oldest),  are  ashamed  of  hav- 
ing been  betrayed  into  such  silly  enjoyments,  and  set  them- 
selves to  recall  to  memory  a  newer  and  better  ^ame  ;  one 
that  requires  more  skill,  and  affords  scope  for  the  exercise 
of  ready  talent  or  an  active  memory. 

"  Capping  verses"  is  an  old  game  that  seldom  fails  to 
please  young  people  who  have  a  good  store  of  poetry  in 
their  heads.  Then  there  is  "  What  is  my  thought  like  ?  " 
"  How,  when,  and  where  did  you  find  it ; " — "  Proverbs" — 
and  others  of  the  kind. 

The  best  of  these,  as  requiring  most  cleverness  to  play 
it  well,  is  decidedly,  '  What  is  my  thought  like  ? '     This  is 


^S§ 


Biy^^^^ 


^^^^B 


OR  AMUSEMENTS  FOR   ALL  AGES. 


301 


still  a  general  favorite  ;  and  some  thirty  years  ago  it  was 
a  very  fashionable  gam  amongst  the  highest  classes.  If, 
dear  reader,  you  have  been  so  intently  occupied  with  the 
business  of  life  that  you  have  had  no  time  to  become  ac- 
quainted with  such  things,  ask  the  first  girl  of  sixteen  you 
meet  how  people  play  at  '  What  is  my  thought  like  ?'  and 
she  will  tell  you  all  about  it ;  and  unless  you  are  a  very 
dull  individual,  (which  we  are  loth  to  believe)  she  will 
make  you  competent  to  distinguish  yourself  in  the  game 
on  the  first  opportunity.  In  the  meantime,  you  may  im- 
agine that  in  a  circle  of  young,  old,  or  middle  aged  persons 
— for  the  number  of  our  years  is  of  no  consequence,  if  we 
have  only  sense  enough  to  enjoy — an  individual  has  con- 
ceived the  important  thought  on  which  the  amusement  is 
to  hinge.  This  thought  he  writes  down  in  secret,  and 
then  demands  peremptorily  of  the  company,  one  by  one/ 
'  What  is  my  thought  like  ? '  Who  can  tell  what  an  un- 
known thought  is  like  ?  One  replies  at  random  that  it  is 
like  the  table  ;  another  that  it  is  like  a  lamp-post ;  a  third 
that  it  is  very  like  a  whale,  and  so  on ;  and  when  all  have 
answered,  the  written  document  is  produced,  and  the 
thought  declared.  It  is  then  the  business  of  each  of  the 
guessers,  under  pain  of  a  forfeit,  to  prove  the  resemblance 
he  has  ventured  to  suppose,  and  it  may  be  imagined  that 
some  merriment  is  produced  by  the  striking  contrasts  and 


302 


HINTS   FOR   HAPPY   HOURS,' 


wild  incongruities  of  the  two  objects.  On  one  occasion, 
when  a  party  in  high  life  were  deeply  engaged  in  the 
game,  the  mystic  thought,  when  disclosed,  proved  to  be 
*  Lord  Castlereagh.'  How  could  Lord  Castlereagh  be  like 
a  table,  or  a  lamp-post,  or  a  whale  ?  Plutarch  himsel/,  one 
would  think,  could  not  have  told,  capital  as  he  was  at  par- 
allels :  but  when  Moore,  who  was  among  the  players,  was 
rigorously  ordered  to  describe  the  resemblance  between 
his  lordship  and  the  thing  he  had  himself  named — a  pump 
— the  whole  company  gathered  round  the  poet,  eager  to 
witness  his  discomfiture.  Thomas  the  rhymer  opened  his 
oracular  lips  without  a  moment's  hesitation,  and  replied — 

Because  it  is  an  awkward  thing  of  wood, 
That  up  and  down  its  awkward  arm  doth  sway, 
And  coolly  spout,  an^  spout,  and  spout  away, 
In  one  weak,  washy,  everlasting  flood  ! 

But  of  all  these  fireside  games,  the  most  charming,  fas- 
cinatingj  tantalising,  and  difficult  to  achieve,  is  the  making 
of  cento-verses.  Bouts  rimis  is  very  easy  indeed  com- 
pared with  it,  and  consequently  far  inferior  to  it  as  an  art. 
In  case  our  readers  should  not  know  what  cento-verses  are 
we  will  quote  for  their  enlightenment  the  following  passage 
on  the  subject  from  D'Israeli's  '  Curiosities  of  Literature.* 
In  the  '  Scribleraid,'  we  find  a  good  account  of  the  cento. 


1^^^:^^^ 


^^^^ 


OR   AMUSEMENTS    FOR   ALL  AGES. 


m 


A  cento  primarily  signifies  a  cloak  made  of  patches.  In 
poetry,  it  denotes  a  work  wholly  compounded  of  verses  or 
passages  taken  promiscuously  from  other  authors,  only  dis- 
posed in  a  new  form  or  order,  so  as  to  compose  a  new  work 
and  a  new  meaning.  Ausonius  has  laid  down  the  rules  to 
be  observed  in  composing  centos.  The  pieces  may  be 
taken  either  from  the  same  poet,  or  from  several,  and  the 
verses  may  be  either  taken  entire,  or  divided  into  two — 
one-half  to  be  connected  with  another  half  taken  elsewhere, 
but  two  verses  are  never  to  be  taken  together.  Agreeably 
to  these  rules,  he  has  made  a  pleasant  nuptial  cento  from 
Virgil.  The  Empress  Eudosia  wrote  the  life  of  Jesus 
Christ  in  centos  taken  from  Homer,  and  Proba  Falconia 
from  Virgil. 

After  speaking  of  such  very  elaborate  performances,  we 
are  almost  ashamed  to  offer  our  readers  a  few  cento  verses, 
the  product  of  our  own  family  circle.  But  as  they  may 
give  them  a  moment's  amusement,  and  will  serve  as  an 
example  of  the  kind  of  thing,    we   will   set   them   down 

here  : 

On  Linden  when  the  sun  was  low, 

A  frog  he  would  a  wooing  go ; 

He  sighed  a  sigh  and  breathed  a  piayer; 

None  but  the  brave  deserve  the  fair. 

A  gentle  knight  was  pricking  o'er  the  plain, 
Remote,  unfr'ended,  melancholy,  slow  ; 


304  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY   HOURS; 

Gums  and  pomatums  shall  his  flight  restrain, 
Or  who  would  suffer  being  here  below. 

The  youngest  of  the  sister  arts, 

Was  born  on  the  open  sea, 
The  rest  were  slain  in  Chevy- Chase, 

Under  the  greenwood  tree. 

At  morn  the  blackcock  trims  his  jetty  wings, 

And  says — remembrance  saddening  o'er  each  brow, 

Awake,  my  St.  John  ! — leave  all  meaner  things ! 

Who  would  be  free,  themselves  must  strike  the  blow ! 

It  was  a  friar  of  orders  gray, 
Still  harping  on  my  daughter  ; 

Sister  spirit,  come  away, 
Across  the  stormy  water. 

On  the  light  fantastic  toe, 

Othello's  occupation's  gone, 
Maid  of  Athens,  ere  I  go. 

Were  the  lost  words  of  .Marmion. 

There  was  a  sound  of  revelry  by  night. 

In  Thebes'  streets  three  thousand  years  agi, 

And  comely  virgins  came  with  garlands  dight, 
To  censure  Fate,  and  pious  Hope  forego. 


w^^^^ 


^^^.fe^ 


OR    AMUSEMENTS    FOR    ALL  AGES. 


305 


O  !  the  young  Lochinvar  has  come  out  of  the  west, 
An  under-bred,  fine  spoken  fellow  was  he, 

A  back  dropping  in,  >in  expansion  of  chest, 
Far  more  than  I  once  could  foresee. 

Now  I  dare  say  it  seems  a  remarkably  easy  thing  to  the 
reader  to  make  a  cento  verse;  we  can  assure  him  that  it 
is  often  a  very  difficult  thing  to  make  a  legitimate  one  ; 
but  then  it  must  be  confessed  that  it  is  extremely  interest- 
ing and  amusing  to  chase  a  fitting  line  through  all  the 
poets  of  one's  acquaintance,  and  catch  it  at  last.  Any 
person  who  is  anxious  to  try  the  difficulties  of  cento  verse- 
making  may  do  so,  and  greatly  oblige  us  by  finding  a 
fourth  line  to  the  following.  It  has  baffled  our  skill  and 
memory  many  times  : 

When  Music,  heavenly  maid  !  wa;s  young, 

And  little  to  be  trusted. 
Then  first  the  creature  found  a  tongue. 

*  *  *  *  if.  ■     jf.  -3^ 

But  if  it  is  difficult  to  make  cento  verses,  it  would  seem 
likewise  difficult  to  recognise  them  when  made.  We  re- 
member hearing  John  Gait  express  some  dissatisfaction 
with  the  verdict  of  the  Edinburgh  Reviewers  upon  his 
Five  Tragedies,  and  more  especially  the  one  entitled 
'Lady  Macbeth.'  The  verdict,  some  of  our  readers  may 
remember,  went  the  length  of  a  finding  of  insanity  ;  and  it 


306  HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS  ; 

is  no  wonder  that  the  author  was  discontented,  since  the 
tragedy  in  question  was,  as  he  assured  us,  a  cento  from 
Shakspere  ! 

In  making  cento  verses,  when  this  is  done  as  a  game, 
the  guiding  association  is  the  rhyme  ;  but  proverbs  exer- 
cise the  ingenuity,  and  even  require  a  certain  degree  of 
critical  acumen.  In  the  absence  of  an  individual  from  the 
room,  the  party  pitch  upon  some  well-known  proverb,  and 
each  person  takes  charge  of  one  of  the  words  it  contains. 
When  the  one  whose  judgment  is  to  be  put  to  the  proof 
reenters,  he  is  permitted  to  ask  of  each  of  the- company  a 
question  on  any. indifferent  subject  that  may  occur  to  him, 
and  in  the  answers,  all  must  take  care  to  introduce  the 
word  they  have  charge  of.  If  these  answers  are  ingerr- 
iously  framed,  and  the  proverb  is  of  a  reasonable  length, 
the  hunt  for  it  is  difficult  and  exciting  ;  but  very  short 
proverbs  are  too  easily  discerned  to  afford  much  amuse- 
ment. Let  us  suppose,  for  instance  that  the  one  in  ques- 
tion is,  '  All  is  not  gold  that  glitters.'  In  this  case  the 
words  '  all — is — not — that'  introduced  into  respective  an- 
swers give  no  clue ;  but  if  the  person  who  undertakes 
'  gold'  is  not  very  careful  to  use  it  in  such  a  way  as  to 
prevent  its  leaving  any  impression  upon  the  memory  of  the 
questioner,  it  is  easily  connected  with  'glitters,'  and  so 
'the  cat  gets  out  of  the  bag'  at  once. 


^^^^^^ 


OR    AMQSEMENTS    FOR    ALL   AGES. 


307 


Some  fireside  games  aspire  to  nothing  higher  than 
*  raising  a  laugh,'  by  means  of  sheer  absurdity.  Of  these 
the  '  Newspaper'  is  perhaps  the  most  amusing  in  practice, 
although  but  for  this  it  would  hardly  be  deserving  of  the 
dignity  of  print.  The  company,  sitting  in  a  semicircle, 
assume  various  trades — such  as  that  of  a  grocer,  a  cook,  a 
draper,  &:c  ;  and  when  the  reader  of  the  newspaper — who 
usually  selects  an  important  despatch — pauses  and  looks 
steadfastly  at  one  of  the  party,  he  or  she  immediately  helps 
him  out  with  one  or  two  words  relating  to  the  particular 
trade  adopted  by  the  individual.  The  following  reading, 
for  instance,  may  take  place  : 

"  Early  in  the  morning  the  whole"  (looking  at  one,  who 
instantly  continues) — 

Dinner  Service 

"  Was  in  motion.  Detachments  from  the  suburbs  had 
put  themselves  in" — 

Vinegar : 

"  Armed  citizens  occupied  the" — 

Frying  pans  : 

"  Others  had  taken  possession  of  the" — 

Cotton  balls  ; 

"  Planted  the"— 

Marrow  bones  ; 

"  And  surrounded  the" — 


HINTS    FOR    HAPPY    HOURS ; 

Scissors. 
"  All  were  prepared  to" — 

Break  tumblers. 

*•  All  the  powder  and  lead  which  they  found  in  the"— 

Sugar  hogsheads 

"  Were  taken.  The  entire  Polytechnic  School  came 
out  to"— 

Make  gingerbread  : 

"  The  students  of  law  and  medicine  imitated  the" — 

Worked  muslin  ; 

"  In  fact,  Paris  appeared  like  a" — 

Chopping  block  ; 

"  All  the  shops  were" — 

Cut  bias  ; 

"  And  royal  guards,  lancers,  Swiss,  and" — 

Teapots, 

"  Were  drawn  up  on  all  sides." 

"  I  love  my  Love  with  an  A,"  has  been  for  many  years 
considered  as  the  exclusive  property  of  children  and  child- 
ish persons.  Strange  as  it  may  appear,  that  childish  game 
was  once  a  fashionable  pastime  with  grown-up  people  ;  and 
people,  too,  belonging  to  lordly  court  circles.  Pepys, 
somewhere  in  his  Diary,  relates  that  he  went  one  day  into 
a  room  in  Whitehall,  which  he  supposed  to  be  occupied  by 
state  officers  transacting  business,  where  he  found  instead 


g^^^^Qi 


OR  AMUSEMENTS  FOR  ALL  AGES. 


309 


a  large  party  of  the  highest  personages  of  the  court  in  full 
dress  sitting  in  a  circle,  {on  the  ground,  if  our  memory  be 
not  treacherous,)  playing  with  great  animation  at  '  I  love 
my  Love  with  an  A  ;'  '  which'  adds  that  shrewd  lord-rever- 
ing prig,  '  did  amaze  me  mightily.'  The  two  merriest 
persons  in  that  uproarious  party  were,  it  seems,  the  young 
Duke  of  Monmouth,  then  a  mere  boy,  and  his  still  younger 
bride,  Ann,  Duchess  of  Buccleuch.  Little  did  that  light- 
hearted  girl  think  of  the  melancholy  fate  which  awaited 
her  :  of  the  cruel  beheading  of  that  beloved  bridegroom, 
of  the  long,  long  years  of  dreary  widowhood.  Still  less 
did  she  foresee  that  a  poet  of  a  later  day  would  select  her, 
in  her  lone  retirement  in  '  Newark's  stately  tower,'  as  the 
fittest  lady  to  figure  in  a  romantic  poem  as  the  patroness 
of  genius,  '  neglected  and  oppressed.'  But  Scott's  story 
might  have  been  true,  and  the  duchess  might  have  listened 
to  such  a  lay  as  that  of  the  Last  Minstrel,  in  the  dim  twi- 
light, beside  the  grate  fire  of  the  state-room  at  Newark ; 
and  a  better  fireside  amusement  she  could  not  have  had, 
for  music  is  the  very  best  amusement  for  that  delicious 
hour  between  day  and  night.  A  simple  ballad,  well  sung, 
with  or  without  accompaniment,  is  after  all,  better  than 
the  best  fireside  game. 

FINIS. 


J^^E^SlS 


?y25??^^^^^ 


Q^^^^^i^^ 


PICTUKE  BOOKS  published  by  MUNROE  &  FRANCIS. 

TALE?¥oRTFTEUm^oO 

Traireller's  Adventures  by  Sea  and  Land,  told  to  his  yonug 
Listeners,  Frederic  and  Lucy.  Illustrated  with  One  Hun- 
dred and  Thirty-Three  Engravings  flj"  One  of  tlie  most 
Entertaining,  luteresting  and  Instructive  Books  in  this  Cat- 
alogue.   Just   Published. 

•— 

The  Adventures  of  Congo  in  Search  of  his 

Master.  With  24  engravings.  By  Mrs.  Eliza  Farrar  of  Cam- 
bridge. 

¥— 

A  Book  of  Songs  for  my  Little  Sisters,  and 


Little  Brothers  too. 


Entirely  New. 


Salzmann's  Moral  Stories,  containing  the 

Elements  of  Morality,  in  interesting  Narratives.  A  book  ex- 
cellently suited  for  Sunday  Schools,  where  it  is  desirable  that 
the  scholar  may  feel  interested  in  what  will  instruct  and  im- 
prove him.        And  for  Families. 

Twenty -Nine  Familiar   Tales   for  Little 

Children,  in  words  of  EUisy  Syllables.  J^T  A  superior  book 
for  the  Nursery. 

Veinte  y  Nneve  Cuentos  Familiares,  per  los 

Muchachitos.    f^T  A  Spanish  edition  of  the  above  Book. 


^^^i^^m 


PICTTJRE  BOOKS  published  by  MUNROE  &  FRANCIS. 

The  Child's  Own  Book.      620  Pages. 

With  upwards  of  Two  Hundred  Engravings. 

The  contents  of  this  book  were  selected  by  a  Ladv  in  reference 
to  strict  moral  as  well  as  amusing  reading  ;  and  tne  Tales  have 
all  their  original  beauty  unimpaired  ;  nothing  changed  except 
any  vulgar  or  improper  expression,  unfit  for  the  juvenile  read- 
er.    The  Contents  are — 

Aladdin  ;  Ali  Baba  ;  Beauty  and  the  Beast ;  Blanch  and  Rosa- 
linda ;  Blue  Beard  ;  Children  in  the  wood  ;  Cinderella  ;  Dis- 
creet Princess  ;  Diamonds  and  Toads ;  Fatal  and  Fortune ; 
Fortunatus  ;  Fortunio  ;  Fisherman  and  Genii ;  Golden  Locks  ; 
Goody  Twoshoes  ,-  Griselda  ;  Graciosa  ;  Gulliver's  Travels  ; 
Hop  o'my  Thumb  ;  Little  Jack  ;  King  Pippin  ;  The  Giant  Kil- 
ler ;  Jack  and  the  Bean  Stalk  ;  Invisible  Prince  ;  Little  Hunch- 
back ;  Red  Riding  Hood  ;  La  Perouse  ;  Royal  Ram  ;  Nourja- 
had  ;  Puss  in  Boots  ;  Philip  Cluarl ;  Peronella  ;  Lee  Boo  ;  Ri- 
quet  with  the  Tuft ;  Robin  Hood  ;  Crusoe  ;  Seven  Champions  , 
Three  Wishes  ;  Tom  Thumb  ;  Valentine  and  Orson  ;  White 
Cat ;  Whittington  and  his  Cat ;  Yellow  Dwarl. 


Fables  for  the  Nursery. 


And  Readings  attached.  Consisting  of  the  following  Fables, 
with  a  handsome  EnCTaving  to  each,  namely : — 
Little  Boy  and  the  Lizard  ;  Monkey  and  Lapdog ;  Proud  Pea- 
cock ;  Velvet  and  Busy  ;  Three  Hedgehogs  ;  Danger  of  Keep- 
ing Bad  Company  ;  Learned  Pig ;  Ape  and  the  Ass  ;  Proud 
Young  Frog;  Grateful  Crane  ;  Kin":  of  the  Fen;  Covetous 
Boy  ;  Peacock  and  his  Fellow  Travellers  ;  Young  Slag ;  Shet- 
land Pony  ;  Rook  and  Pitcher  ;  Madge  the  Owl ;  Faithful  Dog. 


Marmadiike  Multiply. 


Or  the  Multiplication  Table  in  Picture  and  Verse. 
This  little  bonk  will  impress  on  the  young  mind  the  recollection 
of  the  mull! plication  of  figures,  serving  as  a  boob  of  amuse- 
ment as  well  as  of  instruction. 


^ 


?.5 


PICTURE  BOOKS  published  by  MUNROE  &  FRANCIS. 


The  American  Girl's  Book  ; 


Or,  Occupation  for  Play  Hours.  By  Eliza  Leslie. 
"The  sports  of  children  satisfy  the  child.''  Qolds. 
This  Book  contains  a  fund  of  entertainment  for  Girls,  when 
in  quest  of  recreation.  Here  are  sixty-two  different  Sports 
and  Pastimes  ;  eight  Plays  with  Toys  ;  sixteen  little  Games 
with  Cards  ;  Four  hundred  Riddles,  Charades,  Enigmas,  Re- 
busses  and  Conundrums.  How  to  make  seventeen  different 
kinds  of  Pincushions  ;  seven  different  Needlebooks  ;  twelve 
different  Reticules.  Dolls,  Lampstands,  Penwipers,  Book- 
marks, Matchboxes,  &c.  AH  illustrated  with  wood  cuts,  de- 
signed and  drawn  by  the  author. 


Bcrquiii's  Children's  Friend,  2  volumes. 

M.  &  F.  have  published,  in  two  neat  thick  vols,  the  dramatic 
stories  of  the  celelirated  Berquin,  each  with  an  engraving,  and 
revised  throughout,  n)aking  a  most  interesting  little  collection 
o(  dramas  lor  juvenile  reading  and  schools.  The  contents  are — 
The  Little  Brother:  A  good  heart  compensates  for  many  In- 
discretions :  The  Three  Cakes  :  The  Deserter  :  Blind  Man's 
Buff;  The  conjuring  Bird  :  The  little  Fiddler  :  Vanity  pun- 
ished ;  Tlie  School  lor  Stepmothers  :  The  Affectioiiate  Moth- 
er :  The  Sword  :  The  little  Gleaner  :  Fathers  reconciled  by 
their  Children  :  The  Hobgoblin:  The  Young  Gand)lers :  The 
Fire  by  Night:  The  Good  Son  :  Fashionable  Education:  The 
Christmas  Box  :  The  Greyhound  and  the  Ring  :  The  Page, 
&c.  &c.     In  all,  thirty  stones. 

Original  Poems  for  Infant  Minds. 

By  Jane  Taylor  and  her  sisters.     In  one  volume,  with  numer- 
ous engravings. 

»— 

Tlie  Boy's  Story  Book  ;  or,  the  History  of 

Edward  and  his  Friends,  and  their  remarkable  doings,  during 
one  vacation. 


V 


,!. 


YB  37125 


9^1 
ivi69849         ^^^^ 


EDUC. 
DEPT. 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


